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tewhawt -> TewHawt's Ten Commandments for Dominant Men (11/19/2009 4:31:07 PM)
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I have received several positive comments from submissives who have spent more time in the lifestyle than I have on earth so I decided to give you a clearer picture of my outlook on the lifestyle with my personal commandments. I am often told that more Dominants should act like myself. I am who I am, nothing more... nothing less. I often get hate mail because of my views but frankly, I do not care. Feel free to add your own insight.
TewHawt's Ten Commandments of a Dominant Man
1. The four pillars all true BDSM relationships are trust, safety, understanding and security. Relationships in the lifestyle should take a great deal more time and care to develop than our vanilla counterparts. The levels of trust and communication separate us more from the vanilla world than do our kinks. The submissive must know that every situation she is to enter will have underlying precautions to ensure she will come out of it exhilarated, safe and stronger than before she entered.
2. The dreams and ambitions of the submissive are of far greater importance than any of the dominant's desires for the submissive. You are not that important. Barking hollow commands will not fan the fire of passion within the submissive and will quickly drive her away. At a bare minimum the submissive should be a happier, more accomplished person from knowing you. Enhancing her entire state of well being will bring her the strength, confidence, femininity and passion to serve at unimaginable levels.
3. Pain should never be a punishment. Every touch and sensation offered to a sub from her dominant is a gift and should be cherished justly. The greatest punishment should be the lack of touch and attention. The mere thought the dominant's disinterest or displeasure in his submissive is extremely painful and thus should be clearly communicated before hand and used sparingly. A bratty or defiant sub is merely a display that you have not earned enough trust to hold a dominant position. This is a sign that the submissive has serious doubts on your ability to guide her.
4. One must be a gentleman before a dominant. Opening door, pulling out chairs, walking your girl to her door/car shows that you have your act together and have her best interest in mind. Displaying a presence of cool, calm and collected displaces to the submissive that you are away of your environment and are prepared for the unknown challenges that may be around the corner.
5. A dominant is powerless without the authority given to him by the submissive. You cannot command love, trust or devotion; these can only be earned. Dominance will never come from a paddle or a belt. It is completely a state of mind which makes it that much more powerful and everlasting. Be it submissive or slave, they always have free will to walk away at anytime. Without the ability to understand the needs of his submissive and act accordingly, he then becomes insignificant. What he views as casual play can rapidly transform into run of the mill, vanilla abuse.
6. The most important sex organ is the brain... followed by the skin for both dominant and submissive. 95% of the lifestyle is mental. A devoted submissive will be pained to know they are not in master's thoughts. Small symbols of ownership such as a slip of paper with your name on it can provide the submissive with comfort when away from the dominant. Enabling the submissive's entire body to please and serve the dominant will heighten her senses of belonging and longing to please.
7. We all have different interests, kinks and limits. We must make every effort to understand the desires and fears of our partners at all times. Communication is the key ; and exploration of new interests are healthy and productive to build on the foundation of trust and understanding. The submissive's primary tool for communication is non-verbal. The dominant must be receptive to these cues at all time to know if she is nearing a limit or is ready for something new and exciting.
8. We are all flawed and perfection is unattainable. Never expect perfection as you will always be disappointed in the end and likely miss the most important achievements in life. Embracing the individuality created by quirks will allow for personal growth in the more important arenas of life. The pursuit of total perfection in any facet of life will become tedious and boring. Do not sweat the small stuff.
9. Previous knowledge and experience in the lifestyle is meaningless. It is entirely the dominant's responsibility to nurture, guide, bring out best in the submissive. What you are, what you look like, your job or education, the pains and struggles you have had in life mean nothing compared to whom you really are. The goals and ambitions your true self realizes in life is everything. The ability of a submissive to serve does not come from knowledge but from the burning desire to please.
10. The gift of submission should always be nurtured and cherished. Submissives actually receive more out of a BDSM relationship because possibilities it opens for them. Secure in the arms of her dominate the submissive's other problems and concerns will melt away. The submissive will be enabled to tear down any walls that may reside within and allow the real person within to flourish, possibly for the first time in many years or ever.
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