quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal
You're quite lucky.

I am totally blessed. 

quote:

I think I am one of those that would go crazy without human contact--it reaffirms who and what I am. All of who and what I am, actually. :)

Up until a few years ago, I would have been right there with you.  I don't know, mayb e I just had an epiphany or something...

quote:

 I've chatted with people, however, who've done full (tank) or partial (the latter usually enforced by sickness) sensory dep., and they've all claimed that the mind fills in, in unusual and brilliant ways, the blanks left by the environment being limited or shut off. So maybe there'd be hope for me.

SD is rocking!  I'd recommend it - but not for long the first time.  Take time to build it up.

quote:

I'd just rather someone not decide to find this out through a scientific experiment!

I believe they did in psych units.

the.dark.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

quote:

a "dominant" who's not exerting some influence over another's behavior isn't dominating at all, but merely passively accepting submission.

Hello hard body sub,
That is an interesting point.  Never thought of it that way.  And I am of two minds about it.  It's the "exerting" and the "passively accepting" that are niggling at my brain.  Does someone have to ACTIVELY exert influence or is their merely being who they are enough?  I would think that both yes and no are correct.  (thus the divided mind).  To some degree it is passive as far as not micromanaging, but it is very active in that expectations or presumptions might have the force to influence behavior.  Not really active, but somehow not quite passive either if we add a time line of some sort.

I still am gonna stand by my word "inspired".  I like it.  It works for me.  To me it means that I, the strong, pain in the bum woman that I am, opinionated, difficult, get all ooey gooey and WANT to give up control, allow the natural force of him to take over.  (or her - equally opportunity chica here ).  I'm not sure how where "active" ends and personality begins, or if there is even a difference.  What I do know is that there are any number of dominant people who do not connect with me in the way that makes me want to treat them any more deferrentially than I do the guy on the street.  But there are a few dominant people who make me catch my breath, hold my tongue, and want to purr and slither up against them and follow them.

I'm gonna have to think on this. 
Thanks for your points.

And to the whole crew here - this is quite an interesting discussing.  I appreciate the candor.

best,
sunshine

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

You just wanted to say "purr and slither" didn't you?  Go ahead, admit it!

quote:


Deviant




Posts: 398
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline ooh, its gone pink, the board, lol, not my bum - anyway...,

prompted by a cmail from a guy who said that submission can only come through being freely given i responded by agreeing but added that also submission needs to be drawn out of the submissive.

for it to be freely given it needs first to be inspired.

but which does come first.

of course there will always be those situations where two people meet and the dynamic is right there, palpable and strong. but for some theres a process that has to slowly unfurl.

the idea that a submissive should be instant in her acquiescence is by and large a fallacy and by the same token, the instant Dom is generally hooted at for being after quick gratification and then onwards and upwards to the next.

many have described it as a dance. of the two symbiotic polarities coming together. but again im wondering, which comes first the inspiration and then the submission or the submission which then inspires.

each and everyone is different here and i was just curious if some might like to share how that fusing came about for you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub
Well, even if no one else said it, what the heck is wrong with the idea that a dominant needs to do (or be) something special?

In ordergain someone's desire for partnership or to gain that same partner's submission? It's a pertinent difference.

Not really. A relationship is a relationship is a relationship.

quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero
Frankly, I consider my job in a relationship to be to "inspire" the desire of the person to stay with me. I expect the roles within the dynamic to be otherwise static.

The discussion has been about a D/s relationship, not a vanilla one. If you're dominant in a D/s relationship, when you "inspire" the desire of the person to stay with you, you're inspiring a sub to stay with a dom.

quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero
Oh, really? All D/s dynamics must be wrought from continual overt enforcements?

You've badly misrepresented what I said. I never said or implied anything related to "continual", "overt", or even "enforcements". Influence can be exerted in many ways. And, lest we forget, the OP was about the beginning of a D/s relationship, not the dynamic of an established one. "Which comes first" - remember?

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero
.Which comes first? Both partners being honest with how they approach D/s relationships and/or sucking it up to stay with the other partner even if there are differences.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

i sometimes wonder how much sucking it up is done to stay in a relationship that provides adequate levels of BDSM but limps along in all other ways. ive come across this and there have been times when ive been tempted to stick around simply because it felt prefferable to suck it up than start again.

but the same could be said of many mainstream relationships, glued together for the wrong reasons.

just NZ's comment there triggered that thought.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl
Isn't that really saying that you *submit* because you're submissive and that certain people have had the ability to connect with you in a way that others don't or haven't, ONCE you have submitted?

I mean, you still have to submit initially...or was he *taking you places* before you even submitted? etc

agirl

yes basically that is what im saying. its a process, it doesnt all happen in the first day, so submission is given/taken and from there the personalities eventually relax and the dynamic starts to develop.

and yes he was challenging my perception of myself from the very start and took me somewhere i had never imagined i would go or even wanted to go and that was actually before he had my full submission.

the thing is i think most of us here are capable of submitting to the physical with a Dominant we trust but not all of us are capable of submitting emotionally and mentally without the right sort of encouragement. the right encouragement is different for everyone

quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl
Isn't that really saying that you *submit* because you're submissive and that certain people have had the ability to connect with you in a way that others don't or haven't, ONCE you have submitted?

I mean, you still have to submit initially...or was he *taking you places* before you even submitted? etc

agirl

yes basically that is what im saying. its a process, it doesnt all happen in the first day, so submission is given/taken and from there the personalities eventually relax and the dynamic starts to develop.

and yes he was challenging my perception of myself from the very start and took me somewhere i had never imagined i would go or even wanted to go and that was actually before he had my full submission.

the thing is i think most of us here are capable of submitting to the physical with a Dominant we trust but not all of us are capable of submitting emotionally and mentally without the right sort of encouragement. the right encouragement is different for everyone

I can choose to bottom to someone casually, but I don't consider it to be submission. Even obeying/complying isn't submission in my perspective - the motivation and emotions that go with it are completely different! agirl, in my case, my Master and I specifically explored during the time we were dating how I reacted to physical pain that I disliked, and how I reacted to him wanting things from me that were difficult/challenging. I didn't submit initially per se, but I was open to it, and we explored whether or not it was possible for me to submit to him. Most people just don't push my buttons in a D/s sense, on either side of the kneel. I found that I trusted him a great deal right from the start, I liked the way he took charge - it gave me confidence in him, and I wanted to give more and more, rather than resisting emotionally. I liked his views on D/s, and felt that they were compatible with my perspective, though I had to change some of my thought patterns and definitions to adapt to him.