quote:

Comparing WHY we felt like submitting just seems pointless.

it might actually be interesting, enlightening, or...dare this slave say it..."inspiring"......to some of the readers and participants of these boards if folks could stay on the topic of what is best or better FOR THEM without directly demeaning others just for being different.  sadly, most threads in this topic don't go that way.

quote:

...I frankly cannot relate to those who state that they're "natural submissives" who are in no way dominant and never felt that "inspiration" with someone. That's not me and I don't really care to understand it. If it works for others, that's so cool! But I expect them to accept that I'm not that way...

quote:

...That leads up to the other point that Merc always makes about beth having no other "master." That is so terrific. I'm glad you can live your lives like that. Here in my world, it's simply not possible or preferable to be at home 24/7 naked, cuffed and covered with whipped cream. We both work for the money we need and enjoy using for fun stuff and, frankly, I enjoy my job and the learning that comes with it. I have no desire to be home all the time. That doesn't mean my job "masters" me. My job provides learning and money that we both want me to have. That's every bit as acceptable as what you guys want for your daily lives...

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Did I say this already?  It's been dancing around in my head either way.

Call it chemistry, attraction, love, inspiration... je ne sais quoi....  I lean a certain way, but without the je ne sais quoi, my leaning is not going to go to falling.  It's how I'm built.  I need the interaction.  Others don't?  Cool.  But me?  I'm good with the word "inspiration".  It makes me all warm and gooey.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Did I say this already?  It's been dancing around in my head either way.

Call it chemistry, attraction, love, inspiration... je ne sais quoi....  I lean a certain way, but without the je ne sais quoi, my leaning is not going to go to falling.  It's how I'm built.  I need the interaction.  Others don't?  Cool.  But me?  I'm good with the word "inspiration".  It makes me all warm and gooey.

Now see with this, it makes me think that people are talking about two different concepts.
Inspiration as love?  That I can dig.  Chemistry?  Yup absolutely - I can dig that too.  But to say that they need someone to inspire submission, is alien to me - it's similar (to me) to saying 'I need someone to inspire me to be happy' - again that is alien to me.  It would be interesting to see which way people are using 'inspiration'.  I really am seeing it coming across as a condition of how someone can be, rather than an emotion(like sunshine exuded)?

the.dark.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

I was just thinking about this today.  Making a little lunch for people who are driving far, I find myself WANTING to do it, hoping to make their lives better because they are caring, affectionate people who interact with me in a way that inspires me to want to soothe them or please them.  There are other people I would do it for because it is what I do, but it is selfish at that point.  I do it to check something off my list.  But for these people, there is something deeper.  There is affection and a connection that pushes me to act in my caring.

People who are submissive can pull it out of themselves for a certain time, but without the interaction, without the inspiration, the vine withers, the river runs dry.  We need the inspiration from outside to continue.

For me, it is not all or nothing - freely given or inspired.  It is symbiotic.  It is freely given but the continued giving is inspired.

Kudos to you for the thread!
sunshine

quote:

 

i have been inspired to submit by someone who took me way beyond myself, beyond my preconceived ideas of myself and made me more aware of me and what i am than anyone else in my life.

and i have submitted to people because submission is inherent in me and it is what i am in the end.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Did I say this already?  It's been dancing around in my head either way.

Call it chemistry, attraction, love, inspiration... je ne sais quoi....  I lean a certain way, but without the je ne sais quoi, my leaning is not going to go to falling.  It's how I'm built.  I need the interaction.  Others don't?  Cool.  But me?  I'm good with the word "inspiration".  It makes me all warm and gooey.

Now see with this, it makes me think that people are talking about two different concepts.
Inspiration as love?  That I can dig.  Chemistry?  Yup absolutely - I can dig that too.  But to say that they need someone to inspire submission, is alien to me - it's similar (to me) to saying 'I need someone to inspire me to be happy' - again that is alien to me.  It would be interesting to see which way people are using 'inspiration'.  I really am seeing it coming across as a condition of how someone can be, rather than an emotion(like sunshine exuded)?

the.dark.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Did I say this already?  It's been dancing around in my head either way.

Call it chemistry, attraction, love, inspiration... je ne sais quoi....  I lean a certain way, but without the je ne sais quoi, my leaning is not going to go to falling.  It's how I'm built.  I need the interaction.  Others don't?  Cool.  But me?  I'm good with the word "inspiration".  It makes me all warm and gooey.

Now see with this, it makes me think that people are talking about two different concepts.
Inspiration as love?  That I can dig.  Chemistry?  Yup absolutely - I can dig that too.  But to say that they need someone to inspire submission, is alien to me - it's similar (to me) to saying 'I need someone to inspire me to be happy' - again that is alien to me.  It would be interesting to see which way people are using 'inspiration'.  I really am seeing it coming across as a condition of how someone can be, rather than an emotion(like sunshine exuded)?

the.dark.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

I was just thinking about this today.  Making a little lunch for people who are driving far, I find myself WANTING to do it, hoping to make their lives better because they are caring, affectionate people who interact with me in a way that inspires me to want to soothe them or please them.  There are other people I would do it for because it is what I do, but it is selfish at that point.  I do it to check something off my list.  But for these people, there is something deeper.  There is affection and a connection that pushes me to act in my caring.

People who are submissive can pull it out of themselves for a certain time, but without the interaction, without the inspiration, the vine withers, the river runs dry.  We need the inspiration from outside to continue.

For me, it is not all or nothing - freely given or inspired.  It is symbiotic.  It is freely given but the continued giving is inspired.

Kudos to you for the thread!
sunshine

quote:

 

i have been inspired to submit by someone who took me way beyond myself, beyond my preconceived ideas of myself and made me more aware of me and what i am than anyone else in my life.

and i have submitted to people because submission is inherent in me and it is what i am in the end.

Hi Lally,
I think we are saying the same thing here (although you are more succint and elequoent! )
best,
sunshine

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal

I want to know why it went pink. (confused)

lol - i clicked on the box to write the text and it went a wonderful pink - boringly it went back to white when i posted it.

not very exciting, sorry

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

ooh, its gone pink, the board, lol, not my bum - anyway...,

prompted by a cmail from a guy who said that submission can only come through being freely given i responded by agreeing but added that also submission needs to be drawn out of the submissive.

for it to be freely given it needs first to be inspired.

but which does come first.

of course there will always be those situations where two people meet and the dynamic is right there, palpable and strong. but for some theres a process that has to slowly unfurl.

the idea that a submissive should be instant in her acquiescence is by and large a fallacy and by the same token, the instant Dom is generally hooted at for being after quick gratification and then onwards and upwards to the next.

many have described it as a dance. of the two symbiotic polarities coming together. but again im wondering, which comes first the inspiration and then the submission or the submission which then inspires.

each and everyone is different here and i was just curious if some might like to share how that fusing came about for you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

prompted by a cmail from a guy who said that submission can only come through being freely given i responded by agreeing but added that also submission needs to be drawn out of the submissive.

for it to be freely given it needs first to be inspired.

but which does come first.

quote:

for it to be freely given it needs first to be inspired.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

i have been inspired to submit by someone who took me way beyond myself, beyond my preconceived ideas of myself and made me more aware of me and what i am than anyone else in my life.

and i have submitted to people because submission is inherent in me and it is what i am in the end.

i would take the former any time.

quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

i have been inspired to submit by someone who took me way beyond myself, beyond my preconceived ideas of myself and made me more aware of me and what i am than anyone else in my life.

and i have submitted to people because submission is inherent in me and it is what i am in the end.

i would take the former any time.

quote:

I still don't see the attraction. It's a bit too fanciful for my tastes. It isn't the same thing as saying that some people are so completely well-suited to each other that it pushes the envelope of expectations they thought they would have. It's almost a suggestion that being with X person makes you an entirely different person than who you are. That's...weird.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Did I say this already?  It's been dancing around in my head either way.

Call it chemistry, attraction, love, inspiration... je ne sais quoi....  I lean a certain way, but without the je ne sais quoi, my leaning is not going to go to falling.  It's how I'm built.  I need the interaction.  Others don't?  Cool.  But me?  I'm good with the word "inspiration".  It makes me all warm and gooey.

Now see with this, it makes me think that people are talking about two different concepts.
Inspiration as love?  That I can dig.  Chemistry?  Yup absolutely - I can dig that too.  But to say that they need someone to inspire submission, is alien to me - it's similar (to me) to saying 'I need someone to inspire me to be happy' - again that is alien to me.  It would be interesting to see which way people are using 'inspiration'.  I really am seeing it coming across as a condition of how someone can be, rather than an emotion(like sunshine exuded)?

the.dark.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

i have been inspired to submit by someone who took me way beyond myself, beyond my preconceived ideas of myself and made me more aware of me and what i am than anyone else in my life.

and i have submitted to people because submission is inherent in me and it is what i am in the end.

i would take the former any time.

I still don't see the attraction. It's a bit too fanciful for my tastes. It isn't the same thing as saying that some people are so completely well-suited to each other that it pushes the envelope of expectations they thought they would have. It's almost a suggestion that being with X person makes you an entirely different person than who you are. That's...weird.

quote:


It also strikes me as the being enamoured with the wanting to be a person's 'exception'. Like women partnering up with traditional 'bad boy' guys because they secretly want to be 'the one' that breaks him (by his own willingness, we presume) of his infidelitous and wayward ways.

It's like wanting the magic of the relationship to turn someone into something they normally aren't for an ego boost. And not to say we don't all get our ego boosts one way or another in a relationship, but this seems a very backwards way of doing it.

Obviously, however, YMMV.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal
But what if you were in solitary confinement, say an all white padded room. All your physical needs were taken care of, but you never had any contact with other human beings. Nor did you have any cultural stimulation: no music, no tv or dvds or radio, no magazines or books. No pets. Of course no interaction via a PC. No direct human contact either. No speech with others. Food "appeard" in a shelf in the wall. Your attempts to get someone to pay attention to you were ignored. You had nothing to kill yourself with or otherwise attract attention. And this went on for years. Would you feel submissive in that situation? Could you? For how long? For that matter, could you feel happy?

Just how exactly do you submit in a total vacuum with no responses or feedback? We're social animals, we're trained from childhood to be that way and we have strong instincts that make us grouping creatures. Take away our groups, our contexts, and I would expect it would be hard to maintain much of our sense of ourselves, much of our personality, at least during the time we were isolated. Like most social behavior submission and dominance has a feedback loop, even when it's indirect (that is, brought about by cultural stimulii, not real people).

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal

Just how exactly do you submit in a total vacuum with no responses or feedback?

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal

We're social animals, we're trained from childhood to be that way and we have strong instincts that make us grouping creatures. Take away our groups, our contexts, and I would expect it would be hard to maintain much of our sense of ourselves, much of our personality, at least during the time we were isolated. Like most social behavior submission and dominance has a feedback loop, even when it's indirect (that is, brought about by cultural stimulii, not real people). For most people, if you cut the feedback entirely, feelings/behavior would shrivel. A few people with very strong minds might be able to maintain this sense in the white padded room with just their own bodies and their memories of what submission was like. But as time passed, I expect it would take a lot of mental exercise and vigilance to do so, things that most people are not that well trained in.