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Doms and apologizing... - 12/1/2009 5:05:35 PM   
daddysprincess3


Posts: 5
Joined: 11/20/2009
Status: offline 		Is it "Dom-like" for a Dom to admit when they have said something out of line and apologize?  I would think that it would make them more of a man to admit their faults and apologize when it is appropriate.  Am I wrong?  Are Dominant men allowed to say whatever they wish, knowing it hurts their sub's feelings deeply?  Does she not deserve an apology because she is a submissive?

< Message edited by daddysprincess3 -- 12/1/2009 5:07:20 PM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Doms and apolgizing... - 12/1/2009 5:10:23 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I was brought up to apologize when I hurt someone.

Dominants - men and women - are allowed to apologize.  Or not to apologize.  We carry our own codes of conduct and nobody needs to give us permission.

Nobody deserves an apology because he or she is submissive.  They deserve an apology if I have wronged them in some way.

There are two issues here:

1. Were you in fact hurt by the actions of another?  And was this hurt because you were oversensitive to something a normal person would have shrugged off, or was it something that anyone would have been hurt by?
2. Does your Dom agree that he hurt you, and simply feel that he doesn't need to apologize or make amends?




_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to daddysprincess3)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Doms and apolgizing... - 12/1/2009 5:18:16 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		It's called being a decent human being.

This has zero to do with being a dom.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Doms and apolgizing... - 12/1/2009 5:20:12 PM   
daddysprincess3


Posts: 5
Joined: 11/20/2009
Status: offline 		He is not my Dom, I was under consideration for being his.  I told him something he did earlier in the day hurt my feelings, and his first response was "I don't give a shit."  This hurt my feelings more than the original reason I was upset, and I tried to explain to him that I felt he was disregarding my emotions, or the fact that they even existed.  He said my feelings should not be hurt, that he "makes the rules" and then demanded an apology from me for "bitching and complaining." 

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Doms and apolgizing... - 12/1/2009 5:24:41 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Okay, it's now time for you to learn the difference between a Dom and an asshole. Shaddup, you subs - there IS a difference!

A Dom cares about others and tries to develop them for what is best for them and for him.  An asshole simply wants things for himself.

You've seen his true colors and you don't like them.  If he was to collar you, it sure as heck wouldn't get better.

I'd suggest just getting to chat with some Doms, maybe at munches, so you can see what we're really like.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to daddysprincess3)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Doms and apologizing... - 12/1/2009 5:26:27 PM   
peachgirl


Posts: 396
Joined: 6/25/2009
Status: offline 		since I feel that I am in an actual relationship with my Master, yes, it is important that we treat each other as civil human beings and apologize when we are wrong.  but that's just me, your mileage may vary.

_____________________________

Have you seen that girl in the corner?
I'd like to take her out of her chains
Cause if I had my way with you baby
I would be changing your life today.
- Bob Welch

(in reply to daddysprincess3)
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RE: Doms and apologizing... - 12/1/2009 5:34:23 PM   
daddysprincess3


Posts: 5
Joined: 11/20/2009
Status: offline 		Thank you very much.  Granted, I won't speak to him again.  I can not give my entire being and trust them to take care of me, if we can not even have a mature conversation about something such as this.  So, how do I change the ice cream cone icon that says vanilla?

(in reply to peachgirl)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Doms and apologizing... - 12/1/2009 5:43:58 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		The symbols will change with your post count.

That guy wasn't a dom- he was just a common asshole. Congrats on ridding yourself of him.

Now keep your asshole detector in the "on" position, and turn up your self-esteem, so that you won't put yourself through this again.


_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to daddysprincess3)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Doms and apologizing... - 12/1/2009 5:44:06 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprincess3

So, how do I change the ice cream cone icon that says vanilla?


You continue to post.  The cone simply states that you have made fewer than 25 posts.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to daddysprincess3)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Doms and apolgizing... - 12/1/2009 5:53:42 PM   
Valyraen


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Okay, it's now time for you to learn the difference between a Dom and an asshole. Shaddup, you subs - there IS a difference!

A Dom cares about others and tries to develop them for what is best for them and for him.  An asshole simply wants things for himself.



That is a truly beautiful thought right there. Absolutely no mockery, sarcasm, or insincerity intended.


_____________________________

CM's Resident Fuzzy Kitteh

There is no creature more loving than a hungry cat.

Valyraen in ValyraenandAqua

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Doms and apolgizing... - 12/1/2009 5:57:41 PM   
girlygurl


Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Okay, it's now time for you to learn the difference between a Dom and an asshole. Shaddup, you subs - there IS a difference!

A Dom cares about others and tries to develop them for what is best for them and for him.  An asshole simply wants things for himself.



I vote Steven for Dom of the month

(well, right behind my Sir of course.)

_____________________________

i see You

happily forever one

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Doms and apolgizing... - 12/1/2009 5:59:14 PM   
Thatbastard


Posts: 25
Joined: 11/26/2009
Status: offline 		I'm really glad to find I agree with just about everyone.

The first thing way back I learned about being a dom was responsibility. The slave gives you trust and power only as much as you can take personal accountability for.

I screw up with my girl all the time. It's not infallibility that builds trust and intimacy, it's communication, character, consitancy and honesty.

Otherwise I'd be screwd.

(in reply to Valyraen)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Doms and apolgizing... - 12/1/2009 6:01:33 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Thatbastard

I'm really glad to find I agree with just about everyone.

The first thing way back I learned about being a dom was responsibility. The slave gives you trust and power only as much as you can take personal accountability for.

I screw up with my girl all the time. It's not infallibility that builds trust and intimacy, it's communication, character, consitancy and honesty.

Otherwise I'd be screwd.






_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Thatbastard)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Doms and apolgizing... - 12/1/2009 6:14:11 PM   
shenshinoman


Posts: 58
Joined: 11/30/2009
Status: offline 		Anytime someone steps out of line, and realizes it. they should appologize and admit they were wrong. Doesn't matter if it's a Dom sub, switch, etc. it's part of being human

I'm glad you left the ass for greener pastures, good on you.

And I totally agree with Steven, he put it into perfect retrospect.

< Message edited by shenshinoman -- 12/1/2009 6:17:20 PM >

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Doms and apolgizing... - 12/1/2009 6:16:51 PM   
MissHarlet


Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Thatbastard

The first thing way back I learned about being a dom was responsibility. The slave gives you trust and power only as much as you can take personal accountability for.




My personal opinion is that being a Lady or Gentleman .. having good manners... in addition to the responsibility mentioned above .. enhances ones dominance .. never detracts from it.

And again my opinion is that anyone that doesnt understand that fact .... is not someone I want in my life .

Those I choose to own must have enough self respect to accept my apologies when given and understand they are made from strength NOT weakness.



< Message edited by MissHarlet -- 12/1/2009 6:24:49 PM >

_____________________________

Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to Thatbastard)
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RE: Doms and apolgizing... - 12/1/2009 6:29:27 PM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprincess3

He is not my Dom, I was under consideration for being his.  I told him something he did earlier in the day hurt my feelings, and his first response was "I don't give a shit."  This hurt my feelings more than the original reason I was upset, and I tried to explain to him that I felt he was disregarding my emotions, or the fact that they even existed.  He said my feelings should not be hurt, that he "makes the rules" and then demanded an apology from me for "bitching and complaining." 


And now for a contrary opinion.
This guy may or may not be an asshole. What is clear is that you and he are not compatible without a serious change of attitude on one of your parts.
There are many girls,and I see their profiles every day,who beg for cruelty, who relish a man gruffly saying "I don't give a shit"- girls who have profiles begging to be treated as nasty skanky whores, beaten and so forth.

Not my cuppa...but its their kink. And this guy is probably going to make one of them very happy.
I can't see how any guy who pursues a woman who calls herself Daddysprincess thinks she will react to "I don't give a shit" with anything but horror and wailing- followed by leaving.

(in reply to daddysprincess3)
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RE: Doms and apolgizing... - 12/1/2009 7:05:31 PM   
Roselaure


Posts: 672
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex


And now for a contrary opinion.
This guy may or may not be an asshole. What is clear is that you and he are not compatible without a serious change of attitude on one of your parts.
There are many girls,and I see their profiles every day,who beg for cruelty, who relish a man gruffly saying "I don't give a shit"- girls who have profiles begging to be treated as nasty skanky whores, beaten and so forth.

Not my cuppa...but its their kink. And this guy is probably going to make one of them very happy.
I can't see how any guy who pursues a woman who calls herself Daddysprincess thinks she will react to "I don't give a shit" with anything but horror and wailing- followed by leaving.



I definitely think he's an asshole, but it's undeniably true that some women like assholes. 


_____________________________

Once conform, once do what other people do because they do it, and lethargy steals over all the finer nerves and faculties of the soul.
-Virginia Woolf

(in reply to AnimusRex)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Doms and apologizing... - 12/1/2009 7:20:20 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Does she not deserve an apology because she is a submissive?


Not when she has no profile.

(in reply to daddysprincess3)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Doms and apolgizing... - 12/1/2009 7:24:30 PM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprincess3

He is not my Dom, I was under consideration for being his.  I told him something he did earlier in the day hurt my feelings, and his first response was "I don't give a shit."  This hurt my feelings more than the original reason I was upset, and I tried to explain to him that I felt he was disregarding my emotions, or the fact that they even existed.  He said my feelings should not be hurt, that he "makes the rules" and then demanded an apology from me for "bitching and complaining." 


That would pretty much finish the relationship for me. Why would I want to be with someone who doesn't give a shit about my feelings.


_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to daddysprincess3)
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RE: Doms and apologizing... - 12/1/2009 7:29:40 PM   
EbonyWood


Posts: 2044
Joined: 7/8/2005
Status: offline 		Steven has nailed this thread and deserves his monthly award (is that November or December?) and you won't get better advice.
 
AnimusRex has given you a good view from a different angle.
 
You have it covered - what you do now depends on your level of common sense and ability to take the good advice.

(in reply to antipode)
Profile   Post #: 20
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