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RE: Do you bend or break? - 12/5/2009 4:02:51 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		Fast reply

I find the whole "breaking" mentioned in BDSM...rubish.
Breaking some one has nothing to do with dominating someone in the bdsm sense....
My opnion is that soem one who wants to serve you...will try to push herself to adjust her limits and try new things. But I don't believe this is called "beeing broken"

so...I think..people bend...in a healthy relation. They are flexible with the right person

< Message edited by Justme696 -- 12/5/2009 4:06:28 AM >

(in reply to NorthernGent)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Do you bend or break? - 12/5/2009 7:44:33 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Fast reply

I find the whole "breaking" mentioned in BDSM...rubish.


It's fine to fast reply but at least read the very short OP first. I defined these terms very differently than how you just did.

I strongly suggest you learn the proper etiquette of participating to online forums. If you just want to spout out your opinion without consideration for the topic going on, you have a journal on your profile that is specifically for that purpose.

I believe you owe the thread contributors and I an apology.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Do you bend or break? - 12/5/2009 7:49:07 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		Appology?

neah...never for an opinion.

ps..I did read it..

and don't pm me please..when the discussion is happening here.



(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Do you bend or break? - 12/5/2009 7:50:48 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

Well, i've served a lot of Dommes over the years, and i definitely prefer the "bend" type.

To me, D/s relationships are just like vanilla relationships; each one is different.  i've been with Dommes who seem to follow a very strict script regardless of who they are with.  i find that rather limiting.  It's like bringing baggage into the relationship.


And I know they exist and I know that some desire this. And I really I could get a better understanding of this.

quote:


i believe that 90% of the D/s dynamic is mental rather than physical.  Since the psyche of each individual is different, each sub/slave will require a slightly different approach to achieve maximum effect. 

To me, adapting (or "bending" as you've called it) doesn't diminish a Dom/Domme.  It doesn't make them any less dominant.  Rather, it makes them more effective.


For you and I and many people on this thread so far. But I'm sure the other ways is effective for others too.

quote:

(BTW, i agree that the use of the word "break" was probably a mistake. It seems to have a negative connotation which people are getting caught up on).


Yes. I concur. I guess because I don't understand it, I didn't come up with a proper analogy for it. I hope someone will read through the thread and hopefully provide me with information and propose a new analogy.

- LA



_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Do you bend or break? - 12/5/2009 7:52:57 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

Appology?

neah...never for an opinion.

ps..I did read it..

and don't pm me please..when the discussion is happening here.



I PMed you to give you an opportunity to apologise in a timely manner. Obviously, you don't take the opportunity to better yourself seriously. Sad for you.

Anyhow, you have totally misunderstood the OP. So move along then.

And as your avatar says, "When you are smarter, I'll be nicer."

- LA


_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Do you bend or break? - 12/5/2009 7:56:45 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		If I misunderstood the OP...perhasp the OP was not clear.
Now..calm down...and accept people answer your thread with post you don't agree with.

An other way to have replied to me would have been "I think you misunderstood me".

quote:

quote:

(BTW, i agree that the use of the word "break" was probably a mistake. It seems to have a negative connotation which people are getting caught up on).

Yes. I concur. I guess because I don't understand it, I didn't come up with a proper analogy for it. I hope someone will read through the thread and hopefully provide me with information and propose a new analogy.

- LA


I said something similar... one called it negative...I called breaking rubbish. Don't see much difference.

ps.
An other kind of language works better with me, then that bossy crap.



< Message edited by Justme696 -- 12/5/2009 7:59:19 AM >

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Do you bend or break? - 12/5/2009 8:03:40 AM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

Well, i've served a lot of Dommes over the years, and i definitely prefer the "bend" type.

To me, D/s relationships are just like vanilla relationships; each one is different.  i've been with Dommes who seem to follow a very strict script regardless of who they are with.  i find that rather limiting.  It's like bringing baggage into the relationship.





i think this particular thought better expresses my problems i had with the person who had all the established protocols right from the start. It was as if the only important thing was to follow the very specific steps that person had in order to even approach....it was disconcerting to me and honestly caused the end of any meaningful interaction between us.
And it was all set up before i even came into the picture...it seemed to me, that the most important thing wasnt to get to know eachother, but to memorize this and that protocol instead and that would define the success of the interaction.
i just couldnt hang. But i would have loved to get to know that person better.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Do you bend or break? - 12/5/2009 8:07:37 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696
If I misunderstood the OP...perhasp the OP was not clear.

Funny, everyone else who responded on page 1 got it.

quote:

Now..calm down...

Do not make assumptions that I am uncalm. It takes more than a disrepectful contributor to get my panties in a twist. I am simply calling you to order.

quote:

and accept people answer your thread with post you don't agree with.

The OP calls for people who have an opinion different than mine to speak up so that I might understand it.

I can accept different opinions. I have a harder time with, what is in your case, a complete disregard for the discussion at hand.

quote:

An other way to have replied to me would have been "I think you misunderstood me".


You misunderstood the whole conversation that was going on, because you didn't pay attention to it. You simply fast replied.

quote:


quote:

quote:

(BTW, i agree that the use of the word "break" was probably a mistake. It seems to have a negative connotation which people are getting caught up on).

Yes. I concur. I guess because I don't understand it, I didn't come up with a proper analogy for it. I hope someone will read through the thread and hopefully provide me with information and propose a new analogy.

- LA


I said something similar... one called it negative...I called breaking rubbish. Don't see much difference.

I never talked about breaking a submissive. I talked about breaking the terms of a relationship if someone didn't comply with strict rules. My words: "A submissive partner either meets the requirements and conforms, or the deal is broken."

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Do you bend or break? - 12/5/2009 8:11:12 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		See..now I understood it. I read it wrongly.
Explaining is always the best way.
Works better then getting angry.
Thank you. 



Do you bend or break

I got confused by this. I read it exactly as it is written.

< Message edited by Justme696 -- 12/5/2009 8:13:57 AM >

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Do you bend or break? - 12/5/2009 8:14:39 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika


quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696
If I misunderstood the OP...perhasp the OP was not clear.

Funny, everyone else who responded on page 1 got it.

quote:

Now..calm down...

Do not make assumptions that I am uncalm. It takes more than a disrepectful contributor to get my panties in a twist. I am simply calling you to order.

quote:

and accept people answer your thread with post you don't agree with.

The OP calls for people who have an opinion different than mine to speak up so that I might understand it.

I can accept different opinions. I have a harder time with, what is in your case, a complete disregard for the discussion at hand.

quote:

An other way to have replied to me would have been "I think you misunderstood me".


You misunderstood the whole conversation that was going on, because you didn't pay attention to it. You simply fast replied.

quote:


quote:

quote:

(BTW, i agree that the use of the word "break" was probably a mistake. It seems to have a negative connotation which people are getting caught up on).

Yes. I concur. I guess because I don't understand it, I didn't come up with a proper analogy for it. I hope someone will read through the thread and hopefully provide me with information and propose a new analogy.

- LA


I said something similar... one called it negative...I called breaking rubbish. Don't see much difference.

I never talked about breaking a submissive. I talked about breaking the terms of a relationship if someone didn't comply with strict rules. My words: "A submissive partner either meets the requirements and conforms, or the deal is broken."

- LA


Frankly, I think its you who needs to apologize. And dont assume you have the right to dictate how someone answers. Also, dont speak about apologies to all contributers. You dont speak for us. Also, you may be dominant but you can not dictate when people should apologize or how they are to behave here.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Do you bend or break? - 12/5/2009 8:15:48 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cagliostro

OP: I have what I refer to as laws and rules. Rules can be bent. Laws cannot. Laws are things like don't cheat on me. Break one, and you're out. Rules when broken receive correction. But I won't remove them from my life. I guess it's like a scale. Some things are over that line, some are not. And usually they're negotiated, so which is which, is usually clear.


"Break one, and you're out." Good, I'm glad you understood my definition of break. While I do admit in hindsight it might not be most flattering term to being strict or rigid, you understood the analogy I was trying to make.

So let me ask you then, how do you distiguish a rule from a law? Can you give me examples. Given this clear definition, I can pull distinctions from my own life, but I'm much more interested in hearing yours right now.

quote:

I feel, however, that ignoring either (which I define as breaking them without consequence) just encourages misbehavior. Personally I don't do that. I feel that in the end it is less work to simply stick to them.

Ok, but you have to see the potential for growth, right? I mean I'm all for being adaptive, but when accepting a boy, I make sure that he has the desire to learn the basics of what I want to teach him. If I find out in time that he doesn't regardless of how much I've adapted my approach to better suit his way of learning, I won't pursue. I've had to do this in the past and it was heartbreaking.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to cagliostro)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Do you bend or break? - 12/5/2009 8:16:57 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Frankly, I think its you who needs to apologize. And dont assume you have the right to dictate how someone answers.


I have the right to ask someone to stay on topic.

That's all I will say on this matter. The thread has been derailed enough.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Do you bend or break? - 12/5/2009 8:18:03 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

See..now I understood it. I read it wrongly.
Explaining is always the best way.
Works better then getting angry.
Thank you.


I'm glad you finally understand it. And for the record, again, I was never angry. Simply mildly annoyed.

Now if you would wish to give your opinion on the topic, I, and I'm sure others, would be glad to hear it.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Do you bend or break? - 12/5/2009 8:21:10 AM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika


quote:

ORIGINAL: Underumam

After the things that I've been through in life, I bend. The day I break, I'll be dead....


What about her? This thread is about the dominant's approach.

- LA

P.S.: I appreciate the answers to date and want to hold back a reply for a bit longer.


As a submissive, I can say the same thing.... 
After the things that I've been through in life, I bend. The day I break, I'll be dead....

Because I know myself, I would NOT choose to be with option number 2.  My Sir sets a course and is flexable enough not to be selfish, but adaptable and flexable.
I do know someone who is option 2 and he makes for a very rigid and unhappy man. 

Why?  It's all about the personality.  Nothing earth shaking like rocket science.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Do you bend or break? - 12/5/2009 8:23:09 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Perhaps "Are you flexible or rigid?"



My character isn't easily pigeon-holed. In some areas I'm an extremely patient person while in other areas I have little tolerance - and I suppose this has some bearing on when and where I'm rigid or flexible. Using two every day examples - if I judge that someone is trying their best with something then I have all the patience in the world for that and will adopt a flexible approach - on the other hand if someone is interrupting my morning cup of tea and reading of the newspapers with inane small talk then I just can't tolerate that under no circumstances and I will set my dog on her no questions asked (it's trained to go for an arm and rip it off).

At a macro level....there are certain things that really matter to me and I'm rigid in the sense that they have to be in the relationship.



That is a great explanation. And without trying to pigeon hole your character, you do show some adaptability and some rigidity. The more I think about it, I have some rigid facets as well. I guess perhaps because I take my time in selecting a boy who is less likely to push my negative buttons, they come out less often.

Now I suggest you give your dog some kibble as girls are less cute with missing arms ;-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to NorthernGent)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Do you bend or break? - 12/5/2009 8:23:45 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

Frankly, I think its you who needs to apologize. And dont assume you have the right to dictate how someone answers.


I have the right to ask someone to stay on topic.

That's all I will say on this matter. The thread has been derailed enough.

- LA

Actually, you have no rights to that as an O.P.
He was on topic. Its not for you to dictate about derailing. Thats the moderators job.
He gave an opinion. I gave mine. i dont feel its proper ettiquette to patronize people. He called your idea of breaking rubbish. You took it way too personally. He didnt call you rubbish.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Do you bend or break? - 12/5/2009 8:26:52 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		No thank you. I gave my opinion already about "breaking" . Once is enough.


please continue, the topic is interesting enough


(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Do you bend or break? - 12/5/2009 8:32:34 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

Well, i've served a lot of Dommes over the years, and i definitely prefer the "bend" type.

To me, D/s relationships are just like vanilla relationships; each one is different. i've been with Dommes who seem to follow a very strict script regardless of who they are with. i find that rather limiting. It's like bringing baggage into the relationship.


i think this particular thought better expresses my problems i had with the person who had all the established protocols right from the start. It was as if the only important thing was to follow the very specific steps that person had in order to even approach....it was disconcerting to me and honestly caused the end of any meaningful interaction between us.

Again, I can totally understand that because that is how I am. I often meet boys however who seem to get completely disconcerted when I don't have a rule book to give them on how they should treat me. I tell them simply to look within themselves and treat me in the most respectful and favourable light possible, to use their judgement and instinct, and I'll give them feedback on their behaviour along the way. I've been accused of not being Domme enough, which to be quite honest doesn't ruffle my feathers one bit. I have no insecurities about my style of dominance.

But there are dominant women, and men, out there like that. And there are the submissive men, and women, who crave it. I wish we could get more contributions from this side of the perspective so that I might understand it.

quote:

And it was all set up before i even came into the picture...it seemed to me, that the most important thing wasnt to get to know eachother, but to memorize this and that protocol instead and that would define the success of the interaction.
i just couldnt hang. But i would have loved to get to know that person better.


I hesitate to write what I'm about to write as I have little understanding of this dynamic, but it would seem to me that it would be a form of cold Mistress or Master/slave. Though I have a hard time imagining myself in this situation, I know others crave it.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Do you bend or break? - 12/5/2009 8:34:39 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

No thank you. I gave my opinion already about "breaking" . Once is enough.


please continue, the topic is interesting enough


I'm glad you think so. Jump in anytime, as long as you are on topic ;-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Do you bend or break? - 12/5/2009 8:38:32 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RealSub58

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika


quote:

ORIGINAL: Underumam

After the things that I've been through in life, I bend. The day I break, I'll be dead....


What about her? This thread is about the dominant's approach.

- LA

P.S.: I appreciate the answers to date and want to hold back a reply for a bit longer.


As a submissive, I can say the same thing.... 
After the things that I've been through in life, I bend. The day I break, I'll be dead....


Sure, I explained to him a few posts lower that the post starts off with I'm curious about two very different approaches to dominance. That said, everyone's opinion on flexibility is worthy. It just might not have relevance to the OP.

quote:

Because I know myself, I would NOT choose to be with option number 2. My Sir sets a course and is flexable enough not to be selfish, but adaptable and flexable.
I do know someone who is option 2 and he makes for a very rigid and unhappy man.


Why is he unhappy? I realise this would be hearsay, but I am interested in hearing about this approach.

- LA



< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 12/5/2009 8:39:04 AM >

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to RealSub58)
Profile   Post #: 40
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