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ORIGINAL: slaveluci
I guess I was just trying to ask about some of the behaviors/mindsets that may not come naturally for you and that you've been able to successfully change to suit Knight's will.

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ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
It is actually really hard to find anything about my life that hasn't been modified by his will in some way or another. For me that is a very good thing.

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha


I think I'm a lot like you LA - (no surprise there ) - but I think dominance for me is more about seduction than "power."  If a woman is just into control, I can imagine they have strict rules and protocol and the choices for the man are obey or hit the rode.  For me, I enjoy the slow process of removing power and control from a man, and this takes some flexibility.

But there's a fine line and it's pretty illusive.  I guess it sounds like outright manipulation, and it is, but in context, it just isn't so negative -- What I tend to do is try to anticipate where the resistance might be, then work around it and come back to it in another way.  It's all very subconscious though.  I think that if you are a dominant and you lay out expectations and challenges that will be met with being told "no" or "I won't do that" or "not on your life," you are setting yourself up for failure and you lose control right out of the gate. Instead, you have to anticipate those sticking points and create the foundation of control before you go back and approach them.

You also have to know when a man's will is compromised enough that he'll surrender, and then swoop in for the kill.  Reward him with tons of positive reinforcement (for submissives, this often is as simple as showing them how wet it made me) - and suddenly the barriers start to fall. Trust also plays a big role here.  Timing becomes the critical element, and without having the flexibility in all these areas, a dominant woman sets herself up for failure, in my opinion. 

Another side point though: I find that in all relationships, one partner is far more willing to compromise for the other.  If a femdom with a "my way or the highway" set of protocol/style comes across a man who makes her swoon, she may be more likely to bend, right?  Maybe I am wrong. 

The short answer for me is that I will do whatever it takes to get what I want.  I may offer the illusion of rigidity if it's what turns the man's crank and I need his crank turned in order to get him where I want him; however, I find that men are more dimensional than that and often don't even know where their boundaries are yet.

Akasha

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**walks off not believing the first time in ages I have had to read posts**

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ORIGINAL: Domitianus

If one believes that individuals should be ready-made to serve as desired, breaking may be reasonable.

If one believes that individuals are beings that grow, develop and mature into something more (potentially), then bending seems the far more reasonable approach. 

Besides, corrective reinforcements can be fun of themselves.

You had me till the last sentence LOL.

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ORIGINAL: Domitianus

If one believes that individuals should be ready-made to serve as desired, breaking may be reasonable.

If one believes that individuals are beings that grow, develop and mature into something more (potentially), then bending seems the far more reasonable approach.

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Besides, corrective reinforcements can be fun of themselves.

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ORIGINAL: breatheasone

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ORIGINAL: slaveluci

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ORIGINAL: kc692
**walks off not believing the first time in ages I have had to read posts, that a poster who has actually posted in the past some things that gave me food for thought, has gotten to this level**

I have no dog in this hunt but, in defense of Celeste, I'd say that we all stray from our best behavior from time to time. Not sure she needs to be shredded for it or accused of being somehow lowdown. The OP wasn't when she stepped out of line..............luci

i have to second this, Celeste is cool people. Have i always agreed with her? No...but that has zero to do with her coolness....

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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

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**walks off not believing the first time in ages I have had to read posts**

Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine. ;-)

Absolutely lovely to see you here Diva!!

- LA

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha

But there's a fine line and it's pretty illusive.  I guess it sounds like outright manipulation, and it is, but in context, it just isn't so negative -- What I tend to do is try to anticipate where the resistance might be, then work around it and come back to it in another way.  It's all very subconscious though.  I think that if you are a dominant and you lay out expectations and challenges that will be met with being told "no" or "I won't do that" or "not on your life," you are setting yourself up for failure and you lose control right out of the gate. Instead, you have to anticipate those sticking points and create the foundation of control before you go back and approach them.

Akasha

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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

What about you (or your dominant)? Do you bend or break or something in between or something completely different? And most importantly, why?

- LA

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ORIGINAL: Rednekcol

My initial response when I read the question was that I was definitely a "bender", because my responses, rules, and protocol tend to be tailored to my submissive at the time.  However, the more I have thought about it, especially as I read the other follow-ups that have been posted, I realize that perhaps I am closer to the "breaker" side of things thank I originally thought.

There are certainly a number of things that I cannot tolerate from a submissive.  The first that comes to mind is the self-injury habits or tendencies that seem to be somewhat common.  When I accept submission from a girl, she knows that this behavior is not tolerated, and that, while her reversion to such behavior won't result in immediate expulsion from my life or my service, it will profoundly disturb me and make me have to reconsider whether we are truly fit for one another, and whether my methods are really right for her.

I do expect, especially initially in a relationship, that there will be some innate resistance to my authority, to whatever rules and protocols I set, and I take enjoyment in overcoming those resistances, in reshaping a girl's responses to my demands.  In this way, I think I fit more in the "bender" category.  However, even here, I still expect a girl to comply with my decisions, and not to fight me against me reshaping her.  I don't believe submission is the same as obedience; rather, it is that she works to change herself to fit the lifestyle I choose for her.  As Kyra has so beautifully demonstrated with her own acceptance of a poly lifestyle at her owner's behest, this isn't a simple decision but an ongoing process.

Like LadyAngelika, I think I find the breaker part of my dominance exerts itself more strongly when I am considering submissives than when I am actually committed to the relationship.  It is during the selection period that I truly decide whether or not a girl will fit well into the lifestyle I have in mind for the two of us, whether her submission, motivation, and paradigms are compatible.  If these things are considered carefully, I don't ever find myself having to use the clause "if you dont obey, I leave", though I suppose it is still implicit in our agreement, that if she decides not to submit, that there are pieces of herself she won't willingly give away when asked, then a reevaluation would have to happen, in the which, I might decide we can't continue together.