texguy98
Posts: 71
Joined: 3/13/2005
Status: offline
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Hi :)
I just thought I'd throw in my 2 pesos. I've had both plesant and non-plesant experiences as a male sub in BDSM communities.
When I lived in Houston in 02, I went to munches, parties, you name it! I met a ton of friends that I miss and love very much. I also met a Domme that I was with for 2 years. That being said, Houston is a BIG city with about 20 clubs :) Club Fem, HPEP, EROS, etc etc etc. One thing that helped me in the Houston community was that I was with a Domme who was very outgoing and already had a ton of friends. Naturally, her friends became my friends. Then I started making my own friends. I was lucky in more ways then one.
Fast forward two years and I'm back in sunny San Diego California. I missed all of my friends, the scene, my Domme, etc, so I tried to find the same community here. Naturally, I went to the biggest group around and attended a few munches. This is where I had problems.
First off, I'm a VERY shy person. I think most male subs are shy. I think for the most part, it comes with the territory. This makes it hard to walk up to a group of strangers and inject yourself in a conversation. Very hard. Second, everyond does have their own groups, cliques, whatever you want to call them. I'm not trying to compare a BDSM group to high school here, as everyone is very nice, but it's hard to walk up to a group of people who are obviously close and be an outsider. It's especailly hard for a single male sub because there are so few Dommes and single women in general and 20 single men. Our society promotes compitition amonst men as it is. This is doubly so in the world of Dommes and male subs. The reason I bring this up is because people are stand-offish in general to a single male. Guys do that guy thing of sizing each other up, and women wonder if you're only there because you want "kinky sex". I've heard this opinion several times in this thread. Every male sub I knew in Houston and here are people who are looking for a meaningful connection with power exchange. This includes me :) If I wanted kinky sex, I'd tie my g/f up ;)
That being said, everyone I've met in the scene out here are very nice. Even the stand-offish ones. I was never treated rudely or otherwise unpleasent. But for a shy introvert, it's hard to be a single male in a new community. I did have a few guys who weren't really interested in making another guy friend, but they weren't rude about it.
While these reasons made it VERY hard for me to attend munches, I stopped going for different reasons. Simply put - I work 60 hour work weeks and go to school full time. IF I have a night off, I'm most likely asleep :) When I graduate in a year, I'll probably hit the local community again full force. I know there are a few Fem Domme munches and meetings that I would like to try attending (Including Club Femme in North County)
When I first moved back, I went to a Club Fem munch in LA and a Lair De Sade (sp?) function. I had a blast and even saw some familiar faces! (SUPRISE!). I highly recommend any male subs in LA to check out the local munches. One of the advantages you have is that, again, it's a BIG city! That means lots of people, which means lots of Female Domme's who are looking for subs.
So in summary, in my experience:
Male subs are shy.
Guys hate dealing with the fact that everyone thinks they are trolling.
It's hard to be an outsider when you're a single male.
Have a great day :)
David
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RE: Why don't male subs go to munches? - 
Profile
. This is one of the few places the the Domme/sub ratio is in our favor guys!!! 
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