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RE: Domme-who-has-a-Master phenomena - 3/28/2006 12:54:02 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress
Actually, this touches on something I've been noticing in FemDom profiles lately; the Domme-who-has-a-Master phenomena. Half the time the "Domme" is looking for a femsub.

I think it's just another incarnation of the "I'm a slut ONLY for him" justification of allowing yourself to let go without actually being responsible for it or really becoming that thing.
 
So they are dominants and submit "ONLY to him."

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RE: Why don't male subs go to munches? - 3/28/2006 4:54:14 PM   
texguy98


Posts: 71
Joined: 3/13/2005
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I'm sorry to hear that BeachMystress :( ClubFem is a great club in Houston. I went to the first couple of munches, but then had knee surgery and had to disapear for a while. I was looking forward to eventually coming back (after school this year) I'll take a look at the yahoo group you listed. Is this the list kept up by DrkDesyre? Thanks for the info!!!

david



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Profile   Post #: 122
RE: Why don't male subs go to munches? - 3/28/2006 9:27:11 PM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
*smiles* Yes, that is Caryl's group. It isn't the drkdesyre site though.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

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Profile   Post #: 123
RE: Domme-who-has-a-Master phenomena - 3/28/2006 9:33:19 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		I am an ardent supporter of the domme-who-has-a-master phenomenon!

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress

Actually, this touches on something I've been noticing in FemDom profiles lately; the Domme-who-has-a-Master phenomena.

(in reply to BeachMystress)
Profile   Post #: 124
RE: Domme-who-has-a-Master phenomena - 3/28/2006 9:44:46 PM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
I think it's just another incarnation of the "I'm a slut ONLY for him" justification of allowing yourself to let go without actually being responsible for it or really becoming that thing.
 
So they are dominants and submit "ONLY to him."


I suspect that is their rationalization, but.. my sub is submissive only to me. If he went and topped others, he'd be a switch. But his main appellation would still be sub, since that is the main part of his life. Most subs I know are submissive only to their Dominant.

I think you may have a point that it is just someone not able to own up to their submissiveness. Being submissive requires a surrender of ego, and not everyone is able to do it. It could be a release valve for them.


_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

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Profile   Post #: 125
RE: Why don't male subs go to munches? - 3/28/2006 10:57:21 PM   
beachstoyboy


Posts: 33
Joined: 12/26/2005
From: Coastal Southern California
Status: offline
I think the question here is to why male subs, as opposed to the other orientations have low attendance at munches.  The munch I attend with my Mistress/Wife (the OP) is open to all, but I am the only regular male sub attendee.  It is largely maledom/femsub, but there are quite a few femdoms as well.  There are also quite a few male and female switches. 
So why the lack of malesubs?  We certainly know they are out there.  Are they just out for kinky sex?  No more than maledoms.  Does their submissiveness mean shyness?  No more than with femsubs.  Do they fly in the face of social convention (albeit an antiquated one)?  Yes, but so do the femdoms.  But none of the other groups have the unique combination of deterrents that malesubs may.   That is not to say that you can generalize about anyones personal reasons, so I will toss in my two cents from what I have seen.
The maledoms at our much tend to be more outgoing than the malesubs, myself included.  I would say this is due to the fact that the malesubs are new, but even new maledoms tend to be more social. Do the women (domme and sub) prefer the company of the doms over the subs, or is it just that the doms are being more social.  I know malesubs are not automatically shy and retiring in their everyday life, but I think when they get into a BDSM setting they act as they feel a sub should and just wait for the domme  o come in and sweep them off their feet.  Well its gonna be a long wait guys.  Whether it is because she feels a man must court her affections and earn a place beside her, or if it is just because dommes live in the same world we do and see this as unmanly, they need to make an effort.  Do not confuse be lazy with being a sub. 
I do not feel the malesubs are shunned or made to feel unwanted,  as Mistress and others always engages the new ones in coversation( I try as well, but they often have less interest in talking to a guy).  My advice to the new guys is be more outgoing.  Submissiveness is not shyness, so don't think you are being unsub-like if you are socially engaging.
This is a somewhat guarded community, and it will take time to establish yourself.  If someone engages you in conversation be social and talk to them.  If you see what appears to be an open discussion, jump in.  If a male dom gives you attitude, respond as you would in any non BDSM setting, there is no hierarchy.
And remember munches are not singles bars.  Some people are there to meet future partners, but many are there to make friends or meet friends or just exchange ideas.


_____________________________

Beach's toyboy
"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation"
~~~
http://www.myspace.com/beachs_toyboy
http://www.flickr.com/people/beachmystress/
http://beachmystress.viviti.com/

(in reply to BeachMystress)
Profile   Post #: 126
RE: Why don't male subs go to munches? - 3/28/2006 11:22:00 PM   
texguy98


Posts: 71
Joined: 3/13/2005
Status: offline 		I'm going to be pro-active here as male sub attendance seems to be an issue in So. Cal :)

To male subs who are interested in attending munches in San Diego!!!

Shy? Introverted? Docile? Innocent (*cough* year right *cough*)? Want to attend a munch but are afraid you might be a lonely wallflower? Need a "much buddy" (No, not that kind you pervs!!!!)? Send me an email. We can meet up for coffee before the munch if it makes you feel any better. As one person, you are a newcomer who might be afraid to interject him/herself into a group. But as two...we make a group!!!!

:)

Psychos need not reply.

(in reply to beachstoyboy)
Profile   Post #: 127
RE: Why don't male subs go to munches? - 3/28/2006 11:30:08 PM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline 		Ya know Tex, toy is telling me we both met you. He thinks it would have been at the Newport Rib Co. I know you're far down there, but you're more than welcome at the South Bay Munch in Torrance. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/south_bay_munch/ Hope you make it up this way sometime.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to texguy98)
Profile   Post #: 128
RE: Why don't male subs go to munches? - 3/28/2006 11:34:42 PM   
texguy98


Posts: 71
Joined: 3/13/2005
Status: offline 		Really? I don't think I've ever been to "Newport Rib Co.".:(

I was more into ClubX before the surgery, although I did go to a few Club Fem munches early on. I was the sub Mistress Norma Jean knew from Texas. I've also made it to a few discussions at the Lair. If I did meet you, I apologize for not remembering :( And thank you for the invite! I would love to make it up there some time :)

Are yall going to the Ren Fair in Irwindale this year? If so, I'll most likley be there. One of my old playmates (CUTE male sub boy) hasn't been to the big one, so I'm treating him to a day of turkey legs and kilts ;)

Best wishes,
David

(in reply to BeachMystress)
Profile   Post #: 129
RE: Why don't male subs go to munches? - 3/29/2006 12:45:00 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

ok, I don't feel quite so bad for not remembering you either then. I'd say toy met you before he and I met. He was in Club FEm longer than I. He was known as lil greg, since there were three gregs. The other of the greg's you might remember would be tall greg. He was at a lot of the munches and always at the Lair.



_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to texguy98)
Profile   Post #: 130
RE: Why don't male subs go to munches? - 3/29/2006 5:36:29 AM   
MysticalPhoenix


Posts: 212
Joined: 11/30/2005
From: Kelloggsville, Vanilla County MI
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Cuckme4Life

A good sub just wants to know theres someone interested and no head games. When people are more straightforward and less judgemental (as well as fullofcrap), then munches will see more sub males attending. I cant really speak for all submales but i can say fromexperience theres too much judging going on. Too many want a superhunk Conan to walk through the door, sorry but thats not going to happen. Us plain ol average 'cute' guys arent what they want. So we dont bother wasting out own time after awhile. "You arent what Im looking for" is the usual garbage we are fed .


So, what you are really saying is, "Pick me, even if I'm not what you are looking for," right?

I am a Dominant female, and I go to munches.  If a male sub approaches me indicating interest, it is my right to decide (to judge, if you will) whether or not I have any interest to offer in return.  If I am not interested, I will tell him that he's not what I'm looking for.

That's not feeding him garbage, that's being straightforward and honest.  It means that there is something about him that makes me believe we are not a good fit for one another.  It may mean that I find him unattractive physically, or that I find him unattractive mentally.  It may mean that I think he's a do-me boy (got one of those who pesters me for "sessions" at every munch) or that he is into areas of bdsm I am not. 

But, the bottom line is "No".  And it is the right of anyone who is approached by another person to choose (to judge) to say "No" to them if they wish to.

That does not make them judgemental (except in the eyes of the person being told No, of course) it just means they won't take anyone who offers themselves.  Just because a person is interested in me, I am not obligated to return that interest.

This is not something limited to the bdsm world, either.  I've experienced it amongst the muggles as well.

Phoenix

< Message edited by MysticalPhoenix -- 3/29/2006 5:37:21 AM >

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Every one sees what you appear to be, few really know what you are.

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Profile   Post #: 131
RE: Why don't male subs go to munches? - 3/29/2006 9:02:48 AM   
texguy98


Posts: 71
Joined: 3/13/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MysticalPhoenix

This is not something limited to the bdsm world, either.  I've experienced it amongst the muggles as well.

Phoenix


Greetings MysticalPhoenix :)

Great term!!! The geekboy in me loves that term (Muggles). But you're right. E/everyone has to take the risk of being turned down at a munch, play party, night club, coffee house, etc.

Respectfully,
David

(in reply to MysticalPhoenix)
Profile   Post #: 132
RE: Why don't male subs go to munches? - 3/29/2006 9:05:40 AM   
texguy98


Posts: 71
Joined: 3/13/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress

ok, I don't feel quite so bad for not remembering you either then. I'd say toy met you before he and I met. He was in Club FEm longer than I. He was known as lil greg, since there were three gregs. The other of the greg's you might remember would be tall greg. He was at a lot of the munches and always at the Lair.



Yes Ma'am, I do remember meeting toy :) After seeing his picture that is. I'm generally good with faces. Names tend to throw me off because, as you said, there are three Greg's :)

Respectfully,
David

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Profile   Post #: 133
RE: Domme-who-has-a-Master phenomena - 3/29/2006 2:56:55 PM   
MichMasochist


Posts: 234
Joined: 12/23/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress

quote:

ORIGINAL: MichMasochist
quote:

ORIGINAL: Cuckme4Life
 Another thing i learned a long time ago, some claimed to be Dommess and yet are even more submissive than i am. .

Dommes who are more submissive than the sub guys they top. On the next show of heroldo. :) Would that be bottoming from the top? Seriously I read that complaint before, so you're not the only one to make that observation.


Actually, this touches on something I've been noticing in FemDom profiles lately; the Domme-who-has-a-Master phenomena. Half the time the "Domme" is looking for a femsub. A new way of the sub having to procure other females for their Dom? A few of them seem like they may be legitimate switches, but you'd expect their profiles to be under switch, not Domme. It seems a little off to me, though I can't quite put my finger on why.





Agree, Often ponder that myself. However I get the mental image of maybe a guy dom pretending to be female, or having a fem sub, to bait a female sub. I think "procure" is the right term.

(in reply to BeachMystress)
Profile   Post #: 134
RE: Domme-who-has-a-Master phenomena - 4/3/2006 7:03:10 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
yup, I agree with procure. LOL

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to MichMasochist)
Profile   Post #: 135
RE: Domme-who-has-a-Master phenomena - 4/3/2006 7:57:23 AM   
polyandseeking


Posts: 1
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline 		Hello,

I have been attacked by the would be BDSM police on this issue LOL I can only speak for myself on this matter as to my reason for listing myself as a Domme.

I only "switch" for my Husband/Master and not any one else. No hidden issues just the plain fact it better states who I am than listing myself as a switch.  I tried listing myself as a switch and that was what I attracted, switches that wanted to play lets take turns. And that is just not who I am at all.

I am the one in charge of the slaves, and make decisions about who I take into consideration or not.  Sir evaluates if he would allow them to be in his home which is the proper way to handle that matter as a show of my respect and submission to him.

My slaves care for Sir, not because he makes demands, he is cared for out of respect and loyalty to me and the fact if he is well cared for and pleased in our home, my slaves have pleased me deeply and they are well rewarded for such.

It is just a structure that works for us, not saying its right or wrong, or that it is right for anyone else, it simply works for us.

Mistress Lisa

(in reply to BeachMystress)
Profile   Post #: 136
RE: Domme-who-has-a-Master phenomena - 4/3/2006 8:16:56 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
I'm glad it works for you and do acknowledge your right to live your life as you like.

For me:
If my sub had a dominant side (which he does not) and wanted to keep subs of his own, I'd have a fit at him calling himself a Dom. It would deny his primary relationship as submissive to me. He is my sub. I don't care if he had one or twenty subs of his own. Subbing to me is his main function in life. That is who he is. If he took others as subs, he'd be a switch. Even if the only person he subbed to was me. I would feel that him calling himself a Dom would impugn the foundation of our relationship.

< Message edited by BeachMystress -- 4/3/2006 8:17:22 AM >

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to polyandseeking)
Profile   Post #: 137
RE: Domme-who-has-a-Master phenomena - 4/7/2006 9:47:15 PM   
darkwolf2001a


Posts: 4
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline 		ok as someone who has gone to a few both local and long range munches i have to say male subs are rare. being a male sub take a lot of guts because your doing something that gos far far against  the mainstream hardwiring socity has set up (ie males are dom woman sub).
*grins* having been a "play target " for a very safe and loving domme but not collared to her has show me just how rare we men are at least locally. if i had not gone to the local munches i never would have heard of her . locally there are few domme/male subs period......


.....i can't wait to move to las vegas

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Profile   Post #: 138
RE: Domme-who-has-a-Master phenomena - 4/8/2006 10:14:33 PM   
TeeGO


Posts: 451
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline
I just went to my first slosh tonight. It was the ClubFEM in Chicago. I had an absolutely great time. There were some slightly negative comments about the last one, and maybe there was something to that. One of the organizers, MS Simone, was much happier with this week than last because there were more Domme’s there. The first week I guess was a bit unbalanced.

It’s hard to take that step out, I’ve misfired on several occasions. But it just feels good to be part of a bigger picture. I have had a lot, and I mean a lot of encouragement from people on Collarme in the past week or so. It was that encouragement that helped me to finally go.

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Profile   Post #: 139
RE: Domme-who-has-a-Master phenomena - 4/8/2006 11:44:44 PM   
onceburned


Posts: 2117
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TeeGO
I just went to my first slosh tonight.

Terrific!  I'm glad you had a good time and glad that the meet has improved too. Yes, the sense of being part of a community makes a big difference.

(in reply to TeeGO)
Profile   Post #: 140
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