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ORIGINAL: MysticalPhoenix

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ORIGINAL: Cuckme4Life

A good sub just wants to know theres someone interested and no head games. When people are more straightforward and less judgemental (as well as fullofcrap), then munches will see more sub males attending. I cant really speak for all submales but i can say fromexperience theres too much judging going on. Too many want a superhunk Conan to walk through the door, sorry but thats not going to happen. Us plain ol average 'cute' guys arent what they want. So we dont bother wasting out own time after awhile. "You arent what Im looking for" is the usual garbage we are fed .

So, what you are really saying is, "Pick me, even if I'm not what you are looking for," right?

I am a Dominant female, and I go to munches.  If a male sub approaches me indicating interest, it is my right to decide (to judge, if you will) whether or not I have any interest to offer in return.  If I am not interested, I will tell him that he's not what I'm looking for.

That's not feeding him garbage, that's being straightforward and honest.  It means that there is something about him that makes me believe we are not a good fit for one another.  It may mean that I find him unattractive physically, or that I find him unattractive mentally.  It may mean that I think he's a do-me boy (got one of those who pesters me for "sessions" at every munch) or that he is into areas of bdsm I am not. 

But, the bottom line is "No".  And it is the right of anyone who is approached by another person to choose (to judge) to say "No" to them if they wish to.

That does not make them judgemental (except in the eyes of the person being told No, of course) it just means they won't take anyone who offers themselves.  Just because a person is interested in me, I am not obligated to return that interest.

This is not something limited to the bdsm world, either.  I've experienced it amongst the muggles as well.

Phoenix

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ORIGINAL: BeachMystress


I've been attending munches now for about 18 months. The first munch I attended was a FemDom oriented one. It had two male subs who showed up regularly.The rest came and went, with few of them being repeat visitors. The current munch I attend has one regular male sub attendee- and he is collared/married to me. We've had a few other male subs show up once or twice, but not return. (We are a very friendly munch group and everyone is talked to and made to feel welcome, so that is not the reason.) We have female subs galore. We have a healthy number of Dom and Domme and a couple of Switches. Why is there this lack of male subs? Is this true at other munches? Do male subs not have the desire to know others in the lifestyle as just friends? Are male subs not as serious about BDSM as others? What causes this? What's your opinion?

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ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

Most munches I've been to have been clique oriented, even if the members don't think they are. As a male submissive, I've found myself struggling to be a part of the conversation, but usually the male doms tend to maneuver their way into shouting out the male submissives. I know it happened to me on a number of situations. Then the male sub tends to get treated like an afterthought by the female submissives and female dominants who banter amongst themselves, talking loudly about their fantasies, and whenever a male sub chimes in, it's almost like the room goes quiet.

So, that's why I've never been comfortable at munches. Those are the ones in California, Michigan and wherever else I've been.

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ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

Most munches I've been to have been clique oriented, even if the members don't think they are.

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BeachMystress: We make sure newbies, male subs included, have someone to talk with them and draw them out.
Yet they still don't come back....

And I don't think they'll ever find the bodies.

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ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

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BeachMystress: We make sure newbies, male subs included, have someone to talk with them and draw them out.
Yet they still don't come back....

 
And I don't think they'll ever find the bodies.

• Have a quarterly "submissive male" munch where they are specifically invited.  This might give them the emotional permission and push they need to show up.
  
• Male subs often have fewer social skills (before you hackles get up remember I am spending my time talking about HELPING them) and I would have some sort of structure to the event.  Not a lot but some sort of handholding and give them something to do.  Perhaps a game where they are required to bring a rose and sit three to a table set for four or something. 
  
• Perhaps instead of the normal munch setting which is great for people like me who can walk into a room of strangers, proudly announce I like to torture and use women, and in short order own the room.  When I was a kid, I would have ran screaming out of that situation and in fact did over and over again.  So, make it a discussion panel and have two or three dommes with distinct styles give a little talk about how they make it work and what the look for. 
  
• Male subs are worse sluts in some ways than us male doms.  Offer up a "training munch" (something I just made up) where you might put them through some sort of clearly announced training OR using the panel/discussion model have dommes discuss what they look for and how a sub can train themselves to be more appealing.

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ORIGINAL: Skier

Based on conversations with male subs and  regular attendance at munches and clubs, I'd say that a Femdom/malesub group is the best solution.  There's a great one in Mass/Ct called Femdom Circle.

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ORIGINAL: MysticalPhoenix

But, the bottom line is "No".  And it is the right of anyone who is approached by another person to choose (to judge) to say "No" to them if they wish to.

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
I think there is truth in the statement that some looking for that and are aghast that a much isn't full of young empty headed hotties looking to have their boots licked.

However, I can't belive that is why most don't show up.

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ORIGINAL: ncmaster75

I think that it is because single males are so common that we assume we won't be welcomed in the same way as a female or couple would.

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ORIGINAL: BeachMystress
There is a national organization called Club FEm http://www.clubfem.com/ and I started my days 'o munching with the so cal chapter. We had a handful of subs not owned by the attending Domme who came regularly (and by that I mean 4.) Our munches often times had the Domme outnumbering the subs. Every munch we'd have at least two new subs show up, never to return again when they realize that we were not a dating club. My personal opinion as to why the male subs do not go back after attending a munch is that they are either looking for uberDomme (most Domme at a munch are pretty ordinary looking people.) or were hoping to make a quick hook up.

1. Single male submissives have told me that they feel awkward attending BDSM events alone. 
   
2. Some feel self-conscious and feel that other members of the BDSM community look down on them, like there is a stigma about being a male and being submissive.  That is why some will attend a Femdom group, if they attend any group at all.
   
3. Some are newbies and have unrealistic expectations.  They have a stereotypical notion of what a Femdom should look like, wear, behave, etc., and are disillusioned when they find the Dommes they meet do not live up to this standard.
   
4. Since we hold a play party after our munch, some male subs have told me that the one and only reason they come is to be played with.  Since often there are more subs than Dommes, and not every Domme there wants to play, they are disappointed and less likely to attend future munches.   
   
5. Some are looking for a long-term relationship, but get discouraged if they don't "hook up" right away.
   
6. Some are in high-ranking positions and are afraid of running into someone they know if they venture out to a BDSM munch or party.
   
7. A few are in vanilla relationships. They would like to attend public events, but have conflicting obligations due to their vanilla wife or girlfriend, who refuses to attend.  We have a married male sub who shows up whenever his wife goes out of town, which is every six months or so.