Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 10:01:27 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Weirdness. I haven seen one person SLAM the OP or the topic. Personally I think it is a valid topic as I have seen a household run by a "master", whose slave was slave to the family. I have my own views on that, and him. This is real world, real life integration between what we do and what we impose on our families, that is what the OP presented. I have only seen people post their own views, and the very real possibility that the thread may be pulled due to content. Not for what was said, but what might be said by someone down the line. It happens. RIght now things are cool according to Mod 16. I would love to see it remain as a topic so hopefully people will address it, and not drag it down by saying anything which might be inappropriate


< Message edited by Missokyst -- 12/6/2009 10:03:24 AM >

(in reply to Troi)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 10:05:50 AM   
whis31


Posts: 143
Joined: 5/28/2007
Status: offline 		as a single mother who's child is only dad when it fun, Master fills a very important role in my child's life. Master is the emergency contact for school if they can not reach me. Master also choose to take my child to task over a remark because it was disrespectful of slave as mom. He didn't have to do this but we act as a family unit. i may be Master's slave but i am not my child's slave, the child is required to be an active and productive member of this family unit. the child is required to do chores and assigned items within the household. 

(in reply to Troi)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 10:07:15 AM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		Why would this thread be pulled, if  "Being Dommed Around the Domme's Children" wasn't? 


OP, you are correct. I agree with you on all counts, and if people are letting their subs be dommed by children, or be lower in the "pecking order" than children: that's just soooo wrong.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Even the tiniest little child needs to feel like a loved and valued member of the family, and an important part of this is feeling needed, and useful. Maria Montessori understood this. Rob your children of responsibility, and you will rob them of dignity, and a chance to build self-respect/self-esteem.







_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to bondmaid123)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 10:14:58 AM   
DowagerMum


Posts: 18
Joined: 10/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

Some people put bdsm before parenting. That's life.




No, Dom Imus, that is NOT life! That is abuse!

Children need to be raised to function optimally in the real world. Not to do so is against the children's best interest and welfare.

In order to function optimally in the real world, they need to learn to respect others, to respect themselves, to take care of their own responsibilities, to help others when they can, and to bear their share of life's burdens. It is to their benefit to be taught to take care of themselves, cook adequate meals, do their own housework, etc. If they do not, it will interfere with their success in life in general. We do them no favors to allow them to boss adults around, submissive or not. When they get a real job, they will be in for some rude surprises, let me tell you!

When they are old enough and mature enough and have been raised to be able to handle themselves in our modern society, THEN if it is wished, they could be introduced to "The Lifestyle" and will have enough knowledge and sense to make an informed choice. with full understanding that not everyone in "The Real World" will find that choice acceptable.

And I agree with those on this thread who feel that this matter very much needs to be discussed. It's hard enough to raise kids these days to be productive members of society without keeping important aspects of doing so, or not doing so, some deep, dark secret.

(in reply to DomImus)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 10:16:58 AM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline 		I don't know what is controversial here. bondmaid made a very reasonable point that we as adults and parents have a responsibility to raise our children in ways that encourage them to be independent, self-sufficient, contributing memebers of a household where they respect the other adults.
I can't imagine anyone arguing the opposite.

Which, come to think of it, is my issue here. This might be a bit of a strawman- I do realize there are terribly dysfunctional families, in just about every conceivable configuration. There are parents who are lousy at parenting, partners who are awful at being husbands or wives, people who really shouldn't be allowed to be responsible for a goldfish, let alone a submissive, or child.

But they likely are not reading these boards- they probably aren't going to read a thread like this and think, "wow, so I shouldn't let my loutish 14 year old son wallow in filth, and demand my submissive girlfriend clean it up? Hmm, never thought of that. Thanks, folks, for the tip!"

Awful people are awful, for the chief reason that they lack self-awareness; they really have no idea how terrible and dysfunctional they are.





< Message edited by AnimusRex -- 12/6/2009 10:17:49 AM >

(in reply to bondmaid123)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 10:19:44 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Kink doesn't determine your parenting style. I am a permissive parent. So were my parents. We were given the freedom to make our own mistakes and to have to solve them. If we came asking for help, we got it, but we were given enough rope to hang ourselves and deal with the consequences. We are all competent adults.

My permissively raised daughter, despite her handicaps, is thriving at college. Far more than the strictly raised kids who never had to learn how to manage their time, because their parents did it for them. I've known far too many kids to crash and burn at college, 18 and legally adults, who didn't know how to run their own lives., make their own decisions. Unlike so many of her high school classmates who have retreated to home and community college, she is on track planning for grad school and thereafter. Still doing great away from home at one of the nation's top private universities, still one of the top in her field athletically. Her time management skills are very good, she spends more than 26 hours a week involved in her sport, and still maintains a GPA above 3.2 in her major classes.

Strictly raised children have their parents manage their time for them. They are not taught to think outside the box. They make excellent followers, and employees. They won't make innovative thinkers or the people who make the decisions.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 10:26:30 AM   
estah


Posts: 491
Joined: 5/2/2009
Status: offline 		DesFIP,

I am a strict mother, but also with myself. My children know they have their duties and that they need to be done in a timely manner, but I will not chase after them for it to be done. I have my rules and they are to be followed, there is concequences for not doing it. If they want to do something, they have to fit it in their time...their hobbies are just that, their hobbies (ok I still have a strong say as they are only 3 and 7). The oldest has his hobbies which include several sports, he makes time for them if he wants to follow them or otherwise they fall through in a given week. I am not going to force my children to follow something. I do however expect a decent try at something before they give it up. I will not have my children quitting after just two weeks because they do not see improvements. Things take time, so they need to be prepared to commit for a set amount of time, after that they may decide to continue or stop. That is how I deal with things with myself also.
My oldest is only 7 but knows how to cook basic meals (healthy meals) and also has alot more skills for getting through in life then most adults I know. I make sure my children know what they need but also have the chance to learn from their mistakes. A balance is needed in my opinion.

verity


_____________________________

It all comes down to choice...we chose how we see things...we chose what we say...what we do...we chose who we are.

Better a cold truth then a warm lie

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 10:28:48 AM   
bondmaid123


Posts: 143
Joined: 6/6/2009
Status: offline 		I'm fairly sure it won't change the established "bad parenting habits".. but there are lots of people who are *just* thinking about dipping a pinky toe into the vast ocean of BDSM and it can be easy to get all carried away on the adrenalin rush of "Ohhhhhh I'm doing something taboo!" and forget to pay attention to real life... which I guess is part of why I brought it up.... (that and having read several threads in the last couple of days on various fora revolving around mixing kink and parenting, and seeing some rather disturbing [imo] responses from folks...which may or may not be chest-beating...)

(in reply to AnimusRex)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 10:57:31 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Strictly raised children have their parents manage their time for them. They are not taught to think outside the box. They make excellent followers, and employees. They won't make innovative thinkers or the people who make the decisions.


Nice overgeneralization there that is complete crap. Our strictly raised children are excelling far better at managing their lives than their teenage friends whose parents are far more permissive with them than we are with ours. Our oldest that is a senior has many friends who are actually failing their senior year because their parents are so permissive. Ours is not failing and she is doing extremely well because we are so strict, but she is not a follower. In fact she found it highly insulting when the above statment was read to her.

Generalizations don't work. You do what is best for the child you have. Some excel with strict parents, some don't. Some excel with permissive parents and others don't.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 12:38:57 PM   
rockspider


Posts: 633
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline 		Reading this tread it suddenly struck me that I have been living this lifestyle and had kids in for many years. One girl once told me, here you either have a maid or you are one. Ok she was Brazilian but it really was the same in South Africa. Every person with a just meager income would have a maid doing all the domestic chores and in reality doing the job of the domesticated sub. She also did it for the children of the house, in such a way that those children, when they left home had no clue about anything remotely domestic. It doesn’t create any problems in those countries as they normally go to another place with the same facilities. But giving your children that kind of upbringing in our world, the western that is, can only spell disaster.
My old neighbor had 2 daughters. The eldest, Michelle, did her matrix (Std 10) 2 years of secretarial college and got a job in the secretarial pool at a subsidiary of a UK company. after a couple of years where she still lived home with mum and the maid, one of the older guys in the company went back to the UK and Michelle had obviously become friendly with him. He promised to see if he could offer her a job in the UK. Every young South African wants to go overseas for the big experience. Somehow all the great exiting things happens overseas and life is a blast over there (They do believe that). Anyway the job offer arrived and the company managed somehow to wrangle a work permit for her. She had Christmas lights in both eyes. No limit to how great this would be. I tried to warn her. She had never contributed to anything at home. The budget for her salary was clothes, shoes and makeup. Well off she went with 2 suitcases full of fancy dresses and not much else. Well 6 month later little Michelle was back in her mum and dad’s house again. Most of the fancy clothes she brought with, no more. The ones she didn’t wreck in the Laundromat she killed with the iron. She had been living in a crummy bedsitter somewhere as that was all her salary could afford. As she couldn’t cook she had been eaten food out of cans for 6 month. She had been freezing like hell as she couldn’t afford some decent warm clothes to wear and she arrived in September. The night life? Those pesky limeys even expected her to pay for her own drinks.
Was Michelle a bad kid. No way, but her folks had done her a great disservice in not providing her with the basic skills of living. They thought they were strict. Made sure she got a god education. Kept her to her books and set limits on her running around at night, not drinking and no drugs. Taught her god manners. She is probably doing quite well there today, married to a guy, having a house and the maid she is so dependant on. I hope she has learnt the lesson so her kids get’s those skills. But maybe not. I was married to a “Michelle” there, and my son came to Denmark to stay for a year. He lasted 3 months.

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 12:41:18 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		This thing has been pretty thoroughly discussed with my upcoming merging of my household to include my dominant partner. We are both in agreement that any child in the home will be taught respect for the adults and will have responsibilities for the upkeep of the home. My submissive position does not change the fact that I need the appropriate level of authority to both discipline and place requirements upon them as needed. This is both for their own safety and well being. There is not a thing wrong with children realizing there is a power structure in place among the adults. They will know it regardless of whether they are specifically told it exists or not. The sticking point is whether or not all the adults are going to remain on the same page and support each other when it comes to the parenting issues. I don't have to worry about my partner not backing me up. I enforce his rules in his absence and he enforces mine because they are the same. We work together to provide a stable environment for each member of the household.


Adult relationships (commited, long term ones) come first in my house after each person's spiritual beliefs. The children come in second. This is for their own good. Strong adult relationships foster security for kids. They don't have to worry about whether or not those adults are going to still be there. They also learn that they are not the center of the universe and that their needs are not always primary. The older the kids get the more they need to learn patience and delay. A child doesn't belong in the executives' chairs. That is the place for adults. Mixing up that pecking order is no good for anyone D/s or not.

lovingpet

_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.


(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 12:48:08 PM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		Personally, people who pass the responsibility of their kids on to their submissives, are not good parents. Either have kids or dont but dont pass the responsibility of your offspring on to your submissive or put them in a situation where the submissive is involved with your kids. Your relationship with the submissive should be You and Your submissive and Your partner  if you so wish as they are all adults. Bringing kids into the equation is plain out of order
Kevin

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 1:05:30 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Was this directed at me Kev?

By responsibility I mean that little Johnny has to pick up his own toys and midsized Bubba will do the dishes and take out the trash. I have adult responsibilities. They have responsibilities age appropriate for each of them. Facts are facts. They will one day have to be responsible for all these kinds of things whether I teach them how to do them correctly now or not. Another fact is that if people live under the same roof, they will see more than what is put right under their noses. There is absolutely no way an all encompassing D/s relationship is not going to be observed to some degree by the children in the household.

lovingpet

_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.


(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 1:13:50 PM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		Yeah observed is fine but kids playing with sub for me that s not really on. They are not his kids. There have been so many horrific stories, why would any parent want to take the risk of putting a stranger in charge of His or Her kids
Kevin

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 1:16:15 PM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		But personally I think its Your Dommes/Master's fault if your kids see you with bruises. And personally I would ditch that master as quick as grease lightning if it happened but thats just me. I mean your kids should not be subjected to that at such a young innocent age. Beyond 16 maybe but not before
Kevin

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 1:17:11 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

Yeah observed is fine but kids playing with sub for me that s not really on. They are not his kids. There have been so many horrific stories, why would any parent want to take the risk of putting a stranger in charge of His or Her kids
Kevin



And yet every day people get married to other people and children end up with step parents.  I guess all those people are putting their children at risk and their partners shouldn't have any say in the upbringing of their step children in your world.

the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 1:24:32 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Kev-

There will be three adults in the household my husband, my partner, and myself. I have taken a very long time to get to know my partner. I have further insulation because my husband has been "father" to both from practically day one. I have taken many precautions to make sure that I am not opening our household to a monster. He is coming in as a third parent. They will note a shift in decision making even if I don't make a huge production out of it, which I don't plan on making it a big deal. They will get used to hearing that a certain matter has to be discussed with everyone before a decision is given. This is a big shift from how it goes now.

I don't think I stated anywhere that my children have EVER seen marks on me from play. It is certainly possible if I was not careful that they would have, but keeping myself covered while I am healing is important to me and he is in agreement with that. It isn't just for the sake of my kids, but also for anyone else who knows me who would be disturbed by seeing such a thing, not to mention the general public that did not ask to have to see them either.

Again I ask, are you directing these statements at me or is it just a fast reply thing? I'm confused.

lovingpet

_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.


(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 1:32:50 PM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		No thats absolutely fine and completely different. Once a kid turns 16 they are near adult and should be allowed to make some decisions for themselves. At 18, 23 in some cases, the person is an adult. They have full authority to make whatever relationship decisions they wish to make. It is nobody's business but theirs. Kids on the other hand are minors
Kevin

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 1:34:30 PM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		It s not directed at you. If it works , great for you. By the way i d like to say that its ok to talk about kids whenever or wherever you want on this forum on collarme only. Admin gave their approval. See forum Being Dommed by other people's children
Kevin

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 1:36:15 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		I saw and that is NOT what the moderators said.

lovingpet

_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.


(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.095