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RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 1:38:51 PM   
ModeratorSixteen


Posts: 1275
Status: offline 		Kevin please stop misquoting Admin and advising people incorrectly.

Everyone else please read the guidelines for further information on discussing minors if you are interested and not take advice from anyone who has shown that they have not read them recently.

< Message edited by ModeratorSixteen -- 12/6/2009 1:40:53 PM >

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RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 1:41:04 PM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		Could you please clarify  if it is ok to talk about kids on this forum so we all know where we stand? It says nothing about kids on the forum guidelines whether it is acceptable or not, please clarify, thank you
Many thanks
Kevin

(in reply to ModeratorSixteen)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 1:43:37 PM   
ModeratorSixteen


Posts: 1275
Status: offline 		Guidelines

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Freedom of expression and personal opinion is a positive input.

(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 1:47:07 PM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		Well ok im going to play safe and not ask or exchange information about myself or others, including not asking about other people's families and domestic arrangement. Why? Because i consider those matters none of my business. They are personal and private  to that individual
Kevin

(in reply to ModeratorSixteen)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 1:58:29 PM   
devilishpixie


Posts: 1044
Joined: 10/15/2009
Status: offline 		Both NM and myself have children and they see us interact and we interact with each other's children. When we move in with each other, we will be a blended family and raise our children TOGETHER. I am NM's slave not my children's and not his sons. IMO it is our resonsibility to teach them to be responsible adults and that includes them knowing how to cook, clean, pay bills, ect.

(in reply to lobodomslavery)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 2:03:39 PM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		Thats perfectly ok. Different strokes for different folks. You will be his Wife , I hope he respects you and you will be very happy together
Kevin

(in reply to devilishpixie)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 2:48:45 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		folks raise thier kids differently.  this slave went to grammar school with kids whose parents encouraged them to figure out what sort of business they wanted to OWN after they graduated college.  not once in their lives did they ever consider working for or serving anyone else but their trust fund obligations.  picking up their dirty socks was the least of their worries or concerns...there was always going to be someone in their employ to do it for them.
 
it has been this slave's experience, since leaving that insulated bubble, for those that can't rely on maid service and a driver and full financial support regardless of where they drop their socks, it's best if they learn early to expect to take care of themselves, which includes pitching in with the housework and putting up with "wierd" behavior from roommates...even if they are your parents.

(in reply to bondmaid123)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 2:49:08 PM   
starshineowned


Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

Please note this is not a personal attack against your family. I have no idea how you're raising your kids. :) However, as verity stated, it takes a village... and actually, I'd say more to the point the village raises the children whether you like it or not (hence it being so important to monitor the members of your "village")... And, moreso, if the child's going to be a functional productive member of "the village" some day, these sorts of discussions (as opposed to unilateral REQUIREMENTS... because obviously I'm NOT telling you how to raise your kids, I'm just opening a topic to generate discussion and *thought*...) are important to have, IMO.


I hardly call a bdsm forum a village. Please do not try and associate here with a bunch of  complete strangers versus living in a neighborhood where people see and interact in person on a daily basis. It doesn't even come close.

starshine


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(in reply to bondmaid123)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 3:13:10 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		I haven't noticed it in reality ever.  The only people we know who have full on authority based relationships and have families all have a good grounding in reality and realise that people are mothers and fathers in family relationships, not just Masters and slaves or whatever label one uses - I have only seen a couple of people mention it on a forum and I tend to take that with a pinch of salt.  Of course, there is the possibility that someone, somewhere will take this as the norm and try and bring that into their own environment, but then, if they cannot think for themselves and use only a forum to arrange their lfe, that would happen regardless.

I serve Master and the children are aware of it.  I clean and cook and sometimes Master cooks dinner because he wants to.  I get the laundry done... because this is a way of life for our family unit - not because I cannot get work or I am simply expected to do something - they understand that the final authority rests in their father figures with my input.  But they are also aware of families who don't have male role models, like lesbien couples or single parent mothers.  They have learnt that each person has their own way of living and at some point, it will come to them to decide which path they will take which is right for them.  And that they have united support.

But to chose the path, they have to be aware of what paths they can take.  We do not blinker them from the realities of life.  They have chores to do - it helps with their independance.  They learn the value of society, money, budgeting, contraception, saving and reward and so many other things.  Without these valuable lessons they would struggle and be far less likely to chose the path they want on a personal and individual level.

the.dark.



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RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to bondmaid123)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 3:17:51 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: starshineowned

quote:

Please note this is not a personal attack against your family. I have no idea how you're raising your kids. :) However, as verity stated, it takes a village... and actually, I'd say more to the point the village raises the children whether you like it or not (hence it being so important to monitor the members of your "village")... And, moreso, if the child's going to be a functional productive member of "the village" some day, these sorts of discussions (as opposed to unilateral REQUIREMENTS... because obviously I'm NOT telling you how to raise your kids, I'm just opening a topic to generate discussion and *thought*...) are important to have, IMO.


I hardly call a bdsm forum a village. Please do not try and associate here with a bunch of  complete strangers versus living in a neighborhood where people see and interact in person on a daily basis. It doesn't even come close.

starshine



I did not see that the OP called a BDSM forum 'a village' but that we all live in our own 'villages' in the lives we lead and that is what she is attempting to debate on a bdsm forum.

the.dark.

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RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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Profile   Post #: 50
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 3:53:49 PM   
ESVA24SubF


Posts: 2
Joined: 10/14/2009
Status: offline 		Troi make a very valid point. I have had potential slaves/submissives turn me down flat upon hearing we have a small son. Our intention is to keep all appearances of 'roommates' or friends and what goes on after he goes to bed is not anything he needs to have anything to do with. This WOULD preclude bothering with any slaves who expect to be kept naked/chained/caged at all times. I also agree with some of the posters that you can DESIRE that a slave submit to the Dominants whole family, but do you really want your kids raised that way? I was raised to have respect for my elders and to consider others feelings, and I want my children to be the same way. It doesn't make you any less Dominant to understand how others feel, rather, I think it gives you a depth of appreciation for the dynamics of a BDSM relationship. I think there may well be some on here who are Dominant because they just never had to sacrifice having their own way. If you bring children into this world you OWE it to THEM to bring them up as well rounded individuals, then they can grow into their own sensuality as the mature through adolescence. You also owe it to society not to turn out teenaged psychopaths that think that the entire world exists for their convenience. This is just my opinion, and I have a feeling that those who think their slaves should dote on their childs every wish will lambaste me, but I don't care. Rather I have to say that requiring your sub/slave to humor your children is bordering on including them in the kink, and that is just wrong. Aside from all the above, I applaud the original poster for bringing up a good and valid topic. I understand the need to limit any discussions of illegal activities, but an open and frank discussion of how to blend lifestyle activities and family life is something that I think some of us could benefit from others thoughts and ideas to maximize our opportunities for 'playtime' while protecting our next generation.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Troi

Normally when I see threads like this I sit back and just smile. REASON: when someone decides to take a position, they are likely to get hammered by another, who 1. is so mindlocked they are unable to even consider other opinions 2. will go off on a buzzword or keyword as a means to chastise or silence another. That's precisely what I saw here. KNOCK IT OFF.  I've read the kneejerk reaction to Bondsmaid's post. Guess what? RE READ what she said. No where in her post do I see ANYTHING inappropriate. What I did see was someone who lives in the REAL world, yanno other than in cybertext or forums... simply saying that we do not exist in a closed society, where we can PRETEND that only adults are affected by lifestyle choices. Are you really going to even THINK about slamming someone for acknowledging REALITY?

I understand why safeguards are in place in this forum and I agree with them. What I don't agree with is this tendency for reactionary posting because you may not agree with the poster...citing rules. Does this cyber lawyering change the reality of the concept? I think not. So let's step back. Take a pause. Do whatever we need to do to insure that we're not taking out our own personal needs or insecurities upon another and above all else... address the post... NOT the poster.

*Sets out a cigar box of BIG BLUE CRAYONS for those who may need them.

I wish you most well,

Troi


(in reply to Troi)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 4:05:53 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		There should be a test one has to take to have children. Some people should just not have them.


< Message edited by littlewonder -- 12/6/2009 4:06:20 PM >

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 4:12:26 PM   
DowagerMum


Posts: 18
Joined: 10/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

And yet every day people get married to other people and children end up with step parents. I guess all those people are putting their children at risk and their partners shouldn't have any say in the upbringing of their step children in your world.


Darcy, there is more wisdom in your statement than you perhaps know. Yes, every day people get maried to virtual strangers, who end up with step=parents to their children. If you spoke to a few social workers, you might learn that a great deal of child abuse comes from a step parent.=, and the birth parent is often totally unaware. So yes, when you do take another party into your family dynamic, you are in a snese, putting your children at risk.

Which is one reason people should be extremely careful whom they marry or bring into their home, and just how much control over the children the third party has. That said, if you are sensible and have vetted your partner carefully., having that partner share equally in the responsibility and control of the children can be a very good thing. It gives you back-up, and helps the kids learn that there are varous authority figures in the world, and that "You're not the Boss of Me"! won't work!

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 4:20:33 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

There should be a test one has to take to have children. Some people should just not have them.



Wonders if I passed my "parent test". Or was this just a fast reply?

lovingpet

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Profile   Post #: 54
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 4:32:55 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		You get graded on the end result, by how they turn out.

Now obviously my sex life is none of their business and I don't serve their every need as their slave. However there is no way they aren't going to see what kind of a relationship we have. It is obvious to everyone that knows us that although I have full input, he makes more decisions than I do and that I'm happy this way. And this includes his kids and mine.

In order for them not to see that he has more power over final decisions than I do, he would have to not make those many decisions, like whether I'm making chicken pot pie or he's grilling burgers. They hear him say he wants to grill and see me put the chicken stuff back in the fridge. I don't think this will scar any of them. Because it is done inside of a framework of love and respect. So I don't think our boys are doomed to act dominant in a relationship if they aren't naturally so. Nor do I think the girls are doomed to be subservient when they aren't naturally so.

As long as they wind up with relationships that reflect ours in turns of mutual caring, love and respect then we will have done pretty damned well.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 4:38:04 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		sorry lovingpet..wasn't meant towards you. It was a fast reply.

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 4:40:01 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		No problem sweetie!

As for the end result Des, I couldn't agree more.

lovingpet

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If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.


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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 4:42:25 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DowagerMum

Darcy, there is more wisdom in your statement than you perhaps know. Yes, every day people get maried to virtual strangers, who end up with step=parents to their children. If you spoke to a few social workers, you might learn that a great deal of child abuse comes from a step parent.=, and the birth parent is often totally unaware. So yes, when you do take another party into your family dynamic, you are in a snese, putting your children at risk.



And every day people get married to virtual strangers who wind up as biological parents to their children, and a great deal of abuse comes from the one biological parent while the other one is often totally unaware.

Your point I assume is no one should ever marry or raise children together?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to DowagerMum)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 5:30:41 PM   
devilishpixie


Posts: 1044
Joined: 10/15/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: DowagerMum

Darcy, there is more wisdom in your statement than you perhaps know. Yes, every day people get maried to virtual strangers, who end up with step=parents to their children. If you spoke to a few social workers, you might learn that a great deal of child abuse comes from a step parent.=, and the birth parent is often totally unaware. So yes, when you do take another party into your family dynamic, you are in a snese, putting your children at risk.



And every day people get married to virtual strangers who wind up as biological parents to their children, and a great deal of abuse comes from the one biological parent while the other one is often totally unaware.

Your point I assume is no one should ever marry or raise children together?


If someone is an abuser I don't think it matters what your family dynamics are. The reality is anyone can be an abuser and we would NEVER know unless they were caught.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: BDSM, children, and a disconnect? - 12/6/2009 7:30:10 PM   
DowagerMum


Posts: 18
Joined: 10/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

And every day people get married to virtual strangers who wind up as biological parents to their children, and a great deal of abuse comes from the one biological parent while the other one is often totally unaware.

Your point I assume is no one should ever marry or raise children together?


NO Des, my point is that we should ALL be very careful of whom we establish relationshiops with, especially when children are, or might be, involved. However, "The Lifestyle" does tend to draw to it some who use it as a "cover" for abuse, not true "dominance and submission". So a little extra care is required. Not only that, but some things prevalent in "The Lifestyle" may on occasion be seen by nosy neighbors as abuse and reported to the authorities as such. No one needs that sort of hassle.

Actually, on my more pessimistic days, I do feel that no one should ever raise children, period! *chuckle*

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 60
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