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Dominance and Intelligence - 12/6/2009 8:55:09 PM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline 		Question: Is it important to you that you have a dominant with superior intelligence? Or at least is more intelligent than you are? And that they have information on psychology and health so that he/she doesn't do harm to you physically, mentally or emotionally? Just curious as to how submissives think in this matter.



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I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City
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RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/6/2009 8:57:53 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		It's important to me for him to be intelligent, probably even moreso than me since I like a man who can give me advice, teach me and knows something about life in general more than I do.

I don't expect him to know about psychology or health. I expect him to know about me.

(in reply to greeneyedreamer)
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RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/6/2009 8:59:06 PM   
mbes


Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline 		It is important to me that my partner and I have reasonably equitable levels of intelligence. I would not want someone either much less or much more intelligent than I as a partner. There are many kinds of intelligence, though, and no need for ours to match completely.

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RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/6/2009 9:00:29 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		Heh...I prefer them big and stupid.


But in reality, intelligence mixed in with common sense, an adventurous spirit and a compatible personality goes a long way...
He could be the smartest guy, but if he's boring and we have nothing in common then what good is it?

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RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/6/2009 9:03:42 PM   
subonmission


Posts: 31
Joined: 5/1/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: greeneyedreamer

Question: Is it important to you that you have a dominant with superior intelligence? Or at least is more intelligent than you are? And that they have information on psychology and health so that he/she doesn't do harm to you physically, mentally or emotionally? Just curious as to how submissives think in this matter.




Yes, it is important to me that my Dominant is more intelligent. I get off on the fact I cannot pre empt every move like i'd be able to with someone of lesser intellience. I also think it's important he has a basic undertanding of psychology if he's gonna be messing inside my psyche...

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RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/6/2009 9:09:06 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		I will not say that I need someone of superior intellect, but one with differing areas of strengths that compliment and even in some cases undermine my own on occasion. He needs to be superior to me in critical ways. I don't mind having areas of expertise that are above his either, however. I just want to know I can be bested in some areas and that some of my strengths can become stumbling blocks.

As far as knowing about psychology and health to keep me safe. I think that is just smart and responsible for a dominant to have adequate background. I don't think it is a one sided responsibility either. These are just key to taking good care of each other. I can't imagine how devestated my partner would be if his own knowledge base was insufficient to protect me and something terrible happened. I can serve him well by educating myself too.

lovingpet

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RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/6/2009 9:14:01 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		This is a toughy. There are areas i am "smarter" and there are areas Master is "smarter" We "sharpen" each other.

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Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/6/2009 9:28:37 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		Well, my ex husband had an IQ of 74. Yep, he was tested, and yep that is borderline retarded (or whatever the PC term is these days). Obviously it didn't work. So from experience, I can tell you that you don't want someone who is significantly less intelligent than you are, even if for no other reason than they will bore you in time.

It kind of sounds like you are wondering if it would be helpful if they were more intelligent because it will be easier to feel less superior than them. That can eventually lead to resentment.

Really though, I think most people want someone they can have enjoyable conversations with. After all, for many of us submission isn't about a life filled with kneeling and kinky sex. Real life and companionship enter into the mix, and you need to be able to enjoy that person's company. You certainly want them to be able to form complete sentences and string them together, but at the same time, you likely don't want to listen to someone talk about quantum theory (unless of course that is your thing) while you sit there and go "huh?" Compatibility is the key.

If dominants needed to be well versed in psychology and health, most would fall short. Common sense tells most people to figure out what makes a person happy and what makes them not so happy. Common sense tells you not to break bones or cause long term injuries.

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RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/6/2009 9:50:19 PM   
HisSweetElysium


Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
Status: offline 		intelligence is of vital importance. If someone can't keep up with me, how can they dominate me?  I firmly believe that the mind is the most significant erogenous zone and I need someone who can play on that level.  Additionally, I need to respect my Dom, and if I am significantly more intelligent, that's not going to happen.  I have to know He's capable of making the right decisions for us both, otherwise, I'll end up dominating the relationship, and not feeling safe.

I'm blessed to be owned by a man I consider brilliant.  I love supporting Him in His work, doing His editing and proofing, talking through His ideas as He completes His graduate work.  I am smart enough to know He's smarter than me, but I have my own value in the relationship, including emotional intelligence, a playful and youthful energy, creativity and intensity.  I know He appreciates me for those things, as I appreciate Him.


_____________________________

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” Rumi

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RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/6/2009 10:06:35 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HisSweetElysium

intelligence is of vital importance. If someone can't keep up with me, how can they dominate me?  I firmly believe that the mind is the most significant erogenous zone and I need someone who can play on that level.  Additionally, I need to respect my Dom, and if I am significantly more intelligent, that's not going to happen.  I have to know He's capable of making the right decisions for us both, otherwise, I'll end up dominating the relationship, and not feeling safe.

I'm blessed to be owned by a man I consider brilliant.  I love supporting Him in His work, doing His editing and proofing, talking through His ideas as He completes His graduate work.  I am smart enough to know He's smarter than me, but I have my own value in the relationship, including emotional intelligence, a playful and youthful energy, creativity and intensity.  I know He appreciates me for those things, as I appreciate Him.


i was wondering if you mind me asking what you mean not feel safe. If you would rather answer in a collarme email thats cool too.


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

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RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/6/2009 10:43:26 PM   
HisSweetElysium


Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisSweetElysium
.  I have to know He's capable of making the right decisions for us both, otherwise, I'll end up dominating the relationship, and not feeling safe.
i was wondering if you mind me asking what you mean not feel safe. If you would rather answer in a collarme email thats cool too.

 
pmed :)


_____________________________

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” Rumi

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RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/6/2009 10:48:35 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

i was wondering if you mind me asking what you mean not feel safe. If you would rather answer in a collarme email thats cool too.

The question wasn't to me, but I'll answer it from my perspective because I feel the same way. I need to have confidence in my Dom's ability to make the right choices for us and our relationship. Without that confidence, I can't let go, and would probably end up running the relationship myself (when I was younger, anyway. Now I would just leave). As my natural inclination is to follow, not lead, being forced into the position of leader makes me feel very uncomfortable and unsafe.


_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

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RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/6/2009 10:53:08 PM   
HisSweetElysium


Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
Status: offline 		pretty much verbatim what I wrote 

_____________________________

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” Rumi

(in reply to WyldHrt)
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RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/6/2009 10:59:55 PM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

intelligence is of vital importance. If someone can't keep up with me, how can they dominate me? I firmly believe that the mind is the most significant erogenous zone and I need someone who can play on that level. Additionally, I need to respect my Dom, and if I am significantly more intelligent, that's not going to happen. I have to know He's capable of making the right decisions for us both, otherwise, I'll end up dominating the relationship, and not feeling safe.

I'm blessed to be owned by a man I consider brilliant. I love supporting Him in His work, doing His editing and proofing, talking through His ideas as He completes His graduate work. I am smart enough to know He's smarter than me, but I have my own value in the relationship, including emotional intelligence, a playful and youthful energy, creativity and intensity. I know He appreciates me for those things, as I appreciate Him.


I have the same needs and I agree with you totally. My dom is a brilliant man too. It's so comforting to me to know he can handle most anything that could come up. Of course, he values my strong qualities that aren't his strong points. He appreciates my strength and my intelligence, but I am always sure who's in charge. It's a good feeling to me.

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to HisSweetElysium)
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RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/6/2009 11:24:33 PM   
WestBaySlave


Posts: 501
Joined: 9/24/2008
Status: offline 		  I think I'd need someone as or more intelligent than myself to lead me, but I'd be open to someone less bright if they had a lot of common sense and we felt a strong emotional connection. 

(in reply to greeneyedreamer)
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RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/6/2009 11:34:08 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

pretty much verbatim what I wrote 

Well, yeah... LOL

I was actually in this position with my (nilla) ex. He couldn't/ wouldn't take charge of things, so I had to. I hated every second of it.


_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to HisSweetElysium)
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RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/7/2009 4:18:17 AM   
elleX


Posts: 161
Joined: 10/24/2009
Status: offline 		 To me He has to be as intellingent as i am at least , i could not go for less,,
but intelligence alone , is not enough,
self confidence is also very important
elleX

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RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/7/2009 4:28:26 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I'm highly intelligent so it's rare for me to meet someone who has more. It is important that he be able to comprehend me, not a book that I can't. As far as psychology and health, we usually use common sense. I don't want a psychologist or a journalist. I'm drawn to men who are competent with their hands not those who work with a pen.

We've both been through therapy and know the value of it and that we can if necessary go talk to an expert in that field. I have to do taxes every year but I don't need him to be an accountant.

As far as safety in play, you can get most of what you'll need if you aren't too edgy in Jay Wiseman's books. For those who do edgier play, the best thing you can do is learn at workshops.

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Slave to laundry

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RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/7/2009 6:28:31 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

I'm highly intelligent so it's rare for me to meet someone who has more.


LMAO!  Its not easy being green

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

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RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/7/2009 6:28:36 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		/Looks at all the big words in this thread/
/Scratches head/


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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