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RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/8/2009 4:53:04 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal


quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Heh...I prefer them big and stupid.




ROFL! I was hoping somebody would say that in this thread.

Um, you have a dominant right? I hope for the safety and health of your behind that he doesn't read the message board! :P


He reads everything I say. One of our biggest attractions to each other was our sense of humor.

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RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/8/2009 5:37:47 AM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

As a submissive, if the Domina is not capable of at least keeping pace with me, or preferably able to remain slightly one step ahead, then how can she really be my superior? It seems to me that I would have to play at being her submissive/follower. This in turn would inevitably take on the appearance of topping from the bottom right?
Anyone else run into this quagmire?


I couldn't agree more. I have run across the same twists and turns in my searches. I have finally found someone who is able to keep up with me and yes, I have some skills he doesn't in specific areas, such as, technology but all in all he is far superior in most areas. I find this comforting, and reassuring. I can trust him totally. He does his research, he knows how to lead in general, not just in our "field" and he loves to learn so I can enlighten him when I find something cool. It works perfectly, but previously, it was hard.

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to Underumam)
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RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/8/2009 5:42:14 AM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

I prefer men to have equitable intelligence. I don't mind if they haven't had as much college if they know something well that might catch my interest. I don't mind if they have degree's up the wazoo, as long as they don't assume they can talk down to me.. OR, drone on in lecture form thinking it should interest me.

I adore intelliegence but I abhor know-it-alls.


Oh I agree. It helps if they are truly able to handle being a good person. All the intelligence in the world doesn't matter if they THINK they are superior because of it. Well, in my opinion, people with a lot of the areas of intelligences are likely to know what they don't know and never talk down to anyone. We all have our skills and strengths and weaknesses.

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/8/2009 5:47:12 AM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
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quote:

far as psychology and health goes, it would be nice if he knew something about it so I can talk about my work, but I know enough to keep myself safe, so common sense on his part is all that's required.


Ok I understand that to a point that being said, but I find that if I have to be constantly aware of what he's doing to keep myself "safe" it is harder to truly submit. I need to be able to trust that he can delve into my mind and body and not cause me harm and that he knows what he is doing to some extent. Or know that if he is unsure he'll learn and not just assume that it will be ok and really not know. I don't think that all came out the way I feel but I think you get the idea.

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to afterforever)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/8/2009 5:58:21 AM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline 		What is curious to me is that so many people assumed or just believed I meant only one type of intelligence! I never said what kind or that they be college educated or anything. I have met and known incredibly brilliant people with no degrees at all. I have met people with degrees who were idiots! It's more about thinking, learning and the ability to "keep up" with knowledge of things and me especially. Like many of you said, I tend to be all over the place and need someone to rope me in mentally. It's not always hard to be but really does need to be done. Does it help to have the same educational level as I do? Well, I have so many master's credits if you didn't have a doctorate, you'd be beneath me so I never even think of that! It's totally unnecessary. I do like someone who does their homework so I know I can relax and put some trust in them.

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to greeneyedreamer)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/8/2009 6:09:17 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Re Raven's comments on senior executives, they are less likely than most to use spell check because they are accustomed to having a secretary write letters for them.

The Man has a double master's, engineering and business, but can't spell a lick. One of the things I do is proofread his letters for him. Since spellcheck won't pick up that you meant from but typed form. He is eminently practical and competent but letter writing is not his forte. I'm just as happy to have a couple of areas wherein I surpass him. (He can barely cook being the other biggie).

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/8/2009 8:19:15 PM   
PainfullyCurious


Posts: 157
Joined: 10/26/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: greeneyedreamer

Question: Is it important to you that you have a dominant with superior intelligence? Or at least is more intelligent than you are? And that they have information on psychology and health so that he/she doesn't do harm to you physically, mentally or emotionally? Just curious as to how submissives think in this matter.




In short: Equal, yes and yes.

The knowledge of psych and health could come from life experience if he is observant.

He does not have to be intelligent in the same ways as me, but he should be able to make clever conversation and make his way in the world. Some people can get what they want through hard work alone, but you usually need to establish trust or at least be able to charm someone. Whatever works for you.

I never used to care if I had someone who could "work a room". That's to say social skills were not very important to me, until I had a family member get sick and go into the ICU. If he's going to be an effective health care proxy, he needs to be able to ask questions, know when to keep his composure and actually when to lose it too.

Basically, he needs to know how to pick his battles if I'm going to trust him with my life! Depending on the details of your dynamic, your Dom may very well be that person. ... And after I started seeing it that way, what I was looking for in the man who may be by my side till death do us part completely changed; just like that.

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RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/8/2009 8:24:22 PM   
PainfullyCurious


Posts: 157
Joined: 10/26/2009
Status: offline 		To clarify, it's just that I always thought the person that I was compatible with would have skills that compliment me and can keep me happy most of the time, but if he lacks the skills to do the right thing during certain pivotal moments, no matter how few and far between, then it's just a matter of time until things fall apart.

(in reply to PainfullyCurious)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/9/2009 9:56:40 PM   
personagrata


Posts: 19
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline 		To me, the key to submitting is conviction. I need to be convinced of Her, to yield.
An unintelligent person cannot challenge my mind, and will not bring me to my knees. Simple.
Does that mean She should be more intelligent than me? Not necessarily (not saying I am a reference, this not being the issue!). But I’d see Her as intelligent enough to take me places. And keep me there. And psychology has its part in this too.

(in reply to greeneyedreamer)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/10/2009 1:56:37 AM   
Underumam


Posts: 485
Joined: 12/18/2008
Status: offline 		Intelligence is only part of the whole package. I know of a Domina who was very intelligent, yet she couldn't understand some of the most basic things when it came to helping a submissive male open up and earn her trust. I'm finding out that in most D/s scenarios, intelligence, chemistry and experience are necessary to reach a mutual level of trust, so that the real healing/fun can begin...I pray for the day we can all find this.......

(in reply to personagrata)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/10/2009 4:23:04 AM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Underumam

Intelligence is only part of the whole package. I know of a Domina who was very intelligent, yet she couldn't understand some of the most basic things when it came to helping a submissive male open up and earn her trust. I'm finding out that in most D/s scenarios, intelligence, chemistry and experience are necessary to reach a mutual level of trust, so that the real healing/fun can begin...I pray for the day we can all find this.......


This is true in most cases...top or bottom...dom/domme or sub/slave.  Intelligence is a wonderful thing but if you can't understand each other's needs/wants, all those "smarts" go down the tubes.  I've spent time with some very intelligent men who didn't have an ounce of wisdom or the ability to understand a person's feelings or emotions. 

There has to be a balance of intellegence/wisdom/common sense/empathy for me to be in any way interested in them...no matter what side of the crop they're on.

Hope that made sense...I've just started on my first cup of coffee, but this is one of the many thoughts I've had rolling in my mind lately as I try to decide whether or not to continue "searching" for a partner. 

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~


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RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/10/2009 10:04:24 AM   
Aanakaris


Posts: 310
Joined: 4/8/2008
Status: offline 		I have yet to have any subs ask me to take an IQ test before we meet.

But intellect is not the only issue, wisdom too. I can bedazzle with all sorts of high tech bio-science speak, but that doesn't mean there's a lick of common sense. Like some of the posters above, I'm very smart in some arenas and limited in others. I try to pick those who complement and enhance me. Learning something new either from somebody or with somebody is a great way to connect. It's a poor Dom who will not learn from his sub, he's missing out.


_____________________________

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, And that enables you to laugh at life's realities.
-- Dr. Seuss

(in reply to CarrieO)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/10/2009 10:13:05 AM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aanakaris
.
But intellect is not the only issue, wisdom too.


Reminds me of a lovely Turkish PhD student I had a fling with.  He used to say "My intellect is great to use with women...most are easy to blind with words." 

Poor boy had no idea how to pump gas (never had to at university) or cook an egg (mama did that for him or he bought breakfast).  Book learning and intellect is easy to come by, wisdom not so much. 

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~


(in reply to Aanakaris)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/10/2009 11:11:30 AM   
Underumam


Posts: 485
Joined: 12/18/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CarrieO

quote:

ORIGINAL: Underumam

Intelligence is only part of the whole package. I know of a Domina who was very intelligent, yet she couldn't understand some of the most basic things when it came to helping a submissive male open up and earn her trust. I'm finding out that in most D/s scenarios, intelligence, chemistry and experience are necessary to reach a mutual level of trust, so that the real healing/fun can begin...I pray for the day we can all find this.......


This is true in most cases...top or bottom...dom/domme or sub/slave.  Intelligence is a wonderful thing but if you can't understand each other's needs/wants, all those "smarts" go down the tubes.  I've spent time with some very intelligent men who didn't have an ounce of wisdom or the ability to understand a person's feelings or emotions. 

There has to be a balance of intellegence/wisdom/common sense/empathy for me to be in any way interested in them...no matter what side of the crop they're on.

Hope that made sense...I've just started on my first cup of coffee, but this is one of the many thoughts I've had rolling in my mind lately as I try to decide whether or not to continue "searching" for a partner. 


lol. I've had a few experiences over the years , and several (one in particular)was one way in cyber land , and another way most often, in person. One "thought" that she knew my wants/needs.  Another also "thought" she knew how to reach me, and though she said she was a Dominant, she seemed totally at a loss of how to guide/instruct.(I felt like she was taking pot-shots in the dark trying to see what worked and what didn't) Our relationship was doomed to fail just for this one reason. A submissive man isn't supposed to know/be clear about HOW/ WHAT she will do.

Without dominance, I was endlessly guessing/making mistakes, and hopelessly lost on how to be with a Domina and what she needed from me. I never got to a comfort level with either of them, and subsequently was not able to be completely open about much of anything. I guess it's kinda like raising kids, if they see a parent as being unsure of themselves, they will not do well with the discepline/direction directed at them.

Intelligence needs the fertile soil of imagination, respect, desire, and experience to reach full bloom.



(in reply to CarrieO)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/10/2009 2:18:16 PM   
Underumam


Posts: 485
Joined: 12/18/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Underumam

quote:

ORIGINAL: CarrieO

quote:

ORIGINAL: Underumam

Intelligence is only part of the whole package. I know of a Domina who was very intelligent, yet she couldn't understand some of the most basic things when it came to helping a submissive male open up and earn her trust. I'm finding out that in most D/s scenarios, intelligence, chemistry and experience are necessary to reach a mutual level of trust, so that the real healing/fun can begin...I pray for the day we can all find this.......


This is true in most cases...top or bottom...dom/domme or sub/slave.  Intelligence is a wonderful thing but if you can't understand each other's needs/wants, all those "smarts" go down the tubes.  I've spent time with some very intelligent men who didn't have an ounce of wisdom or the ability to understand a person's feelings or emotions. 

There has to be a balance of intellegence/wisdom/common sense/empathy for me to be in any way interested in them...no matter what side of the crop they're on.

Hope that made sense...I've just started on my first cup of coffee, but this is one of the many thoughts I've had rolling in my mind lately as I try to decide whether or not to continue "searching" for a partner. 


lol. I've had a few experiences over the years , and several (one in particular)was one way in cyber land , and another way most often, in person. One "thought" that she knew my wants/needs.  Another also "thought" she knew how to reach me, and though she said she was a Dominant, she seemed totally at a loss of how to guide/instruct.(I felt like she was taking pot-shots in the dark trying to see what worked and what didn't) Our relationship was doomed to fail just for this one reason. A submissive man isn't supposed to know/be clear about HOW/ WHAT she will do.

Without dominance, I was endlessly guessing/making mistakes, and hopelessly lost on how to be with a Domina and what she needed from me. I never got to a comfort level with either of them, and subsequently was not able to be completely open about much of anything. I guess it's kinda like raising kids, if they see a parent as being unsure of themselves, they will not do well with the discepline/direction directed at them.

Intelligence needs the fertile soil of imagination, respect, desire, and experience to reach full bloom.





So nobody has hurt feelings, the two Dominas I referred to here were years in the past. I apologize for the misunderstanding. They no longer have accounts here, but nonetheless, I won't mention them by name. I was simply offering up an example.

(in reply to Underumam)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/10/2009 2:38:43 PM   
Sfortzando


Posts: 174
Joined: 1/30/2009
Status: offline 		I don't want a Domme who's more intelligent than me necessarily, though if she is that's certainly not a problem. What is important is that she knows what she's doing and, when performing something like rope bondage or whipping/caning, that she's studdied with someone more skilled than her.

Some things to can learn as you go - tying me up is not one of them.

(in reply to greeneyedreamer)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/11/2009 8:45:50 AM   
MercTech


Posts: 3706
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline 		Having had experience with boffins, I have to wonder if it should be "intelligence" or "comnpetance" one should look for.
In the words of Baroness Morchaitaigh, "After a certain age, competance is its own kind of sexy."

Stefan

(in reply to Sfortzando)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 12/11/2009 11:45:39 AM   
librarysub


Posts: 32
Joined: 11/16/2008
Status: offline 		my late husband was an engineer. We had similar levels of intelligence but certain areas we complimented each other. That is where i learned diplomacy. trying to respectfully remind Him of the last time He ignored a suggestion for the best method of assembling something. (mini-rant: men and instructions!) Luckily they now make for stories that family love to hear. He was much better than i in pressure situations and of course where a certain attitude was needed without being a bully. i'm still trying to assume some of those qualitites now.

_____________________________

De Ja Moo: The feeling I've heard this Bull before

i'm an adult so i can do whatever my Master wants

i swallow because i like to keep things clean.

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RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 3/16/2010 6:34:26 AM   
tweakabelle


Posts: 7522
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline 		For me, it is critical that my partner is of a similar level of intelligence.  The tension between my tastes and my career can be diff to juggle.  Someone who can understand the conflicting stresses, support me in my career aspirations and not assume that i am a doormat, or that they are always right in all situations -  someone who can listen and hear ....
Am i a hopeless dreamer or do such ppl exist?

(in reply to greeneyedreamer)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Dominance and Intelligence - 3/16/2010 7:15:56 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		Dumb dom iso dumber sub

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to tweakabelle)
Profile   Post #: 60
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