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ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

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It's honestly not that I can't relate. I can. Just the same as I certainly understand those who chose not to participate in scenes with anyone but the person they are attached to for S/m. It's what works for them, so frankly My opinion on the other side of the question doesn't matter that much.

Lady P -
I was hoping to generate that perspective and make the comparison between casual sex and casual play. Not saying one is better/worse than the other, but hoping to get an appreciation for the possibly that both polarities exist.

Obviously either position requires a bit of rationalization and a history. Mine comes from having so much casual sex that it almost took on the quality of a bodily function. It was about that time, in college, that my something more, came from 'discovering' WIITWD.

Now it just so happened that source of information, long before the days of the internet, didn't have such a clean line between sex and S&M. This was NYC in the late 70's early 80's; orgies were breaking out all the time! Clubs were like the appropriately named 'Dante's Inferno' resembled a few of the rings of hell. In my personal life, I noticed I got a lot more out of sex when it included a large dose of WIITWD. It became my source of intimacy. It still is.

Now the idea of going to an orgy and getting involved with those associated activities is still a whole lot of fun! Frankly its a lot easier to participate in that type of exchange 'casually'. The need, or I should say MY need, to connect with someone emotionally and mentally when it comes to any WIITWD intercourse requires a more intimate knowledge and connection with them. Not necessarily 'love' but at minimum a 'connection' and a common desire to see where that connection will lead when taken through the path of WIITWD. The most likely destination for that path is a degree of intimacy that, again for me, leads to a physically sexual exchange of some sort. For me, the sex act begins with a firm grip on a wrist, the attachment of a cuff to a wrist, a clip to a nipple, a smack to a ass, or a simple command like; "go over there, strip, and kneel".

I know I'm a 'freak'.

Merc,

For some reason, I just can't read any reply in which you use the word "orgy" without getting a chuckle.  I can't imagine why. 

Seriously, I do appreciate your perspective.  I happen to agree with your explanation of preferring a connection in regards to S/m.  I tend to think that is why play that I conduct is most intimate with clip, those with whom I form bonds of friendship or the like are good, but not quite at that same level, and those that I have no connection with fall under that.  In a sense, that could be compared to sex.  Just like I wouldn't say that I wouldn't have an orgasm from casual sex, I couldn't sit here and say that I don't achieve space just because I'm not emotionally bonded to the bottom that I happen to be playing with.

I think that goes back to what My understanding is of many who have replied to this thread.  They want that connection and really aren't interested in either activity without it.  In My particular case, it could be very possible that, because I have the intimacy and love in My primary relationship, just not the S/m, that I don't see it as a requirement for Myself.  Not to mention, the casual play has certain...... benefits...... when I've gone out, played, and come home in a heightened state of arousal.  My other half, and even My boy for that matter, would never tell you that there isn't a positive in it for them.

Do I think that the way I conduct My interests would work for everyone?  No, I certainly don't.  In fact, I happen to think that I'm in the minority.  At the same time, you really can't argue with success.

My best to beth.  I hope to see you in person again soon.

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ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

Honestly, I am a bit puzzled by the question.

I have to ask the OP- is your problem that you aren't getting laid enough?
Or that you find women that you do lay are constantly falling in love with you? Really? Thats a problem for you?

There are a lot of good comments here, but I would be curious to hear your thoughts.

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ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

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ORIGINAL: HisSweetElysium

I am capable of it, going so far to have fuck buddies when I am single.  People who are admittedly hot,  with nice *ahem* assets, but who I'd be mortified to show up with in public as my significant other b/c they're dumb as a box of rocks, or bore me to tears unless there's nakedness involved. 

I wouldn't screw anyone I am embarrassed to say I screwed. However, this doesn't mean I have to be in love with them. There is a middle ground.

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ORIGINAL: HisSweetElysium

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ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

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ORIGINAL: HisSweetElysium

I am capable of it, going so far to have fuck buddies when I am single.  People who are admittedly hot,  with nice *ahem* assets, but who I'd be mortified to show up with in public as my significant other b/c they're dumb as a box of rocks, or bore me to tears unless there's nakedness involved. 

I wouldn't screw anyone I am embarrassed to say I screwed. However, this doesn't mean I have to be in love with them. There is a middle ground.

Never said I was embarrassed to have screwed them, but I wouldn't want a relationship with them because we're not well matched intellectually or personally and anyone who knew me well would think so as well.  Maybe a trivial difference to some, but significant to me. I'm not psyched to show up at a family event with a guy 10 yrs my junior, however for a casual get together, as a friend of mine, if this particular tall tattooed and well endowed man finds himself single and I do too, where's the harm? 

I also want to qualify that none of this pertains  to D/S, just sex, as the OP posed.  I don't do D/S outside of a  relationship, never as I learned this lesson the hard way.. I can't handle the emotions that come out of it.

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ORIGINAL: breatheasone
i have heard of those! May i ask...is there penetration involved with a sybian?

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ORIGINAL: MasterIronwood

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ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

Honestly, I am a bit puzzled by the question.

I have to ask the OP- is your problem that you aren't getting laid enough?
Or that you find women that you do lay are constantly falling in love with you? Really? Thats a problem for you?

There are a lot of good comments here, but I would be curious to hear your thoughts.

I am at a loss as to why you should be puzzled. In 60 plus years of dealing with women, I have noticed that they (for the most part) don't see sex and love as separate things and I was wondering what views existed on CM regarding this issue.

The point of view that seems to me to be the most logical is that the situation is wired into the female because (in the past) she needed a provider and protector. In most civilized societies today this is no longer the case and as some here have pointed out, it appears that women may slowly be changing their view on the issue.

Some of the views expressed here have been both surprising and enlightening and I wish to thank those who have made a serious effort to respond to the question I posed.

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ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
I'm honestly curious why people are so quick to insult the OP.
...
I suspect if a woman posted about how she has noticed she has trouble getting men to mix sex and love, she would get far less insults.

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But, hell.. I know a lot of girls especially girls around my age who will fuck and not give a damn about the guy..

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ORIGINAL: MasterIronwood

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ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

Honestly, I am a bit puzzled by the question.

I have to ask the OP- is your problem that you aren't getting laid enough?
Or that you find women that you do lay are constantly falling in love with you? Really? Thats a problem for you?

There are a lot of good comments here, but I would be curious to hear your thoughts.

I am at a loss as to why you should be puzzled. In 60 plus years of dealing with women, I have noticed that they (for the most part) don't see sex and love as separate things and I was wondering what views existed on CM regarding this issue.

The point of view that seems to me to be the most logical is that the situation is wired into the female because (in the past) she needed a provider and protector. In most civilized societies today this is no longer the case and as some here have pointed out, it appears that women may slowly be changing their view on the issue.

Some of the views expressed here have been both surprising and enlightening and I wish to thank those who have made a serious effort to respond to the question I posed.