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RE: My mother just doesnt understand... - 12/11/2009 9:57:56 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I happen to think that Drifta gave you wonderful advice. It was what I was thinking when I read your OP before going to bed last night. As they say, you can't put toothpaste back into the tube, but the resource that she suggested may be able to be helpful to you.

On the book discussion, if I were you, I'd buy the book, for yourself. Read it. If your Mother or anyone else wants a resource, you'll already have it and if you've read it yourself, you'll be better prepared to answer her questions if she has any at a later date. If she doesn't, I'll bet there are things in it that you would be interested in learning. I see that as a gain.

I know what your Mother said was hurtful to you. I'm not saying that what she said was right, but I hope in your heart that you don't hold it against her. As was said, she was probably going through a list of emotions, including shock and fear. Being afraid for your child can bring out some harsh things, but I'd be willing to bet it was a heat of the moment lapse.

I'd like to wish you all of the luck in the world, OP.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to AnimusRex)

Post #: 41

RE: My mother just doesnt understand... - 12/11/2009 10:53:05 AM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

FR....

UH DUDE !!!! What in THE hell were you thinking???? Splaing to mom bout yer sex life. You have only yourself to blame. Don't think for one minute that your mom wants to hear where your dick goes!!!! Sheesh

Or are you one of those guys that thinks mom is gonna get the warm fuzzies when you splain that "I really enjoi smacking da bitches around".

yea yea i know its a extreme case of open mouth insert foot

BadOne

< Message edited by SailingBum -- 12/11/2009 10:59:54 AM >

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to JJohnsJR24)

Post #: 42

RE: My mother just doesnt understand... - 12/11/2009 11:08:44 AM

JJohnsJR24

Posts: 45
Joined: 5/29/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

FR....

UH DUDE !!!! What in THE hell were you thinking???? Splaing to mom bout yer sex life. You have only yourself to blame. Don't think for one minute that your mom wants to hear where your dick goes!!!! Sheesh

Or are you one of those guys that thinks mom is gonna get the warm fuzzies when you splain that "I really enjoi smacking da bitches around".

yea yea i know its a extreme case of open mouth insert foot

BadOne

For the third time in this thread, I did not tell her about this. She must have found something, I dont think she will ever tell me though.

But thanks to everyone else who left me with great advice, I really appreaciate it. . She hinted on the phone the night before that she found out about it, then went off the next day. I hope something works because she just sounds so against this and anyone doing it. Which is funny to me, because two of her best friends are a gay couple, and she sees that that isnt wrong. I dont know. I have a lot to think about.

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 43

RE: My mother just doesnt understand... - 12/11/2009 11:13:16 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ugh...this is why one should never talk when angry.

I am talking as a mom here *so sit up straight and pay attention* You are not dead to her, and she does not want you to stay away from her and the rest of your family. She lashed out at you in anger and frustration.
Let me clue you in to something John...mothers blame themselves when we see something "wrong" with our children. And please understand that the "wrong" of which i speak is secondary to her lack of understanding, generation, upbringing, faith, shock at the way she found out, etc. Normal, healthy children are a reflection of their parents...and so are the ones that are not quite so normal.

You both need time. You need time to forgive her for the hateful words she spoke. She needs time to forgive you for not being perfect. And you both need time to refocus your energy and realize there is no bond or love stronger than that of a mother and child.

Perfect answer. My mom and I are extremely close and the one area we do NOT go into is my sex life or predilictions. We have had massive fights over the years about other things and always, things are said in anger that are not meant. Mothers are fierce when it comes to their kids and this too, shall pass.

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 44

RE: My mother just doesnt understand... - 12/11/2009 11:48:59 AM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

FR means fast reply which means I did NOT read the thread. But since you claim she "found Out" Really clueless how that happens. You still could have denied that you enjoi smacking da bitches around. Comeon we are adults we all have told "stories" to spare someones feelings.

The only way she could possibly know is if YOU confirmed it. My first post still is valid!!!

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 45

RE: My mother just doesnt understand... - 12/11/2009 12:18:53 PM

JJohnsJR24

Posts: 45
Joined: 5/29/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

FR means fast reply which means I did NOT read the thread. But since you claim she "found Out" Really clueless how that happens. You still could have denied that you enjoi smacking da bitches around. Comeon we are adults we all have told "stories" to spare someones feelings.

The only way she could possibly know is if YOU confirmed it. My first post still is valid!!!

BadOne

First off, I dont "smack da bitches around" as you say. I am a submissive. Second, she was 100% certain, I couldn't really deny it. I just tried to talk to her about it one adult to another, and she was the one who went off in an immature and uneducated fashion. I dont know. Your posts aren't really helping any and you seem to understand less about the situation and the way I explained it then everyone else here who has been very helpful and informative.

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 46

RE: My mother just doesnt understand... - 12/11/2009 12:28:12 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

~FR~

I have to broach this subject with some folks in the family soon. If my activities were more along the lines of "the usual", then I would just leave it alone. If they found clues and put them together, then so be it. Instead, a few significant parts of what I do are not something I can hide under the bed when family is over, or leave at home when I go see them. They will simply have to know and do what they are going to do.

We are a close family and I am not looking forward to any pain I might cause them. I know it is probably not going to be something they meet with open arms. My family is very conservative and flatly closed minded about a great many things. I consider myself a fairly conservative person, though I have some flexibility. I know how they will be feeling. They will be feeling about as horrified as I have been each time I discovered a new "perversion" within myself. It has been hard to come to grips with it all. Some things I still have walked away from because I see them as actually irreconsilable with my own belief system. Other things I have had to do a lot of soul searching, study, and more trying to ferret out the truth. I absolutely will not cross certain lines. I can't imagine it is a small task to have things placed in your lap without the time to come to terms with them all. Surely they will believe that I have turned my back on all I have believed, passed down to me from them, and am in danger of losing myself totally.

Give it time. Keep yourself open for her to approach. Show her you are still the same person and love her dearly. Reassure her that you haven't rejected everything good she tried to pass on to you. Process your anger and let her process her own. Don't give up on the relationship and just hang on in any way you are able. There are no guarantees in life. I hope it works out for you.

lovingpet

_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

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(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 47

RE: My mother just doesnt understand... - 12/11/2009 12:32:03 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

smack da bitches around is a figure of speech. secondly unless she actually saw you in "action" or you admitted to it no one is 100 positive about it.

Furthermore just cuz you dont happen to like my advice or my style of writing does NOT mean it's not valid for others that might end up in a situation similar to yours.

My advice was simple and I stand by it. When it comes to anyone's sex life. Keep your big mouth shut! Had you done so... you would NOT be in the situation that you are in now. I realized it's split milk in your case.... <another figure of speech> but in the future if it should come up ...I hope you know what to do.

Was it really that difficult to understand? BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to JJohnsJR24)

Post #: 48

RE: My mother just doesnt understand... - 12/11/2009 1:23:14 PM

Tantriqu

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

To the OP:

I feel sympathy and empathy for you.

It reminded me: my parents were staying in my house for a week when I was going to university. My sub picked me up to take me there early one morning. I had some messy homework, so he carried it to the car. I kissed him sweetly to thank him: i.e., nice and open-mouthed, but no tongues, and went back to the house for my purse. My father was on the front porch in his summer pyjamas, and in my own house, called me a whore [except he pronounced it HOOer.]
I never asked what upset him, if it were the intimacy of the kiss, or that I kissed my guy 'dominantly' in the street in front of 'all' those passers-by at 6:45 am. Later when calmer I could laugh and ponder what he would have said if he knew what I did* to the guy behind closed doors! *and by that, I mean ass-fucking him before and after they were gone. But it was still a shock.
We never discussed it, period. What my dad lost was that I never introduced him to any of my lovers, although I have to my mother only after we've been a couple for a long time.
Now, perhaps I'd be mature enough to bring it up in conversation and ask why he felt so angry, but I could never even think of being sexually submissive just to please my parents, just as you shouldn't think you have to be a dom to please yours.

So, I'm with the posters who say just remind your mother you're still you. If you're in a relationship, your mother may learn to love your Domme [all my subs' moms LOVE me ;-) alas, sometimes to the point of trying to continue our friendship long after their sons are de-collared] because she'll see how well you treat her and she treats you. Once some time has passed, you might ask her why she feels the way she does so strongly, whether from terrible Hollywood movies or her own feelings or experiences, which can help both of you understand.

Good luck!

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 49

RE: My mother just doesnt understand... - 12/11/2009 1:24:35 PM

GYPSYMAMBO

Posts: 660
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Was it really that difficult to understand? BadOne

OP came to ask FOR ADVICE..

not to be shit on and have inept assumptions justified as advice,,
or cloaked as some new-age intellectual type interface as means of imparting great wisdoms

smack da bitchs..IS a term that would considered dominant or at the very least
abusive.....YOU assumed

"spilt milk" is not a figure of speech for anyone to know..
"DON'T cry over spilled milk "is though
GM

"a rollin' stone gathers no boss"...oh wait..
"you can lead a horse to water but you cant grab his dink " oh wait..

damn I had to edit this 9 times...

< Message edited by GYPSYMAMBO -- 12/11/2009 1:36:54 PM >

_____________________________

"Better served women will better serve the world"

** ** **

"A turd is still a turd even if it is shellaced!"

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 50

RE: My mother just doesnt understand... - 12/11/2009 1:30:44 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GYPSYMAMBO

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Was it really that difficult to understand? BadOne

the more you say the worse you sound..
He came to ask FOR ADVICE..not be shit on or have someone justify their inept
assumptions as figures of speech..

smack da bitchs..is what dorky DOM wanna bes say/an attempt to model rap musicology

"spilt milk" is not a figure of speech for anyone to know..
"DON'T cry over spilled milk "is though
GM

"a rollin' stone gathers no boss"...oh wait..
"you can lead a horse to water but you cant grab his dink " oh wait..

Thank you for saying this...i am SICK to death of people trying to cloak there digs under the "its still sound advice" umbrella.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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candy posts in pink font

(in reply to GYPSYMAMBO)

Post #: 51

RE: My mother just doesnt understand... - 12/11/2009 1:31:48 PM

JJohnsJR24

Posts: 45
Joined: 5/29/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

smack da bitches around is a figure of speech. secondly unless she actually saw you in "action" or you admitted to it no one is 100 positive about it.

Furthermore just cuz you dont happen to like my advice or my style of writing does NOT mean it's not valid for others that might end up in a situation similar to yours.

My advice was simple and I stand by it. When it comes to anyone's sex life. Keep your big mouth shut! Had you done so... you would NOT be in the situation that you are in now. I realized it's split milk in your case.... <another figure of speech> but in the future if it should come up ...I hope you know what to do.

Was it really that difficult to understand? BadOne

No, what is difficult to understand is why you seem to have no compassion or understanding at all to this situation. You are just flat out being a prick, and I highly doubt anyone in this situation would find anything you said in any of your responses helpful at all. You clearly dont understand. I never opened my "big mouth" to her. Some how she found out, weather it be through a girl that I was with for a while where we practiced this lifestlye, or she found one of my toys. I dont know. So you know what, I am done with you and will only respond to people with a little more compassion and understanding to this delicate situation then you have shown. I honestly dont understand how people can be so cruel like you are being. Thanks so much.

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 52

RE: My mother just doesnt understand... - 12/11/2009 1:31:56 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

my mother made me a homosexual, if you get three and a half yards of gingham print, she will make you one too!!!!!!!!!

Liberace

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 53

RE: My mother just doesnt understand... - 12/11/2009 1:36:20 PM

HisSweetElysium

Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
Status: offline

I also just wanted to share my sympathy that this happened. I hope your mother is a fly off the handle in the moment type who will come to her senses down the road. I can only imagine my mother would have a similar reaction too, I mentioned the other day that Master (note, used His first name) and I took a jacuzzi together, and she said that was "TMI"

Luckily she takes a more head in the sand approach to these things most of the time, I might have to do something truly outrageous for her to both notice AND admit it to herself..

I wish you reconciliation and her peace, nothing good will come of ostracizing you, I hope in her heart she can understand that...

_____________________________

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” Rumi

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 54

RE: My mother just doesnt understand... - 12/11/2009 1:40:35 PM

GYPSYMAMBO

Posts: 660
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JJohnsJR24

No, what is difficult to understand is why you seem to have no compassion or understanding at all to this situation. You are just flat out being a prick, and I

shit ...all my editing was for naught..because it got quoted..
oh well an attempt at being politer..giving what has not been given.

DO NOT TRY TO UNDERSTAND those who do not understand

GM

_____________________________

"Better served women will better serve the world"

** ** **

"A turd is still a turd even if it is shellaced!"

(in reply to JJohnsJR24)

Post #: 55

RE: My mother just doesnt understand... - 12/11/2009 1:42:02 PM

JJohnsJR24

Posts: 45
Joined: 5/29/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I happen to think that Drifta gave you wonderful advice. It was what I was thinking when I read your OP before going to bed last night. As they say, you can't put toothpaste back into the tube, but the resource that she suggested may be able to be helpful to you.

On the book discussion, if I were you, I'd buy the book, for yourself. Read it. If your Mother or anyone else wants a resource, you'll already have it and if you've read it yourself, you'll be better prepared to answer her questions if she has any at a later date. If she doesn't, I'll bet there are things in it that you would be interested in learning. I see that as a gain.

I know what your Mother said was hurtful to you. I'm not saying that what she said was right, but I hope in your heart that you don't hold it against her. As was said, she was probably going through a list of emotions, including shock and fear. Being afraid for your child can bring out some harsh things, but I'd be willing to bet it was a heat of the moment lapse.

I'd like to wish you all of the luck in the world, OP.

Thank you Lady Pact, I appreciate all the advice and kind words. I will have to read that book. You are a wonderful poster, and from what I have seen and read a wonderful Domme, and I'd like to say that your subbie is very lucky. : ) Just about everyone has been so nice and have had great advice and input, and I want to thank everyone! I will definitly be giving these ideas a try.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 56

RE: My mother just doesnt understand... - 12/11/2009 1:43:27 PM

Elisabella

Posts: 3939
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

smack da bitches around is a figure of speech. secondly unless she actually saw you in "action" or you admitted to it no one is 100 positive about it.

Furthermore just cuz you dont happen to like my advice or my style of writing does NOT mean it's not valid for others that might end up in a situation similar to yours.

My advice was simple and I stand by it. When it comes to anyone's sex life. Keep your big mouth shut! Had you done so... you would NOT be in the situation that you are in now. I realized it's split milk in your case.... <another figure of speech> but in the future if it should come up ...I hope you know what to do.

Was it really that difficult to understand? BadOne

Sorry dude, as Bill Clinton showed the world, trying to lie when someone already knows the truth just makes you look like a liar *and* a pervert. Especially once the truth comes out - then it's not just a case of "you're into kinky sex you embarrass me" but a case of "you flat out lied to my face, how can I believe a word you say?"

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 57

RE: My mother just doesnt understand... - 12/11/2009 1:50:26 PM

JJohnsJR24

Posts: 45
Joined: 5/29/2009
Status: offline

I am sorry GM, I did not mean to mess up your editing. But I did read your message and appreciated it, as this sailor guy is not going about helping people in this situation the right way, so that being said thank you. I am done replying to him. I am going to try and talk to her eventually, and I can only hope she will at least try and accept me for who I am.

(in reply to GYPSYMAMBO)

Post #: 58

RE: My mother just doesnt understand... - 12/11/2009 2:09:06 PM

XaviersXian

Posts: 525
Joined: 9/8/2007
From: Australia
Status: offline

Hello everyone,

OP, my mother found out about my (then) interest in BDSM several years ago (since then, I've moved away from BDSM, and am exploring Gorean philosophy).

She had her rant and her rave, calling me all sorts of names, and telling me (in no uncertain terms) that I was "sick". I let her go on her rant, answering her questions along the way (wierdly enough, she asked if I'd been pierced; at that time, I had several different body piercings). After she'd exhausted herself, I told her that if she didn't ask, I wouldn't tell, and that I wouldn't bring it up if she agreed to respect the fact it was my life to live, and that I am going to make different choices to her in living that life. Ever since then, she's seen that this horrible thing (to her mind) is actually quite normal. I've never talked about anything related to an "alternative lifestyle" with her. She's not attacked me since we put that "rule" in place, and things are peaceful.

My in-laws also know the basics about our interests (him as HOH, me following his wishes) and have also come to realise that living the way we do is totally normal.

My advice to you is just leave her to believe what she is going to believe, and tread carefully until the storm dies down. You have a unique chance to teach her, without making the fact you are teaching, obvious.

Eventually, she may come to accept this part of you, but she also may not, and, honestly, that's fine. A person can be a fully functioning and happy adult without parental approval.

I wish you well.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 59

RE: My mother just doesnt understand... - 12/11/2009 2:27:01 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

Sticks and stones dude. You call it cruel I call it "hard reality". The fact is had you denied it you wouldn't be in this mess. It's that simple, so for someone "considering" coming out as it were. Be prepared to have your family dis you. To my mind very valuable advice.

I really wanna know how offering sympathy and condolences could be construed as "advice"
So shoot me cuz i paraphrased split milk. They got the point and that is what counts ...Grow up sheesh

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to HisSweetElysium)

Post #: 60

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