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RE: emotions - 12/14/2009 1:31:58 PM

Missokyst

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I am relatively stoic. I rarely cry. I don't feel sad when someone dies. Last night I found out my uncle Joe died, and I don't feel affected. Not even though I might feel badly because my mom is crying, I don't. I am considered the logical, practical one in my family, but in a family imbued with drama people, I am also a freak by their standards.

But do I believe in the validity of emotions? HECK YES. If someone intends to hurt me or mine, yes I have the right to feel anger. If someone betrays me or mine I have the right to voice my thoughts.

"You make me feel angry."

What the heck is wrong in saying what you think? Are we so concerned with how someone might perceive us that we have to stomp down any reaction when we are harmed?

"You make me feel angry"

Honestly.. look at that statement. Is it an attack? Feelings are valid and it does not matter if the perception is off or not. If you never voice the statement, only you will know the reasons for that anger. And it will fester.

Once my sister convinced me to write a check to her landlord that was supposed to just be held without being cashed, until her check came in on the weekend. Of course, he cashed it and I ended up bouncing checks left and right. So.. now I was out 300 bucks, plus I was out countless overdraft charges as well.

Because it was my sister, and I was not allowed to show anger, I stomped it down for months. Until she asked my mother for a check and then I exploded.

What is the purpose in not voicing anger if you feel it is valid?

(in reply to MsMillgrove)

Post #: 41

RE: emotions - 12/14/2009 3:15:50 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

I was reading this thread and it brought up some feelings for me...not because of the original topic but because of one of the replies about emotions...so I was wondering what ya'll thought about a couple of statements that I have problems with....

1) You make me feel [this way].
and
2) All emotions are valid.

I have strong feelings about these statements but I am trying to be openminded here, so I will wait a while before I post those feelings...

There is a HUGE difference between the having an emotion and handling the emotion. First, yes all emotions are valid. They are based on the individual's perception of an event and that individual's perception only. No one, and I do mean NO ONE has the right to tell someone their emotions are not VALID. Could those emotions possibly be inappropriate for a particular event? Of course, but that doesn't invalidate them.

If you believe you have total control over your own emotions and no one can "make" you feel anything, you are either delusional or a robot. As LaTigresse said, you have control over what you do with those emotions.

It is interesting here because if it is a good emotion and you turn to your SO and tell them that they make you feel safe, loved, cared for or any other GOOD thing, no one thinks it is a bad thing at all. Everyone is happy for you to have found that person. But if that person makes you feel BAD because of their treatment of you, all of a sudden you have given that person the POWER to make you feel that way, and you need to control your emotions better. What a load of crap!

Using the cheating jerk scenario, yes that person MADE YOU FEEL betrayed. Their actions CAUSED the emotion you are feeling. HOW you deal with feeling betrayed is the key. Do you go run the son of bitch over with your car a couple of time? Didn't deal with the emotion well at all. Do you toss the jerk's shit on the front lawn and change the locks? Dealing a bit better now. Do you sit down and have a conversation to try to resolve the issue? If that is what you want to do, sure. But to say that no one can make you feel something you don't want to feel is a bunch of crap.

We can deny our feelings of love, hurt, betrayal and sadness. People do it all the time. People also deny that they are responsible for making anyone feel something, but when you count on someone for something and they let you down, they are responsible for making you feel let down. Those people are just as emotionally stunted as those who think that they are the only ones who control how they feel.

And let's face it, we aren't talking about those who make us feel "good" or the store clerk who is so slow they aggravate the daylights out of you. We are talking about how doms/masters will try to invalidate the feelings of a sub because their own behavior was abhorrant and made the sub feel like shit, and he doesn't want to own up to it. Or the times that the dom's insensitivity to his sub's emotions are the sub's problem. This is a lifestyle about control. The dom control's the sub, the sub controls their emotions to the satisfaction of their dom. Yes there are times when everyone over reacts to something, or "loses control" over their emotions. But we are human beings, we are not animals who don't process events the way that humans do. Having emotions is healthy, so is sharing them and allowing yourself to feel them. It is all about how we respond to the emotion that makes the difference.

So for those of you who feel that no one "makes" you feel anything at all, try not feeling anything at all. NOTHING. Not gratitude for the young man who holds open the door for you, or the kid who brings your groceries to your car. No anger at the jerk who cuts you off on the highway or the store clerk who moves at a snail's pace when you are in a hurry. When you SO lies to you or says something horribly cruel, ignore it. After all it means nothing at all.

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 42

RE: emotions - 12/14/2009 4:46:55 PM

chellekitty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

I was reading this thread and it brought up some feelings for me...not because of the original topic but because of one of the replies about emotions...so I was wondering what ya'll thought about a couple of statements that I have problems with....

1) You make me feel [this way].
and
2) All emotions are valid.

I have strong feelings about these statements but I am trying to be openminded here, so I will wait a while before I post those feelings...

So...after reading all the responses i am switched around in my conviction ratio...and am more sure about the statement i was less sure about and less sure about the statement i was more sure about...so this openminded thing must be working...lol

I used the word valid for a reason...i looked it up on multiple dictionaries online and a thesaurus...valid means based in logic, rational...and i don't know about anyone else but not all of my emotions are rational or based in logic, in fact some of them are just so far out in left feild that i have no idea where they come from (which makes me more confused about the other statement) But...all emotions are REAL...no where did i find valid to be a synonym for real...not directly, we could probably play a degrees game and find it, but i'm not...

and the first statement...i have an understanding that no one can make me feel any way...someone wanted to throw out the rape senario i believe, well i have been raped...i felt scared because i did not know what was going to happen, i felt intimidated because i recognized his ability to hurt me, i felt ashamed because i didn't think anyone would want me after i had been touched like that - some of that was in reaction to what he said, but if i had known without a doubt differently, i know that i would have felt differently...

but at the same time, i have emotions that come from no where, totally irrational and crazy that i have to wonder about myself...i'm hoping everyone has these and i am not that weird...but anyway....i have also been taught that i can, at times, have no control over my emotions...by the same people that taught me that no one else is responsible for my emotions...and what i CAN do is to do the next right thing in order to get my emotions back under control...don't know if that makes any sense to anyone else, but that is the best way i can explain it...

thats all for now...may have more later

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(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 43

RE: emotions - 12/14/2009 5:15:28 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
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From: Northern New Jersey
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FR -

Merriam Webster give several definitions other than that.

Main Entry: val·id
Pronunciation: \ˈva-ləd\
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle French or Medieval Latin; Middle French valide, from Medieval Latin validus, from Latin, strong, potent, from valēre
Date: 1571
1 : having legal efficacy or force; especially : executed with the proper legal authority and formalities <a valid contract>
2 a : well-grounded or justifiable : being at once relevant and meaningful <a valid theory> b : logically correct <a valid argument> <valid inference>
3 : appropriate to the end in view : effective <every craft has its own valid methods>
4 of a taxon : conforming to accepted principles of sound biological classification

The bold is where emotions become "valid." Because for the person having them, they are at once relevant and meaningful. I have a dear friend whose boyfriend died last year. During their relationship, she often talked of breaking up with him, how she wasn't happy with him and knew that he wasn't "the one." After his death, she was devastated. I can look at her utter despair at the loss as completely irrational given her feelings and statements when he was alive. But for her, the pain of her loss was at once relevant and meaningful. It isn't for me to judge whether or not she should feel that way. As her friend, I'm there to support her, give her a shoulder to cry on and help her deal with the loss and move on. But who is anyone to tell her that the emotions she was feeling weren't valid?

Does that context make it seem more reasonable?

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 44

RE: emotions - 12/14/2009 5:21:15 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
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From: Apple County NY
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Telling someone their emotion is invalid is a terrible thing to do. You are in effect telling them that they are so stupid they don't even know what they feel. Now you may well feel that they are overreacting but that isn't the point. Emotions aren't actions. Emotions just are. Being invalidated, being negated is a terrible thing to do to a person. Denying them their own perceptions, trying to make them believe that their authentic self is not welcome is not how you have a healthy relationship.

As far as the first statement, it is badly worded. Better to say "when you do this, I feel that." What is valid is to say that you have told the other person before that when they flirt with others at a party and 'don't dance with the one that brung you' it makes you feel bad, and then they do it again that their actions are therefore in opposition with their protestations of love. Because healthy people do not deliberately, knowingly cause someone they claim to love to be in pain.

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Post #: 45

RE: emotions - 12/14/2009 5:28:03 PM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
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From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Telling someone their emotion is invalid is a terrible thing to do. You are in effect telling them that they are so stupid they don't even know what they feel. Now you may well feel that they are overreacting but that isn't the point. Emotions aren't actions. Emotions just are. Being invalidated, being negated is a terrible thing to do to a person. Denying them their own perceptions, trying to make them believe that their authentic self is not welcome is not how you have a healthy relationship.

10 Points.

It's not even so much a matter of being morally 'wring' as logically wrong.

Essentially, if you are telling someone their emotions are invalid you are saying: "I don't care about your feelings." Now, surely some emotions are based on flawed perceptions and illogical presumptions, but either those emotions can be adjusted with clarity or they can't...and if they can't, you're dealing with a plain instance of needing to admit perceptive incompatibility.

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(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 46

RE: emotions - 12/14/2009 5:38:16 PM

zephyroftheNorth

Posts: 8159
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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

~~FR~~
i was taught, and agree that one of the best ways to communicate how YOU are feeling is to say...... "When you do, or say "X", i feel ___"

NOT....... "you make me feel "X" when you do or say ____"

a subtle but BIG difference!

So basically what you're saying is that there's a weel twue way for someone to express how and what they're feeling......YOUR way? Fascinating.

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(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 47

RE: emotions - 12/14/2009 5:42:48 PM

InvisibleBlack

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

Essentially, if you are telling someone their emotions are invalid you are saying: "I don't care about your feelings."

I think in that circumstance you do care about their feelings. You dislike them. You're telling them that what they're feeling is 'wrong' and that instead they should be feeling something else which is to be defined by you.

I agree that that's a terrible thing. What you feel is core to who you are. How someone acts or reacts is what they should be judged on, not what their visceral internal response is to a situation - no one can control that.

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Post #: 48

RE: emotions - 12/14/2009 5:50:29 PM

breatheasone

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quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

~~FR~~
i was taught, and agree that one of the best ways to communicate how YOU are feeling is to say...... "When you do, or say "X", i feel ___"

NOT....... "you make me feel "X" when you do or say ____"

a subtle but BIG difference!

So basically what you're saying is that there's a weel twue way for someone to express how and what they're feeling......YOUR way? Fascinating.

No, i didn't say that at all, i'm sorry if i came acrossed that way, i'll try to watch how i word things. i hope you'll excuse my poor wording.

_____________________________

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(in reply to zephyroftheNorth)

Post #: 49

RE: emotions - 12/14/2009 5:54:57 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

I was reading this thread and it brought up some feelings for me...not because of the original topic but because of one of the replies about emotions...so I was wondering what ya'll thought about a couple of statements that I have problems with....

1) You make me feel [this way].
and
2) All emotions are valid.

I have strong feelings about these statements but I am trying to be openminded here, so I will wait a while before I post those feelings...

Hi kitty. It's good to be seeing you again.

I haven't read the thread you referenced and I have to admit that I haven't read all of the replies on this one, either. I'm sure folks have given some insightful opinions. I hope I'm not just repeating what the others have said.

I have to admit that I straddle a bit on the fence when it comes to the 'you make Me feel' bit. While I agree that no one can force another to feel a certain way, one person can absolutely contribute to a situation to encourage a particular type of response. This can be very true if a person has particular triggers. For example, I know how to instill fear in My boy. Granted, that is a secondary emotion, but it is absolutely something that I could make him feel should I choose to intentionally disrupt him a way that would jar him in the middle of the night.

On all emotions are valid, I agree with that to a certain extent. I think it's impossible for an outside entity to tell you that you don't feel this way or that. At the same time, I think how we deal with our emotions should have a splash of logic thrown in. How we react to the way we feel is just as, if not more important, than the emotion to begin with.

I hope you are well.

_____________________________

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(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 50

RE: emotions - 12/14/2009 6:39:36 PM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

~~FR~~
i was taught, and agree that one of the best ways to communicate how YOU are feeling is to say...... "When you do, or say "X", i feel ___"

NOT....... "you make me feel "X" when you do or say ____"

a subtle but BIG difference!

So basically what you're saying is that there's a weel twue way for someone to express how and what they're feeling......YOUR way? Fascinating.

Actually what Candy is alluding to is not her own twue way, but rather a way that many psychiatrists, psychologists and counselors recommend talking about how we feel so that meaningful dialogue can occur and not have the conversation degrade down into a lot of blame and name calling. It also gives one power over one's own feelings, that they can deal with them and take control after they have been hurt and badly hurt by others. It lets the other person know that his or her action is a procipitating factor to the feelings we might be having, while still knowing that ultimately, we can control them.

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Post #: 51

RE: emotions - 12/14/2009 6:43:58 PM

Ladynslave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

1) You make me feel [this way].
and
2) All emotions are valid.

1. Bullshit. No one can make someone feel any way. The person feeling emotions is the only one that can choose what emotion to feel.
2. True. Just because an emotional response is not necessarily a proper one doesn't mean the person feeling it doesn't feel that way. If it is the wrong emotion, then they (the person feeling said emotion) are the only ones that can change it.

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 52

RE: emotions - 12/14/2009 6:49:09 PM

breatheasone

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Joined: 7/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub
Actually what Candy is alluding to is not her own twue way, but rather a way that many psychiatrists, psychologists and counselors recommend talking about how we feel so that meaningful dialogue can occur and not have the conversation degrade down into a lot of blame and name calling. It also gives one power over one's own feelings, that they can deal with them and take control after they have been hurt and badly hurt by others. It lets the other person know that his or her action is a procipitating factor to the feelings we might be having, while still knowing that ultimately, we can control them.

You put that SO well thank you. Its a little embarrassing to admit all of the counseling i've had..... but *by God it did some good!*(yeah believe it or not THIS is better LOL) and, THE #1 hardest lesson i learned was ...Other people do not control my emotions, i can. It was like trying to learn a foreign language...i just didn't get it... and then i did LOL. i work that way, when something clicks though, man i GOT IT.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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(in reply to heartfeltsub)

Post #: 53

RE: emotions - 12/14/2009 7:07:37 PM

Missokyst

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I try hard to be Mr Spock. Unfortunately I am completely human. People have a right to feel. What they do with those feelings is another thing entirely.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ladynslave

1. Bullshit. No one can make someone feel any way. The person feeling emotions is the only one that can choose what emotion to feel.
2. True. Just because an emotional response is not necessarily a proper one doesn't mean the person feeling it doesn't feel that way. If it is the wrong emotion, then they (the person feeling said emotion) are the only ones that can change it.

(in reply to Ladynslave)

Post #: 54

RE: emotions - 12/14/2009 11:19:56 PM

DemonKia

Posts: 5521
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From: Chico, Nor-Cali
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FR, after skim thru

The paradigms I've found most resonant are as follows:

Data comes in thru the 6 senses -- sight, sound, taste, tactility, scent, & cognition / consciousness. The mind reacts to this data, & emotions are part of the tool-kit of reaction to the data. Note that cognition itself generates both data (thoughts, memories, etc) & feelings. & that 'feelings' & 'emotions' are bio-electro-chemical events happening in the brain. So, 'valid' in the sense of 'are there concrete physical events connected to emotions?', yes, they are physical events occurring in the brain of the feeler. Cascades of neuro-chemicals bathing different modules of the brain & neurons firing across synapses & etc . . . . & thus they are 'real' in the sense that they are not optional in the moment, nor are they particularly consensual. Typically, they just happen & they just are . . .. . .

Also, it is my belief from observation that humans probably should / do feel the full range of potential basic emotions within any given time period. (The time period probably has lots of variability from person to person & even over one's lifetime. The basic set of emotions has some research as to universality, which ones, & etc, but that is the subject of another thread, I'd think . . . )

As to the 'you make me' thing, that's a bit of a pet peeve of mine. I'm pretty relentless with myself & the offspring & other intimates about using the construct of 'I feel thus & such when you do blah blah blah' & variants . . . . . I have this bit I tell people sometimes when I bring the topic up: I say, if I could 'make' you be one way or another, if you had some 'dial' on your back that I could set to, say, 'happy', then I would. I'd make it my life's mission to go about setting everyone's dials to happy, & then breaking them so they can never be anything but happy. For purely selfish reasons, too -- it would be the end of whining (in theory, I know so many get such joy from it) . . . . .

(&, yep, I don't like the 'you make me' construct when it's applied to 'positive' emotions, either . . . . I tend to say things like 'being around you is a joyous thing for me' or simply 'I'm happy / pleased / whatever' or 'I love you' or 'you're so ______' . . . . . I don't like giving them the burden of being responsible for my happiness when it can be such a transitory feeling, thus leading them to feel participants when the happiness fades & some other emotion, less pleasant, comes onto the table, even tho' they may have had nothing to do with my plunge in mood . .. . . & that has happened all too often, & deliberately staying out of the 'you make me' place has been a part in reducing those kinds of misunderstandings . .... . )

Frankly, part of the reason I am such a hard-ass about this communicational stratagem is that I find it easier to hold others accountable for their behavior by using it than I do when I use the 'you make me' approach . . . . . . In my experience, 'you make me' is perceived as more accusatory than the other way, despite how subtle the differences seem. The 'I feel thusly when I have this kind of experience' tactic carries lots of potential to detach the issue away from people's value judgments about being 'good' people or 'bad', which, to me, is the source of so much defensiveness & attack-defend communicational interference . . . . . . .

& usually this is all contextualized, for me, in discussions about taking power over one's life. I particularly dislike the 'you make me' construct because I have significant power & control issues, & once I learned to 'take control' in this manner I dislike ceding that particular power to others . . . . . .

If I cognitively allow the possibility that other people can 'make me feel' this or that, it has no end. There's so much crap in the universe I'd end up maddened. Peace accompanied my increasing ability to control when & where I'd be willing to expose my feeling self.

& note that I think I'm way too thin skinned, sensitive to the point of excessiveness & annoying myself. I used to have quite a temper, & many still perceive me as being, um, passionate . . .. Yeah, there are people & situations & etc that are guaranteed I'll have 'negative' emotional reactions to, but I also have a lot of control over both initially & continuing to expose myself. I have walked away from social interactions, jobs, friendships, family members, & etc, because I was unwilling to give them the power to 'make me feel' whatever crap they were trying to elicit.

& yeah, absolutely recognizing explicitly that there are plenty who will deliberately try to evoke awful feelings in other people -- as manipulation; as covert or overt sadism, ethical or not; irrationally; & etc .. . . . But. Again. I've found that reworking my thoughts that still all too often initiate as 'you made me' into 'I'm having this emotional reaction to this stuff that I'm perceiving' gives me power to deal with those behaviors, when I spot them & when I don't (helps me spot them, in fact -- I've found that the dysfunctionally / predatory / problematic / what-have-you people I've encountered overwhelmingly use the 'you make me' constructs rather than the 'I feel this way in thus & such situations' kinda thing, & that for the dysfunctional, et al, it's part & parcel of their problematic stuff) . .. . Protects me & helps me feel strong & as if I really do have some hold onto the tenuous wisps of illusory control that the universe allows . .. .

Is it okay if I leave it at just answering the OP in this post? Cuz it would take me more paragraphs to get to some of the other questions that popped up in the course of the thread & this damn post has grown gigantonormous as it is . . . . Lushy, for instance, asked an interesting, tho' somewhat tangential question that I could take a swing at, so, let me know, any of you, if you want me to address your specific side questions . . . . If any of you are still awake out there . . .

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(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 55

RE: emotions - 12/15/2009 5:15:21 AM

cpK69

Posts: 1593
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

So if I am married and my spouse cheats on me and I feel betrayed , Im not really betrayed? My feelings are my responsibility?

I was married, my husband did ‘cheat’ on me (though I prefer, broke his vow); and yes, my feelings are my responsibility.

The interesting thing I found, after having time to think things through, I was better off without him.

We had some good times together, and despite the fact that he makes for a crappy husband, and father (though, an okay dad), I don’t think he’s a ‘bad’ person.

In the end, I realized I had committed myself to someone for the sake of staying married, therefore, the betrayal was mine; I should have been committed to me.

I don’t regret that time in my life, however, it was one step closer to finding me. And since I stopped wanting him to be what I needed in a husband, its been a lot easier to love him for who he is... a very large kid.

Kim

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Post #: 56

RE: emotions - 12/15/2009 7:06:45 AM

ranja

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i was with this guy for long enough who i always made feel jealous... i tried not to, but nomatter what i did or did not do i would always endup making him suffer his awful jealousy... i told him that it was insane... in a nice sort of way... well actually in all sorts of ways... but nothing worked... the jealousy was an all consuming green monster... eventually i had to get away from it... because all that totally rediculous jealousy made me feel very very crappy

(in reply to cpK69)

Post #: 57

RE: emotions - 12/15/2009 8:04:28 AM

cpK69

Posts: 1593
Joined: 5/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

i was with this guy for long enough who i always made feel jealous... i tried not to, but nomatter what i did or did not do i would always endup making him suffer his awful jealousy... i told him that it was insane... in a nice sort of way... well actually in all sorts of ways... but nothing worked... the jealousy was an all consuming green monster... eventually i had to get away from it... because all that totally rediculous jealousy made me feel very very crappy

My husband had his moments of jealousy, also, and I always allowed myself to feel guilty, so that I wouldn’t go out, without him.

I was surprised when he told me I made him feel undesirable.

The truth was it was his actions (or lack thereof) that made being with him undesirable, he was just experiencing the results of his actions.

It feels good not to have to carry that around.

Kim

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Humility is where weakness and strength meet and humanity begins.

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Post #: 58

RE: emotions - 12/15/2009 11:24:41 AM

lucylucy

Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

~~FR~~
i was taught, and agree that one of the best ways to communicate how YOU are feeling is to say...... "When you do, or say "X", i feel ___"

NOT....... "you make me feel "X" when you do or say ____"

a subtle but BIG difference!

So basically what you're saying is that there's a weel twue way for someone to express how and what they're feeling......YOUR way? Fascinating.

Heartfeltsub already did a nice job of explaining this one, but I feel I have to put in my two cents, as well. Candy VERY CLEARLY said "I was taught and I agree" . . . so she's stating her opinion, not passing judgment on anyone who disagrees with her.

I've noticed a lot of people getting all bent out of shape when someone voices an opinion that is different from their own. Zeph, you may disagree with Candy, but I thought your post was more antagonistic than necessary to voice your disagreement. (Not to pick on you--I know I've done the same thing a time or two--most of us who've posted more than a handful of times have.)

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(in reply to zephyroftheNorth)

Post #: 59

RE: emotions - 12/15/2009 3:45:52 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

I was reading this thread and it brought up some feelings for me...not because of the original topic but because of one of the replies about emotions...so I was wondering what ya'll thought about a couple of statements that I have problems with....

1) You make me feel [this way].
and
2) All emotions are valid.

I have strong feelings about these statements but I am trying to be openminded here, so I will wait a while before I post those feelings...

Regarding 'you make me feel'..it's a very common phrase eh? That and IT makes me feel, or THEY make me feel.....for me I was brought up that way, hearing that phrase all the time. Mom constantly said: It made her feel a cetain way (the weather/the War/the menopause for example), or THEY made her feel a certain way (the Government/the neighbours/the immigrants).
I suppose as her child much of what I said and thought was in imitation of her and the neighbourhood I grew up in.
It wasn't until I learned to do academic work that I got to appreciate the difference between 'I' statement (I feel) and it statements. And then it wasn't until my era of workshops that I got to explore I feel, I think etc some more. And was taught that IT MAKES ME FEEL is a statemnet of victimhood.
But even so old habits are hard to break. AND we are all of us surrounded by a world in the west where statements of personal emotion disguised as objectified emotions are made all the time: in film, novel, newspapers. Whenever I have returned to the UK from working in less priviledged parts of the world well it's only then that I see how it's all emotional luxury anyway.
BUT I remain in part an emotional masochist and cannot profess to say I don't. Now ir's a fetish though rather than an everyday way of being. So: you make me feel so honoured Sir OR if I have switched: you make me feel disgusted you slut is a fun practice.

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(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 60

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