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submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 6:58:20 AM   
lusciouslips19


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These are polar opposites yet they are both messages that women receive. On the one hand we as submissives or woman should cleave to men.

On the other hand we are told to play hard to get. To be a challenge. We shouldnt be too easy. When the challenge is gone hes gone.

I have in the past given a man everything he wanted and have been told, "no one, could or would treat me better". he's still not emotionally attainable.

These concepts were highly prevalent to me In The story of O. O was the ultimate in Submission. She gave till she had nothing to give but her life itself. She was cast aside. The character Jaqeuline was not submissive and yet you see the character Renee' chasing after her like a puppy dog. He desired what he couldn't have.



So I am interested about what you feel about these opposing views in society and how they play out here? Does a submissive have to fear being cast aside for a bigger challenge?




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RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 7:04:42 AM   
Level


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Status: offline 		I have no interest in a woman playing hard to get. Life is too short.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

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RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 7:06:13 AM   
lusciouslips19


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

I have no interest in a woman playing hard to get. Life is too short.



So then why is this always communicated to us? Surely there is some truth to it?

_____________________________

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Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

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RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 7:08:29 AM   
NihilusZero


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From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

On the other hand we are told to play hard to get. To be a challenge. We shouldnt be too easy. When the challenge is gone hes gone.

Not me.

I think this comes from the fact that many individuals do not actively seek out (prominently) more than one dimension in partners. It's an ego fluff to pretend that, sexually, the would-be partner is "hard to get", because it satisfies some need to feel "special" that you are the one that attracted hir and not all the others. Except that basing that tug of war on the sexual plane means you run into the very contradictions you're alluding to.

The "hard to get" part I want in a partner is based more on the intellectual and emotional plane. That's where I expect them to be picky and selective. Once that's been determined, the sexuality and submission should naturally flow.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

These concepts were highly prevalent to me In The story of O. O was the ultimate in Submission. She gave till she had nothing to give but her life itself. She was cast aside. The character Jaqeuline was not submissive and yet you see the character Renee' chasing after her like a puppy dog. He desired what he couldn't have.

There is that, yes. I still think it's for people who build their relationships on the mentality of acquiring a prize or treasure which they've usurped via their desire for something theoretically.

"After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true."
~Spock

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

So I am interested about what you feel about these opposing views in society and how they play out here? Does a submissive have to fear being cast aside for a bigger challenge?

If xhe is with someone who partnered up with hir for the purpose of sating Hir interest in the predation/hunting game.

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 12/19/2009 7:21:16 AM >

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
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RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 7:11:31 AM   
Level


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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19


quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

I have no interest in a woman playing hard to get. Life is too short.



So then why is this always communicated to us? Surely there is some truth to it?


Sure there is, for some people. And there isn't anything wrong with it, if that's what one wants. I'm just not one of them that likes it.

If you want to be with me, say so. Doesn't mean it'll come to pass, but I can almost promise, at the first sniff of playing hard to get, I'm gone down the road.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

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RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 7:12:28 AM   
Mercnbeth


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quote:

So then why is this always communicated to us? Surely there is some truth to it?


it isn't always communicated...and it only holds truth for those who believe in it.  not everyone perceives or values "submission" in the same way.
 
some folks like "challenge"...yet some folks find challenge, in a relationship, tedious and annoying.

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RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 7:14:40 AM   
DarkSteven


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Status: offline 		I expect the "hard to get" part before the relationship has begun.  When I'm trying to find out about her, what makes her tick, what she needs (and for that matter telling her the same about me), her throwing herself at me before either of us know what we're getting into seems somewhat crass.

After we've begun to play, that's when the "hard to get" part is not needed any more.  If she holds back at this point, it's just frustrating for me.


_____________________________

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 7:15:02 AM   
lusciouslips19


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level


quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19


quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

I have no interest in a woman playing hard to get. Life is too short.



So then why is this always communicated to us? Surely there is some truth to it?


Sure there is, for some people. And there isn't anything wrong with it, if that's what one wants. I'm just not one of them that likes it.

If you want to be with me, say so. Doesn't mean it'll come to pass, but I can almost promise, at the first sniff of playing hard to get, I'm gone down the road.


Well great Domly one, we all want to be with you!

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

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RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 7:24:45 AM   
Level


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Status: offline 		LOL lushy

I don't know if I have enough sleeping quarters...

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
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RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 7:25:29 AM   
DomImus


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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
So then why is this always communicated to us? Surely there is some truth to it?


Always and some. Look at your statement again and tell me what is wrong with it.

Certainly there are men who become bored when the challenge is no more. There are many women like that, as well. In my opinion I think the practice is more widely found among women. It's not even really a 'challenge' thing for them. It's just normal pursuit. Catch and release - just like fishermen do it.

If I was dating two women and most other things were equal or maybe even sided with the one presenting the challenge - I would likely let the one playing hard to get go and focus my attention on the one who is not playing games. That's how I view playing hard to get. I am on the doorstep of turning 50 but this has long been the way I approach relationships.


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RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 7:29:50 AM   
SoulPiercer


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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19


quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

I have no interest in a woman playing hard to get. Life is too short.



So then why is this always communicated to us? Surely there is some truth to it?


First - Amen Level! Life is far too short to waste on someone who kicks me in shins (or the balls, ahhh elementary school crushes) then runs away, thinking I can still walk fast enough to chase them.

Luscious, take a look at who is communicating the mixed signals, then consider the source. I remember not too long ago, there was this book called "The Rules". It supposedly told the modern woman how to be successful in dating and land Mr. Right. If I recall correctly, the three friends who wrote this book were women in their mid-thirties to early forties. Oh .. lest I forget .. they were all still single.

You mention a work of fiction to illustrate your point. Sir Stephen was about as emotionally unavailable as any character I've ever seen written. Hell .. even with Darth Vader you knew when you got a rise out of him. Renee was a spineless twit. He threw one woman away and couldn't figure out why another ran from him.

For some men, and some women, the thrill is in the chase and once they've caught you, they'll throw you back. They may enjoy the challenge, but once they achieve their goal, they look for the next mountain to climb.

For me, I place high value on someone who knows what they want and communicates those needs/desires without some sort of encrypted code hidden in a vault protected by a laser grid.

If I want a challenge, I'll play a video game or do my own taxes.

< Message edited by SoulPiercer -- 12/19/2009 7:36:13 AM >

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RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 7:31:20 AM   
windchymes


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

LOL lushy

I don't know if I have enough sleeping quarters...


PERFECT example!!!!   He wants us to tell him we want to be with him, and as SOON as someone does, a lame excuse as to why he can"t!

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RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 7:31:39 AM   
manxcat


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Status: offline 		Lushy, you said it right here "I have in the past given a man everything he wanted and have been told, "no one, could or would treat me better". he's still not emotionally attainable."
The question is not about hard to get or not, it is being involved with someone who is emotionally unavailable, and that occurs in all kinds of relationships, including parent/child, sibling/sibling, etc.  There are those who are so frightened of intimacy, or unwilling to put in the effort required for deep intimacy, that they remain unavailable.   They also lose the joys of such intimacy , and only have half a relationship.
Perhaps looking at someones other relationships - whether they are close with others, past relationships - there will be trigger words and phrases which signify if they are even capable of the kind of intimacy that you are seeking.  Many people simply do not understand that true intimacy is found within the mental and emotional aspects of a relationship, and you can have an incredible relationship with someone without any physical aspects, beyond hugs and cheek kisses.
Seek out those who are emotionally available to begin with, as you will likely never change someone who is unavailable.

manxy


_____________________________

The television, that insidious beast, that Medusa which freezes a
billion people to stone every night, staring fixedly,
that Siren which called and sang and promised so much and gave, after all, so little.
Ray Bradbury


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RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 7:33:37 AM   
AquaticSub


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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

So I am interested about what you feel about these opposing views in society and how they play out here? Does a submissive have to fear being cast aside for a bigger challenge?



I don't regard giving everything to the point of having nothing left to give as the ultimate in submission. In fact I think it's pretty stupid. Giving till you have nothing and never making sure that you are getting enough to keep giving is like providing someone with one meal when you could have fed them for a lifetime if you'd just taken time to repair your oven.

Personally, I've never received these mixed messages. I'm only told "be yourself - I love you the way you are". Sometimes I play coy with Val and he gets to "chase". It's a very clear game as I'm leading him right to our bed and sometimes I leap on him eagerly.

There was no playing hard to get in our courtship though. I made it very clear, after a long time of knowing him, that I wanted him. Sitting on his lap and starting to make out usually makes my intentions pretty clear. He decided he wanted me too and we've been together ever since.

I don't really do playing hard to get. I may take awhile to decide if I want someone but when I do, I'm clear about it. If they don't like that, I'm not going to keep putting energy where I'm not wanted. There are much more profitable fields where I can plant.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 12/19/2009 7:37:46 AM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 7:35:21 AM   
AquaticSub


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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19


quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

I have no interest in a woman playing hard to get. Life is too short.



So then why is this always communicated to us? Surely there is some truth to it?


As I said in my post, it's never been communicated to me.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 7:39:18 AM   
Level


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quote:

SoulPiercer wrote:

First - Amen Level! Life is far too short to waste on someone who kicks me in shins (or the balls, ahhh elementary school crushes) then runs away, thinking I can still walk fast enough to chase them.


Exactly!
quote:

windchymes wrote:

PERFECT example!!!! He wants us to tell him we want to be with him, and as SOON as someone does, a lame excuse as to why he can"t!


Not the same thing!

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

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RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 7:39:54 AM   
Lucienne


Posts: 1175
Joined: 9/5/2009
Status: offline 		Oh, I hate that whole "playing hard to get" thing. I'm pretty discriminating (probably too discriminating, at a practical level, but it's not something I've figured out how to stop doing in a healthy manner), but I'm also generally friendly. So I end up dealing with guys who think I'm playing hard to get  when, actually, it doesn't matter how hard they try it's not gonna happen.

I've gotten better with age at conveying this information delicately. I imagine I'll perfect it right around the time I hit crone stage and men stop hitting on me. If I'm inclined to be "gotten," it's pretty damn easy to pull off. (My pun awareness caught me before I wrote "there's nothing hard about it.").

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RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 7:42:19 AM   
AquaticSub


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

windchymes wrote:

PERFECT example!!!! He wants us to tell him we want to be with him, and as SOON as someone does, a lame excuse as to why he can"t!


Not the same thing!


Totally is.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 7:42:45 AM   
CarrieO


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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19


These are polar opposites yet they are both messages that women receive. On the one hand we as submissives or woman should cleave to men.

On the other hand we are told to play hard to get. To be a challenge. We shouldnt be too easy. When the challenge is gone hes gone.

I was told this while growing up...don't give the milk away for free and stuff like that.  I hate to say it but every relationship I've seen where the milk was free and easily accessible inevitably ended, usually because of boredom or infidelity. To be honest, there was little emotional connection to be seen in these relationships...mainly a sexual foundation and little else which could explain the reason for failure. 

I have in the past given a man everything he wanted and have been told, "no one, could or would treat me better". he's still not emotionally attainable.

Without an emotional or intellectual connction, it's just two bodies exchanging physical energy.  I'm more attracted to the former in the beginning and if that matches up...the latter tends to follow. 

These concepts were highly prevalent to me In The story of O. O was the ultimate in Submission. She gave till she had nothing to give but her life itself. She was cast aside. The character Jaqeuline was not submissive and yet you see the character Renee' chasing after her like a puppy dog. He desired what he couldn't have.

Great example...in fact this was one of the things that struck me as odd when I first read that book.  O gave away everything, including her soul, and in the end she was just a piece of meat.  Personally, I don't see that as a submissive quality.  Yes, there are many who will say that O was the perfect slave...completely available body/mind/soul...and malleable to the point of death, but still just meat to be tossed aside when the meal is done.



So I am interested about what you feel about these opposing views in society and how they play out here? Does a submissive have to fear being cast aside for a bigger challenge?

As I said in another thread, it was my dad who instilled in all us girls the necessity of self-sufficiency...he wanted us to be able to run our own lives with the understanding that a man/partner would compliment our lives and not be a means to an end. 
 
I guess it comes down to the influences you had during your formative years.  Personally, I don't identify as a submissive woman although I may have submissive qualites.  I have tried that path, though, and it was through that experience I found most of the men who identified as dominant preferred a woman who was "easy" and accessible...less complicated and willing to accept his leaving when all was said and done because it wasn't the sub's place to expect more. 

I don't believe "playing" hard to get is the answer. Games are for childdren.  Having the patience to take the time to discover what makes a person tick and if your clocks chime at the same time is a better goal.

Just my opinion from my experience...it'll be different for others.



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RE: submission vs. playing hard to get - 12/19/2009 7:45:06 AM   
lusciouslips19


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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19


quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

I have no interest in a woman playing hard to get. Life is too short.



So then why is this always communicated to us? Surely there is some truth to it?


As I said in my post, it's never been communicated to me.


I meant by society in books called "The Rules". Or books by Steve HArvey and others telling us how to play "the Game" in order to "catch" the man.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to AquaticSub)
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