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RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/28/2009 9:30:08 PM

greeneyedreamer

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
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What the hell was this thread about? LOL ohhh damn i totally forgot

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I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 101

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/28/2009 9:48:43 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Cheating on a partner is wrong in all cases, not just because it is BDSM

Some fuckwits, of course, piously insist that Cheating Is Always Wrong. To the CIAW crowd, I say this: Fuck you, you self-righteous Pollyanna fucktards. I am so sick of CIAW types insisting with one breath that sex and sexual exclusivity are hugely important. Even the contemplation of an affair, to say nothing of its consummation, represents an unforgivable betrayal. And then in the very next breath, CIAWers insist that sex is so unimportant, so colossally trivial, that a person should be able to go without--forever! - if their mate is unwilling or incapable.

-----

Let me know when you get to 25 pages long.....

(in reply to Acer49)

Post #: 102

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/29/2009 3:46:18 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

it is not so much about having my all important 'needs' met that i come here, it is about injecting additional fun and games into my life and to learn
These are lessons and fun and games i could well live without if He would forbid me to come here... then i would probably just read more books and watch more tv.

OK, this is does not apply to you. Comming here, making friends, posting in the forums, I never said or implied there was anything wrong with that

You absolve me? How grand of you... how about my dirty sessions of cyber sex... especially the times i did it on the sneak with my Husband in the dark about it... will you reconsider and send me to hell after all?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Nobody ever is a 100% true to another or even themselves, absolutely everybody fibs at one time or another
and to leave a partner just because you do not 100% honestly fit together means that you will be alone a lot of the time and i think it is a stupid decision to just leave someone because of this total honesty bs and having to have your needs met totally all the time...

Since I have no idea what you are, let say you were a submissive who truly believed that was what you needed, the emotional bond with dom/me. You would give that all up for the sake of your partner? My post is about the person who felt they needed it so bad, but was unwilling to tell their partner and then tries to do it behind their back.

I am a sub wife as it says at the bottom of my box... where other people put funny quotes... alternatively you should have paid more attention when you visited my profile recently... by the way there it also says i am here for CYBER
Most people need an emotional connection at some point at some level.
Though reading here some Dominant males seem to do quite fine without any true attachment to a female... hence these threads of fucking girls up the butt really hard... enjoying the fact that it hurts her very much... these men probably do good finding a female who allows them to do this to her... without his wife ever having to go through this ordeal or having to know about it if she is not that way inclined nor would understand his 'need'...
i am sure i don't understand this 'need'... i would not like it to be left over something as trivial as this though...
also there have been times that i would not have 'appreciated' his honesty should he have told me about fancying a scenario like this.

So i 'needed' something and i found it here... totally behind his back... it took me ages and a lot of courage to come clean... and still i have thoughts He does not know about...
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i think people generally should be more realistic and patient and more creative and forgiving and more and also less selfish and try harder to stick together no matter what

Would that include attempting to turn a vanilla person into a Dom/me or a submissive? That could be quite an undertaking

No that means being more accepting of other people
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maybe some people get their rocks off being- or having- a dirty little secret...
why judge?

Well if one was and the secret got out, it more than likely hurt someone and some may view that as selfish and insensitive

If the secret is not there than there will be people hurting too... that is the whole point...

(in reply to Acer49)

Post #: 103

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/29/2009 5:08:31 AM

Lucienne

Posts: 1175
Joined: 9/5/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: deansslut

-I can't believe you low lifes had nothing better to do all day then talk shit about me,that made my day. thanks just love to piss people off and see what their really made of. were not even in the life ,just wanted some where to piss people off . Where better to do that then here. the whole story was to bring out the defenders , and it did . good job..

Troll FAIL.

(in reply to deansslut)

Post #: 104

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/29/2009 5:31:40 AM

Lucienne

Posts: 1175
Joined: 9/5/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
maybe some people get their rocks off being- or having- a dirty little secret...
why judge?

Well if one was and the secret got out, it more than likely hurt someone and some may view that as selfish and insensitive

If the secret is not there than there will be people hurting too... that is the whole point...

I agree with ranja. I understand and respect that individuals would refuse to be in an intimate relationship with a "cheater." But I have a hard time jumping on the moralizing train that seems to reserve the strongest words of condemnation for those who cheat. I've got a few problems with it. First, I don't think that being a cheater in your relationship means you're a jerk of a human being in general. Plenty of assholes are monogamous and decent people cheat too. So I can't support social condemnation for a private flaw/injury. Second, well hell, it really does all come back to that first point. Many people still treat adultery like it's a crime. They don't want the adulterers thrown in jail, but they do act as if a wrong has been committed against the public order (see Bill Clinton). I disagree with that. Strongly.

I've been cheated on. I've never cheated. I have been involved with men who had girlfriends, and my role was supplementary not competitive. I stay away from married men for practical reasons, not because I think I owe it to some stranger to respect her marriage vow (a contract that I am not a party to). One of those reasons is to avoid the inevitable shitstorm of condemnation that follows adultery. I haven't met a man yet that is worth that trouble. So I guess the condemnation is pretty effective at its social purpose - but I still have this funny feeling that it is wrong. That focusing so much consternation on extra-marital intimacy distracts from an honest assessment of other factors that are barriers to a fully satisfying relationship. That, at the end of the day, it (socially enforced monogamy) is a shell game.

< Message edited by Lucienne -- 12/29/2009 5:33:52 AM >

(in reply to ranja)

Post #: 105

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/29/2009 5:56:54 AM

wisdomtogive

Posts: 636
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline

My morals are what i have to follow. I believe people are just commenting on how they see things. Let's face it, my morals will not be accepted by many, but i do not feel i am being judged by a person who sees things differently then me. i have to live with myself and the bond i have in my spiritual beliefs. Mine are not any better or worse then another. I have seen/witness the effect of going outside of a relationship and how it affects them. I don't believe also in staying in any relationship that has no growth left in it. I am a pagan Jew, which doesnt sit well with people. I live my life as instructed and try my best. If a person wants to go out of their relationship so be it, as long as i am not involved with it. I am no one's God and am no one's moral judge. I don't believe in hell either, but karma yes!!!!

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Happily owned by MstrDark1

(in reply to Lucienne)

Post #: 106

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/29/2009 6:13:55 AM

SirAntonio

Posts: 48
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

I have to agree with all who have taken a stand, cheating is wrong, period. If you can not connect and or communicate in a marriage what makes anyone think they can do so in the lifestyle. Fix the marriage or end it. If a marriage is ended, let time go by to heal and work on the things that were wrong in the marriage. If you do not, the chances of a failed BDSM relationship is great.

(in reply to slavekal)

Post #: 107

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/29/2009 6:28:18 AM

Lucienne

Posts: 1175
Joined: 9/5/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirAntonio
If you can not connect and or communicate in a marriage what makes anyone think they can do so in the lifestyle.

Marriage, as an institution, did not develop with the goal of satisfying people's most intimate desires. One can excel at the many practical aspects of marriage and still find oneself partnered with an incompatible person re: your most intimate desires. If a person can maintain their efficacy in the marriage while satisfying those desires outside of it, I say more power to them. I just think that's difficult to do, at a practical level, not that it's immoral to try.

And sure, it would be lovely if one's spouse was a perfect match, or if one could communicate openly about a desire to seek satisfaction of certain desires outside of the marriage. Those are ideals to be aimed for. Most people don't hit the ideal mark.

(in reply to SirAntonio)

Post #: 108

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/29/2009 7:10:47 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirAntonio

I have to agree with all who have taken a stand, cheating is wrong, period. If you can not connect and or communicate in a marriage what makes anyone think they can do so in the lifestyle. Fix the marriage or end it.

In that case to allow someone to cheat is wrong too... and to drive them to it is even worse...

Marriages are supposed to be long term things... to death really....
i know i know what a silly notion nowadays...

People fuck up... people just do... marriages go through bad spells... you can not expect a lifetime together to be all rozes and moonshine... it is totally unrealistic...
Everybody will discover at some time that their partner can be a total selfish bitch or asshole or unrelyable when you actually counted on them...
You will discover at some point that you are NOT on the same page... there is NO way you can spend 30+ years together and totally see eye to eye on any subject and be totally honest about everything... because it really is not realistic

The art is indeed to fix the problem... but how to go about that?
People might be quite lost to eachother and it will be difficult to find your way back... breaking up is so often the easy way out and for quite a few people in the long run actually turns out to be the wrong decision...
fixing can take a long time... and things quite often get worse before they get better.

A successfull mariage is when two people have respect for eachother and manage to compromise where no agreement can be found...
no one said it was easy or even that it should be easy... and no one will ever have it all, all the time... no matter if you split or stick it...

(in reply to SirAntonio)

Post #: 109

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/29/2009 7:54:00 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

quote:

Cheating on a partner is wrong in all cases, not just because it is BDSM

Some fuckwits, of course, piously insist that Cheating Is Always Wrong. To the CIAW crowd, I say this: Fuck you, you self-righteous Pollyanna fucktards. I am so sick of CIAW types insisting with one breath that sex and sexual exclusivity are hugely important. Even the contemplation of an affair, to say nothing of its consummation, represents an unforgivable betrayal. And then in the very next breath, CIAWers insist that sex is so unimportant, so colossally trivial, that a person should be able to go without--forever! - if their mate is unwilling or incapable.

-----

Let me know when you get to 25 pages long.....

We might have had a better chance of that had the one pic remained up. Now we just have the subject itsself to go on. LOL.

On a serious note, I can't say anything about going without sex forever. None of us are dead yet and I tend to think the 'forever' thing is a bit dramatic.

I do, however, come from the perspective of having a spouse that 1) isn't submissive or masochistic in nature and 2) has a career that takes him out of the country at times for periods of up to a year. That means, yes, during My marriage I can, and have, remained celibate by choice a few times for several months at a shot. One year, I was literally only sexually active for the two weeks he was home on leave.

With this in mind, I think it's fairly safe to say that I've gone through periods without sex in My marriage that have lasted longer than a very high majority of other married folks who visit these boards. My opinions on the matter don't come from having no basis of experience of abstinence during marriage. It's probably *because* I have this experience that I feel so strongly on the subject. If that makes Me someone who deserves being labeled a fuckwit because I'm able to live up to the standard that I've set for Myself, so be it.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 110

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/29/2009 8:57:59 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I do look at a commitment as a serious thing. My problem with going outside a commitment is the damage you do to people you claim to love or care for. Cheating or lying is not an accident. It is intentional and therefore the results of the actions taken for personal gain are intentional, thought out or not. They intended to get what they wanted without much concern for who their actions might wound. And a lying and cheating spouse who claims to love you and has committed to you is a pretty hefty wound to most people.

You can't hang with the one you committed yourself to... leave. It may do some wounds, but it won't be the kind of betrayal that lying and cheating cause. Staying for the children? Who says we are doing them any favors by staying in a marriage or commitment we do not honor enough to have the loving it takes on both sides to make it loving and enjoyable for both. How many children get angry with a parent that cheated on the other and why would they get angry about that? One can leave a relationship without leaving the children. If it is that big a deal in the situation, then you raise those children and do the right thing because they didn't ask to be brought into a situation and deserve good parents and then you go seek what you want.

Do no harm... at least... try to do no harm. I haven't met one person who was sorry they took the road of strength and denied themselves to assure the happiness of those they were committed to... I have met many who were sorry that they didn't though.

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 111

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/29/2009 9:03:28 AM

SirAntonio

Posts: 48
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

@ Lockit - well put.... I enjoyed your second paragraph the most.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 112

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/29/2009 9:05:58 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

Poor Lockit, you are missing the point.

Cheating is ok because anything other course of action is.....inconvenient.

Jeff

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"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 113

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/29/2009 9:25:58 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Far as I am concerned if any you gals want to give me a blowjob, it aint really cheating.

Hope this helps.

Ron

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 114

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/29/2009 9:31:10 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

As long as it's not June!

Ward

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"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 115

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/29/2009 9:32:24 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
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I think my dick is as safe from Junes lips as if it were in gods trousers.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 116

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/29/2009 9:36:39 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

sighsssssssss.... you are probably right.

Jeff

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 117

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/29/2009 10:10:33 AM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

~FR

I believe that we damage ourselves in doing what we know is wrong. Maybe it's not wrong for some, but knowingly doing what is wrong, it seems to me, damages us.

It is when your spirit goes wandering upon the wind,

That you, alone and unguarded, commit a wrong unto others and therefore unto yourself.

And for that wrong committed must you knock and wait a while unheeded at the gate of the blessed. ~Gibran

_____________________________

Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 118

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/29/2009 10:16:25 AM

kiinkerbell

Posts: 19
Joined: 12/28/2009
Status: offline

i notice the OP remove the ass boob pic. Probably the smartest thing the OP did all year eh?

And hello Collarme! Hows it hanging?

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 119

RE: Married People and the Lifestyle - 12/29/2009 10:32:12 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

A slight correction. It was not the OP who displayed that pic. It was another person on this thread. While not exactly flattering, the picture paled in comparison to the ugliness of the words and name calling that particular poster lowered herself to.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to kiinkerbell)

Post #: 120

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