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Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don’t ... - 12/27/2009 10:41:49 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don’t fit in here. I almost feel as though we are cheating at this and yet we are so blissfully happy.

So what is wrong with taking all of this light heartedly? Perhaps nothing wrong? but I get the impression that if your having too much fun then your probably not doing it properly.

I spent years dominating but I never took it so seriously that it became a conscious, everyday part of my life (except of course when I was doing this professionally and had to put a whole load of unnatural effort into many a session)

I would say that if I put my life on a lab table and analyzed it, my findings would be a life of 24/7 D/s S/m and PE and yet we never use words like Sir or Maam and we never wait on bended knee to please unless we are getting down to sex.

Our relationship is incredibly disciplined but we hardly ever speak about that. It just seems to occur on a continual and happy basis. Everything we do seems to happen spontaneously and it always seems to fall happily into place.

I know, I know... if we are happy then thats all that matters and your right of course but I’m wondering why I so often feel like a stranger in this community.



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RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 12/27/2009 10:45:55 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don’t fit in here. I almost feel as though we are cheating at this and yet we are so blissfully happy.

So what is wrong with taking all of this light heartedly? Perhaps nothing wrong? but I get the impression that if your having too much fun then your probably not doing it properly.

I spent years dominating but I never took it so seriously that it became a conscious, everyday part of my life (except of course when I was doing this professionally and had to put a whole load of unnatural effort into many a session)

I would say that if I put my life on a lab table and analyzed it, my findings would be a life of 24/7 D/s S/m and PE and yet we never use words like Sir or Maam and we never wait on bended knee to please unless we are getting down to sex.

Our relationship is incredibly disciplined but we hardly ever speak about that. It just seems to occur on a continual and happy basis. Everything we do seems to happen spontaneously and it always seems to fall happily into place.

I know, I know... if we are happy then thats all that matters and your right of course but I’m wondering why I so often feel like a stranger in this community.




at the moment i'm not having all that much fun at it not having a partner to abuse so i must be doing something wrong

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 12/27/2009 10:48:04 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

but I’m wondering why I so often feel like a stranger in this community.


you are the only one who can answer that.


(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 12/27/2009 10:56:03 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don’t fit in here. I almost feel as though we are cheating at this and yet we are so blissfully happy.

So what is wrong with taking all of this light heartedly? Perhaps nothing wrong? but I get the impression that if your having too much fun then your probably not doing it properly.

I spent years dominating but I never took it so seriously that it became a conscious, everyday part of my life (except of course when I was doing this professionally and had to put a whole load of unnatural effort into many a session)

I would say that if I put my life on a lab table and analyzed it, my findings would be a life of 24/7 D/s S/m and PE and yet we never use words like Sir or Maam and we never wait on bended knee to please unless we are getting down to sex.

Our relationship is incredibly disciplined but we hardly ever speak about that. It just seems to occur on a continual and happy basis. Everything we do seems to happen spontaneously and it always seems to fall happily into place.

I know, I know... if we are happy then thats all that matters and your right of course but I’m wondering why I so often feel like a stranger in this community.




That's kind of funny, Maria, because I'd be the first person to say that you're doing everything right.  LOL.

It's working for you, isn't it?  Does it matter that you aren't protocol types or any other thing?  Yes, you say you know, you know, but do you really?

I tend to get the impression that you, Steve, and your new gal have a pretty good thing going.  So, you might not be like Me or anyone else.  Why would you want to be?  No offense intended, but I wouldn't want to be you.  My way works for Me, where yours wouldn't.  If you were doing things My way, you may not be as happy as you are now.  And they might not be as happy either.

One of the toughest things in wiitwd is finding the right fit and having someone (or more than one someone) who is just the right mix of compatibility.  It seems to Me that you have that, just as I do.  In all honesty, how do you argue with success?


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 12/27/2009 11:00:35 AM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

I know, I know... if we are happy then thats all that matters and your right of course but I’m wondering why I so often feel like a stranger in this community.

*hands you a drink and an hor d'oeuvre*

I tend to prefer those that don't fit in, so welcome.

Although I find it odd that you feel this way as the postings I recall of yours and Steve's seem to usually be quite pertinent and informative.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 12/27/2009 11:06:18 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Hey Maria,
I recently wrote about how I need to have more light hearted and joy in my relationships.  I have decided to no longer deny myself that which is natural for me.  I will not deny myself my abilities, my strengths.  I will not embrace only those things that are a struggle.

Sounds like you are fitting in with the cool kids.  *I like to THINK I'm a cool kid... could just be we are the chess club.  *shrug.

welcome , welcome!
sunshine

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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 12/27/2009 11:13:30 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Maria... if you don't fit... I don't know who would! You and Steve seem to have what many wish they had!

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 12/27/2009 11:13:35 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Hey Maria,
I recently wrote about how I need to have more light hearted and joy in my relationships.  I have decided to no longer deny myself that which is natural for me.  I will not deny myself my abilities, my strengths.  I will not embrace only those things that are a struggle.

Sounds like you are fitting in with the cool kids.  *I like to THINK I'm a cool kid... could just be we are the chess club.  *shrug.

welcome , welcome!
sunshine


crosses sunshine off list of women to abuse

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 12/27/2009 11:27:16 AM   
Underumam


Posts: 485
Joined: 12/18/2008
Status: offline 		I hope you're not gonna flounce Maria..lol.  I've found more in common with you than I have the vast majority of posters here, and I'd really miss you if you weren't around.........

< Message edited by Underumam -- 12/27/2009 11:28:06 AM >

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 12/27/2009 11:29:33 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don’t fit in here. I almost feel as though we are cheating at this and yet we are so blissfully happy.

So what is wrong with taking all of this light heartedly? Perhaps nothing wrong? but I get the impression that if your having too much fun then your probably not doing it properly.

I spent years dominating but I never took it so seriously that it became a conscious, everyday part of my life (except of course when I was doing this professionally and had to put a whole load of unnatural effort into many a session)

I would say that if I put my life on a lab table and analyzed it, my findings would be a life of 24/7 D/s S/m and PE and yet we never use words like Sir or Maam and we never wait on bended knee to please unless we are getting down to sex.

Our relationship is incredibly disciplined but we hardly ever speak about that. It just seems to occur on a continual and happy basis. Everything we do seems to happen spontaneously and it always seems to fall happily into place.

I know, I know... if we are happy then thats all that matters and your right of course but I’m wondering why I so often feel like a stranger in this community.




Well, for what it's worth, I hope y'all don't leave; you post some of the best and most thought provoking comments, especially on switching, to be found here

And the smoking hot pics don't hurt, either .


_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 12/27/2009 11:31:44 AM   
Not4Release


Posts: 1
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		Because most people here are not realistic thats why.

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 12/27/2009 11:34:16 AM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		OP - you might consider that most of what is written here is just that - writing. I can write about my Sirs and my relationship and it sounds terribly "bdsm"y - but translate that into real life, and you have two people who have a lot of fun and laughing together. Once i learned what he wanted in the way of protocol, our relationship became much more relaxed, but still retained said protocol.

We are just like any other happy couple, with a few added rituals thrown in, and an attitude that fits the two of us. In the end we have to live with ourselves, and for us, it works really well.

I'm willing to bet that most couple on this site are the same way. We don't think about bdsm all the time, we just live it.

(in reply to Underumam)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 12/27/2009 11:34:42 AM   
starshineowned


Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Greetings..

Eventually over time as you find yourself living what you feel has been missing ..you proceed to do just that live it. In many ways what others are doing versus what you are doing becomes somewhat alienated, and the ability to understand others tends to fade. This isn't the same as keeping the ability to at least accept the differences, and for myself both are a challenge but I keep trying as the latter of the 2 is a requirement of me to even be allowed to post.

There is a drive though to connect, to express, to find others who do understand things in the same way. It simply is human nature to be social. The only way to find that is to continually express.

At home though it is the same as you have expressed. It just is and happens, and very little speak of doing this or that needs be done.

starshine


_____________________________

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." --Abraham Lincoln

(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 12/27/2009 12:01:08 PM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline 		In agreement with the other posters here.

I'm not exactly sure why you feel you are not fitting in, unless I expand on your thoughts about not being in a contrived rigidly defined role, or making kink the center of your life.

If thats the case, then Kim and i are in the same boat. Truth is, often when we go to clubs or even browse here, we do seem like odd ducks; We are only lightly into pain and fetish, so we are too vanilla for most, yet in being a "couple seeking third", the life we want to make is too extreme even for many hard core edge players.

But it would be odd if it were any other way, wouldn't it? BDSM is actually just a catchall phrase, a grouping of wildly disparate people who have different interests, and see things differently. Some emphasize the physical, others the relationship, some want long term, some short term, and on and on. The only thing that we all have in common is that there is something having to do with power dynamics in our relationship.

Someone wisely commented on these boards that "BDSM happens in that twilight space between fantasy and reality"; which is why it is so hard sometimes to separate the firm truth from the shadows of dreams- one of the biggest fantasies, promoted even by those within the community, is that there is an established order, a creed and constitution that lays out and defines us clearly.
The Story of O and countless other books promised a shadowy underground network of Masters and slaves who all acted according to the same set of rules and beliefs and manners and mores, that we all held in communion a tight knit community of common understanding.

Maybe you two don't fit in because there really isn't anything to fit into. All there really is is a loose affiliation of people who have some common threads and an interest in similar relationships. Ironically, the more we accept our different ways of seeing things, the more we have in common; and the more we try to enforce an orthodoxy the more we fissure and separate.

(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 12/27/2009 12:08:52 PM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Not4Release

Because most people here are not realistic thats why.



what an unrealistic response

(in reply to Not4Release)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 12/27/2009 12:10:47 PM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		maybe you would feel just as much of a stranger anywhere else... i know i do... i have never fitted anywhere but in my own skin really...
i think your needle work rocks

(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 12/27/2009 12:15:24 PM   
Underumam


Posts: 485
Joined: 12/18/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696


quote:

ORIGINAL: Not4Release

Because most people here are not realistic thats why.



what an unrealistic response


Really...Who among us of the kink community can say we don't relate to not fitting in and playing well with others? *grin*

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 12/27/2009 12:16:53 PM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		lol true also
especially when you are discovering all in the beginning

(in reply to Underumam)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 12/27/2009 12:32:15 PM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline 		Hello Maria...

To tell you the truth, it's because it is so natural and blissful for the two of you that I enjoy your posts.  They're like a breath of fresh air...light-hearted...in the midst of some of the oh-so-serious ones.

Call me silly but, I thought this was suppose to be fun and about enjoying the experience with someone who enjoys it just as much as you do.  I, for one, think you have exactly right!

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~


(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Just recently I have started to feel that I/We don�... - 12/27/2009 12:34:39 PM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		btw OP

it is not bad to take a break once in a while. I do it regular.
But somehow I miss this weirdness afther a month or so.

(in reply to CarrieO)
Profile   Post #: 20
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