lucylucy
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So many interesting, thoughtful responses! Thanks, everyone. A few more thoughts I've had, inspired by some of the responses . . .
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ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
I don't much care about romantic love. To me, it is a shallow thing, full of false expectations built on poor or non communication. I do not hold much value for romance.
What I need from most of my relationships is a different and more lasting love. A love that does not need sappy cards, birthdays and anniversaries remembered always, romantic dinners and scheduled date nights.
I really like this distinction between romantic love and the second type you describe. I think what I was saying in my op is that I had the first type with my ex and have the second type with my owner.
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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
I am also a sensual sadist. Plainly, I get aroused from teasing and torturing a man and watching him squirm, his discomfort and vulnerability bringing out a very cruel and lustful, yet paradoxically loving, creature in me. I don't fetishise the man, but rather, find all of this even more pleasurable and natural when I'm with a strong, intelligent gentleman that I know intimately and love. . . . But when all the flirting is said and done, I would rather live all of this within the realm of a relationship. What lovely intimacy this all creates! I have never experienced love making that brings mind, soul and body together than the lovemaking that includes power exchange with sadistic pain and pleasure.
I could never do the cruel and wicked things I do to a man I didn't adore. I would feel like a monster. I mean yes I've played with boys who were play subs, but I was terribly fond of them, and it never went as far as with the ones I've adored.
LadyAngelika, the part of your post that I excerpted here helped me realize that for me, the intimacy of M/s totally trumps the romance of Hallmark-card love. Also, I just love the way you articulate the importance of adoration in your dynamic. That's beautiful. I would say my owner and I adore each other.
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ORIGINAL: agirl
In my M/s relationship, I rarely think about whether I *love* or not. I've known him for over 10 years, I never *fell in love* and other words seem far more applicable and accurate than * love*, such as *worship, adore, idolize, trust, respect*. So no, it doesn't matter much.
I've been with him for a very long time, that could be seen as *successful*...but where *love* comes into it, I really couldn't tell you. I haven't a clue whether he loves me or not. How would I know? By him saying it?
I value many things that he gives me.....care, consistant interest, attention and concern, affection, control.....I'm not sure that that means that he *loves* me so it doesn't *figure* in it. It signifies that he cares for me a great deal. If he said he loved me, not a single thing would change .....so it's irrelevant and insignificant.
agirl, I love the frankness of your response. My owner and I do say "I love you," but it's not nearly as meaningful as when I say "I'm yours" or he says "you're mine." If we stopped saying "I love you," I doubt anything in our relationship would change, so like in your relationship, I think it's irrelevant and insignificant.
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ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist
To me, successful TPE (Total Power Exchange) requires complete trust and commitment. It has to run both ways or neither will gain it. You must commit to both your role in the relationship and each other. If you are not committed to exchanging all physical, mental and emotional dynamics, then it isn't a total exchange is it?
Mutual trust requires mutual exposure. Exposure is vulnerability. Vulnerability proves trust. Trust inspires love and makes surrender and control possible. If you are to succeed at a 100% power exchange, there is no room for secrets or privacy on either part under any pretense. My power to control comes from completely exposing who I am, not from false invulnerability created by guarding my exposure to you.
This reminded me that one of the aspects of stereotypical romantic love that has always irritated me is the idea that a woman needs to remain mysterious and unpredictable in some way; in other words, she should never completely expose who she is to her lover.
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ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
. . . But it comes down to how I love and how I expect to be loved. I am not looking for a love that is created because of what I do... but a love for who I am.
Yes! That's part of what I was trying to articulate.
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ORIGINAL: heartcream
Op you say you tell your man everyday that "I am yours." That is pretty romantic to me.
I see your point, but when I say "I am yours," I mean it in a property/ownership way, not a romantic "I'm in your heart and you're in mine" kind of way. It's probably a distinction that means something to me because of my context.
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ORIGINAL: cpK69
I like the topic, and appreciate the op being presented in a manner that was easy for me to respond to. : )
Aw, thanks, Kim.
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“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi
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RE: how valuable is "romantic love" to you? - 
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