Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Disclosure of Private Information


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Disclosure of Private Information Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Disclosure of Private Information - 2/10/2010 10:43:27 AM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline 		Good lord, if he's this worried about it. Instruct his ass to go down to Wal-Mart and buy


  • Basic Prepaid Cell phone $19.99+ (Same Network/Free Calls)
  • A $15.00 Prepaid Phone Card.


Speedy Online Activation. Basic Daily use .99 cents a day.

If he buys the Cheapest Prepaid Phone there is.. the total cost should be around $35.00 to 45.00 (Cheaper than a Dinner date at Red Lobster)

Why are some people just so full of excuses?

(in reply to MissBeautiful2U)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Disclosure of Private Information - 2/10/2010 10:44:04 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

For the record, I've played with scores of people over the course of My life that I have never been in their home, nor they in Mine.  In fact, I'm more likely to play with someone the first time around at either a party or an event.  If we are talking about S/m, rather than a sexual encounter, this can actually be a safer way to engage with someone the first time, rather than bringing them to your home.


Agreed. I would be very weirded out if every person I've played with wanted my phone number. My SoP is "Wanna play? Ok. We'll meet at the local party/event, feel each other out and see what happens." and from there decide if I want to play and if I want to hand out my phone number.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Disclosure of Private Information - 2/10/2010 10:44:16 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I know that for me........it isn't so much about personal possessions but about the well being of the people in my life. I can handle a little bit of crazy. I don't want the people I care about, to have to deal with crazy they didn't agree to.

Very very few people are allowed into my home. That is my private domain, my personal space. A place that family comes to retreat from hectic cities, crazy busy jobs. I am not inviting crazy into that retreat.


< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 2/10/2010 10:45:17 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Disclosure of Private Information - 2/10/2010 10:45:56 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

Why are some people just so full of excuses?


I would actually be more bothered by someone who used that route for me to be able to call them. That, to me, is a much bigger red flag of "There are people in my life that I don't want picking up the phone when you call" than simply "I don't feel comfortable yet".

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Whiplashsmile4)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Disclosure of Private Information - 2/10/2010 10:48:13 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

party or an event.


With witnesses I assume....


Far different from the way I play, but to each their own... I am thinking about a situation in which I am alone because I have never engaged in public play.


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Disclosure of Private Information - 2/10/2010 10:50:07 AM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline 		i hate to be the one to add the sexist comment, but i will.

i get concerned by this story because he is a guy and you are a woman.  He has allowed you to share your phone number, but he won't share his due to safety concerns.  Does anyone else see anything wrong with this picture?  In general (i know that it is not ALWAYS the case), men are stronger than women.  So you have as much or more to be worried about than he does when it comes to safety. 

If he had safety concerns then he should not have taken your number.  He should have shown just as much concern for YOUR safety as he is showing for his own safety.  But he didn't do that. 

It would make more sense to me if you had taken his telephone number, but not provided your own.  i would completely understand that scenario.  You would simply be a Domme who was exercising her control while also looking out for her safety.  But it sounds suspicious coming from a male sub.

As far as him owning a business, i don't really see how that makes him vulnerable.  i own a business, yet that is not a concern when i share my telephone number.  It is sometimes a concern when it comes to public play, or going to munches or play parties where i may not want to be seen because i am well known in the local business community.  But i don't see how he would be putting his business at risk simply by you having his phone number.

i can't say for sure, because i don't know him or his situation.  But from the information that you've provided, he sounds like someone who is hiding something (e.g. a wife).

(in reply to MissBeautiful2U)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Disclosure of Private Information - 2/10/2010 10:52:22 AM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I know that for me........it isn't so much about personal possessions but about the well being of the people in my life. I can handle a little bit of crazy. I don't want the people I care about, to have to deal with crazy they didn't agree to.

Very very few people are allowed into my home. That is my private domain, my personal space. A place that family comes to retreat from hectic cities, crazy busy jobs. I am not inviting crazy into that retreat.



Ditto on that. At one point in time, I had way too many uninvited guests and people showing up, It turned into a none stop circus. I've become extremely selective about the people I invite over and know exactly where i live.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Disclosure of Private Information - 2/10/2010 10:54:26 AM   
MissBeautiful2U


Posts: 98
Joined: 12/5/2008
Status: offline 		*smile* Thanks to everyone for reinforcing what I was already thinking.

If this was someone who just said he wanted to play, I might feel differently.  He says he wants to be Mine.  Of course, he says the right things.

When I said I tend to text more than speak by phone, I meant that in general, not with him.  Clearly I don't have his phone number.  I did tell him that if he wanted to continue this, I would expect him to at a minimum go out and buy a prepaid phone so I have some means of contacting him.

But really, deep down, I know if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.  And when flags come up like this, one ought to heed them.

For those who commented about "demands" of one who is not yours, my question was more along the lines of when should certain things happen?  What would be a red flag?

I think that if you want to be Mine, you probably should be willing to trust me enough to call... unless there is someone else at home.  I may have broken one of my safety rules (and shame on me for that oversight) but I am not going to bring someone into my home who cannot trust me enough to share his phone number.  Realistically,I am not frightened of him... just think he probably has someone else at home.  If I cannot be trusted enough with a number, then how can he trust me to tie him up and do whatever I want?

I think a compromise though, just in case he is real, might be to continue having vanilla dates in public, but no private play time until he can trust me more. 

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Disclosure of Private Information - 2/10/2010 10:54:46 AM   
Domin8tingUrDrmz


Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

For the record, I've played with scores of people over the course of My life that I have never been in their home, nor they in Mine.  In fact, I'm more likely to play with someone the first time around at either a party or an event.  If we are talking about S/m, rather than a sexual encounter, this can actually be a safer way to engage with someone the first time, rather than bringing them to your home.


Agreed. I would be very weirded out if every person I've played with wanted my phone number. My SoP is "Wanna play? Ok. We'll meet at the local party/event, feel each other out and see what happens." and from there decide if I want to play and if I want to hand out my phone number.


I can see this in a public domain. Sure. Somehow I didn't get the impression that this is what the OP was referring to. Perhaps I'm mistaken.

But in all honesty, if I'm chatting someone up online, then decide to go meet for coffee, I want a phone number in case for some reason I get a flat tire and cannot make the appointed meet up. If they cannot provide me a number that to me signifies an issue I may not want to deal with. Quite frankly, I hate phones and text messages (yeah I know here I am talking online) and I do tell people I won't be calling them unless an emergency arises. So if they have trust issues over a phone number, or they have a partner that they don't want answering when I call...I really don't want to get involved. Mind you, I talk with them online for a bit first. I don't just jump for the digits.


_____________________________

4 out of 3 people have trouble with fractions.

Ask a Mistress Forum FAQ
Profile Help

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Disclosure of Private Information - 2/10/2010 10:54:57 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		If someone was THAT obnoxious as to *instruct* me on how I can avoid them inpinging on my life well before I'm ready.....I'd be history anyhow.

If I don't trust someone, I just don't. I *trust* in my own way in my own time.

agirl

(in reply to Whiplashsmile4)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Disclosure of Private Information - 2/10/2010 10:56:26 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		No. It's a phone number. It can be changed. It's clearly a cell phone as the OP mentioned texting so it's not tied to her physical address.

To be fair, she sent him her number unasked for and he has not texted her or she would have the number on her phone. Unless I'm reading it wrong, he is not making use of the number that she sent.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Disclosure of Private Information - 2/10/2010 10:58:24 AM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

I'd probably just bag it... you gave yours, he should give his -- my guess would be that he's attached or hiding something


This.

I wouldn't demand anyone reciprocate but I also wouldn't waste time with them if they didn't. I did that once, and was a fool.



I join that club

_____________________________

RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Disclosure of Private Information - 2/10/2010 10:58:26 AM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

If he had safety concerns then he should not have taken your number.  He should have shown just as much concern for YOUR safety as he is showing for his own safety.  But he didn't do that. 



BINGO!

This person has no problem meeting you in public and setting a date to play....no safety issues there for him. 

I don't see how sharing a phone number with someone he's met with and plans to meet again could hurt or cause a safety issue.

Sounds more like he's afraid of being hurt by the wife/girlfriend. 

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~


(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Disclosure of Private Information - 2/10/2010 11:01:04 AM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		So, he'll get with you physically, but won't give his phone number because he has trust issues? Sounds like bullshit to me.

There isn't any "reasonable" time frame for this or that. There is only what feels right to *you* under any given set of circumstances.


Trust your gut, make a decision, then don't look back to second guess yourself.

(in reply to MissBeautiful2U)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Disclosure of Private Information - 2/10/2010 11:01:51 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Domin8tingUrDrmz

But in all honesty, if I'm chatting someone up online, then decide to go meet for coffee, I want a phone number in case for some reason I get a flat tire and cannot make the appointed meet up. If they cannot provide me a number that to me signifies an issue I may not want to deal with. Quite frankly, I hate phones and text messages (yeah I know here I am talking online) and I do tell people I won't be calling them unless an emergency arises. So if they have trust issues over a phone number, or they have a partner that they don't want answering when I call...I really don't want to get involved. Mind you, I talk with them online for a bit first. I don't just jump for the digits.



Sometimes I give out a number when I'm meeting someone for coffee, sometimes I don't.

When I was meeting the girls in Florida, Greedy already had my phone number and I've known them on the boards for years so I thought very little about handing out my phone number.

But when I'm meeting someone I've only talked to for a little while, haven't seen on the boards regularly, I don't know that others have meet them, etc... it is more hit or miss. I might give it out. Or I might not. I have decided to just risk someone's tire blowing and me being at a coffee shop for an hour with a good book (truly a terrible fate ). When that happens, I accept that maybe they stood me up or maybe something happened. If something happened, they'll let me know.

It's a more cautious/paranoid approach than some around comfortable with but, in the end, that's how I prefer to do things so anyone who wants to be with me has to be ok with the fact that sometimes I'm a paranoid SOB.

ETA - I do want to say that I don't think that there is anything wrong with wanting the number. Just that someone being unwilling to give it doesn't always mean they are hiding something. More a matter of mismatched desires.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 2/10/2010 11:07:04 AM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Domin8tingUrDrmz)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Disclosure of Private Information - 2/10/2010 11:07:03 AM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

Why are some people just so full of excuses?


I would actually be more bothered by someone who used that route for me to be able to call them. That, to me, is a much bigger red flag of "There are people in my life that I don't want picking up the phone when you call" than simply "I don't feel comfortable yet".


My point is that if he's not fully comfortable with giving her his number. he can still get a phone to use to talk to her. It's not uncommon these days for people to have multiple phones, and give out numbers accordingly.

He was making his job a big deal. okay, fine, he does not want to give her his cell phone number he also uses for work (whatever the reason).

This Dude should be packing a "SOCIAL BULLSHIT" cell phone at the very least.

I can understand giving out a number to somebody who might turn into a crazy none-stop Psycho caller. It might screw with his work calls or whatever. There is a risk.

I'm just saying, there's no excuse why this dude should not have a phone to talk to her on.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Disclosure of Private Information - 2/10/2010 11:09:26 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4


I'm just saying, there's no excuse why this dude should not have a phone to talk to her on.



He doesn't want to buy another phone and keep track of the phone bill. That's not an excuse, it's a pretty valid reason.

She doesn't own him, he doesn't have to do jack shit. I wouldn't go buy a phone cause someone I've played with once or twice wanted me to. If I was uncomfortable giving out my number and they said "Fine, go buy a phone cause I want you to talk to me" that would make me more uncomfortable. Let them buy the damn phone for me, I said I was uncomfortable.

The more they pressed the more it would come down to: Respect my feelings or don't have me in your life.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Whiplashsmile4)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Disclosure of Private Information - 2/10/2010 11:13:10 AM   
Domin8tingUrDrmz


Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

ETA - I do want to say that I don't think that there is anything wrong with wanting the number. Just that someone being unwilling to give it doesn't always mean they are hiding something. More a matter of mismatched desires.


Agreed. I don't think it is 'wrong' for someone to be cautious. However, if after the length of time I've chatted with them online they are still overly cautious, it is indeed mismatched desires.

_____________________________

4 out of 3 people have trouble with fractions.

Ask a Mistress Forum FAQ
Profile Help

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Disclosure of Private Information - 2/10/2010 11:13:56 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

OK, so he was willing to let you control his orgasms and set up a play date, but not give a phone number?

Does anybody else see the problem with this?



**ding ding ding ding** We HAVE a WINNER!!

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Disclosure of Private Information - 2/10/2010 11:16:09 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Domin8tingUrDrmz


quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

ETA - I do want to say that I don't think that there is anything wrong with wanting the number. Just that someone being unwilling to give it doesn't always mean they are hiding something. More a matter of mismatched desires.


Agreed. I don't think it is 'wrong' for someone to be cautious. However, if after the length of time I've chatted with them online they are still overly cautious, it is indeed mismatched desires.


*chuckles* That's the problem. How some people define overly cautious, I call "reasonable". And then I'm the one who plays with people without knowing their names on the first meet.

My rule of thumb, knowing my cautious self when it comes to meets and phone numbers, is that if I'm ready to give out the number I probably shouldn't wait any longer on them to get ready.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Domin8tingUrDrmz)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Disclosure of Private Information Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109