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ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Beings a "service sub" has not gotten littlesarbonn very far, at least by his accounts here on the message board.

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Often, there is something underlying that may not be as evident.  A part of that is that some people do thrive on pleasing others and doing that mixed with making the Dominant's life easier is definitely in there.  Also included in that are those situations where the submissive gets their needs for control and/or structure met.  (snip)  It can also be rewarding for those who thrive in high protocol environments.

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nuts

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notion of totally altruistic service probably doesn't exist, that would make sense, it's just that perhaps some people say

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Those who think that people do service without any gain are fooling themselves.  That gain may be some intangible and may even be an unconscious desire of the person serving but it is there somewhere.

Which is why service is so often short lived.  People think they need nothing, perhaps get nothing, and then burn out.  Or have a hidden expectation and when it goes unfulfilled, they get bitter and lash out at worse, or again, lose interest and wander off.

In the public scene, lots of people do "service" seemingly without reward.  Most are doing it as a form of "resume padding" and their payment is status.  I once asked on a larger more real life forum for stories from people who had done service at that level over a year previously for positive experiences and while most felt they learned things from doing so, few had glowing memories of the time.

I have long resisted having anyone in service to me but I am exploring a lot of new ground and have someone in service to me and it has been a very interesting experience and has allowed me to explore sexual and kink realms that I haven't done before in ways that are new to me.  She gets to be in my presence (some might see that as punishment but she doesn't), status, and various other things.  She doesn't get orgasms, she serves as my toy rack while I play with others, cleans up when I am done with someone, and in general enhances my enjoyment.

I am a big believer in clarity.  You want something from me, be up front and you might get it.  Contracts can help, talking can help, but without self awareness, it is all just an exercise in futility.  I am not big on passive aggressive forms of communication, you want something, ask and you just might get it.

Oh, and one last thing.  Punishments?  I don't need a service slave in my life, if I have to spend my time punishing you, I am going to find something better to do with my time.

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

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ORIGINAL: specialk2611

I have read other threads elsewhere, where Domme's ask 'what do you want in return', which at the time sounded odd, but also makes sense now.

You have to remember that there are lots of people who are brand new and call themselves Dommes, there are people who have been around forever, who call themselves Dommes, there are people who are completely nuts who call themselves Dommes, and there are a handful who are Dommes.  Few look in the mirror and say "I am a complete fraud"...even if they are.  Combine that with well meaning folks who are perhaps the most amazing Domme they know but forget that they only know two...

Then, even the good Domme/Dominant  has to fight the urge to "play dark" meaning to be all demanding/bitchy/edgy excetera and play to people's fantasies or to be very down to earth and grounded but risk sounding fluffy.

People get all sorts of things from service, but if they think they want nothing...chances are they want LOTS but just don't know it.  Which are the sorts people who have been around the block steer WAY clear of. 

And I know high profile people who really think that brand new chick is "serving" them out of sheer awe at how amazing they are, ignoring the fact that chick sees bdsm as some sort of ladder and "star fucking" someone big by serving them is a fast track to "being" someone.  Sad really.

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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

MsMillgrove, I didn't see anyone attacking him personally. I saw someone making a hypotheses after someone pleaded his case.

Also, you might want to add ~Fast Reply~ at the top of your post to indicate to the person you are replying to which is usually the last person (in this case me) that you are not addressing them in particular :-)

- LA

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

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ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Beings a "service sub" has not gotten littlesarbonn very far, at least by his accounts here on the message board.

He isn't exactly local to me but we both play in the same area.  I know a lot of dominant woman in his area and nobody I know knows him.  I think he has made his own bed and is crying about it.  I could be wrong but I don't think it is the fact that he desires to be a "service sub" that is the real issue.

Frankly, male submissives who aren't nuts are hard to find, male submissives who are half way decent are treasured, so my guess is there is more than meets the eye.

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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

thishereboi, would you kindly state your point in juxtaposing those 2 posts, please?

- LA