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RE: Service submissive question. - 2/19/2010 11:15:19 PM

ThatDamnedPanda

Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

What I said is that someone speculated about what could be happening. That is different than an attack.

In any case, what is someone doing bringing up someone else's personal struggle without their conscent? That seems to be the more serious question to me.

- LA

Yeah, how did the poor guy even get dragged into this in the first place? I've known him online for almost 15 years, on various forums and under various screen names, and he's a damned good guy. Maybe he's just picky. I don't get why the fact that he's single has to become the subject of someone else's thread. Just ain't right.

_____________________________

Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 41

RE: Service submissive question. - 2/19/2010 11:20:05 PM

ThatDamnedPanda

Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Frankly, male submissives who aren't nuts are hard to find, male submissives who are half way decent are treasured, so my guess is there is more than meets the eye.

And maybe a lot of male submissives feel the same way about the female dominants they meet on the web and at the munches.

Maybe he has standards of which you are not aware.

And maybe - just maybe - it doesn't make a flying fuck's worth of difference what his situation is, because this thread had nothing to do with him until a couple of people decided to make it about him.

_____________________________

Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 42

RE: Service submissive question. - 2/20/2010 1:29:34 AM

Hawkwindblues

Posts: 183
Joined: 6/26/2009
From: Berlin, Germany
Status: offline

The comment that cloudboy made about littlesarbonn is insulting and if it is not insulting it is at least very unkind.

Read it again LadyAngelika.

Why does he and Simply Michael feel the need to write about him?

_____________________________

After 10 years with the handle ZenDragoness it is time for a change.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 43

RE: Service submissive question. - 2/20/2010 6:21:24 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hawkwindblues

Why does he and Simply Michael feel the need to write about him?

You guys may not have noticed, but this is a PUBLIC forum...not a personal one. Sarbon has writtend extensively in nearly 2,000 posts over five years of his experience. Him and I have written about each other's experience in our shared real world bdsm communities on this board.

And if you think anything in this thread is insulting...you haven't been here long!

(in reply to Hawkwindblues)

Post #: 44

RE: Service submissive question. - 2/20/2010 7:30:28 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

What I said is that someone speculated about what could be happening. That is different than an attack.

In any case, what is someone doing bringing up someone else's personal struggle without their conscent? That seems to be the more serious question to me.

- LA

Yeah, how did the poor guy even get dragged into this in the first place? I've known him online for almost 15 years, on various forums and under various screen names, and he's a damned good guy. Maybe he's just picky. I don't get why the fact that he's single has to become the subject of someone else's thread. Just ain't right.

Agreed.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hawkwindblues

The comment that cloudboy made about littlesarbonn is insulting and if it is not insulting it is at least very unkind.

Read it again LadyAngelika.

No, I don't need to read it again. I already stated my issues with it. Perhaps you'd like to read what I wrote again?

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to ThatDamnedPanda)

Post #: 45

RE: Service submissive question. - 2/20/2010 7:38:08 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Frankly, male submissives who aren't nuts are hard to find, male submissives who are half way decent are treasured, so my guess is there is more than meets the eye.

And maybe a lot of male submissives feel the same way about the female dominants they meet on the web and at the munches.

Maybe he has standards of which you are not aware.

And maybe - just maybe - it doesn't make a flying fuck's worth of difference what his situation is, because this thread had nothing to do with him until a couple of people decided to make it about him.

I'm going to agree with this comment 100% Panda. I think that there are some exceptional men on this earth who crave to serve an great woman. That said, not every woman that slaps the Domme label on herself is a great woman.

Now taking the "greatness" factor out of it, there is also the issue of compatibility. I've met some amazing submissive men who I'm not very compatible with. This happens as well.

But bottom line, I refuse to put all the blame and the brunt on the men in this instance. I have no idea how any of this can be productive.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to ThatDamnedPanda)

Post #: 46

RE: Service submissive question. - 2/20/2010 10:16:05 AM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: specialk2611
Is it assumed that a service-submissive requires nothing tangible in return for their service and that their joy is just to enhance the life of their Dominant?

EG, If they asked for a service contract with rewards and punishments written in, does that mean they become something else?

I think it's a reasonable label to use, but that clarifying exactly what your needs and desires are is a good idea. I *would* strongly suggest that you not use the "No Strings Attached Housework" terminology, since it gets bogged down in semantic debates all the time.

You might want to consider initially offering to assist someone who is volunteering for a local event (BDSM or otherwise) or otherwise find a way to be helpful in a neutral environment. A lot of women are reluctant to allow a stranger into their home. Of course, you might be able to do research or dictation or some such via the Internet rather than in person, though it may not be as fulfilling. Are the rewards you need kink-based, or praise, or some sort of special treat that isn't BDSM oriented, such as a fancy dinner or an outing to a place you enjoy?

Personally, when I was looking, I had a lot of guys contact me seeking something similar, but most were very rude and pushy about it. One guy even told me that I don't belong on this site, and to go to Match.com, because I told him that no, I didn't want a naked stranger cooking dinner in my home as a birthday present.

You don't come across as rude in the slightest, in your profile or the posts I've seen so far. You might want to be extra-cautious in how you present it though, simply because that *is* so common.

(in reply to specialk2611)

Post #: 47

RE: Service submissive question. - 2/20/2010 11:49:02 AM

ThatDamnedPanda

Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

I'm going to agree with this comment 100% Panda. I think that there are some exceptional men on this earth who crave to serve an great woman. That said, not every woman that slaps the Domme label on herself is a great woman.

Now taking the "greatness" factor out of it, there is also the issue of compatibility. I've met some amazing submissive men who I'm not very compatible with. This happens as well.

Thank you! But you know, I'm not even sure it's necessary to separate the "greatness factor" and the issue of compatibility, because both qualities are subjective and interdependent. To a large degree, what makes some women the greatest thing in the world for any given man is simply the fact that they're compatible.

I've met a lot of women I wouldn't date if they were the last woman on Earth, because there was just nothing about them that interested me in the least. But for other men, these same women were the center of the universe. At the same time, some of the women I've loved the most passionately and the most intensely in my life have been women most other men didn't even look twice at - women other men thought were strange, odd, flakey, whatever. But I absolutely adored them.

The thing is, everyone is different, and just as we all have different things to offer in a relationship, we all have different things we need. You need to figure out who you are and what it is that works for you, and don't get involved with people who you know just aren't what you're looking for. When you're fortunate enough to find someone who's perfect for you - in whatever unique way you define perfection - and who finds you perfect for them, then you've both found perfection, no matter what it may look like to other people.

_____________________________

Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 48

RE: Service submissive question. - 2/20/2010 12:35:40 PM

specialk2611

Posts: 36
Joined: 12/13/2009
Status: offline

Andalusite - Thank you for taking the time to make such a considered response, with research too! I'm going to copy and paste your message for future reference to read over should I need a pointer or two. I don't really think about whether there are lots of my type. If they are, I would back myself to be the best out of them in someone's eyes one day.

< Message edited by specialk2611 -- 2/20/2010 12:37:15 PM >

(in reply to ThatDamnedPanda)

Post #: 49

RE: Service submissive question. - 2/20/2010 4:54:01 PM

BeMyProperty

Posts: 21
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

Sure I think there are guys who truly want to provide service and leave with "nothing" in return. IMO what many of them like is the fact that you are giving "nothing". One of them explained to me that if I actually said thanks, he can't enjoy it nearly as much, compared to if I simply shut the door in his face when he was done. (Some of them want to be nude while cleaning, IMO the woman is being giving to allow that.)

I would like no-strings service, but like other Dommes, I find it tricky to weed out all the guys who say they want it, but really don't. So, the many bad apples ruin it. Most Dommes decide it's impossible or almost impossible (i.e. not worth seeking). I haven't given up all hope, but I need to spend my time seeking live-in anyway.

Also, this was touched upon a bit, and I agree: some no-strings guys don't want to have conversation and get acquainted. Since they want the woman to be more of a stranger to them, or they are just not good at this. And some of them may be married and they figure it's not cheating if there is no nudity or sex :(

(in reply to specialk2611)

Post #: 50

RE: Service submissive question. - 2/21/2010 3:24:05 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Fabulous post Michael

You should have read him back in the day he was crappydom. Back then he was the CM equivalent of H. L. Mencken.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 51

RE: Service submissive question. - 2/21/2010 3:40:11 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

quote:

Fabulous post Michael

You should have read him back in the day he was crappydom. Back then he was the CM equivalent of H. L. Mencken.

Your point? I see nothing shameful in the post that you refered to in your response to me with.

I see a bunch of people writing that they will miss him. Not sure you'd get a 9 page goodbye? Is that why you are so bitter?

- LA

Edited to add on a side note, I am curious to which LA he refers to as I wasn't active on collarme during those days.

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 2/21/2010 3:41:50 PM >

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 52

RE: Service submissive question. - 2/21/2010 3:40:21 PM

Whiplashsmile4

Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: specialk2611
EG, If they asked for a service contract with rewards and punishments written in, does that mean they become something else?

They have Paperwork/Contract Fetish
I just ask if they are willing to sign in blood, if they are.. Cool.

_____________________________

Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

(in reply to specialk2611)

Post #: 53

RE: Service submissive question. - 2/21/2010 9:19:09 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

My point was straightforward, that he writes good posts. The reference to crappydom was just a bit of message board history.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 2/21/2010 10:09:27 PM >

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 54

RE: Service submissive question. - 2/22/2010 5:36:30 AM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

He was referring to Lucky Albatross, the ex-resident thread puller and all around answer girl.

Edited forr typo

< Message edited by heartfeltsub -- 2/22/2010 5:54:03 AM >

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 55

RE: Service submissive question. - 2/22/2010 7:08:25 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

for a time i struggled with the fact that my giving into a service orientated relationship was not pure giving without return, that the pleasure of giving was in fact not in the least bit ultruistic (that really used to bug me) - but the pleasure you get from giving is a reward and a return and in many ways the Dominant is facilitating that leaning in you.

to be asked 'what do you want' was another thing that bugged me. in my mind it had nothing at all to do with what i wanted - but of course it is. i want to serve and give and all the rest of it.

but take it a step further: all that giving and service and care that you wish to give wants to be poured into someone who will provide a safe, secure and beneficial environment for you. in other words, youre not going to enjoy giving all of youreself to someone who just takes and never ever gives affection, warmth, consideration or security.

think of it as a symbiosis of needs. you need to give youre brand of giving and the Dominant needs to give their brand of giving and together you give into a relationship that satisfies both of you.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 56

RE: Service submissive question. - 2/22/2010 8:23:42 AM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

Imbalanced relationships are a ticking time bomb.

A friend of mine had a roomate who was a female "slave." She did everything for her DOM (cook and cleanup / work and keep house -- etc.) He was also "poly" and saw other "girls" with some regularity. As a part of their relationship, they framed her "slave rules" and put them up on wall. One evening after an argument, she took the rules off the wall and hurled them across room -- shattering the frame and glass.

They became more egalitarian after that.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 2/22/2010 8:35:55 AM >

(in reply to lally2)

Post #: 57

RE: Service submissive question. - 2/22/2010 8:26:25 AM

Smutmonger

Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline

There is a big payoff emotionally for serious service subs. Usually in conjunction with the feedback from either simple accomplishment-or feeling they are deepening thier value and connection to one they admire and care for.

We all serve in our own ways-those who do not are merely vampires of the soul.

(in reply to specialk2611)

Post #: 58

RE: Service submissive question. - 2/22/2010 10:17:51 AM

servantforuse

Posts: 6363
Joined: 3/8/2006
Status: offline

I am a ' service sub ' and regularly do menial house cleaning . I am sometimes rewarded but it is never up to me and is not expected.

(in reply to Smutmonger)

Post #: 59

RE: Service submissive question. - 2/22/2010 11:02:56 AM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

You would have made VeronicaofML proud.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 2/22/2010 11:10:25 AM >

(in reply to servantforuse)

Post #: 60

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