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RE: What is this odd world that I live in? - 3/10/2010 7:16:09 AM

allthatjaz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

As the strength in my relationship has grown, everything to do with this world has weakened. Im not sure why that is, if its normal ? I do want to remain involved but not feeling like this. Its like I have woken up, looked at my world and gone 'WHAT???
You only have yourself to blame. Stable, happy, enjoying yourself and not caring what anyone thinks; a lot of people desire what you have and want to know your 'secret'.

I think you need a new perspective. You and Steve should take a holiday to LA.

Its really strange but I have just come off the phone to mj (our sub) and she more or less just said word for word what you have said here. I know your right but it takes someone like yourself to say that. I often look at you both and smile because you shine so brightly together.

We desperately need a holiday very soon.

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Post #: 21

RE: What is this odd world that I live in? - 3/10/2010 7:31:11 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

You have just explained why I am not part of my local "BDSM community".

I am kinky, yes. But I tend to associate with people because they are grounded and have something to add to many areas of my life rather than just base a friendship on the premise that we are both kinky.

EXACTLY!!! In truth, the whole "community", "scene", "lifestyle" or whatever verbiage twirls your beanie, has NEVER held any interest for me, as it all seems so... CONTRIVED, for lack of better word. For some, I think it's simply a way to explore (at hyper-speed) something they've recently discovered or denied about themselves, where for others, it's a way to "belong", so to speak... to a group, as many have a need to feel they "belong" somewhere.

Personally, I've always found the whole thing beyond silly and little more than a costume party of sorts... one where when the costume/veil is removed, an insecure, failure, and twit of a person is often revealed.

This has been my experience.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)

Post #: 22

RE: What is this odd world that I live in? - 3/10/2010 7:35:21 AM

Jeffff

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As always, I agree with Lat.

Jeff

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Post #: 23

RE: What is this odd world that I live in? - 3/10/2010 7:37:35 AM

divi

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EXACTLY!!! In truth, the whole "community", "scene", "lifestyle" or whatever verbiage twirls your beanie, has NEVER held any interest for me, as it all seems so... CONTRIVED, for lack of better word. For some, I think it's simply a way to explore (at hyper-speed) something they've recently discovered or denied about themselves, where for others, it's a way to "belong", so to speak... to a group, as many have a need to feel they "belong" somewhere.

Personally, I've always found the whole thing beyond silly and little more than a costume party of sorts... one where when the costume/veil is removed, an insecure, failure, and twit of a person is often revealed.

[/quote]

This has been my experience.

[/quote]

Well said LaT

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Post #: 24

RE: What is this odd world that I live in? - 3/10/2010 7:46:49 AM

SimplyMichael

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Much better to spend your time on collarme...where all pictures are real, not stupid cartoons, where everyone is genuine and grounded...where drama never occurs, and all the rest.

There are people here who never read the forums, there are people here who never look at the personals, there are people here who never post, there are people who post too much, there are people who only post in the dipshit humor section or only post one liners....and how many of them would you invite home?

Some of us feel comfortable here...despite the idiots...some of feel comfortable here AND in the scene...despite the idiots.

There are entire parts of the bdsm scene in Sacramento I have zero contact with, I get off on wearing colors other than black even if I did just buy black leather pants (and having a woman lick the crotch...works for most of them) and teach classes on how to play WITHOUT toys, how to drop the bullshit manly facade called The Vulnerable Dominant where I talk about being emotionally vulnerable and transparent as a dominant....the scene, like CM is what you make of it, what you choose to take and leave.

(in reply to divi)

Post #: 25

RE: What is this odd world that I live in? - 3/10/2010 7:51:36 AM

LaTigresse

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I sincerely doubt I could hang out 'in the scene' whilst entering orders, keeping track of the guys here in the shop, and printing invoices.

Collarme is an easy hit and run. To participate 'in the scene' I have to make an effort I am not willing to make. Based upon what I see, the cost/value ratio just isn't there. There are easily a hundred things I would rather do on a Saturday afternoon, than drive an hour to hang out with some people that, odds have it, kink is one of the very few things I will have in common with.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 3/10/2010 7:52:22 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 26

RE: What is this odd world that I live in? - 3/10/2010 8:13:38 AM

SimplyMichael

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Tigress,

I agree that being on CM requires little effort! I will also gladly admit if my local scene consisted of certain groups...I would never darken their door. However, I am blessed with a couple of groups that are rather wonderful. Our local MAsT meeting is amazing, we get people who drive an hour and a half from San Francisco to come. It is held by a lovely couple who really love each other and enjoy life and it attracts others who share similar values. We shed the masks and I have seen stone butch women cry, I have broken down as well, we see people talk openly about some really deep issues and we help and support each other. It isn't perfect, there are people I groan inwardly when they open their mouth but taken as a whole it is wonderful. Same goes for my old bdsm group, it is run by the same couple and attracts the same sort of people the MAsT event does.

SF has events going on every day, usually more than one and weekends you couldn't hit every event if you tried. I find about three or four things a month I want to attend and the story is the same, they have a high percentage of people who I either actually DO like on a personal level...or hold the potential for the same.

Part of my current involvement is I am seeking a partner and when I find THAT woman, I am going to settle down in front of the TV, brush her hair till she falls asleep in my arms...and when she wakes up the next morning, it will either be to kids jumping on us to wake us up...or she will wake to the smell of the omelette and coffee I have made for our breakfast. We might get dressed up in latex once in a while, she will wear boots more often, we may go down to the local dungeon and play...or we may just go for a picnic.

The scene, like the mall, or bookstore shouldn't be your life...but it does offer some wonderful diversions.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 27

RE: What is this odd world that I live in? - 3/10/2010 8:19:30 AM

Smutmonger

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I prefer a one one one with some close friends who are sane.

The drama queens and showboats can have the public stage allll to themselves.

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Post #: 28

RE: What is this odd world that I live in? - 3/10/2010 8:19:53 AM

Mercnbeth

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quote:

CONTRIVED, for lack of better word. For some, I think it's simply a way to explore (at hyper-speed) something they've recently discovered or denied about themselves, where for others, it's a way to "belong", so to speak... to a group, as many have a need to feel they "belong" somewhere.

I agree; those coming to "explore" are fundamentally insecure. I know I was; what else can you be with no experience walking into an situation with only a desire? Or better put, the belief that they have a desire to experience something they read about, heard about, and whacked off while putting themselves in the fantasy in some capacity. To their credit, they step out and go to a munch, a club, or some event. Their research references say they should dress a certain way. Do a search on "attending my first munch" or club or play party and you will cease wondering why the majority of people look 'costumed'. They are living up to the expectation of others.

The mistake made is thinking that represents 'the community', or 'a community. You aren't mistaken to think that many people go there trying to belong to something. They want to stand in a group of like dressed people saying "we are all individuals!"

The best advice I got back when I enviously walked into my first club experience and would hope to pass on, was to know yourself, be yourself, and have fun. There are no secrets to having a relationship with an individual or a group; get 'naked' leave your agenda at the door and hang around people who do the same.

There are many things I don't like about people and organizations I've come in contact with over the years. I'm confident that many feel the same about me. However I do everything I can whenever the opportunity arises to support and contribute to any effort presenting a positive image of whatever term is used to describe an alternative lifestyle.

We're getting old and when we look around, our 'costumes' are a bit out of place on our late middle age bodies. We provide a stark contrast to the 'Stand & Model' majority we see at many clubs. However, I love my 'community', and will continue to do so no matter what.

Considering how it was for me and the people I first met 30+ years ago; I'm amazed and pleased there is a 'community'. It is so much easier now. You don't need to know somebody and be vouched for, or have a secret code knock to get in the door. The door is wide open. When a door is wide open, the group can't speak for everyone who walks in, and can't be held accountable for the image they convey.

We're jaded I know. Our experience comes from the vantage point of New York City and LA. You don't like an Italian restaurant in NY, or a Mexican restaurant in LA - walk a few steps into the next one. Same with lifestyle groups and communities. I can understand that living in more remote parts of the county, your perspective will be different. Which is why everyone should make a trip to the SF Folsom Street Fair and enjoy a total immersion weekend and see every 'community' represented.

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)

Post #: 29

RE: What is this odd world that I live in? - 3/10/2010 8:33:04 AM

allthatjaz

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Your right Michael, you do get out of the scene what you take from it but it is easy to get disillusioned on the way if you allow it.
Like LP, Merc & beth and yourself, I have some very good friends and they are friends I have made on the scene. People do drift in and out and your dead right about the lose change hanging on!
Something you said kind of rings a bell and thats 'normality' We are meant and expected to be 'normal' in every day life but when we come onto the scene we kind of celebrate everything that others wouldn't consider normal. If you hang around long enough you then start to realize that there is an expected 'scene normal' that your meant to abide by. I will always respect protocol but I have a wild side and one that refuses to be policed by the 'scene normals'.
I find 'scene normals' fairly boring. They are not people I particularly want to spend much time with because I see a frigidness about them. Neither do I want to spend time with 'the masters of the universe' that know a lot about everything and very little about anything in particular. I don't want to be with those that try to second guess me because they never will and they are wasting my time and theirs and I certainly don't want to be anywhere near the users that try to climb on your back to get their place in the scene.

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Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

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Post #: 30

RE: What is this odd world that I live in? - 3/10/2010 8:38:01 AM

Jeffff

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My local scene is limited to about 6 people. When we get together, we talk alot about fishing.

I despise the popular notion of a community

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Post #: 31

RE: What is this odd world that I live in? - 3/10/2010 8:42:45 AM

domiguy

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I hate the community. I have been asked to leave just about every community that I have ever been apart of. I once lived for two weeks in a "gated community." After just thirteen days all of the residents voted to throw me out because I was the reason they built the gates in the first place.

You get all degrees out here. From the full blown wacked out of your brain 24/7 bdsm radio peeps, "where we play nothing but the hits, all day and every night!!!." To the guy that might occasionally tie up his gal run a feather over her nips and proclaim that she is a dirty, dirty whore.

I know that my compass would point me to the latter if I had to choose some one to hang out with. Anyone that thinks that "this shit" is the end all beat all needs a fucking life.

To me this is just a part of my personality. To me this is extremely private because it incorporates a great deal of sexuality in it's mix. If you saw me walking down the street with my dirty, worthless, cum sucking whore, you would never have any idea that she was in fact a dirty worthless cunt and a cum sucking whore. I just don't roll that way.

So CM is perfect. I get to come in and visit and not feel like I have to shower when I log off.

What the forums are ideal for is potentially getting a feel for those that contribute. After awhile you kind of get the feel for who shares your wave, who will be consumed by the sharks and those that will at some point will probably need to call the Coast Guard.

It's cool. Besides I met Jeffff out here an he completes me.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 3/10/2010 8:44:31 AM >

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Post #: 32

RE: What is this odd world that I live in? - 3/10/2010 8:45:36 AM

SimplyMichael

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The scene is a slice of life but an odd one as people enter it at many ages and many levels of personal growth and self awareness.

For those who have a small community, you are sometimes fucked. I remember when Sacramento had only one group and it was run by a gorian nut who ran it as his private hareem and so decent people came, took one or two looks and left. I stayed for a while and instead formed another group.

However, for those with access to larger and more diverse communities, I think spending SOME time in the scene is wonderful. You get exposed to a wide variety of relationship styles, play styles, mind bending stuff like the local dyke couple where the master is the little girl of her slave when her slave is in Daddy mode. I mean until you see how happy they are, that sort of stuff just doesn't make sense. You can go to classes and learn, sometimes learning things quite different than what the class was truly about.

It was by going to a major bdsm weekend event that I decided I had something to offer as a presenter and something that I felt people needed more of. I was sitting in a class by a well known presenter and in watching him mangle the class I realized that I could have taught the class. Later that weekend I saw my dear friends teach a class that moved people to tears, these were people I had "grown up" with in the scene...and between those two classes, I learned that not only COULD I teach a class, but that I HAD to start teaching.

My classes and those of many of my friends are about heresies, talking about things that counter the prevailing notions. Slaves can be powerful, dominants can be vulnerable, toys are overrated, love and M/s are not mutually exclusive, etc. Which of course means that many of the classes out there ARE about "how to further shove yourself into a box others made"...but even those are useful for new people.

People come to bdsm with a lot of preconcieved notions and in a big enough scene, they can see first hand that those notions are silly or at least not necessary. I think that is one of the things that time in the scene does, it expands people's awareness of what is possible. Like a liberal education expands a person's mind, shows them why railroad tracks are the width they are, where imagery comes from, how history repeats itself...how each generation redidscovers its roots.

Or, as I like to joke...I want to make the group for people who hate groups.

All I know is I am a vastly better person today for my involvement in the scene...it has challenged me, frustrated me, but ultimately I owe it a real debt. In some ways I have outgrown much of it but that doesn't mean I look down on it, I am just more selective. I enjoy people like Merc who live to fuck with the status quo...its almost our kink now I guess.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 33

RE: What is this odd world that I live in? - 3/10/2010 8:49:17 AM

LaTigresse

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Merc I understand your point. I guess the last paragraph of your post reflects an attitude that chafes a little at me. I do not believe that the NYC or LA experience makes everyone that experiences it, more worldly or gives them a guaranteed advantage in anyway. Nor do I believe that a trip to Folsom is a 'must'. To me, and it may just be me, that reflects a certain arrogance that says the LA, NYC, Folsom experience automatically makes someone........more or better. And I just do not believe that to be so. Not for everyone.

Those experiences and the outlook it gave, was beneficial and important to YOU, and probably thousands of other people. But that does not make it a prerequisite to being all a person can be, to being the best Master/Mistress/submissive/slave/human being.

To many people LA and NYC are two of the most fabulous cities in the world. But to many people........they suck. I've spent enough time in LA to know that the ONLY way I want to return is a luxury, all expense paid, and some fabulous bait that has not yet been presented or thought of......I rate LA right up beside Vegas as just, nasty. That is MY perspective. I've been to both cities, multiple times and do not feel I am any sort of better person for the experience. Yet I believe that MY experience does not demean anyone else's experience. I refuse to make a blanket statement that my experience will be the same for everyone else. If LA, NYC and Folsom gave you a better perspective, made you a better person, master, whatever.......then it benefited you.

I believe that working with dogs and horses, raising kids, some of the jobs I have had and people I have had to deal with, has made me a better person in many ways. The same experiences would not do the same thing for most other people. There is no way I would suggest a person must have the same life experiences as I, to be their best.

I may be misinterpreting your intent. I can only go by what I experienced with a few people that were big parts of my life, born and raised in NYC. There was an arrogance they had that, somehow they were better for having been a resident of NYC. When in truth........the people I knew them to be, was not something to be proud of.

I perceive the same arrogance in those that enjoy being involved in a local 'scene'. That being involved is somehow superiour and a certain, down the nose, view of those that have no interest.

I will say that whether or not any of the above is beneficial for a person, will depend a great deal on their desired outcome. Obviously a sadistic top that loves the theatre of a club, will benefit from being involved and learning from other sadistic tops that are involved in that type of play. You wanna slice on someone with a knife....learning more about it from an expert might be a good idea.

What has been important for ME to learn, I've seen very few people 'in the scene' have a clue about. Let alone, a clue enough, for me to want to learn from them.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 3/10/2010 9:00:54 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 34

RE: What is this odd world that I live in? - 3/10/2010 8:50:29 AM

wisdomtogive

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You are welcome, allthatjaz

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Post #: 35

RE: What is this odd world that I live in? - 3/10/2010 9:02:32 AM

allthatjaz

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I am jaded. That is my problem. The one thing in life that I would stand up and fight for apart from my family is the fact that we can do this if we want and not do it if we don't want. We have the right to club and workshop and munch and we have a right not to.
The scene, regardless of my mood is a liberating place. Its a place that I have had the good fortune to spend many happy years in. It is not full of clowns and fools as some of you none scene people suggest. It has its share of crazies but then so does this site. I get jaded with this site far more often than I do with scene life.
Michael wrote an excellent post and I totally agree with what he is saying

Life goes on, the scene goes on in all its glory and I may have a grumble and a moan but the one person I will be ever grateful to is the man who walked me on his arm into my very first fet club.

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Post #: 36

RE: What is this odd world that I live in? - 3/10/2010 9:04:55 AM

domiguy

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I don't get it.

Maybe it's because I have always been a self starter. If i had a hobby or an interest I would just watch other people or read up or ask some questions.

But this is different. This is about your interpersonal relationships. I know that people do go to therapy and take self help, spiritual growth and awareness classes but at the end of the day it's still you and the person that you are dealing with.

I gather that that there is a plethora of things that I can do to her and her holes...I get that. I can read up and I can learn what can go where and how to tie some really pretty bows and knots.

Interesting observation...(side bar) Is shibari not the biggest bunch of horse shit ever created? I mean, really? Who does that kind of shit?

So again, if I want a good laugh, to people watch or an std I will then go to Folsum or Burning man or my local dungeon or club.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 3/10/2010 9:05:56 AM >

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RE: What is this odd world that I live in? - 3/10/2010 9:05:04 AM

Smutmonger

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I guess that the most amusing thing I find about kink scenes anywhere....is that they are fantasy based to begin with....And then people have to gall to tell you that you are not doing the fantasy "properly?"

Sex trekkies?

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I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

(in reply to allthatjaz)

Post #: 38

RE: What is this odd world that I live in? - 3/10/2010 9:19:38 AM

domiguy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

I am jaded. That is my problem. The one thing in life that I would stand up and fight for apart from my family is the fact that we can do this if we want and not do it if we don't want. We have the right to club and workshop and munch and we have a right not to.
The scene, regardless of my mood is a liberating place. Its a place that I have had the good fortune to spend many happy years in. It is not full of clowns and fools as some of you none scene people suggest. It has its share of crazies but then so does this site. I get jaded with this site far more often than I do with scene life.
Michael wrote an excellent post and I totally agree with what he is saying

Life goes on, the scene goes on in all its glory and I may have a grumble and a moan but the one person I will be ever grateful to is the man who walked me on his arm into my very first fet club.

How do you know that it is a liberating place? How can I be sure that you are not one of the crazies?

You want honesty? Then let's do honesty. I don't think you are jaded I think you are wacked out.

Almost every poster that talks about being involved heavily into the scene or their local community I think I would chose to avoid like the clap. It never fucking fails.

I dig the folks that can just roll with this shit and not let it consume them.

I don't believe you. I think you would have been much better off if you walked into a museum or a library or the art institute on his arm rather than some seedy fet club.

You would have stayed whole while still digging your thang.

Sorry.

Heavy sir.

Yes, but it had to be said.

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Post #: 39

RE: What is this odd world that I live in? - 3/10/2010 9:28:04 AM

LaTigresse

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Joined: 1/15/2006
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DG, I seriously don't think all people involved are crazy. I do think it is a lifestyle choice that some people make, to make it much more important, a bigger part of their lives. Much like some bikers, horse obsessed people, and some fishermen.........

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 40

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