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ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

After thinking some more about your question Knight, i had always "liked" feeling the weight of my submission by being pushed to go beyond where i would want to go on my own so that i was doing what i was doing for his pleasure and know realizing that i want that feeling for myself, not as a means of strengthening the relationship but rather to meet some internal need of my own is rather unsettling. It now has me wondering if wanting that push, feeling that weight is something that i "should" want or need, as i do want to have times that i am serving for someone else's pleasure and not my own and the times that i thought i was doing that now seem tainted.

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ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

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So to try to answer your question, i think i need that feeling just for myself, which now really bothers me, that i need it for myself and not as a means to be closer to my Dominant. And now i am thinking why i need it.

Thank you for giving me something to think about it, it may become fodder for another thread and thank you for your reply.

heartfelt

I suggest that you consider how you feel about yourself as you have those experiences of submission. I suspect that you actually feel good about yourself. You know moving through the challenge and all. Empower your ego etc.

Now.... Don't let that bother you! In fact... I think it's great!

It's my belief and something I have learned from alot of reading that we as humans have three fundamental psychological needs (Autonomy as I noted in a previous post, Relatedness and Competence)

often... with individuals who are well adjusted their actions will root down to fulfilling these core needs. The way I see what your describing.... it seems the actions have a fulfilling effect on Competence... My personal views have significantly been influenced by the works of Dr Ryan and Dr Deci with their Self-Determination Theory... which is in large part a motivational theory.

of course.. it's not all as simple is this post makes it appear.. I been reading and researching this theory and it's application for almost 10 years when I first came across it.

I will also suggest .... the more you go deeper into the motives of why you do it... the more you might see that this is possible an internalized aspect of who you are in order to fulfilled some very basic and core psychological needs.

As I said in another post... it would be more than a few posts to explain this.. I still feel we are only touch on the tip of the iceberg!

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ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

I am not suggesting that your behaviors are less that beneficial... In fact.. I suspect the very opposite because of so much of what you have expressed. My instinct.. is your on the right path... and you just seem to make your life better not worse as time goes on. It might be alot of internalizing already going on as you self-identify yourself.. and when that right person comes along... well... I hope to be around to see it!