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Why M/s? - 3/21/2010 7:45:30 PM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		Because i am in the process of highjacking my own thread, i would like to start another one to ask an additional question from both the M side and the s side. Why do you want an M/s relationship? What is it about that type of relationship dynamic that feeds you?

Thank you in advance for your replies,

heartfelt

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Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

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RE: Why M/s? - 3/21/2010 11:45:14 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		Ownership, and being owned, is all. Everything falls into place, within it. It is everything. It is what brings us to true fruition, in this world. It supersedes even love, in its power and scope. Within our Owner/slave union, we are truly fulfilled. It is the framework that enables us to be our authentic selves.

Everyone needs a sense of belonging.


YMMV, of course. The above is mainly in reference to how it feels for my slaveboy and I. That's all, for now. Thanks for asking!


Edited after reading sweetsub's post, below: Control, humiliation and objectification are my major "kinks". An Owner/slave dynamic facilitates them all quite nicely.

< Message edited by dreamerdreaming -- 3/22/2010 12:08:58 AM >

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RE: Why M/s? - 3/22/2010 12:02:31 AM   
DWCskitten


Posts: 199
Joined: 3/2/2010
Status: offline 		CONTROL and BEING controlled.

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formerly sweetsub1957.

New beginnings...my first poly relationship.

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RE: Why M/s? - 3/22/2010 12:16:05 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		D/s is for pussies.



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RE: Why M/s? - 3/22/2010 12:37:34 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub
Because i am in the process of highjacking my own thread, i would like to start another one to ask an additional question from both the M side and the s side. Why do you want an M/s relationship? What is it about that type of relationship dynamic that feeds you?
For me, there is something deeply primal in that sense of owning my wife. She can submit endlessly and that doesn't do it for me. Well, not fair, extreme submission is handy in terms of running our marriage at a pragmatic level and it get's me the sex I want. But it's not what "floats my boat".

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Why M/s? - 3/22/2010 12:52:52 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527
For me, there is something deeply primal in that sense of owning my wife...

Ah, you married your slave and got a proof of ownership receipt from the state. Nice.


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RE: Why M/s? - 3/22/2010 1:18:50 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist
Ah, you married your slave and got a proof of ownership receipt from the state. Nice.
Well, wanting to be historically accurate, I enslaved my wife. But yeah, it is kind of handy being blessed by both church and state. Back in the Bush years I used to laugh and say, "Wow, we're doing right in the eyes of the Pope and Bush. How can you argue with a team like that?"

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Why M/s? - 3/22/2010 4:19:53 AM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you for all the replies. Were there any that replied that initially thought of themselves as Dominant or submissive and then went through a mental transition to Master or slave and what changed in your thinking when you made that change? Did anything become more important to you, less important? Was there a different sense of responsibility, freedom?

Thank you in advance for your replies.

heartfelt

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

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RE: Why M/s? - 3/22/2010 4:26:03 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I've always identified as sub, and always refused to go down the 'slave' line. But recently I've met someone, and for the first time ever the thought of M/s doesn't scare the pants off me!

I wish I could explain why I've had the 180 degree shift, but I can't. All I can say is that this feels right, and natural. For me, it just took the right person to 'flick the switch', as it were

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RE: Why M/s? - 3/22/2010 5:00:03 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		i never thought of myself as slave material at all.  and yet i had kept coming up against the problem with Ds, where i had too much autonomy, too much ambivilance and there was too much dipping in and out of the control i needed.  it befuddled me to be honest.  i just couldnt function in a relationship where things dipped into vanillaesqueness.  it actually made me ratty, bratty and disorientated.

then my exSir came along.  told me that i was slave material and that was where we were going.  so i went - i realised that in Ms i function happily, i am settled, there is no dipping into vanillaesqueness, it is a constant.  i know where i am, i know how to be at all times and i can then relax and get on with my life knowing just exactly where i am and whats expected of me.

i dont want any control over the relationship at all.  the moment i have control i destroy it - a bit like riding a horse really.  keep a steady contact on the reins and im fine! - give me the reins and ill take off, bucking all the way - id make a terrible horse to be honest  

now i could never go back to Ds - not now that i know how much better Ms works for me.

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RE: Why M/s? - 3/22/2010 5:42:08 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		Why? Because it is the only relationship structure that lets Me be Me with no masks, no holding Myself back and being something I'm not.When I care, I control... If I didn't care why would it bother Me what you do? Limit that control and My capability to care is likewise limited. If there are negotiated 'ring fenced' areas where I have no authority, the only way to counter the pull to control those areas is to stop caring about those areas.... Turn cold to that part of the girl.... it ain't My problem. The only way for a girl to have ALL of Me invested in the relationship is to give Me ALL of her! TPE!

Doesn't matter with a playpartner, they are fully Mine when they are with Me and... there is a friend who's life and problems are not Mine, when they are not with Me.... They don't need all of Me invested, but a girl who is 24/7, a girl who lives with Me, part of My household..... Only one way that's going to work.

There are of course other things that I get from the relationship, so many that I'd need to write a dissertation on it to be able cover everything, but most I could get elements of from lower level Dynamics


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

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RE: Why M/s? - 3/22/2010 5:48:37 AM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you myother for your response. i have a feeling that is going to be what happens to me as well, although i am going through an internal process to prepare for the possibility of that occurring.

heartfelt

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Why M/s? - 3/22/2010 5:50:15 AM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

i never thought of myself as slave material at all.  and yet i had kept coming up against the problem with Ds, where i had too much autonomy, too much ambivilance and there was too much dipping in and out of the control i needed.  it befuddled me to be honest.  i just couldnt function in a relationship where things dipped into vanillaesqueness.  it actually made me ratty, bratty and disorientated.

then my exSir came along.  told me that i was slave material and that was where we were going.  so i went - i realised that in Ms i function happily, i am settled, there is no dipping into vanillaesqueness, it is a constant.  i know where i am, i know how to be at all times and i can then relax and get on with my life knowing just exactly where i am and whats expected of me.

i dont want any control over the relationship at all.  the moment i have control i destroy it - a bit like riding a horse really.  keep a steady contact on the reins and im fine! - give me the reins and ill take off, bucking all the way - id make a terrible horse to be honest  

now i could never go back to Ds - not now that i know how much better Ms works for me.


Thank you lally for your reply, it makes perfect sense to me. From your pictures i think you would make a gorgeous horse (grinning)

heartfelt

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

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RE: Why M/s? - 3/22/2010 5:54:09 AM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

Why? Because it is the only relationship structure that lets Me be Me with no masks, no holding Myself back and being something I'm not.When I care, I control... If I didn't care why would it bother Me what you do? Limit that control and My capability to care is likewise limited. If there are negotiated 'ring fenced' areas where I have no authority, the only way to counter the pull to control those areas is to stop caring about those areas.... Turn cold to that part of the girl.... it ain't My problem. The only way for a girl to have ALL of Me invested in the relationship is to give Me ALL of her! TPE!

Doesn't matter with a playpartner, they are fully Mine when they are with Me and... there is a friend who's life and problems are not Mine, when they are not with Me.... They don't need all of Me invested, but a girl who is 24/7, a girl who lives with Me, part of My household..... Only one way that's going to work.

There are of course other things that I get from the relationship, so many that I'd need to write a dissertation on it to be able cover everything, but most I could get elements of from lower level Dynamics



Thank you RavenMuse for your reply. The bolded part is what i was asking. It seems to be a mostly common theme, the combination of control and caring. And part of why i asked the question to begin with. When i was with my former Dominant, there were areas of my life where he didn't want control and i didn't want to give him control, but knowing Him, if it had be a M/s relationship, i think those would be areas where He might have given me some autonomy but still overseen.

Thank you again for your reply,

heartfelt

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

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RE: Why M/s? - 3/22/2010 5:59:26 AM   
wisdomtogive


Posts: 636
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline 		Hello Heartfeltsub
Why M/s? Prior to Sir bring me to live with him, he had me doing a lot, and i mean a lot, of assignments, where I had to assess who i was and what i needed in this type of lifestyle relationship. Sir was a bit surprised to discover that who i am is more of a slave. I really do not enjoy controlling another, and give me a little rope, I get lost.

Now with that said, let me voice something to you. I know you have heard this and are aware of, but perhaps you might want to think about it some more? No 2 M/s relationship have the same dynamic. Sir is not a Master who enjoys micromanaging His slave. Sir wants a slave who can carry on without Him over her shoulders 24/7. This slave would not blossom under micromanaging. Yes there are times, when he needs to direct me more then others, but not all the time.  Not all Masters are so dogmatic in how they master either. You will find a variety out there. What I am saying is don't get swept away with how can i serve a master, but embrace the idea, the right Master that compliments my personality I could serve well...even to the point of being a slave, if I choose this path.

Blessings
wisdom

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RE: Why M/s? - 3/22/2010 6:02:50 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		There are areas of My girls life where... if it ain't broke, don't fix it.... but the Authority is Mine to do so if I feel I need to. I've delegated a lot of the kitchen to her that doesn't mean the kitchen is any less under My control... just means I ensure she runs those parts of it the way I want it run rather than doing it Myself.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

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RE: Why M/s? - 3/22/2010 6:08:57 AM   
DWCskitten


Posts: 199
Joined: 3/2/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

Thank you for all the replies. Were there any that replied that initially thought of themselves as Dominant or submissive and then went through a mental transition to Master or slave and what changed in your thinking when you made that change? Did anything become more important to you, less important? Was there a different sense of responsibility, freedom?

Thank you in advance for your replies.

heartfelt

i was always afraid to call myself a slave, terrified that it was "too extreme and scary" for me. Then, after my last Sir died & i was in the process of meeting People again, Someone took the time to actually explain His reasoning to me rather than just calling me slave and expecting it to "stick." He addressed all my fears and questions rather than just insisting. That was this last January and now, after what seems like an eternity, i am finally meeting Him in P/person next month. This is my first M/s relationship rather than D/s and my first poly relationship.

i realized i was craving "being owned & controlled" to a deeper extent than i ever thought possible. Realizing this about myself & having it explained to me in a way that makes me feel safe gives me a greater sense of fulfillment and freedom to really be me than i ever thought possible.

~kitten~

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New beginnings...my first poly relationship.

Proudly Owned property of MasterDWC.


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RE: Why M/s? - 3/22/2010 6:12:29 AM   
Shyla


Posts: 19
Joined: 5/30/2005
Status: offline 		Hi heartfelt,

I hope that you are still interested in replies to your question :)  I "chose" an M/s relationship because I don't know how to interact with the people around me any other way.  The "M" in my relationship gives me the guidance and leadership that I need.  The easy word to use here is "control" - in the sense of "I need to be controlled to be fulfilled" but it isn't that simple.  He *inspires* me to do everything that he wishes me to do, so the control is on a much more intrinsic level.  He is the safest place that I can be, so his control comes from the fact that I *need* the safety and reassurance of his presence on a level so deep that I will modify my own behavior to conform to his desires in an effort to enhance his happiness, and thus my own security.

I need that security because it is, quite simply, impossible for me to interact in the world as an "equal".  I say "thank you" to the person at the drive through because they were kind enough to give me their time and take my order.  I hold doors for strangers because it feels like the right thing to do.  I have conversations with the cashiers at Wal-Mart while they ring up my purchases because they're bored and want someone to talk to at least for a few moments.  That's just how I *am*.   Chalk it up to genetics or upbringing or a combination of both, but when one walks through the world attempting to define the wants and desires of almost every person one meets and then attempting to fulfill them if at all possible, an M type does become somewhat necessary at some point :)  With him I am a sane and normal person and it is perfectly alright to view the world the way that I do.  Without him, the world is a big scary place that may very well attempt to eat me whole even as I try to feed it, and I am a strange freak.

Every relationship that I have been in, going back to the boy I lost my virginity to at 15, has had underpinnings dominance and submission, except one.  Of course, that's why I'm getting divorced and moving across the pond soon.  I hope that my answer has been constructive, perhaps even helpful :)

Regards,
shyla

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RE: Why M/s? - 3/22/2010 6:24:41 AM   
wisdomtogive


Posts: 636
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

Thank you for all the replies. Were there any that replied that initially thought of themselves as Dominant or submissive and then went through a mental transition to Master or slave and what changed in your thinking when you made that change? Did anything become more important to you, less important? Was there a different sense of responsibility, freedom?

Thank you in advance for your replies.

heartfelt

Please bare with me, this morning i am in one of my space cadet writing modes. I didnt initially consider my submissive. At the age of 55, I would had laughed at anyone who thought I was, and by the end of 55, I was crying because I discovered a part of me that I imprision and kept in the dark. When I went deep inside me to free myself from that cell I rescued myself from betraying my natural self, for the sake of misconstrued concepts of what I should be, and what I believed a submissive was.

I have met stronger minds, more intelligent women, more in control of oneself submissive women verses those who would put us down. But this could only fit in with submissives never a slave. Slaves forget it.......................wrong. Again I have met stronger minds, more intelligent women, more in conttrol of oneself slaves verses those who would put us down. I have come to embrace the integrity of submissives, females and males,,not to exclude the men:) who dare to be who they are dispite what feedback from the world we get.

What have i gained? The ability to serve in broader brush strokes better, through work, creativity, etc. The ability to put my fake arms down to stand tall, or kneel to serve and be thankful daily to Him letting me. My intelligence is still the same..didn't lose that high iq number..lol, my caring is more geniune without wondering what someone is going to give back to me, this is awesome, though i feel it is not limited to slaves. Yet for me it is one of the ultiminate goals i have finally began to achieve.

I can feel me still too, even as a slave. I am still in tact, which was a fear of mine. If i let go i will lose me. I feared that as a submissive, and it didnt happen, and I feared that in the beginning as a slave, and it didn't happen. What happen? I feel like i can fly. I am learning that i am more then i thought. I am learning that i am free to be the expression that suits me best...slave to Sir, Goddess, my work, my creativity, to serve with compassion. Is it a struggle? Yes, one i would take over again, if I needed too, because the rewards is really undescribable.

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RE: Why M/s? - 3/22/2010 6:34:45 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Simple.... Connectedness that I feel in this style of relationship is achieved to a degree that I don't think I could achieve in any other way. It's a means to an end!

Note... the connectedness is not only to my two girls... but to my own self and my girls to themselves! I see them as equally important to have the thriving relationship we have.

I have found the more we have embraced this relationship structure the more it has enriched ourselves and our lives. Now... this is only because who we are as individuals and not because this relationship style is the way to go. Our own authentic self-identification makes this relationship style the most effective to meet an internally motivated need to feel connected outside of ourselves. I truly expect that such a relationship style would be a disaster for some... and have seen it happen!

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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