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RE: Dominant Accountability - 4/5/2006 4:25:22 AM   
Cloudz


Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline 		<shaking head> There was a thread recently that asks "Is Chivalry dead?" or something to that effect. I must ask...is communication dead? How do we hold EACH other accountable? Um, okay fine - my boy is not going to pick up my tawse and admonish me with it.

He WILL share his thoughts, feelings, and concerns. If I cannot be the person I present myself to be, then he should leave. Communication, care, concern, consequences...




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Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."


(in reply to SylkBelieves)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Dominant Accountability - 4/5/2006 4:57:38 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		I am not accountable because I am a Dominant, I am accountable because I am a thinking being. My Dominance has no more or no less to do with it...

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Mistress Hathor


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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Dominant Accountability - 4/5/2006 5:10:02 AM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SylkBelieves

When a sub or slave falls short of their Dom/Master's expectations it is generally expected that the sub/slave will be held accountable by that Dom/Master by one means or another.  Dominants and Masters are humans and subject to human shortcomings.  So, how are THEY held accountable?


A good Master or Mistress will hold themselves accountable. If they do not generally they find themselves being held accountable by the on going dearth of subs/slaves they hold onto or as their reputation spreads are capable of attracting.

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Dominant Accountability - 4/5/2006 5:27:58 AM   
Angeni


Posts: 88
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		Greetings :)
While I agree that most Masters/Dominants will hold themselves accountable, I also believe that it is only to themselves that they must do so. In no way would I EXPECT a Master/Dominant to explain his/her actions to me. Just my humble opinion though.

(in reply to SylkBelieves)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Dominant Accountability - 4/5/2006 5:32:12 AM   
LadyMorgynn


Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline 		Absolutely.  It's just that, being Dominant, there is more for me to be accountable for.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

I am not accountable because I am a Dominant, I am accountable because I am a thinking being. My Dominance has no more or no less to do with it...


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Lady Morgynn
www.farhorizons.net/LadyMorgynn

(in reply to MHOO314)
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RE: Dominant Accountability - 4/5/2006 5:41:14 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos
The suggestion of such an idea is absurd to me; they are not in a position to judge, and it is more than a little foolish to allow them to be. It is well enough that a Master be personally accountable to himself.

Depends on the relationship that you have with your slave.  Many slaves are in the BEST position to judge, and many masters enjoy having their smart/good judgement making slave work with them through that process. 

The master obviously thinks the slave has good judgement if the slave judged the master to be right for the slave as their master- no reason it couldn't extend into other situations.

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Dominant Accountability - 4/5/2006 5:41:19 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyMorgynn
Absolutely.  It's just that, being Dominant, there is more for me to be accountable for.


THAT my dear is VERY true and far to often forgotten


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to LadyMorgynn)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Dominant Accountability - 4/5/2006 5:43:39 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyMorgynn
Absolutely.  It's just that, being Dominant, there is more for me to be accountable for.

THAT my dear is VERY true and far to often forgotten

See I completely disagree.  I don't think I have more to be accountable for, more to be responsible for, or more to worry about.

I just have DIFFERENT things to be accountable for, responsible for and worry about in some areas. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Dominant Accountability - 4/5/2006 5:44:38 AM   
Varicolored


Posts: 7
Joined: 3/8/2006
Status: offline 		How are dominants accountable? 

The question is self evident.  EVERY individual is accountable to every other individual.  If a dominant takes a slave or a submissive into their charge, it is clear that the lines of responisibility don't differ that much from a vanilla relationship...EACH partner has to be concerned about the physical and emotional well being of the other.

Especially in a master/slave relaitionship is this true.   A slave gives a lot to their master.  Freedom of choice and action.   They give themselves in toto.  It is a pentultimate sacrifice that is willingly made.   Too many people, from what I have witnessed here don't understand that, including some who are relatively famous.     Too many masters here write of how they will use and abuse you...

That's just rubbish.

What are you going to give back when the scene is over?  I remember reading a post at another site, this woman was supposedly involved in a lot of high mucky-muck events and knew a lot of "leaders" in our community.  But, what struck me about her post, which described a scene she did publicly with her slave, who, I might add, was supposedly the most cherished thing in her life, described in graphic detail the flow of the whips and whatnot, but, at the end, she didn't discuss how she held her slave to bring her back, or how she tended her in any way.  In point of fact, the post explicitly pointed out how she left her alone to go chat with some folks.

Purely irresponsible.   I know for my part, I can generally deal with coming down from minor stuff alone, not that it is preferable, but you take me to this nirvanic place where both of us are enraptured and zooming, and you just cut me down and walk off? 

Two words for that kind of 'master' come to mind....

Get lost.

What will you give back on a day to day level?   Will you say thank you?   Will you show your appreiciaton in any way, shape, or form?  In a scene, that crap might fly as a part of the context, but, in a day to day relationship....What do you think?

(in reply to SylkBelieves)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Dominant Accountability - 4/5/2006 5:55:29 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		(just a fast reply & not directed to anyone nor the name that shows as "in reply to")

I read over the entire thread & there were several points that I wanted to address but since they changed the format on the boards it seems impossible to copy more than one quote. Very frustrating.

**side note: if anyone knows how to copy over multiple quotes within a thread please let me know**

At any rate I am sensing that many of those who have replied to this thread as defining accountability as a need to justify or explain their actions. Accountability is responsibility to someone or to an activity. It is my belief that ALL dominants must be accountable for themselves & what takes place in their lives. Not only do I feel that I am accountable for what I do, I am also accountable for my submissive as far as our personal relationship & our interactions socially with this way of life. I am just as accountable for her success as I am her failure. The responsibility I have in her training is to make sure she gets it & follows through with any training effectively & without question or hesitation. If I do not effectively convey my wishes/instructions I am accountable for her shortcomings as well because in effect it was I that failed. As her dominant I am responsible for the dynamics I have set up as well as how it is carried out.

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MstrssPassion


(in reply to LadyMorgynn)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Dominant Accountability - 4/5/2006 6:11:02 AM   
BrutalAntipathy


Posts: 412
Joined: 7/8/2005
Status: offline 		I am accountable for my actions. I am accountable for the needs and well being of myself and mine. I am accountable for my mistakes, failures, and shortcomings. Everyone is accountable in these regards, and I really fail to see what bearing this has on a D/s relationship, as it is true of everyone at all times. Shall we now discuss the implications of breathing and eating in the BDSM lifestyle?
 
That rant being tossed, can someone kindly explain what a ' scene ' is supposed to be? I assume that it is some role playing thingy, but had rather ask than to remain unilluminated.

(in reply to MstrssPassion)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Dominant Accountability - 4/5/2006 6:14:13 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BrutalAntipathy
That rant being tossed, can someone kindly explain what a ' scene ' is supposed to be? I assume that it is some role playing thingy, but had rather ask than to remain unilluminated.

A scene is generally a specific time/activity for people to play and enjoy kinky stuff together.  Role play is a type of scene, but not the only type.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to BrutalAntipathy)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Dominant Accountability - 4/5/2006 6:14:17 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
See I completely disagree.  I don't think I have more to be accountable for, more to be responsible for, or more to worry about.

I just have DIFFERENT things to be accountable for, responsible for and worry about in some areas.


Ah you have your Domme hat on today then *g* Not a jibe, more that I often do forget you switch!

No argument, you don't see it like that simply means we approach our relationships diffrently. My girl is responcible for her own safety for sure, but beyond that the only person she is accountable to for her actions is ME, where as I am responcible jointly for her safety and for both sets of behaviours, hers and mine. IE. If she slips up she can rely on the fact that I am there to catch her... If *I* slip up I'm likely to fall on my ass because it is tricky to catch yourself


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Dominant Accountability - 4/5/2006 6:17:03 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse
IE. If she slips up she can rely on the fact that I am there to catch her... If *I* slip up I'm likely to fall on my ass because it is tricky to catch yourself

Totally depends on the relationship.  In many relationships, the slave is responsible for making the masters life easier and simpler- that takes a lot of responsible, self judgement and more.  And if the master falls (which they do), why wouldn't the slave be there to help catch them and pick them up, take care of things?  Why is that just a one way street?  For my relationships it's definitely not, not even when I was owned.  If the owner had a bad day, it was my responsibility to help pick up the slack, keep things positive and charged. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Dominant Accountability - 4/5/2006 6:20:48 AM   
BrutalAntipathy


Posts: 412
Joined: 7/8/2005
Status: offline 		A scene is generally a specific time/activity for people to play and enjoy kinky stuff together.  Role play is a type of scene, but not the only type.

Yeah, that is kind of what I expected it was. I suppose it is a matter of semantics, but I see that as people role playing at being BDSM'ers. I've always referred to them as weekend ass slappers; vanillas that get together on the weekend, swat one another's asses, and then go back to their mundane lives two hours later.

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Dominant Accountability - 4/5/2006 6:24:17 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BrutalAntipathy
Yeah, that is kind of what I expected it was. I suppose it is a matter of semantics, but I see that as people role playing at being BDSM'ers. I've always referred to them as weekend ass slappers; vanillas that get together on the weekend, swat one another's asses, and then go back to their mundane lives two hours later.

Considering a large majority of the Ds and Ms relationships enjoy scenes on a regular basis, that's not quite true.  While people DO pretty much go back to their mundane lives after a scene (Ds and Ms people do the same mundane stuff that vanillas do), that doesn't mean they discard the relationship dynamic.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to BrutalAntipathy)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Dominant Accountability - 4/5/2006 6:27:37 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
Totally depends on the relationship.  In many relationships, the slave is responsible for making the masters life easier and simpler- that takes a lot of responsible, self judgement and more.  And if the master falls (which they do), why wouldn't the slave be there to help catch them and pick them up, take care of things?  Why is that just a one way street?  For my relationships it's definitely not, not even when I was owned.  If the owner had a bad day, it was my responsibility to help pick up the slack, keep things positive and charged. 


We are looking at diffrent aspects. Certainly she makes my life easier in many ways, however I am not accountable TO her but am accountable FOR her. I train her manner and actions to my tastes, hold her to my standards.... The buck stops with me, not with her. Unless she is disobaying me then if there is fault, it is mine, if she IS disobaying me then it is MY responcibility to address it. If someone finds fault with MY actions they should take it up with ME, if someone finds fault with HER actions they should take it up with.... ME


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Dominant Accountability - 4/5/2006 6:34:17 AM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		Me..Me...Me.....it's all about you Raven....LOL
Hey, I feel the same way....Me...Me....Me..........too

I understand both of the recent points that have been brought up. Although I feel responsible for my slave and accept responsibility, there will be times when I may fall and it is her that lends me her support. An Ambiotic relationship...the smaller fish do things for the bigger fish in order to be sustained by the bigger fish.
You and I Raven, are the Big Fishy's.

Kevin

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Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Dominant Accountability - 4/5/2006 6:36:56 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse
The buck stops with me, not with her. Unless she is disobaying me then if there is fault, it is mine, if she IS disobaying me then it is MY responcibility to address it. If someone finds fault with MY actions they should take it up with ME, if someone finds fault with HER actions they should take it up with.... ME

Again, depends on the relationship.  My former owners (and plenty of other masters) would laugh at you if you approached them about an issue with MY behavior.  They expect me to take care of myself and deal with issues directly.

I agree that accountability is handled differently between dom and sub.  But I do not believe that a dom or master has a great deal more responsibility than a sub/slave. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Dominant Accountability - 4/5/2006 6:40:47 AM   
artglfr


Posts: 235
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline 		Well brutalantipathy, We can't all be "misogynists" like you 24/7 R/t but We can be responsible for ourselves and NOT ridicule others Kinks and Lifestyles.  Out of curiosity how can you have so much experience 24/7. R/T and Not know what a scene is?

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(in reply to BrutalAntipathy)
Profile   Post #: 40
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