kyraofMists
Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005 Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SylkBelieves When a sub or slave falls short of their Dom/Master's expectations it is generally expected that the sub/slave will be held accountable by that Dom/Master by one means or another. Dominants and Masters are humans and subject to human shortcomings. So, how are THEY held accountable? In my opinion, being accountable is being responsible for your actions, no matter if they are right or wrong. For me, each person is accountable for themselves and their own behavior. My Lord sets the expectations for my behavior and I am responsible for meeting them. He sets expectations for his behavior and he is responsible for meeting them. It is our own internal motivation to improve ourselves and our relationship that drives us to meet these expectations. He makes me aware when my behavior is falling below his expectations and if given permission, I will give my opinion when I think his behavior is falling below his expectations. He will listen to my opinion and make the decision, sometimes he will give an apology if he thinks he made a mistake, sometimes the behavior will just change, sometimes he will just point out where my thinking is flawed, sometimes it is not mentioned again. Whatever happens, he made the decision to hear my opinion and he made the decision on whether his behavior met his expectations or not. My opinion is just that and it is given with his permission. What he does with my opinion is his choice. What makes him master is that they are all his expectations, not mine; he makes the decision, not me. I chose him because his expectations for behavior (mine and his) resonated with me. They were often what I would choose for myself if I had the authority. I chose him not because I needed someone to tell me what is best for me, but because he demonstrated that I could trust him to make the decisions for me. In his opinion, I would not be fulfilling my duties as a slave to him if I did not help him improve himself. That means that I have to have the courage to share my opinion with him even when I know he is not going to like what I have to say. The most terrifying time that I have shared my opinion with him was many months ago. I had been struggling for days with negative thoughts and my feelings. He was trying to fix it in his characteristic way by giving me a mental kick in the ass. We now refer to this as him using a hammer. For several days he did this and it only made the thoughts and emotions worse. Finally, he was completely exasperated with me and said “I’m getting real tired of having to give you a kick in the ass, girl”. I just looked at him and asked “How is that working for you, my Lord?” It very clearly was not working for him at all. Needless to say, I think that is the most pissed off that I have ever seen him. Come to find out later, that it was an illuminating moment for him on how his behavior was falling below his expectations of himself. He was angry at himself and not at me. He has not picked up that hammer again when talking with me. It was a very definitive point in our relationship where we became even closer. He learned that he could trust in me to point out the difficult things that he needs to hear and I learned that I could trust him to pick a different path if the current one was not working for him. Did this situation upset the M/s structure in our relationship? Not at all; in fact, it enhanced it and caused our relationship to grow by leaps and bounds. Will this work for every M/s relationship? Nope. It works for us. My Lord enjoys and relies on my direct nature and my ability to ask the tough questions. He uses it to improve and enhance himself and his house. Knight’s kyra
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"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus
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