BitaTruble
Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
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quote:
Yup, I read it, and he also said this "that she not become an opaque and litigious point keeper, expecting always the scales of justice to balance themselves whenever she feels "wronged". This to me has nothing to do with discussion for the purpose of understanding and resolving of differences but with those who get hung up on placing blame and fault. To me these is a completely different issue than the one of accountability.
I view it as completely valid and indeed integral to a Master/slave relationship and to the issue of accountability and who, exactly, is the person in charge of questioning the accountability. To me, that's Himself, with my input and perspective because two heads are better than one and there may be times when I see things that he does not, or when he hasn't taken something into consideration that might need to be addressed. Ultimately, the decision to address or not address, the decision to accept or not accept and the decision to consider or not consider any issue rests on his shoulders. We will have to agree to disagree on this point.
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Accountability to me has to do with real responsibility to do ones best to do the right thing. It does not mean that one is responsible to apologize for every perceived slight or insult to those overly sensitive individuals looking for a fight.
I agree with this 100%
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A Dom/Master doesn't necessarily have an obligation to explain himself if he is requiring his slave/sub to do something that is distressing to her, or to apologize if he miscalculates and the result is traumatic to her, BUT it does go a long way to establishing trust, so I don't understand why he wouldn't want to.
And this I disagree with 100%. lol To me, this puts the cart before the horse. The trust is established prior to the Master/slave dynamic coming into play. If the trust is not there to begin with, calling someone Master is little more than role-play.
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To me, the inability or unwillingness to do so implies a man of fragile ego who dominates by holding the bigger stick.
I disagree for the reason stated above.
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As to questioning a Doms decisions and actions, there MUST be the opportunity to do so, especially in the beginning of a D/s relationship, and really REALLY especially to newbies.
Why 'must' there? Perhaps I read you too literally. Questioning Masters decisions or actions is not part of my dynamic. Offering my opinions and suggestions are absolutely part of the dynamic which I share with Himself if it's appropriate and always when he asks. I will accept that for newbies, they may not be able to help but question, but that sort of thing can be trained away in time. ;)
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This is what most concerned me with Amayos response. He said he makes this statement to NEW slaves.
Why does that concern you?
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These are dangerous attitudes for the uninformed, the uninitiated and those who might fall prey to the predators who can convince them that submission means doing everything they are told without question. I think it is a goal, not a definition and it takes time and lot's of communication and work to get there and can't be forced simply because two people give themselves a title.
Time is the best judge of a relationship, but you can't build a relationship without a foundation. If the foundation is different for the people involved, time isn't going to do anything but watch it slowly erode because you're not on the same page. I appreciate your concerns for the newbies in BDSM. That said, you can't save the world and even the most savvy minded, long term, experienced slave on the planet can fall prey to someone that is an expert manipulator. Newbies are only new to the lingo and lifestyle of BDSM.. they are still fully formed adults and with the plethora of information available to them now days, there is no excuse for not being well armed as you plunge into the battlefield of BDSM. You need a thick skin, a solid head and some common sense. Those are pretty good protectors on their own. I don't know Amayos, but I think 'dark' is probably a better descriptive than dangerous and for lots of us, that's exactly why BDSM pulls us. Don't shine the lights to brightly, please.
Celeste
::an aside to Amayos:: If you are dangerous rather than dark, please inform me, because I don't want to continue teasing you about getting paddled if you're going to hack me into little pieces for it later on. ;)
_____________________________
"Oh, so it's just like Rock, paper, scissors." He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."
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