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RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 1:38:03 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

How do I stay humble and not let it get to my head?

the more this slave uses the word "MY", the easier it is to get caught up in pride over some sort of sense of ownership.

Master has given this slave the task of eliminating the word "MY" from her vocabulary, which has helped her to let go of/not form attachments to the material things that were either brought to this relationship or obtained while involved in this relationship, regardless of source.

it's not rocket science, but it takes a fair bit of effort to shift one's perspective and physically/mentally force one's self to change grammar rules that are almost as unconscious as heartbeats. Much like learning another language can give you insight and perspective into another culture, we often don't indulge in learning another language unless we are already interested in that culture and want to enhance our experience by going deeper.

this slave's advice would be to stop looking at financial contributions that exist because of you as "MY", because they have been gifted to Eric, on your behalf...there's nothing for you to feel prideful about...unless you must attatch strings to your gifts.

(in reply to NervousGrrl)

Post #: 21

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 1:40:42 PM

MC4Misfit

Posts: 72
Joined: 3/31/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: monywildcat

I am just wondering why Dom "Eric" isn't able to find student loans, grants, or other means of paying for his education.

Based on my partner's attempts to get financial aid for school, I would guess it's the fact that he's work full time that shoots him in the foot. My partner doesn't work, and New York doesn't recognize our civil union, so to them he's single and unemployed so eligible for financial aid. If he was working, then they tend to think you can pay for it yourself and you're on your own.

Back to the main point, I don't think there's a relationship out there that's perfectly balanced financially. Someone always picks up the the bigger half of things. Right now that's you. You say in the future it will be him. That sounds like a reasonable balance to me. Personally, I wouldn't worry so much about where the money is coming from, I'd just be grateful that it's there.

(in reply to monywildcat)

Post #: 22

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 1:41:15 PM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: brainiacsub

As long as I don't have to blow you...fine.

Nope, you will be rewarded with more anal than you ever thought possible!

I am a giver that way

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to brainiacsub)

Post #: 23

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 1:53:51 PM

brainiacsub

Posts: 1209
Joined: 11/11/2007
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

quote:

ORIGINAL: brainiacsub

As long as I don't have to blow you...fine.

Nope, you will be rewarded with more anal than you ever thought possible!

I am a giver that way

Your dick must be made of gold to make up the difference. I guess domi will be taking out the trash for the next 20 yrs for his contribution.

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 24

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 1:58:46 PM

brainiacsub

Posts: 1209
Joined: 11/11/2007
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

How do I stay humble and not let it get to my head?

the more this slave uses the word "MY", the easier it is to get caught up in pride over some sort of sense of ownership.

[...]

beth, what would your advice be to her if he goes on and completes his education, has a successful career, makes alot of money, and then runs off with a younger woman? In a perfect world, his financial future is hers, but we don't live in a perfect world, do we?

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 25

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 1:59:45 PM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

As usual...Merc's beth has put it in humble and eloquent words.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 26

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 2:01:56 PM

GraciousLady

Posts: 529
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ReginaMirus

Speaking from 20+ years adult experience...

Let us know how that works out. I've yet to EVER see that arrangement work in the female's favor, but you may be a first. I'm willing to accept that I may be dead wrong.

I echo the above statement by ReginaMirus.

I would also like to tell the OP to not be so hard on herself. I believe you ARE college material. You may not get a degree but there is no reason to not better yourself for yourself. And honestly, even though you and your man have aspects of D/s in your relationship the two of you are partners in life first. If he is degreed and your unskilled there is that chance you two will have less and less in common as time goes on. This is the main reason your current arraignment does not work for so many people.

(in reply to ReginaMirus)

Post #: 27

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 2:02:33 PM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: brainiacsub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

How do I stay humble and not let it get to my head?

the more this slave uses the word "MY", the easier it is to get caught up in pride over some sort of sense of ownership.

[...]

beth, what would your advice be to her if he goes on and completes his education, has a successful career, makes alot of money, and then runs off with a younger woman? In a perfect world, his financial future is hers, but we don't live in a perfect world, do we?

Is that how a person lives their lives? Counting every coin and basing it on what if's?

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to brainiacsub)

Post #: 28

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 2:03:32 PM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

He works almost full time and goes to school full time, so he's hardly sitting on his ass, meanwhile I only work part time and don't go to school and don't make much, it's not like I earned this annuity, but when we are using what I imagine to be MY money to pay for our apartment and school and bills (he contributes all of what he makes at work, but still we mostly rely on the annuity)

It sounds like this guy is working his ass off. You and he are going to marry soon, and i do not see your attitude changing just because you have a ring on your finger.

YOUR money? Sheesh hon, you are in a live-in situation with your fiancee. The his and hers crap should have been in the past a long time ago. You are using your money for the rent? Hell girl...you live there too, do you not? Using your money to pay for his education?
When he graduates and earns a decent income, how would you feel if he said it was HIS money? He is working and all the money he earns is going toward the expenses...so "his" money might be paying for the food you are eating.

Marriage is a partnership.

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

(in reply to NervousGrrl)

Post #: 29

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 2:10:57 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: brainiacsub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

How do I stay humble and not let it get to my head?

the more this slave uses the word "MY", the easier it is to get caught up in pride over some sort of sense of ownership.

[...]

beth, what would your advice be to her if he goes on and completes his education, has a successful career, makes alot of money, and then runs off with a younger woman? In a perfect world, his financial future is hers, but we don't live in a perfect world, do we?

if if's were horses, we'd all take a ride.

she chose not to use the annuity/gift it to him for furthering education ~ to this slave, gifts don't come with strings.

as well, this slave prefers to have faith in the integrity of those that she would refer to as Master, as well as husband and couldn't imagine selectively submitting only part of herself or her assets to the one she referred to as Master/husband.

quote:

As usual...Merc's beth has put it in humble and eloquent words...orig: Icarys

thank you, kindly!

(in reply to brainiacsub)

Post #: 30

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 2:12:22 PM

brainiacsub

Posts: 1209
Joined: 11/11/2007
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

[...]
Is that how a person lives their lives? Counting every coin and basing it on what if's?

No, and if you read all my responses in the context of the OP, you will find I never suggested such a thing. But we all have to take personal responsibility for our own financial future. I don't feel sorry for women - or men - who sacrifice all for the benefit of another and then boo hoo to the courts when they have nothing to show for their sacrifice when the relationship ends.

(in reply to Icarys)

Post #: 31

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 2:58:17 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Here is my take on the topic.

None of us here, know the people and specifics of this particular relationship. Anyone, including myself, that has been in a long term relationship, knows, that at some point, there are sacrifices to be made. Sometimes it's emotional, sometimes physical, other times financial. It's the reality of life.

The key, as I see it, is making those sacrifices with your eyes wide open. Accepting that the shit could all blow up in your face, but fuck it....you know the person and are willing to go out on that limb for them. If you've chosen your partner wisely, you will reap the rewards. If you haven't, you will pay the penalty.

I really don't see it as being that big of a point of contention.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to NervousGrrl)

Post #: 32

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 3:00:11 PM

lobodomslavery

Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline

You see blueeyedbbw being a financial slave isnt that cool. These Women are just heartless, they take your money, give you nothing in return and are only interested in making you suffer
kevin

(in reply to blueeyedbbwsub)

Post #: 33

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 3:04:35 PM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: brainiacsub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

[...]
Is that how a person lives their lives? Counting every coin and basing it on what if's?

No, and if you read all my responses in the context of the OP, you will find I never suggested such a thing. But we all have to take personal responsibility for our own financial future. I don't feel sorry for women - or men - who sacrifice all for the benefit of another and then boo hoo to the courts when they have nothing to show for their sacrifice when the relationship ends.

I think I was on the mark. That's exactly how this reads as well braniac. Just different wording now.

Life is a gamble at times..Some of which can be planned for but if one is too busy calculating they miss out on the life part. Those kind of people are often boo hooing as well in the long run.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to brainiacsub)

Post #: 34

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 3:05:51 PM

lobodomslavery

Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline

Anyone who s not willing to go halfo halfo , split the money between them in a marriage, equally, i would be very wary. What is my instinct? Never. Why make yourself destitute for a man who can well afford to support himself or Woman either? Why cant people like this not do what the rest of us do and work for a living or take social welfare which they are entitled to , social security whatever, if they dont have a job. Dont be a victim is what i would say to the OP, think very carefully, You could easily be exploited and left penniless as others on this forum have been left
kevin

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 35

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 3:06:15 PM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Here is my take on the topic.

None of us here, know the people and specifics of this particular relationship. Anyone, including myself, that has been in a long term relationship, knows, that at some point, there are sacrifices to be made. Sometimes it's emotional, sometimes physical, other times financial. It's the reality of life.

The key, as I see it, is making those sacrifices with your eyes wide open. Accepting that the shit could all blow up in your face, but fuck it....you know the person and are willing to go out on that limb for them. If you've chosen your partner wisely, you will reap the rewards. If you haven't, you will pay the penalty.

I really don't see it as being that big of a point of contention.

I agree.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 36

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 3:07:57 PM

lobodomslavery

Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline

Yeah gamble for sure. Put a few quid on a horse or a football match. But give someone else all your money? Put all your money on a football match or horse? No way the sure route to poverty and self destruction. NEVER ever would i entrust all my money to someone else , not even a banker or best friend. NEVER
kevin

(in reply to Icarys)

Post #: 37

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 3:35:35 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

But we all have to take personal responsibility for our own financial future.

Then you are condemning the relationship to failure before it begins. You're keeping track of who's 'winning'; tracking what resources and assets are used. At some point, the arithmetic may result in the "I'm not getting back my investment" termination calculation.

The most difficult aspect of eliminating this 'self' concept is overcoming the paranoia in doing so. I think the first weekend beth spent with me I gave her my ATM and PIN number. No matter how much money I had back then, her taking all of it would have been worth the monetary lose to find out she wasn't the person I believed her to be.

From either side of the flogger, your "own financial future" no longer is personal. Ideally it should evolve into OUR financial future, the same way my personal happiness becomes OUR happiness. I don't think anyone would advocate to track personal emotional and/or mental investment in a relationship. Emotional and mental investment may not be as tangible as a financial investment, but I'd much prefer being broke, or broken financially by someone versus being broken emotionally and mentally. Financial recovery is much easier and associated with a relationship - cathartic. As they say; why is divorce so expensive - It's worth it.

You have to make your evaluation before commitment. You have to know yourself, as well if not better than your potential partner. At the heart of the decision, consider that people do not change! A lazy, unmotivated, person who has an "I'm gonna..." list of life accomplishments won't be "inspired" just because you come into their life. They may have the ability to 'act' for a time, but long term, their past is the best indicator of what they will be in the future. It should be done with a touch more intelligence and consideration to 'betting the ranch' on the outcome of a game someone else is playing. However, if you are not "all in" with your partner, the part you left out can become the cancer that kills your relationship down the road.

Coming out of the process, financially being "all in" with your partner is ideal. It doesn't eliminate or reduce the level of financial responsibility, it just removes the 'personal' aspect of it. You live your life collectively in the manner and style you desire and can afford. One working, both working, neither working; live with the result. You have to avoid calculating or caring if you got or are getting an equitable bang for your buck.

Granted there is no way in telling what the future with a partner will bring. We met late in life, and we both had some history of bad relationships having bad financial outcomes. However, perhaps counter-intuitive, I think they actually helped us achieve this philosophy. We both know confidently, from first hand experience, that having nothing and being on our own is preferable to having it 'all' and being with someone who made every second in their company living hell.

We had the pragmatic financial chat a long time ago while living together in a very small apartment. It did result in the one irreconcilable disagreement which we still have between us. I said if we ever broke up she had to take everything, while she said I had to. Considering all the crap we've acquired over out time together, our biggest fear is that the other will leave and we'd be stuck with the liquidation process!

We don't represent we've have the answers. We are not setting ourselves up as any example, 'lifestyle' or other. Pragmatically, and without any morbid slant, the only way our relationship model can be pointed to as a 'success' is through death. Until then, we keep living. Me envying beth's absolute and unqualified belief and trust in me; while I do my best to purge those remaining skeptical thoughts deep within me that still have me expecting something is going to wake me up from this fun marvelous dream life I've been sharing with a perfect compatible partner.

(in reply to brainiacsub)

Post #: 38

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 3:36:10 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

Since you are due to be married then I fail to see what difference where the money comes from...you are a couple, a unit made up of two parts and the money, regardless of its source, should be used as needed for the betterment of the couple. D/s doesn't enter into it, if your submission is based on him providing for you then it isn't that deep to my eye.

As a married couple you should pool your resources, that is the whole friggin point of a marriage after all, to operate as a unit, not as two separate individuals...if you want to keep your money separate then just date...maintain your own home and your financial freedom, but if you are getting married and cohabiting then it all goes into one pot and is divided up from there, as needed with no regard to who "made" the money.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to NervousGrrl)

Post #: 39

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 3:40:12 PM

JstAnotherSub

Posts: 6174
Status: offline

i will support me, but i aint supporting any man for even an hour.....i might be a bitch, and i am good with that...

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to NervousGrrl)

Post #: 40

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