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RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/20/2010 4:05:40 PM

patina

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i in some ways have been there done that with both an ex hubby and an ex Dom. Both turned out to be cads and deadbeats. As long as i was providing the funds they were happy to just sit back and take it easy. But your case seems different, your guy seems to not be resting on his laurels. If you are feeling resentment you need to remind yourself the money is not really yours it belongs to both of you. When you start to feel bad about the money you need to accept it as a natural thought but redirect it to more favorable. He is at least working, trying to do better.

i think we all resent at times things of our being monopolized by a another person be it a Dom, a friend, a sibling. i resented my Dom using the power scooter my father gave me instead of his own. He liked my fathers better but i felt and still feel his 350lb or more ass was going to break it down. He says he only weighs 270 lbs i told him in his dreams, he refuses to get weighed.

This is one of many reasons he is now my ex Dom. i am trying to not be a softie so much now.

good luck

patina
in a trial relationship

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RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 5/10/2010 10:51:08 PM

djsatlarge

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Think of it as your investment to the home you're building with him. Sounds as if he's working at supporting the home as best he can. Consider yourself lucky to have this opportunity to help him better himself knowing it will be rewarded to you later a his sub.

(in reply to NervousGrrl)

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RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 5/11/2010 12:02:07 AM

DameBruschetta

Posts: 116
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NervousGrrl

Oh, it isn't a trust thing at all. We will be married very soon, so I know he isn't going anywhere. We've also been together a very long time, and I definitely, definitely trust him.

It's a pride thing. I get full of this uncomfortable pride feeling that I absolutely hate and makes me miserable, it makes me feel like I should have power because we are relying on my money. What I need to know is how to kill that wicked little thought.

This thread is up to 5 pages now, and I haven't really read past this. What I will say is this, from your own words..

the man is going to school full time the man is working almost full time... you do work - part time

Yeah, you have an annuity. Good for you! He may be letting part of "your" (if you two are getting married to me this is really "ours") money fund the lifestyle you're accustomed to, but he's making a serious effort. He's not sitting on his ass and "going to school" and just letting you pay for everything. I know people who can't handle going to school full time alone, much less trying to do both.

Pride? If anything, I think you should be proud of him. Proud that he wants to get an education, proud that he's hardworking... proud that he's working towards being able to support you.

Money comes and goes, situation changes. The good character points you're talking about here? They don't come and go quite as much. Let go of the "mine" and except the "we" because you'll have a lot less heartache in the end.

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RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 5/11/2010 3:49:52 AM

CelticPrince

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quote:

Hi, I'm just curious about how I should deal with my feelings regarding my relationship with my dom who is also about to be my husband. Right now, we rely mainly on my money to get by. I have a structured annuity which is not funded by my father but was basically.. arranged by my father (long story) for the purpose of paying for me to go to college. It turns out I'm not the college type, but my partner and dom is, and my father wants the money to go to him to pay for his college. (lets call my dom Eric)

I'm okay with that because the job I have does not pay much and I know one of us needs to go to school. Next year he will graduate with his degree, and get a good job, and no longer need to rely on the annuity.

He works almost full time and goes to school full time, so he's hardly sitting on his ass, meanwhile I only work part time and don't go to school and don't make much, it's not like I earned this annuity, but when we are using what I imagine to be MY money to pay for our apartment and school and bills (he contributes all of what he makes at work, but still we mostly rely on the annuity) I get these ideas in my head that I shouldn't have to submit because we are using my money blah blah blah.

It's hard for him emotionally too to not be the provider yet, so we don't talk about it much. Next year when he graduates this problem will be behind us, but how do we deal with it now? How do I stay humble and not let it get to my head?

grrl,

When your inner self is talking to you , listen!

This story has been told time and again.

CP

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RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 5/11/2010 4:08:04 AM

loverly

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i guess i would ask .... " is Financial the only thing that measures a Dominant ? " Perhaps if You look it as a whole and remember that you are helping out someone you love to be a better provider for you it will make it easier? ....afterall... Yours mine and ours does usually apply when it is a marriage and since you are almost there where is the problem?
Perhaps if you remind yourself of ALL the reasons you are submissive to Him that would help? and as for using the $ for someones education....and since parents can often be right in judging peoples character.. i would say Be happy and feel proud that You are able to help out someone you love rather than feel it gives you some sort of upperhand? i mean.. you ARE a submissive to him correct? that doesnt change with a larger bank account....at least not for me .... maybe the struggle is something more? Does He feel less of a Dom accepting the help?

From what you've written it sounds like you are both very lucky and i wish you all the happpiness that goes with that!

lovely

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RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 5/11/2010 4:19:09 AM

loverly

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YES! what DameBruschetta said!!!

"Money comes and goes, situation changes. The good character points you're talking about here? They don't come and go quite as much. Let go of the "mine" and except the "we" because you'll have a lot less heartache in the end."

i was going to add that.. in traditional marriages the "me" becomes "we" and there should be no other thoughts or arguments about that.. don;t get sucked into the fights that financial matters cause.. it can be the ruin of anything good between the two of you. focus instead on the outcome and what it benifits in the long run.... and remember what sort of life you have chosen and live it with JOY rather than allowing negitive feelings in. Concentrate on the other person and the positive... and He should do the same.

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Post #: 106