RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice?

Page: << < prev 2 3 [4] 5 6 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 6:44:09 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

You are so nice!

Hello, Sir!

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Jeffff)

Profile

Post #: 61

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 6:45:04 PM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

As long as our wieners don't touch, I think we are good with that.

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to brainiacsub)

Profile

Post #: 62

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 6:45:17 PM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

So as I see it everyone here who says money means nothing in a relationship has never been divorced. Has never been "screwed" in a divorce and has never known any man who has financially jacked a woman around.

Where do you see that Jefffffff?

I think if you ask most who say that..We would probably be able to tell you a few bad stories as well.

I had a friend recently that lives his life that way(We are no longer friends for various reasons). Married and they both have separate accounts..They also have one account together but they argue constantly over who is putting what in the single account for each bill..Even after a year of being married.

I don't want to be like that nor would I live that way.

I've personally had a couple of women try and take advantage of situations concerning money. One in particular keeps coming back from time to time in what I suspect is an attempt to get back in my good graces because of my business.

None of the things I have gone through with people over the years is going to affect the outcome of my relationship unless I let it. I'm not going to. Maybe it's a foolishly romantic notion.. As long as a female fits what I desire..She's honest, trustworthy and a few other qualities..I won't think twice about the money I fork over for her to live with me. the things I buy her to make her life pleasant..or the future investments I'll make for both of us...She just has to invest herself in me as much as I'm willing to for her.

The OP has made it to this point I think or I would hope they have or they wouldn't be at the point of marriage. Only the two of them can know the truth of that.

< Message edited by Icarys -- 4/19/2010 6:58:15 PM >

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to Jeffff)

Profile

Post #: 63

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 6:45:17 PM

Smutmonger

Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline

You are making an investment in the future of your marriage. HE is doing the hard work to be a good provider, and showing willingness to make sacrifices for YOU.

Ignore the whiners who see any man getting temporary help as "users". They quite often see things at 180 degrees if the sexes are reversed in this sort of situation.

Double standards suck. Personally, I LIKE the idea of equal rights for women. Equal rights-equal effort-the pussy is taken out of the equation as a "justifiable commodity."

_____________________________

I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

(in reply to NervousGrrl)

Profile

Post #: 64

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 6:50:38 PM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

I agree in spirt. It is possible this is an investment in her future. Reality however tells me she may one day need a kick ass divorce lawyer.

They aren't cheap

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to Icarys)

Profile

Post #: 65

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 6:54:07 PM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I agree in spirt. It is possible this is an investment in her future. Reality however tells me she may one day need a kick ass divorce lawyer.

They aren't cheap

With the divorce rate being around 50% "I think"..She has a 1 in 2 chance of making it...Either the glass is half full or it's half empty :>

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to Jeffff)

Profile

Post #: 66

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 6:54:42 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NervousGrrl

Hi, I'm just curious about how I should deal with my feelings regarding my relationship with my dom who is also about to be my husband. Right now, we rely mainly on my money to get by. I have a structured annuity which is not funded by my father but was basically.. arranged by my father (long story) for the purpose of paying for me to go to college. It turns out I'm not the college type, but my partner and dom is, and my father wants the money to go to him to pay for his college. (lets call my dom Eric)

I'm okay with that because the job I have does not pay much and I know one of us needs to go to school. Next year he will graduate with his degree, and get a good job, and no longer need to rely on the annuity.

He works almost full time and goes to school full time, so he's hardly sitting on his ass, meanwhile I only work part time and don't go to school and don't make much, it's not like I earned this annuity, but when we are using what I imagine to be MY money to pay for our apartment and school and bills (he contributes all of what he makes at work, but still we mostly rely on the annuity) I get these ideas in my head that I shouldn't have to submit because we are using my money blah blah blah.

It's hard for him emotionally too to not be the provider yet, so we don't talk about it much. Next year when he graduates this problem will be behind us, but how do we deal with it now? How do I stay humble and not let it get to my head?

Take all the Dom/sub stuff out of the equation.

Then remove all the male/female crap you've been taught (or think you have).

And then ask yourself this very simple question:

Is this a guy you envision spending your life with?

If so...preparing him (educating him) to take care of you as the years unfold...is a very smart investment.

If, on the other hand....it's not...kick him to the curb.

If it is.....

Shut the fuck up and accept the fact that 800 kabillion other couples have gone through this before you through time immemorial...one supported the other until they had a viable set of skills...and it was....keeping all your genitals aside....a very good investment.

(Geeeeez).

(in reply to NervousGrrl)

Profile

Post #: 67

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 6:57:24 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

With the divorce rate being around 50% "I think"..She has a 1 in 2 chance of making it...Either the glass is half full or it's half empty :>

A smart person does not focus on what will tear up a relationship, but also understands that legally-binding yourself does carry a set a risks and one needs to be fully aware of this and plan for it.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Icarys)

Profile

Post #: 68

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 7:01:04 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I agree in spirt. It is possible this is an investment in her future. Reality however tells me she may one day need a kick ass divorce lawyer.

They aren't cheap

With the divorce rate being around 50% "I think"..She has a 1 in 2 chance of making it...Either the glass is half full or it's half empty :>

That is part of the problem...50% don't make it. They survive it. I would say less than 20, maybe 10% enjoy it.

_____________________________

(in reply to Icarys)

Profile

Post #: 69

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 7:02:56 PM

brainiacsub

Posts: 1209
Joined: 11/11/2007
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

With the divorce rate being around 50% "I think"..She has a 1 in 2 chance of making it...Either the glass is half full or it's half empty :>

A smart person does not focus on what will tear up a relationship, but also understands that legally-binding yourself does carry a set a risks and one needs to be fully aware of this and plan for it.

This is the bigboy pants answer and it happens to be correct.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Profile

Post #: 70

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 7:07:33 PM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I agree in spirt. It is possible this is an investment in her future. Reality however tells me she may one day need a kick ass divorce lawyer.

They aren't cheap

With the divorce rate being around 50% "I think"..She has a 1 in 2 chance of making it...Either the glass is half full or it's half empty :>

That is part of the problem...50% don't make it. They survive it. I would say less than 20, maybe 10% enjoy it.

Depends on who you hang around DG.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to domiguy)

Profile

Post #: 71

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 7:12:46 PM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: brainiacsub

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

With the divorce rate being around 50% "I think"..She has a 1 in 2 chance of making it...Either the glass is half full or it's half empty :>

A smart person does not focus on what will tear up a relationship, but also understands that legally-binding yourself does carry a set a risks and one needs to be fully aware of this and plan for it.

This is the bigboy pants answer and it happens to be correct.

How would you go about telling the OP to handle a plan?

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to brainiacsub)

Profile

Post #: 72

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 7:18:10 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

Merc, If you and I were to ever marry, I would insist on a prenup that protects you and yours in the event of a divorce, not the other way around. You were wrong about me.

The consideration that you needed one is the same as believing I would want or need one to protect me from you. I wouldn't want to go into any personal relationship requiring "protection"; defeats the purpose for having a partner in the first place. Worth the expense at whatever financial cost to terminate if protection was necessary.

I wasn't trying to be right about you; just having a discussion and having different opinions isn't a matter of one of us being wrong about the other - at least for me.

quote:

This is the bigboy pants answer and it happens to be correct

Then again, I wouldn't think anyones opinion was "correct" in, or out of conflict, with my position. I think it isn't appropriate to enter into a relationship without the total confidence that it will last. I believe a dissolving contract betrays that confidence. You see is as insurance against a likely, according to statistics, result. Exceptions and examples of both exist. I see it as a personal choice not a "correct" conclusion.

(in reply to brainiacsub)

Profile

Post #: 73

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 7:20:04 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I think she should worry about her education and independence before thinking about marriage. As far a prenup, she would need to seek legal advice.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Icarys)

Profile

Post #: 74

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 7:23:47 PM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

Merc, If you and I were to ever marry, I would insist on a prenup that protects you and yours in the event of a divorce, not the other way around. You were wrong about me.
The consideration that you needed one is the same as believing I would want or need one to protect me from you. I wouldn't want to go into any personal relationship requiring "protection"; defeats the purpose for having a partner in the first place. Worth the expense at whatever financial cost to terminate if protection was necessary.

I wasn't trying to be right about you; just having a discussion and having different opinions isn't a matter of one of us being wrong about the other - at least for me.

quote:

This is the bigboy pants answer and it happens to be correct
Then again, I wouldn't think anyones opinion was "correct" in, or out of conflict, with my position. I think it isn't appropriate to enter into a relationship without the total confidence that it will last. I believe a dissolving contract betrays that confidence. You see is as insurance against a likely, according to statistics, result. Exceptions and examples of both exist. I see it as a personal choice not a "correct" conclusion.

The bigboy comment was meant as a way of demeaning a person/persons comments and a way of winning an argument instead of discussing it. A vast majority of people use this tactic as part of their main approach.

< Message edited by Icarys -- 4/19/2010 7:27:01 PM >

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Profile

Post #: 75

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 7:26:25 PM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I think she should worry about her education and independence before thinking about marriage. As far a prenup, she would need to seek legal advice.

She said she had little interest in college if I'm not mistaken. As for the pre-nup..I'm going with Merc.

She's more likely to get a gift from me if we split than she would ever get me to sign a pre-nup.

You do it your way of course and I'll do it mine. As usual.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to KatyLied)

Profile

Post #: 76

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 7:39:08 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

I agree on that part, I've kind of had to shift thinking from it's my money and your money and your debt an my debt, to this is a family, and this debt or that debt, or this money or that money helps the whole house, and to stop thinking in terms of mine or yours.

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

At the very least, it couldn't hurt to stop thinking "mine mine mine."

WinD

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Profile

Post #: 77

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 7:44:17 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

I don't think it's where the money comes from that worries her, it's the niggling sense of superiority that supporting him creates, and how sometimes she feels like she don't need to submit to him if she's supporting him. She don't want to feel superior to him, and that's the worry.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MC4Misfit

Personally, I wouldn't worry so much about where the money is coming from, I'd just be grateful that it's there.

(in reply to MC4Misfit)

Profile

Post #: 78

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 7:58:24 PM

Firebirdseeking

Posts: 477
Joined: 9/3/2006
Status: offline

I am planning to soon marry my Dom. A friend called me and said that she felt it was "her duty as my friend" to tell me to get a pre-nup. I was stunned that she felt this was her duty. I dont like pre-nups. I think that they say, I love you but ya know, I have my own interests to protect. Not a good way to start, or to proceed, in a marriage.

Having said that, I see a problem here that no one has addressed. OP, what do you mean, you aren't the college type, and you have a low paying job, etc, etc? This is a HUGE problem - the problem that is corrected by a woman getting an education, and/or some job skills so that she is capable of supporting herself, and her family, should something happen to her husband/ Dom. To me, its really folly to rely on being financially taken care of by daddy or Dom or husband. My father became disabled when I was 21 and my mother continued to work; and my ex of 25 years became disabled as well. Shit happens. If I was not educated, and if my mother did not have job skills, our lives would have been very difficult indeed. You need your OWN job, your OWN money, your OWN credit. Trust is one thing. Being foolish is another.

In reply to the OP.

< Message edited by Firebirdseeking -- 4/19/2010 7:59:29 PM >

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

Profile

Post #: 79

RE: Financially supporting your dom? Advice? - 4/19/2010 7:59:04 PM

takemeforyourown

Posts: 430
Joined: 2/24/2007
Status: offline

I have supported my husband in the past. It sucks. I can't imagine being submissive to a guy when I bring home the bacon.

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

Profile

Post #: 80