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ORIGINAL: reynardfox

one of whom is both gorgeous and a keen submissive who would be on my menu if we were not friends

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ORIGINAL: DCWoody

if I like a girl....why wouldn't I want to?

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ORIGINAL: Level

the desire to cum, more often than not

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ORIGINAL: Rastimmipitwax

more highly developed business maturity than emotional maturity, which is altogether quite common

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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Alright, het men, I'm looking for your perspectives.

A week ago, I was sitting with a bunch of men I know in a "business social" or networking context and later in the evening, the conversation changed to relationships. They all went on about how no heterosexual man will be friends with a woman he doesn't want to bed or more.

Of course, I interjected mentioning that one of my best friends is a heterosexual man and another really good friend of mine who I share a lot with is a straight man as well. They all laughed and told me I was blind. They assured me that if those guys weren't into me, my situation would be an extremely rare situation.

Are these guys bang on? Or am I the exception (I guess twice)? Or is this all macho nonsense and a man can have a meaningful with a woman he has no desire to be with? Be honest with yourselves and me, please.

- LA

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ORIGINAL: mikeyOfGeorgia


as a straight male, i do not associate with other men at all (if i can avoid it) and i'm not out to go to bed with every woman i run across or become friends with. contrary to popular belief men and women can be friends without having sex (much less thinking about it).

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ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

All heterosexual men want to fuck a woman they view as attractive. If she has a good personality to match her looks than she may get dinner too...

If her personality sucks, then they just want to fuck her and not have to have conversations or any relationship with her.

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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

 They all went on about how no heterosexual man will be friends with a woman he doesn't want to bed or more. (This is true a lot of the time. But not always. Depends a lot on if he was friendly with her because he was sleeping with her.   Friendly+ sex equals relationship, friendly - sex= friends. Men and women can be friends as long as neither wants to fuck the other. ) 

Of course, I interjected mentioning that one of my best friends is a heterosexual man and another really good friend of mine who I share a lot with is a straight man as well. They all laughed and told me I was blind. They assured me that if those guys weren't into me, my situation would be an extremely rare situation. (Some guys might be patient enough to take the friends to boyfriend route. But it is dangerous to go that route. Too far down the friend path and you can't come back. So yeah it's possible one of them is your friend because he is biding his time. One day you will break-up with your man. And he will be your shoulder to cry on. You're feeling vulnerable and then bam. )

Are these guys bang on? Or am I the exception (I guess twice)? Or is this all macho nonsense and a man can have a meaningful with a woman he has no desire to be with? Be honest with yourselves and me, please. ( Think of it this way. Men and women tend to do things differently. And since we usually have other men as friends because we like a lot of the same things and we can be our disgusting selves around each other. You throw a woman in there and you might throw things off. A woman comes to a group of men and first thing we are thinking is which one of us is going to sleep with her. It's the opposite for a group of woman with a man trying to join them. They are trying hard to make sure he doesn't sleep with any of them.)

- LA

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ORIGINAL: TheHeretic

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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Ok, the huge misconception about this whole thread is that this is really about more than just sex or fucking.

The issue is much deeper than this in my mind.

- LA

Ah. This is where the inherent differences between women and men come into play. Men don't much analyze our hard-ons. It really doesn't go much deeper than whether we want to make love to you, or get topped by you, or strap you down for a mix of clamps, hot wax, and a six-pack of orgasms. It's sexual tension, not relationship tension.

Down deep, we are still pretty shallow.

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ORIGINAL: OrpheusAgonistes

Romantic and sexual impulses regarding close friends strike me as natural.  At the same time, I'm aware that the impulses and urges are transitory, sometimes even only momentary.  I'd never come on to any of the women I'm friends with now, and if any of them ever came on to me I'd probably just get confused and start laughing.  So I'd say that it's entirely possible not to be into a woman you're friends with in any way that matters, but it's also very likely that a man has had sexual thoughts about most of the women with whom he's friends.  Contrary to what John Hughes movies led me to believe growing up, it's entirely feasible to have a female best friend and not sit around pining for her and secretly wanting to take her to prom.

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In the social dynamic you describe, sitting around talking with a bunch of guys, incidentally, I'm also not sure what kind of answer I'd give.  Keep in mind that when you have a bunch of guys sitting around with one woman, all the guys are likely to be posturing and posing to some degree.  If I were close to the woman, I think I'd give more or less a straight answer.  But if she were just a friendly acquaintance, or a relative stranger, then how straight would I play it?  There is much more incentive to be one of the guys giving the party line about how he'd never be friends with a woman he didn't want to sleep with than there is to give a more honest and nuanced answer.

If you pull guys aside and ask them individually, you're likely to get one kind of answer.  In groups of two you'll probably get a slightly different kind of answer.  In groups of three or more, you're going to be waist deep in bravado and machismo.