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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/17/2010 5:07:23 PM   
LadyAngelika


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quote:

Frankly I really get tired of the quote "a real straight man would......" just fill in the blank as an excuse for acting like an idiot. Just because you can see or feel an attraction does not automatically mean you keep hoping you will have sex with a woman. This is very close to saying to me in reverse well if a straight woman has male friends she secretly wants to have sex with them.


The thing is, the reverse is rarely stated because many believe that most women can separate friendship from sex. I'm not saying it's true, I'm just saying it's what I've observed opinions to be.

- LA

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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/17/2010 5:21:22 PM   
Andalusite


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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
I tend not to be friends with people I'm not attracted to on some level. That doesn't mean they are all models (although I do know a couple) but there has to be *something* (not necessarily physically) attractive about them-their smile, their sense of humour, their eyes, their intellect-otherwise why would I *want* to be friends with them?

I can like things about someone without those characteristics being sexually attractive. Maybe it's just a matter of what definition of attractive you're using?

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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/18/2010 12:28:00 PM   
LadyAngelika


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
I tend not to be friends with people I'm not attracted to on some level. That doesn't mean they are all models (although I do know a couple) but there has to be *something* (not necessarily physically) attractive about them-their smile, their sense of humour, their eyes, their intellect-otherwise why would I *want* to be friends with them?

I can like things about someone without those characteristics being sexually attractive. Maybe it's just a matter of what definition of attractive you're using?


I'm going to say that I'm on some level attracted to all my friends but it's just rarely as sexual thing.

- LA

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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/18/2010 1:14:46 PM   
ricken


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Status: offline 		It depends on our age....young guys pretty much want to do every woman they can, at least I did.
Once I got older and started to let the head on my shoulders do half the thinking, I found it a lot easier to be just friends with women, and yes, not just the plain ones. I might still feel attracted to a woman that I'm friends with but I hold my limits.
I now know several women that I consider a friend only.
But now that I think of it, I do sometime look at their breasts when I talk to them, and look for that "flash" when they bend over to pick something up....maybe I'm not as grown up as I think?

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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/18/2010 3:29:09 PM   
realcoolhand


Posts: 261
Joined: 3/22/2009
Status: offline 		As a guy, when become friends with a woman, it's typically because of the circumstances. I notice a decent person, we're facing similar challenges, and the friendship is mutually beneficial. Sometimes they're sexually attractive, sometimes they're not. Of those who are sexually attractive, sometimes I never quite get the image of them spread-eagled out of my head, and sometimes that image just melts away, and my gorgeous friend might as well be a dude. Why does it work like that? I don't know. Do I choose my female friends because they're sexually attractive? Hell no. Of those that are sexually attractive (including those I've stopped imagining naked), would I turn on the sex machine the moment they actually did spread out? Yup. Does that help offer any perspective on the male psyche? Doubtful.

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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/18/2010 3:46:13 PM   
pyroaquatic


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From: Pyroaquatica
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ricken

It depends on our age....young guys pretty much want to do every woman they can, at least I did.



Wow, I am the polar opposite of that concept.

Just one GOOD Woman to give my energy to. I may have to wait several years. Apparently asking for a hard-drug free and alcohol free (or minimal. I want a Lady not a drunk.) is too much.

tisk tisk.... bad me for wanting.


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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/18/2010 3:59:05 PM   
loverly


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Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline 		i have males as friends ( i know i know. i am not a hetro man but its a good question!) and tho i have had passes made by them.. nothing ever came from it cuz THEY were MY friend..not friends with bennies! with the two who are male and my closest friends of that gender... we are friends soley because there is no pressure to preform and that makes it really nice when others are demanding or expecting things from us that we just dont want to give or get. No pressure.....

When i have been friends and then it went to being more.. unfortunatly when it didnt work out, we werent even able to be friends.. i find that sad so keep my friends dear and near and leave it at that.

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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/22/2010 1:09:45 AM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
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Status: offline 		Greetings Lady A,

Perhaps your sampling is skewed by these guys being type-A competitive men. And when in a group men often try to out perform each other especially if there are attractive women present.


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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/22/2010 4:27:12 AM   
pahunkboy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Vendaval

Greetings Lady A,

Perhaps your sampling is skewed by these guys being type-A competitive men. And when in a group men often try to out perform each other especially if there are attractive women present.




Type A?

I dont know.  I am not straight, let alone type A,  but I love it to get female attention.   :-)

The male in me still competes tho-- compete is in the male gene.  Even if we may differ in our final goals.   I mean- in public I dont really confirm or deny being gay- so the one upmanship is alive and well with me.

The one problem, is that maybe I would gloat too much, and get into a fist fight over it.  LOL.   oops.

But after being in just one fight- next time- I will clobber back.  

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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/22/2010 1:28:30 PM   
LadyAngelika


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Vendaval

Greetings Lady A,

Perhaps your sampling is skewed by these guys being type-A competitive men. And when in a group men often try to out perform each other especially if there are attractive women present.


Vendaval, I'm well aware that the sampling was skewed and that they did not represent all men's opinions. I posed the question here to see how common this kind of thinking was.

- LA

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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/22/2010 2:55:04 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
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Status: offline 		I find it very interesting when a man feels that men couldn't find reason to be friends with women other than their fuckability. As if that is their only worth in a personal relationship, whatever that might be. Did anyone tell them cavemen went out with the dinosaurs?

I'm afraid I would be asking them a question. Is your cock as small as your brain?

I didn't read the whole thread and don't know who all I might have just offended, but we can each consider the source. (wink) lol


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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/22/2010 5:06:37 PM   
auditguy


Posts: 182
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Status: offline 		Most of my female friends are the ones who I have never had a romantic interest in; usually they are just good people who I like to hang around with and who I do not feel like choking after a five minute conversation.  It is actually the opposite for me, if I am romantically (or physically for that matter) interested in the girl, I do not feel like we can be friends.  The attraction will never allow me to truly open up to her and we would never be able to get to the friendship level if I am trying to attract her or vice versa.

As a disclaimer I am of Eastern European background and most of my friends from the same background (at least the ones that were born there) actually believe you can never truly have a close female friend at least not in the same way that guys are friends with guys.

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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/22/2010 5:35:34 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
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From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Why is Kevin so quiet?

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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/22/2010 5:56:37 PM   
ThatDamnedPanda


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

A week ago, I was sitting with a bunch of men I know in a "business social" or networking context and later in the evening, the conversation changed to relationships. They all went on about how no heterosexual man will be friends with a woman he doesn't want to bed or more......

Or is this all macho nonsense and a man can have a meaningful with a woman he has no desire to be with? Be honest with yourselves and me, please.


It is macho nonsense, and these men - er, pardon me; boys - are shallow and sexually immature. Some of the best friends I've ever had have been women to whom I had no sexual attraction whatsoever.

In fact, I would say that the kind of mentality these guys demonstrated is exactly the reason most of my close friendships are with women. I don't know how to even have a conversation with someone as fucked up as that, and there are way too many men roaming about whose way of relating to the world around them is rooted in that kind of fucked-upedness.


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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/22/2010 5:58:13 PM   
ThatDamnedPanda


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quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

Why is Kevin so quiet?


He's in Ireland. They're all asleep at the moment.

Shhhhhhhh......

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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/22/2010 6:01:08 PM   
mikeyOfGeorgia


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quote:

I find it very interesting when a man feels that men couldn't find reason to be friends with women other than their fuckability.


not all men are like this. i prefer actually getting to know someone for a long time before ever considering going to bed with them (if i do at all, sex is soooooo over-rated)

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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/22/2010 6:22:47 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		...and with my wild past- I never even knew a name.


set it out with the garbage.

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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/22/2010 8:49:19 PM   
LadyAngelika


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quote:

I'm afraid I would be asking them a question. Is your cock as small as your brain?


There are certain questions that are better left unasked in a business environment ; -)

- LA

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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/22/2010 8:50:44 PM   
LadyAngelika


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quote:

It is actually the opposite for me, if I am romantically (or physically for that matter) interested in the girl, I do not feel like we can be friends.  The attraction will never allow me to truly open up to her and we would never be able to get to the friendship level if I am trying to attract her or vice versa.


That's pretty unfortunate actually.

- LA

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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/22/2010 8:52:45 PM   
LadyAngelika


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

A week ago, I was sitting with a bunch of men I know in a "business social" or networking context and later in the evening, the conversation changed to relationships. They all went on about how no heterosexual man will be friends with a woman he doesn't want to bed or more......

Or is this all macho nonsense and a man can have a meaningful with a woman he has no desire to be with? Be honest with yourselves and me, please.


It is macho nonsense, and these men - er, pardon me; boys - are shallow and sexually immature. Some of the best friends I've ever had have been women to whom I had no sexual attraction whatsoever.

In fact, I would say that the kind of mentality these guys demonstrated is exactly the reason most of my close friendships are with women. I don't know how to even have a conversation with someone as fucked up as that, and there are way too many men roaming about whose way of relating to the world around them is rooted in that kind of fucked-upedness.



You know, I had to deal with another group of similar guys last night and I just made an appearance, had a mineral water and ducked out.

For the record, my great guy friends are *nothing* like this.

- LA

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