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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/16/2010 3:36:54 AM   
LadyAngelika


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level
quote:


What are the reasons you don't want to sleep with them?
Is it because you don't find them attractive or is it because you value your friendship with them more and don't want to ruin it


It's because I don't find them physically attractive; if they are attractive, then I want to have sex with them, on a physical level, if nothing else... those little movies play in the mind's eye, but that does not mean I would try, or allow, it to happen.


Ok, sorry to pick on you Level, but your answers are generating more questions for me.

Here is the situation. I know that one has on several occasions made comments about how I ooze sensuality or how I have this little something that catches men's attention, about how I'm like the perfect woman because everything is just easy with me. He calls me honey, baby, and recently "my love" in an affectionate way. I never made anything of it. I put him in the friend not lover category a long time ago. After years and years of friendship, of travelling together, of sharing just about everything about our personal lives, I personally felt no moments of sexual tension. I have been known to be naive about guys liking me though...

Is this like a bad episode of Friends? Ha!

So assuming based on what you are saying that you wouldn't necessarily try or allow it to happen, why?

- LA


Pick away, LA

First; if he has said things like that to you, then I am as sure as I can be, without actually being inside his head, that he HAS had sexual thoughts about you, or he is asexual, is some way.


Ok, he is definitely not asexual, trust me! I'm the one he tells *everything* too. I'm often telling him TMI. He is the opposite of asexual.

It's not that it perturbs me that he did, but I never have of him. And trust me, most of my girlfriends have had a crush on him at some point as he is good looking and charming. He's really not my type for a partner and that's what I'm looking for.

quote:

I wouldn't try/allow sex to happen with some of the female friends, because (1) it would alter our friendship in a negative way, I fear, or (2) in one specific case, it would very possibly affect my job, and (3) with one in particular, it would create hard feelings with another friend.


Yes, I completely understand all those reasons. Thanks for sharing and letting me pick on you ;-)

- LA


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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/16/2010 3:43:57 AM   
LadyAngelika


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quote:

One question: Do your associates really have any sort of close, intellectual relationships with women, even you? Do you have intense conversations with them on philosophical subjects, or do they always turn the dialogue towards relationships and related topics? Perhaps the issue is not whether "heterosexual males" can't have relationships with women they aren't attracted to, but whether "heterosexual male sexaholics with something to prove" can't have relationships with women they aren't attracted to. Or to step a little over the line, do they all have expensive cars, large boats, larger houses, and conversely small penises and ED?


The only reason I mentioned this was a business function was to illustrate that these aren't my *friends* but rather that they are people I ended up working intensely on a project with and then went for a few drinks with after. For some reason, in these bonding moments, conversations often turn to such silly topics. I rarely debate in these situations because I realise that it's usually pointless and more than anything, it can damage the working relationship, but this time when they went on about this, I really felt I needed to give them my perspective.

They varied in degrees of success, but I'd say none were unsuccessful. Some were married, some weren't. As for the rest of your questions, I don't know them well enough to answer.

It's not that I believed them but rather that I was wondering how common this mentality was.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/16/2010 3:46:40 AM   
Level


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quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo


quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

the desire to cum, more often than not


And that is NOT the desire for recognition?

That a person of the opposite sex wants me?

Guess it is all how you read it.



There CAN be what you describe, but it is not always a part of sex; there are times when a fuck is just a fuck.

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Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/16/2010 3:47:49 AM   
sunshinemiss


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Status: offline 		I call that movie sex...

So Level... comedy or drama?

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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/16/2010 4:38:10 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Dramedy?

Dromedary, cause humps are involved?

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/16/2010 5:47:46 AM   
rideemwet


Posts: 93
Joined: 6/12/2009
Status: offline 		LadyAngelika, I would also keep in mind that there is some element of dynamics amongst men here.  Often such conversations take on a bit of a boastful nature, especially after a few drinks. Seems to be a way for guys to toss around subjects without interjecting their personal feelings, by keeping it light and a little abstract.

In your original post, " ...no heterosexual man will be friends with a woman he doesn't want to bed".    I can be friends with a gal without having a sexual motivation.  On the other hand it is very likely that at some point a situation will occur where sexual desire comes up, in other words the idea of fucking her sounds appealing.  In the real world we can't always act on impulses for a variety of reasons. 




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I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.

Huh?

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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/16/2010 7:30:11 AM   
LadyAngelika


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quote:

LadyAngelika, I would also keep in mind that there is some element of dynamics amongst men here.  Often such conversations take on a bit of a boastful nature, especially after a few drinks. Seems to be a way for guys to toss around subjects without interjecting their personal feelings, by keeping it light and a little abstract.


Yes, that's pretty much what OrpheusAgonistes wrote and I agreed.

- LA

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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/16/2010 5:15:31 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
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From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		The comment on female attn - when other guys get the "why him" look- I love it. 

Immensely!

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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/16/2010 9:39:34 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I admit that every male friend I ever had was my friend because he found me sexually attractive in some way and if I had even an inkling of interest in him in that way he would have taken full advantage of it.

It's also why the moment I ever had a relationship they quickly disappeared from my life and miraculously showed back up when they heard I was single again, except for a couple who always stuck it out but always had to throw in the comment everytime I saw them "ya know if you're ever single again.....".

Now I'm told there are some men out there who can have true platonic friendships with women with no sexual thoughts but I still have a little suspicion.

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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/17/2010 1:32:40 AM   
VaguelyCurious


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From: United Kingdom
Status: offline 		FR

I suspect I might be an atypical female here (so the exact opposite of the people you're asking, but what can I say? I like the sound of my own typing :P) but I tend not to be friends with people I'm not attracted to on some level. That doesn't mean they are all models (although I do know a couple) but there has to be *something* (not necessarily physically) attractive about them-their smile, their sense of humour, their eyes, their intellect-otherwise why would I *want* to be friends with them?

That doesn't mean there isn't all sorts of stuff stopping me from sleeping with them. But if you said 'in a vacuum, would you sleep with [friend X]?*' the answer is probably true for most x.

That doesn't mean I'm friends with them to get into their knickers (or manly boxer briefs, as the case may be). The vast vast vast majority of my friends are people I have no intention of having sex with, because there is other stuff in the way. But when I read your OP I did think 'yeah....and?'

*Disclaimer: I don't mean literally 'in a vacuum' as in 'in a place where there is no breathable atmosphere'. I'm not *that* kinky...

< Message edited by VaguelyCurious -- 5/17/2010 1:41:45 AM >

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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/17/2010 5:18:53 AM   
LadyAngelika


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quote:

But when I read your OP I did think 'yeah....and?'


And I just thought it would be an interest topic for discussion ;-)

Even if my guy (or girl) friends have fantasized about me, I'd be fine. I'd be a liar if I said I'd never had a friend as inspiration for fantasy, but definitely not all. I was curious about the "all" statement.

I was just curious about the general reaction of men on this issue. I think I got some pretty interesting replies so far, no?

- LA

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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/17/2010 12:23:24 PM   
seekingOwnertoo


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

And I just thought it would be an interest topic for discussion ;-)

Even if my guy (or girl) friends have fantasized about me, I'd be fine. I'd be a liar if I said I'd never had a friend as inspiration for fantasy, but definitely not all. I was curious about the "all" statement.

I was just curious about the general reaction of men on this issue. I think I got some pretty interesting replies so far, no?

- LA[/font]


Ya, know ... I thought about this topic today ... at lunch.

Saw the same thing happen.

And now that I think of it ... this same conversation comes up all the time.

It is a frat boy attitude ... and i know You know it.

You and OA agreed earlier it was boastful drinking conversation ... precisely what i saw.

And what did i do?

Sat there not saying a word ... the girl looked at me ... I rolled my eyes. (PC behavior with frat boys ;-)

She came up to me after as the others were leaving and asked me if it was true. i told her not ... just a bunch of guys ... She said she thought so ... but wasn't sure. She said she has been told this a lot.

But You know Your mileage will vary with this one. There are thousands of reasons why a man and woman can be friends ...

Could be some common intellectual interests, could be some common professional interests, could be any one of thousands of things.

It all depends on the people involved. And I guess maturity in life ... too.

Oh and on a humorous note ... if two guys are looking to get laid ... I suspect they know of MORE target rich places ... than a dinner party with two married women ... and yourself. ;-) There has to be other reasons ...

< Message edited by seekingOwnertoo -- 5/17/2010 12:29:12 PM >

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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/17/2010 1:05:58 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Ahh now we are getting somewhere.   Key word.  "dinner" party.

men like food even more then sex.    so there you have it.    men like to eat.

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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/17/2010 1:12:52 PM   
subtee


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quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

men like food even more then sex.   

WHAT???


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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/17/2010 1:16:35 PM   
laurell3


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Status: offline 		yeah I'm with her....NUH UH....

you mean to say PA if you're aroused and there's a naked hot chick in the room and you're really hungry and there's a steak there as well....you're going for the steak? Really?



_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/17/2010 1:20:06 PM   
pahunkboy


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From: Central Pennsylvania
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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

yeah I'm with her....NUH UH....

you mean to say PA if you're aroused and there's a naked hot chick in the room and you're really hungry and there's a steak there as well....you're going for the steak? Really?




a guy has to eat.  ;-)

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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/17/2010 1:25:10 PM   
pyroaquatic


Posts: 1535
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From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline 		My preference of friends tends to be female. All of that macho-alpha duck monkery does not appeal to my senses.

I rather dislike most males because they are pigs. These gentleman need to bang their heads into a brick wall for the shear sake of stupidity.

There are varied levels of love. In this instance platonic love binds the relationship. Yes we can be friends and not desire sex.

I've been blessed with three things really. An above average intelligence, a decent sized penis, and enough blood to operate both or none.

Befriend away!
:3


_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/17/2010 3:11:46 PM   
seekingOwnertoo


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quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee


quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

men like food even more then sex.   

WHAT???




Yep ... he's right!

And as soon as we get our fill of one ... we want the other! ;-)

Borrowed that line from the play ... Do Black Patent Leather Shoes Really Reflect Up ?

< Message edited by seekingOwnertoo -- 5/17/2010 3:18:03 PM >

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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/17/2010 4:39:05 PM   
lifesjourney


Posts: 11
Joined: 4/23/2006
Status: offline 		In my profession I work with alot of women that have become quite good friends with me over the years and have even been attracted to a few. The thing is even when I can appreciate their looks or attractiveness I dont sit around going ooooohhhhhhh I am going to nail that some day! Or will stay friends and hope to get lucky.

Frankly I really get tired of the quote "a real straight man would......" just fill in the blank as an excuse for acting like an idiot. Just because you can see or feel an attraction does not automatically mean you keep hoping you will have sex with a woman. This is very close to saying to me in reverse well if a straight woman has male friends she secretly wants to have sex with them.

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RE: A question for heterosexual men - 5/17/2010 5:04:25 PM   
LadyAngelika


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quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

Ahh now we are getting somewhere.   Key word.  "dinner" party.

men like food even more then sex.    so there you have it.    men like to eat.



It wasn't a dinner party. It was what we affectionately call in Montreal, un cinq-à-sept (literally translated, a five-to-seven, or happy hour).

And sO2, it was a random gathering, no planning, partners on a project.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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