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Claiming and Acknowledgement - 5/17/2010 1:41:09 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
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Recently, I asked my partner about wearing his collar under a very specific set of circumstances.  This is something I have never asked before.  I have been of the mind to just leave it to him whether he would or would not place me in a collar and under what conditions.  It was on my mind in this one instance and it really was gnawing at me that I really wanted to wear it, but more importantly for him to offer it and place it.  I asked him to please consider offering me a collar for that one special situation and some explanation of why I wanted it and what it meant to me.  I also explained that I didn't expect it to be a permanent collar, although I have long wanted that part of things too.

His response surprised me a bit.  He told me that he found my request odd since I have had a persistent inability, perhaps even unwillingness, to identify as his slave.  Those who have been around for awhile have been down this road with me more than a few times.  He said collars were for slaves and didn't really fit with a girl who was identifying most strongly with another dynamic aspect.  He said asking for a collar of any kind was an indication that I might be acknowledging my own slavery and would, therefore, be a big step as far as my thinking was concerned.  I thought about what he said and responded that I didn't know if I could ever use that term for myself, but that I knew to whom I belonged and was proud of it and didn't want to hide it in any way.

It ended up that he did offer and place that collar for that occasion.  I wasn't even prepared for how I felt about it.  It was quite overwhelming.  I didn't want him to take it off when it was over, but he did.  This was the first time I had EVER worn his or anyone's collar for any reason whatsoever.  I have to admit, I liked it.  I liked it A LOT.  I cried when it went on and I cried when it came off and at the end of the day, I am not all wrapped up in symbols, but do so love having an outward sign of the condition of my own heart and mind.

It might be a very typical kind of thing, but I have no idea.  I just know I wish to be claimed.  He wishes for me to acknowledged that and to what extent I already am claimed.  It is two vastly different ways of looking at this thing called ownership and I have to admit that, as I think about it, there are weighty arguments for why each is the right path for ownership to be finalized.  Surely if I were a car, if he signed the papers and stuck the key in my ignition (shup ya pervs), then he is the owner and the only acknowledgement on my part is that I move when he presses the gas, turn in the direction he moves the wheel, and stop when he hits the brakes.  My actions are my acknowledgement.  Then again, I'm not a car.  I'm a person.  A person may place a claim upon me, but I can shirk it if I so choose.  I can morphe an unacceptable claim into a more acceptable one within my own mind and never really grasp hold of what the other person intended or desired.  Only if I actively and with presence of mind choose to accept the exact nature of the claim another places upon me can it be what the person placing it expected it to be.

This has me thinking.  How can both people's needs in this aspect be met?  How can he just blatantly claim me with little or no input on my part?  How can I give him the assurances of accepting my place when I don't want to have that choice?  How can these two perspectives coexist within a relationship?  I will eventually reach a place where I can say what we both already know to be true.  At the same time, if it is already true, then I don't understand the why of it being so important that I do in the first place.  It is important that I do only because it is important to him, so far as I see it and that is why I will strive to be able to.  Is there more to it than what I'm seeing?  I will look forward to the discussion.

lovingpet 



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RE: Claiming and Acknowledgement - 5/17/2010 2:18:46 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet
This has me thinking.  How can both people's needs in this aspect be met?  How can he just blatantly claim me with little or no input on my part?  How can I give him the assurances of accepting my place when I don't want to have that choice?  How can these two perspectives coexist within a relationship?  I will eventually reach a place where I can say what we both already know to be true.  At the same time, if it is already true, then I don't understand the why of it being so important that I do in the first place.  It is important that I do only because it is important to him, so far as I see it and that is why I will strive to be able to.  Is there more to it than what I'm seeing?  I will look forward to the discussion.

If you've been following the on going Carol & Jeff saga, you'd know that these issues have affected us also. My own personal opinion is that the thing we are doing is an audacious and ambitious goal with an awful lot of steps along the way... not to mention more than a few pitfalls and potholes. I think the simple answer, for us at least, has been "we do it together". Sometimes one of us bends, sometimes the other. Sometimes she leads the way, other times I do. The key for us has been to negotiate the path together with a common goal. Are you crystal clear on what your (plural) common goal is? For us, it is not some uber M/s dynamic. It is happiness and the desire to truly give 100% of ourselves into our marriage -- to be the absolutely most perfect fit we can be for our partner.

Various things have been important to me along the way that were inexplicable to Carol. The same thing is true in reverse. And we've got 15 years of living together behind us. One of "Jeff's Rules of Relationships" goes like this.

It is not important to understand why your partner wants something. It is not your place to assign value to it. The only thing you need to know is that it IS important to them. That leaves you with the stark decision... provide whatever it is or don't. One of those choices enriches the relationship, the other leaves a vulnerability.

As is always true with you pet, your questions are complex and thoughtful. So like always, I have no idea whether any of this was even remotely applicable to your situation or helpful. But positive wishes anyway :)

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Claiming and Acknowledgement - 5/17/2010 2:31:03 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		My girl has asked for a couple of things that would lead to a collar of sorts <namely a wedding band>. Without going into detail... I basically answer no and continue with it's "not your place" to be discussing those types of things with me. We have been going out for 8 years. And she does identify as a slave.

The point Im making is as a couple we move at my pace. Reading the OP I was surprised her man gave into her request.

BadOne

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RE: Claiming and Acknowledgement - 5/17/2010 2:37:51 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		The problem I see here is that you both assign different meanings to the collar. He is adamant that it can only go on a slave, not a sub. You aren't at a point where you can announce yourself to be that, nor do you know if you ever will be. But you still need a tangible sign of the relationship. Both viewpoints are valid. If he doesn't believe in a collar for you now, is there something else that he would feel good doing and that would also work for you.

A necklace, a key ring, an anklet and so on. But you need something real to touch. Can he acknowledge that you do need this and find a way to provide that something? Because for you, slavery may not be something you can be while in a marriage to someone else, while a parent of minors, etc. But that doesn't negate your need to have a physical symbol of the relationship you do have. And if the relationship you do have is good and fulfilling for him, if it isn't just him marking time until he finds a 'real true slave', then why is he unwilling to acknowledge it in a tangible way?


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RE: Claiming and Acknowledgement - 5/17/2010 2:37:58 PM   
leadership527


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum
The point Im making is as a couple we move at my pace. Reading the OP I was surprised her man gave into her request.
I can't answer for pet's partner. I can say that with Carol and I, we move at the pace I dictate. But that is not even remotely the same thing as saying "at my pace". It's kind of like my running joke.... I make all the decisions but seldom get my way. I'm more interested in finding our way than my way or hers. If it were me, I wouldn't so much see it as "giving into the request" as I would "processing new data and refining my decision."

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to SailingBum)
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RE: Claiming and Acknowledgement - 5/17/2010 2:43:11 PM   
DesFIP


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Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I also don't see it as her dictating the rules, but of him wanting her to be satisfied. Because if I was in a relationship with someone who said no simply because I asked, I would quit telling him what I needed, and detach. If everything I need will be rejected, as some kind of weird test to see if I still loved him when I was constantly unhappy, then eventually he would find out I wasn't a real, true anything and I wouldn't be there anymore.

As I recall this is why my marriage ended. It took him five years to realize that the ending he didn't want was one he engineered through his own insecurities.


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RE: Claiming and Acknowledgement - 5/17/2010 2:44:14 PM   
laurell3


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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

One of "Jeff's Rules of Relationships" goes like this.

It is not important to understand why your partner wants something. It is not your place to assign value to it. The only thing you need to know is that it IS important to them. That leaves you with the stark decision... provide whatever it is or don't. One of those choices enriches the relationship, the other leaves a vulnerability.



Wow, just wow...that was an awesome post and an approach that I absolutely applaud and agree with. People can either choose to attempt to live as stereotypes or accept the humanity they both have and support their relationships realistically. One is MUCH more likely to give the relationship a chance of success.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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RE: Claiming and Acknowledgement - 5/17/2010 3:13:08 PM   
lovingpet


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Status: offline 		Funnily, Des, I don't really get hung up on symbols or labels as a general rule.  With this situation it is a bit different though for some reason.  Whatever the reason, which I am not even sure I can articulate, I do want to be able to see, touch, and hold a physical symbol of our relationship and commitment.  He, who also normally doesn't get too attached to labels either, has an insistence that his definition for what I am be accepted.  I don't know if he is more clear in his motive in that than I am in what I seem to need, but it is what it is and now we figure out how to fulfill each other.  That doesn't mean one caving to the other.  Needs and desires are valid and we both know that neglecting each other is not going to do anything positive for the relationship we both value.

I have discussed similar things with him before.  The result was that I was not granted a collar even for temporary.  I did not ask outright like this time, but it was something we talked about my desire for one and the meanings we both attached to it.  Things have moved at the pace HE has determined to be appropriate, but that has also meant that when I was ready for what I have asked for that it could be granted at that point.  When I asked that night, he questioned me about it rather intensively.  It was my readiness that resulted in a positive response to my desire.  I never made anything close to a demand.  He saw what he had already determined were the indications that I was ready for this step and, so, it occurred now.  If I still weren't ready, I know he would have not granted it.  I don't think this was at the heart of my question though.  I wanted to know if the paradigms of claiming a slave versus having to acknowledge one IS a slave can function together without weakening each other or perhaps I need to understand that they cannot exist WITHOUT each other.  I want him to have what he needs out of his relationship with me.  In this instance, I don't exactly know how to do that because it is in direct contradiction to what seems to make sense and function for me.

We both agree that we go on our journey together.  It is not a him versus me standoff.  His decisions are in consideration of what will allow US to thrive.  Sometimes he makes a sacrifice.  Other times I must do so.  More often than not, we both give a little and take a little, but it is all within the confines of what HE has determined to be the correct way to go.  His decision is final and what we enact together.  If he had declined my desires yet again, then I would have had to accept that with all the grace I could manage and, regardless, accept that decision.

I absolutely adored getting to wear his collar just those brief few hours.  I know it only increases my striving to deeper levels with him and I know he enjoyed both the feelings within himself of placing it and how it impacted me by having it on.  We will continue to work toward a better relationship today than what we had yesterday, with or without a collar.

lovingpet 

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10 Fluffy pts.


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RE: Claiming and Acknowledgement - 5/17/2010 3:28:02 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
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From: Sailin the stormy sea
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I also don't see it as her dictating the rules, but of him wanting her to be satisfied. Because if I was in a relationship with someone who said no simply because I asked, I would quit telling him what I needed, and detach. If everything I need will be rejected, as some kind of weird test to see if I still loved him when I was constantly unhappy, then eventually he would find out I wasn't a real, true anything and I wouldn't be there anymore.

As I recall this is why my marriage ended. It took him five years to realize that the ending he didn't want was one he engineered through his own insecurities.



Put whatever "spin" on is you want the way I read the post was that he was reluctant to drape a collar on her. She asked for one ... He "postures" and then say "ok whatever you want honey" I my little world my girl is suppose to have the desire to keep me "satisfied" to use your word.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

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RE: Claiming and Acknowledgement - 5/17/2010 3:31:24 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Our relationship is more like Jeff's. The needs of the relationship get top priority. Which may mean his needs, or my needs or neither of us getting what we want. Because what's best for the relationship is not always what's best for either of us.

But as I said, for me it would cause me to detach and shut down. He wouldn't have the ability to refuse me anything because he wouldn't know what I wanted. He wouldn't have the ability to give me something that was important to me because detachment would mean he was unable to affect me. I just would stop caring about his happiness if he stopped caring about mine.


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Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Claiming and Acknowledgement - 5/17/2010 3:33:16 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
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Status: offline 		But SB she's not really asking about your world. She's asking about her set of circumstances, which by the way do seem to be moving at his speed and at his direction. Additionally, it's clear that your set of rules are meeting your partner's needs as she's still there after eight years. Kudos to you, eight years is a long time. If it works for you it does, no one should suggest otherwise. But the OP is asking, under MY circumstances what do you suggest will work for ME and allow me to handle this AND let him dictate? As I read it, she wants him to have control and isn't suggesting she should get her way merely because she wants it.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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RE: Claiming and Acknowledgement - 5/17/2010 3:51:56 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

My girl has asked for a couple of things that would lead to a collar of sorts <namely a wedding band>. Without going into detail... I basically answer no and continue with it's "not your place" to be discussing those types of things with me. We have been going out for 8 years. And she does identify as a slave.

The point Im making is as a couple we move at my pace. Reading the OP I was surprised her man gave into her request.

BadOne


laurel

I guess I was not clear enough for you. Sometimes you have to read between the lines to get your answer.
1st bold statement. Your input as the OP calls it. Is not needed.

2nd statement Your input is not needed I dont give a flying fuck how many times you ask to wear my collar <or anything else for that matter> the answer remains the same.

The relationship will move at my pace. If for whatever reason you dont like my pace. Go and find some other dom that will give into your demands.

Basically there is one capt on this ship and it aint you. I trust that clears up the "OP" input question for you.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

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RE: Claiming and Acknowledgement - 5/17/2010 3:59:33 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Sure, you believe she should suck it up and focus only on him, correct?

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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RE: Claiming and Acknowledgement - 5/17/2010 4:28:09 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline 		Not everyone does WIITWD the same way. Contrary to what some people believe (and you'll see examples on this thread) D/s or M/s isn't all about the dominant party. It is about both. So here are my answers to your questions, knowing full well that someone else will disagree. The bottom line is that you have to figure out what kind of dynamic you want and he has to figure out what kind of dynamic he wants and you have to determine if there is enough in common for you both to feel fulfilled.

quote:

This has me thinking.  How can both people's needs in this aspect be met? 


Through communication. You learned that because when you communicated with him, you were able to express your needs.

quote:

How can he just blatantly claim me with little or no input on my part? 


He can only do that if you allow him to. You are a free woman to chose the dominant partner of your choice. If it important for you to be with one who gets your input, then you have to make sure that this is what you have.

quote:

How can I give him the assurances of accepting my place when I don't want to have that choice? 


See the answer above. Are you happy in this dynamic?

quote:

How can these two perspectives coexist within a relationship? 


I think where a lot of people get it wrong is by blocking two-way communication. When I'm with a man, I want to know how he feels, what he desires and what he needs. Only then can I make the best decisions for us both. Will he get everything he wants? Probably not and usually they like that in a way. But so far, I haven't had a partner who's felt short changed or on the flip side who felt I was too lenient.

quote:

I will eventually reach a place where I can say what we both already know to be true.  At the same time, if it is already true, then I don't understand the why of it being so important that I do in the first place.  It is important that I do only because it is important to him, so far as I see it and that is why I will strive to be able to.  Is there more to it than what I'm seeing?


This part I have to admit I didn't understand. Could you clarify?

- LA

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RE: Claiming and Acknowledgement - 5/17/2010 4:39:46 PM   
domiguy


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Status: offline 		This is crazy shit. Who really cares? The OP believes that collars are for slaves. Who gives a fuck what he believes?

Maybe we should have a long discussion about the master's views.


I also don't believe this statement....."It is not important to understand why your partner wants something. It is not your place to assign value to it. The only thing you need to know is that it IS important to them. That leaves you with the stark decision... provide whatever it is or don't. One of those choices enriches the relationship, the other leaves a vulnerability."

It is such a sweeping statement riddled with generalities.. I assign value to things. Just because something is important to someone doesn't mean it is of value. It might mean that their priorities are out of whack. By not providing what they seek might in fact be the exact steps necessary to insure any chance of the relationship continuing.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 5/17/2010 4:40:13 PM >

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RE: Claiming and Acknowledgement - 5/17/2010 4:56:04 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
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From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

This is crazy shit. Who really cares? The OP believes that collars are for slaves. Who gives a fuck what he believes?

Maybe we should have a long discussion about the master's views.


I also don't believe this statement....."It is not important to understand why your partner wants something. It is not your place to assign value to it. The only thing you need to know is that it IS important to them. That leaves you with the stark decision... provide whatever it is or don't. One of those choices enriches the relationship, the other leaves a vulnerability."

It is such a sweeping statement riddled with generalities.. I assign value to things. Just because something is important to someone doesn't mean it is of value. It might mean that their priorities are out of whack. By not providing what they seek might in fact be the exact steps necessary to insure any chance of the relationship continuing.



This is some scary shit... this is like the 3 rd time in as many weeks as I agree with domidong....I imagine the conversation girl I wanna wear your collar. guy no your not ready some horse shit about identify ..who knows.. 4 months later her I wanna wear your collar... uh your not ready but I ll let you wear it for a day..
guy takes off collar later that same day... uh maybe he changed his mind... Uh maybe she is not ready ...who the hell knows.

However that is some messed up shit...... uh yes i will ..uh no i wont ..give me my collar back... Am I back in high school drama or what??? Will someone make up both of their minds sheesh

BadOne


< Message edited by SailingBum -- 5/17/2010 4:57:23 PM >

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

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RE: Claiming and Acknowledgement - 5/17/2010 5:27:43 PM   
laurell3


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Joined: 5/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

This is crazy shit. Who really cares? The OP believes that collars are for slaves. Who gives a fuck what he believes?

Maybe we should have a long discussion about the master's views.


I also don't believe this statement....."It is not important to understand why your partner wants something. It is not your place to assign value to it. The only thing you need to know is that it IS important to them. That leaves you with the stark decision... provide whatever it is or don't. One of those choices enriches the relationship, the other leaves a vulnerability."

It is such a sweeping statement riddled with generalities.. I assign value to things. Just because something is important to someone doesn't mean it is of value. It might mean that their priorities are out of whack. By not providing what they seek might in fact be the exact steps necessary to insure any chance of the relationship continuing.



I agree Domi, but that doesn't mean that you can't deny the request and communicate why. In fact the quote says provide them whatever it is or don't. And sometimes we place value on things and it is important and it isn't sensical but part of who we are....like say...mandals and pink shirts........just sayin.................

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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RE: Claiming and Acknowledgement - 5/17/2010 5:40:21 PM   
leadership527


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum
Put whatever "spin" on is you want the way I read the post was that he was reluctant to drape a collar on her. She asked for one ... He "postures" and then say "ok whatever you want honey" I my little world my girl is suppose to have the desire to keep me "satisfied" to use your word.
Reasonably enough... and I'll grant you it's a fairly standard BDSM view. I just don't confuse authority with the purpose to which that authority is turned. There is nothing "undominant" about making a decision that is designed to please your partner. It's just a different priority scale driving the decision making process. If a priority scale that says, "Master first" works for you that's wonderful. I prefer a "us first" approach.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to SailingBum)
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RE: Claiming and Acknowledgement - 5/17/2010 6:12:55 PM   
Hawkwindblues


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From: Berlin, Germany
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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

[ There is nothing "undominant" about making a decision that is designed to please your partner. It's just a different priority scale driving the decision making process. If a priority scale that says, "Master first" works for you that's wonderful. I prefer a "us first" approach.


Jeff,

i had to single that part of your post out, because the "us first" attitude is the same we choose ten years ago. I really doubt that any other way would have been possible, given that we both were accustomed to leading the relationships we had before.

Our us seems to be in fact alternating leadership depending on many circumstances (i would have thought before that that kind of alternating leadership is impossible). We have to compromise harder than we have had ever before, but our love is still going strong and the most "Dolls" by Takeski Kitano" state of mind that ever happened to me. A love that is feeling richer and richer as time goes by.

And although Carols and your concept seems to differ, as always shines the same core kind of love at work for me when i read your posts and that enriches me.

Ruth


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RE: Claiming and Acknowledgement - 5/17/2010 6:42:41 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Not everyone does WIITWD the same way. Contrary to what some people believe (and you'll see examples on this thread) D/s or M/s isn't all about the dominant party. It is about both. So here are my answers to your questions, knowing full well that someone else will disagree. The bottom line is that you have to figure out what kind of dynamic you want and he has to figure out what kind of dynamic he wants and you have to determine if there is enough in common for you both to feel fulfilled.

quote:

This has me thinking.  How can both people's needs in this aspect be met? 


Through communication. You learned that because when you communicated with him, you were able to express your needs.

quote:

How can he just blatantly claim me with little or no input on my part? 


He can only do that if you allow him to. You are a free woman to chose the dominant partner of your choice. If it important for you to be with one who gets your input, then you have to make sure that this is what you have.

quote:

How can I give him the assurances of accepting my place when I don't want to have that choice? 


See the answer above. Are you happy in this dynamic?

quote:

How can these two perspectives coexist within a relationship? 


I think where a lot of people get it wrong is by blocking two-way communication. When I'm with a man, I want to know how he feels, what he desires and what he needs. Only then can I make the best decisions for us both. Will he get everything he wants? Probably not and usually they like that in a way. But so far, I haven't had a partner who's felt short changed or on the flip side who felt I was too lenient.

quote:

I will eventually reach a place where I can say what we both already know to be true.  At the same time, if it is already true, then I don't understand the why of it being so important that I do in the first place.  It is important that I do only because it is important to him, so far as I see it and that is why I will strive to be able to.  Is there more to it than what I'm seeing?


This part I have to admit I didn't understand. Could you clarify?

- LA


To first start with the point of clarification.  If he knows that I am his slave regardless of my ability to articulate that, does it matter if I ever do?  It does to him apparently.  That is what I was getting at.  I'm sorry if it confused anybody.

We are both greatly fulfilled within our dynamic.  We are because we make a special effort to see to it that each person's needs are, in fact, fulfilled.  Needs are pretty well non negotiable.  How those needs are met has a bit more latitude, especially how he chooses to meet my needs or teaches me even to not have that need anymore.  Communication has always been good for us.  What I am seeing in this particular instance is a bit of a difference in approach that seems to clash.  I am wondering if I am viewing something in the wrong way or perhaps overlooking something.  We will work through this the same as always, but I just thought it was a good topic of discussion. 

This really isn't about a collar or not a collar.  It isn't about fulfilling a submissive/slave's request or not.  It is about the origin of ownership itself.  Does it come from me and my saying that yes, he does have that control and authority over my life and that I belong to him?  Or does it come from him and his saying that he chooses me and to take up, for himself, the control and authority over my life and that I belong to him?  Maybe it is a nitpicky, fine difference, but it seems significant to my mind and is, as I view it, the conflict of perspective we are experiencing. 

Maybe I muddled it with talk of a temporary collar and the backstory.  This could have come up in contexts not involving a collar, but rather just discussions of what ownership would mean (and it has in the past, so not the first time I have looked at this).  Keep in mind, it was clear to us both that I was wearing it for the evening and not a lifetime.  There were no surprises, no power struggle over it, no hurt feelings or conflict about it.  I knew it was most likely temporary, though he was free to correct me of course if I was wrong about that.  He never gave any promises of forever when he put it on.  He also did not think I had done something wrong and thusly removed it.  It was for a play session and it was understood by us both.  I am not sure why there is this idea that I was stomping feet and demanding a collar only for him to give in, then change his mind, and on and on.  There was no such thing.  I explained my concerns about that particular situation and he, apparently, agreed.  Like I said before, he could have just as easily said no and I would have had to deal with that as well.  I had no expectations.  He gave me no answer in advance of that night.  He simply did what he decided he wanted to do.

I hope that clarifies more for various other posters.  I can ask for anything.  I can even be persistent if it is important enough to me to do so.  I can also expect him to answer as he pleases and for there to be consequences if he was displeased with my behavior.  There is also not a bit wrong with agreeing in a matter and doing what is best, even if that happens to be what subbie/slave wants.  It can be seen as pure coincidence perhaps.  Sometimes, the girl's just got a valid point.  It makes sense to do something that is right and good for everyone involved and I don't think that changes based on whose mouth happens to utter it.

lovingpet

_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.


(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 20
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