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RE: Truth!?! Truth!?! - 4/8/2006 3:49:55 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I think there are basic truths that need to be expressed from the beginning. Basic truths that will effect the other person's choices, no one reveals everything about themselves, their pasts, their lives from the very beginning, that comes with time and as trust is established. Big basic truths would be stuff like. 1. I am/am not married 2. Im a buddhist/Atheist/Christian 3. I'm am/ am not looking for a partner 4. I live in Timbuktoo 5. I have vast/little/no experience in bdsm play 6. Ive got/havent got kids living with me 7. Ive got some very strong feelings about (insert things here).

Then as time goes on, other truths are revealed, which is part of getting to know someone on an intimate level.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Truth!?! Truth!?! - 4/8/2006 3:51:01 PM   
Tikkiee


Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline 		For myself, the telling of the truth first starts with myself. After that, it extends to everyone that I know, whether personally or just casually. Sometimes I try to tone the truth down by being tactful, but in the end, it's still the truth.

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to METOO)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Truth!?! Truth!?! - 4/8/2006 5:00:17 PM   
bignipples2share


Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

I think there are basic truths that need to be expressed from the beginning. Basic truths that will effect the other person's choices, no one reveals everything about themselves, their pasts, their lives from the very beginning, that comes with time and as trust is established. Big basic truths would be stuff like. 1. I am/am not married 2. Im a buddhist/Atheist/Christian 3. I'm am/ am not looking for a partner 4. I live in Timbuktoo 5. I have vast/little/no experience in bdsm play 6. Ive got/havent got kids living with me 7. Ive got some very strong feelings about (insert things here).

Then as time goes on, other truths are revealed, which is part of getting to know someone on an intimate level.

I agree with this 100%. I don't even feel the need to disclose my name, not even on a first meeting. Sometimes, you meet someone and for some reason you know there is just something totatlly wrong about them. It may not even show on a first meeting. If the meeting turns out to be disastrous, I'd much rather be able to fade into the fog and never be heard from again by that person, if I feel that's the way the final outcome should be. The basic truths need to be there though.

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Truth!?! Truth!?! - 4/8/2006 5:37:38 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

That is the basic premise of life itself, why do you think things should be more honest because we are in the "life"? Because we share this "secret"?


I don't know that it has anything to do with this "secret". But yes, I do believe that people in this lifestyle do need to be more open and honest in their relationships. Why? When you consider a vanilla relationship, lets use a couple that has been married for ten years. The wife gave up trying to "teach" her husband what she enjoys in bed (that's saying she even tried to teach him) and now she just fakes it once or twice a month... she's ok with it, so is he, why not? Right?

Now you take people involved in this lifestyle... He says "Oh yes, I love the single tail!! I have lots of experience with it!"... when in reality he has looked at them on ebay... that makes for lasting scars.

Ok... too extreme maybe... but it's just food for thought. I'm a firm believer that you have to be totally honest with yourself before you can be totally honest with a potential partner, particularly in this lifestyle.. otherwise you are just asking to get hurt.

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Truth!?! Truth!?! - 4/8/2006 6:43:13 PM   
ScooterTrash


Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		I have to echo Shifted's sentiments. We have always tried to be as open and honest with anyone we have met and we expect the same 'basics" back. As time progresses in the relationship you certainly have to be more open, honest and bare our soul more than in a 'nilla' relationship, not only because of safety issues, but because we can. It is the glory of the lifestyle in a way, you CAN be open about your wants and desires and not be looked at like a freak...so I think as a whole, we take advantage of that luxury and appreciate it more than the "ordinary" folk.

_____________________________

Formal symbolic representation of qualitative entities is doomed to its rightful place of minor significance in a world where flowers and beautiful women abound.
-Albert Einstein

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Truth!?! Truth!?! - 4/8/2006 7:23:09 PM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Personally from the initial contact.

Think about it a moment; if you are a sub/slave you are opening what could very well lead to a relationship with a person you will eventually be trusting you heart and mind too, not to mention your body. Stop and realize exactly what this means for your entire being. What if you have not been open and honest about your fears, (think serious mind f*** here), your needs, your physical abilities, disabilities and tolerances. Not only are you setting yourself up for possible disaster in a number of forms, you are setting your potential owner up for making mistakes in what he/she thought was appropriate care and training for you.

Now think about the dominants side; this human being you are starting contact with needs to be aware of all the afore mentioned mental, physical and spiritual information about you. How can they possible make an unbiased honest decision to submit to you based on real time compatibility if they do not have the truth of your entire being?  You are asking this person to submit to you in all ways, do you really think it is going to work out in the long run when they discover you are not what you claimed to be?

Even in a vanilla relationship this is of utmost importance, how much more so is it necessary in a relationship that lays oneself so bare before another.

Say you were not honest about being a devout Catholic; the potential sub/slave was not honest about being a practicing Neo-Pagan, now what? The potential sub or dom forgot to tell you she/he has (insert any number of diseases here, both physical and mental). Whoops you are a cat lover and have 4, they are severely allergic.

Let’s do the lighter side of this; if you weigh 300 lbs and describe yourself as petite trust me, when you show up they are going to notice. Not that I am saying there is anything wrong with being the weight, height, age, religious orientation you are. Just saying be honest, that’s the only way to find your true match. There is someone for everyone.

In my search I was very honest; the first question I asked every dominant I came into contact with is “do you ride?” Before I asked anything else I needed the answer for this. Why? Because I know myself well enough to know I would never give this up myself. You would be surprised at the number of dominants who contacted me after reading my profile to tell me they found me interesting but I would have to give up motorcycles of any kind ( I off-road race and street ride). The reasons for this were varied but to me unacceptable. I knew I had to have someone who understood riding was a part of me, so I was painfully honest about it. In the end I was collared to my current owners who both ride so they understand the need.   


_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Truth!?! Truth!?! - 4/8/2006 7:30:15 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

quote:

Essentially, I will tell you as much as I want to tell you. No more no less.. If you can’t live with that and want to know everything, it is time for us to part, regrettable as it may be..

 
IronBear makes a very very good point---if I tell you as much as I want you to know--is that not being truthful? In a person of honor, there is no reason to pursue---but the problem is when it is not a person of honor and it becomes "the sin of omission".
 
   Exactly!.....Thus I would be disposed to think it would have to be how the two who are communicating would define "truth".When I begin to get to know someone, it starts with first e-mail..I will impart that info, that I interpret as a possible drawback to the start of a getting to know you thing, if it is in the connotation of a D/s relationship development and not simply just a friendship...be well..Tempting

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Truth!?! Truth!?! - 4/8/2006 7:51:32 PM   
TxBadMan


Posts: 198
Joined: 4/7/2006
From: Moody, Texas
Status: offline 		If I decide to answer a question, I always do so honestly. That does not mean, however, that I always answer the questions put forth to me. There are times that I answer with a simple 'it is of no concern of yours'.

_____________________________

Chris



(in reply to METOO)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Truth!?! Truth!?! - 4/8/2006 7:58:51 PM   
chainedsinner


Posts: 15
Joined: 9/4/2005
Status: offline 		I see no benefit for being dishonest, especially if Y/you're looking to meet S/someone in RT. The truth will always come out, sooner or later.

(in reply to tears4him)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Truth!?! Truth!?! - 4/8/2006 8:23:43 PM   
acctonthelook


Posts: 245
Joined: 3/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bignipples2share

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

I think there are basic truths that need to be expressed from the beginning. Basic truths that will effect the other person's choices, no one reveals everything about themselves, their pasts, their lives from the very beginning, that comes with time and as trust is established. Big basic truths would be stuff like. 1. I am/am not married 2. Im a buddhist/Atheist/Christian 3. I'm am/ am not looking for a partner 4. I live in Timbuktoo 5. I have vast/little/no experience in bdsm play 6. Ive got/havent got kids living with me 7. Ive got some very strong feelings about (insert things here).

Then as time goes on, other truths are revealed, which is part of getting to know someone on an intimate level.

I agree with this 100%. I don't even feel the need to disclose my name, not even on a first meeting. 

If the meeting turns out to be disastrous, I'd much rather be able to fade into the fog and never be heard from again by that person, if I feel that's the way the final outcome should be. The basic truths need to be there though.


I agree with both of you very much.  In today's world there is still a need to have Street Smarts.  I am very careful with online interaction or email/ IM information.  I do not want to get a stalker only friends or more if it led to that.
 
Re: OP
I'm always honest, open and upfront about my likes, dislikes, beliefs, experience level and what I'm seeking.  Beginning in my profile to IM to phone to meetings.  However I always maintain the privacy of my home location, full name, work location/company.  To me that's just being street smart.  When it's right, it's flowing and things become more serious btwn me and someone, of course I start opening up.  A little at a time only though.  I need to be a 100% sure I'm connecting with a person who has their head on straight, no drama for me!  I don't blindly trust in ppl, I learned that the hard way (eg. moved in with the wrong guy!! ) I learned a valuable lesson to be a bit more self protecting, not suspicious, just careful.

(in reply to bignipples2share)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Truth!?! Truth!?! - 4/8/2006 8:39:54 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

The question, therefore, is when does it begin when either initiating or relating to communication? Does it begin with the first Email/IM? The second? The third? Does it begin with the first phone call? The second? The Third? Does it begin with the first meeting? The second? The Third? When is the “other”, if there is one, given the truth? Is the truth twofold for both the new acquaintance as well as the “old” one?
I think you see where I’m going with this. Discussion?


In my life, there is no room for lies and deception.  I am exactly the same person in the real world that people see online.  That's my real face in that photograph, and I really am 47 years old and overweight.  I see no constructive purpose in trying to hide anything about who and what I am, and I expect nothing less from those who wish to correspond or get acquainted with me.  I am, by nature, highly suspicious and distrustful of strangers and, if I learn someone has lied to me, it's going to be damned near impossible for that person to ever gain, or regain, my trust.
 
Be true to yourself; be straight with me; and we'll get along just fine.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to METOO)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Truth!?! Truth!?! - 4/8/2006 11:59:56 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear


 
I done have the problem as to when I tell Neets or she tells me .. We discuss everything and in these matters there are no secrets..I would never dishonour her by telling her prokies. However there are a number of areas in which she will never ask for she knows that these areas are none of her business and is used to this.. It is safer for her this way..  
 
 
Essentially, I will tell you as much as I want to tell you. No more no less.. If you can’t live with that and want to know everything, it is time for us to part, regrettable as it may be..
 


This was helpful to me, IB.  Sometimes a girl wants to be "let in," because it makes her feel closer.  Learning to respect your above sentiment is not always easy, but essential.  Thank you for your post.

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Truth!?! Truth!?! - 4/9/2006 1:19:11 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		My profile holds all the information that is required for an initial contact. It only takes a reading to see that I'm collared, married and unavailable, but that doesn't stop men (and women) from contacting me. I had a guy screaming at me about 2 weeks ago for being collared and not telling him before he wasted 5 mins of his life chatting with me. Um, this was after he told me he read my profile and was intrigued by it, so I figured he already knew and just wanted some friendly chat.

I now make it a point to tell people in the first email that I'm collared.. and ask if they are 'sure' they want to chat with me. Getting cyber screamed at was unpleasant and it's not something I wish to repeat.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Truth!?! Truth!?! - 4/9/2006 2:57:50 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		Establishing a relationship is complicated, it is more than being honest, it is understanding when to reveal something about yourself and when not to. Revealing too much too early will freak people, too little too late will make people question your honesty when all you have done is miscalculated the necessary point to reveal a fact about yourself. To make matters more complicated, this requirement varies from person to person.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Truth!?! Truth!?! - 4/9/2006 5:45:01 AM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
Funny, whenever I contact anyone I just want to find out if we share something in common. I don't initially view anyone as a mark. With this strategy I've basically had good experiences.

Luckily, as a guy, I don't have to worry about others "scheming" to do stuff with me and their frustrations when I ruin their plans.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Truth!?! Truth!?! - 4/9/2006 6:10:21 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy


Funny, whenever I contact anyone I just want to find out if we share something in common. I don't initially view anyone as a mark. With this strategy I've basically had good experiences.

Luckily, as a guy, I don't have to worry about others "scheming" to do stuff with me and their frustrations when I ruin their plans.


You're so damn pragmatic and worse, right!

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Truth!?! Truth!?! - 4/9/2006 7:24:16 AM   
LadyWolfdreams


Posts: 24
Joined: 9/25/2005
From: Wyoming
Status: offline 		Truth should be present from from the first contact on. Otherwise, why bother? There is no difference between being honest and protecting yourself. You can honestly say "I don't feel comfortable telling you that right now," rather than lying.

Lady Wolfdreams

(in reply to METOO)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Truth!?! Truth!?! - 4/9/2006 8:09:06 AM   
METOO


Posts: 20
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline 		I think a lot of you are missing the point of my initial post. It was not really intended, neccessarily to mean an initial meeting and or conversation. Ultimately, relationships take time to develop. It's over that period of time that I was meaning that the total honesty should emerge. Obviously, if there's total honesty, there's gonna be less of a chance of someone getting eventually hurt.

Point is, playing on two streams, even if it it a simple as cyber, is ultimately gonna land someone in the fihing net. Unfortunately, more often then not, perhaps, it's the innocent one 

< Message edited by METOO -- 4/9/2006 8:10:24 AM >

(in reply to LadyWolfdreams)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Truth!?! Truth!?! - 4/9/2006 8:16:10 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: philosophy

begs the question......if truth is something that can be reserved for a second or third communication, what are you saying the rest of the time? lies?


This is almost exactly what popped into my head!

If someone wasn't truthful with me until later on, that would the end cause how could I then judge which was untruthful and which was the truth?



_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to philosophy)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Truth!?! Truth!?! - 4/9/2006 10:43:21 AM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		I am not sure if we really are missing the point of the initial post..If you think about it, what is being said is that basic honesty is a necessity from the get go in any relationship wether it develops further or not.It must begin at the beginning, and of course as relationship goes further than yes more and more is revealed.So then you get to the question of, is it lying when you choose not to reveal certain truths of yourself until you see where it is all heading? IMO...if a question is asked and I do not want to lie, but yet I choose not to as yet reveal this info, I would say that I will not say until the time is right.Or I would ,if not asked specifics not volunteer such info until once again I feel it is at an appropriate time.But I will not lie,from initial contact and throughout.Of course being honest in a relationship further down road will prevent some hurt, but keep in mind the users will lie and hurt,it is their style,so hence it is still ultimately up to you to look for red flags,gut feelings or whatever to know if you are in such a relationship.And if you find you are...well, you will still be hurt, that is human nature.Ok I have rambled enough ..hope it makes sense...be well..Tempting

(in reply to METOO)
Profile   Post #: 40
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