CreativeDominant
Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006 Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SusanofO I have something to add here that might seem like I am "going off on a tangent", but it is related. Re: "The truth" - I take for granted there are some things people probably really need to find out about eachother up front that might otherwise make the chasm between them "too wide to bridge" if they weren't (I appreciated slavejali's comment. Things like: Do you have-want kids, are you married (if it's monogamy or poly one is seeking, etc.) **But - After some kind of relationship has been forged, is a sub-slave allowed to voice her(or his) "version" of what constitutes "the truth"? I am really eventually hoping for a relationship w/someone where each person appreciates a good stimulating conversation. I like discussing things, and am not sure exactly just what my views are on certain things, and others I think I have definite views about. I really do see myself as primarily a slave (not a sub) in terms of "inclinations". I want to be (eventually) in a situation where I can focus almost solely on the needs and desires of the other person before my own. I want to give them what they want. I am also hoping I can still have stimulating conversations w/the other person - even if we don't see things the same way as far as our views on different topics all the time. I guess I am hoping I will still have a voice - a chance- to have thoughts about things. I don't want to have to completely "disappear" and fade into nothingness...is this totally incongruous with the idea of being a slave - or does it just depend, maybe, on the people involved? Good question. I have dealt primarily with submissive women with little involvement with slaves. Personally, I think having one's own viewpoint of matters in the world is one of those things that we are allowed to have as humans with the whole "Master/slave-submissive" aspect set aside. While I agree that it is perfectly normal for a submissive/slave to internalize the dominant's wants/needs/desires/views, that does not mean that when it comes to matters outside...and occasionally inside...the relationship, that you have to be "mini-me". e.g.: If I believe that it is important that my submissive be able to see certain activities as those reserved for people that she (and I) consider to be special, and I have given her what I believe to be sound reasoning behind that thought process of mine and backed it up, then I expect her to internalize that, even if she disagrees with the concept. If I believe that any war this country engages in is right and she decides the rightness/wrongness of each war according to its merits and her own reasoning, that is her choice. In either case, she is a human with her own thoughts and feelings. In the first case, yes, I expect a certain behavior, disagreement or not. In the second case, the only thing I expect is respect as we argue over the merits, or lack thereof, of the current war. In both cases, regardless of disagreement, the honesty comes in when she expresses what she truly feels. quote:
This could never be a "threat" to me if I was with someone who felt differently about some topics than I do - of course it's nice when two people have a "lot in common" I spose - but I also think that people's differences can make them pretty darned interesting. I guess I am maybe feeling scared I won't be able to think about things anymore at all. Thinking about things is one of my secret joys in life. I really don't want to have to give it up. I am referring to garden variety conversation topics - not "deal breaker" differences between people that maybe should prevent a relationship to begin with. Do people have to see "eye-to-eye" every minute of every day on every topic to "prove" they care about the other person? I think that it might be just how they relate their "differences" to eachother that is going to either make or break a relationship. I am a big fan of diplomacy in inter-personal relationships - and want someone whose opinions I find interesting and fascinating and whom I can respect - but if we aren't cookie-cutter replicas of eachother all the time, every minute of the day in terms of what we think about or even how we think gueess I am hoping that wouldn't be an earth-shattering thing to the other person. Personally, I think cookies that all look and taste the same are pretty boring after the second one. quote:
I guess I'd want someone (eventually) I have a whole lot in common with - but if they aren't at least a little bit different than I am what will there be even left for me to learn? What could they ever teach me? Exactly. Teaching someone how you expect them to behave and teaching them how to internalize your thoughts, feelings, desires, needs, does not take away their own thoughts, feelings, desires, needs...and I want to know what they are. quote:
And since Doms and Masters, I am hoping, can also learn things from subs and slaves (on occasion), I am hoping voicing an opinion is okay with them too. I think maybe I am being "vague" here - but I've been on this planet for 46 years now and have concluded (so far) that there isn't anyone who has a be-all, end-all handle on "the truth" - about much of anything. Right....welllllllllll...except for me. quote:
It doesn't mean I've lost faith in humanity - but I think "the truth" is pretty relative much of the time. And I am also desperately hoping that this statement is Not mis-interpeted as me being a potential "brat" because I am truly as far from that kind of person I'd think it is possible to be (I realize that presumption is all in the "eye of the beholder" but I still think that it's true). I absolutely hate "fighting." Seeing something from another's point of view is what I think can sometimes make life interesting. If two people have different viewpoints to begin with, in order to do that I guess they'd have to be interested in seeing things from the other person's veiwpoint. Maybe what I am saying here is that I am hoping all respect for another person as a thinking human being doesn't get flushed down the toilet just because one has decided they are a slave (or even a sub). I just hate it when people fight - I just absolutely hate it. But I don't want to completely 100% 'disappear' altogether. I guess (once again), this may just mean people really have to try to get to know eachother and any relationship is a risk, etc. - Susan You called it, Susan...any relationship is a risk. But personally, I will take the risk that comes with honesty and dealing with problems when they are small than having someone disagree with me constantly, yet keeping it in until they cannot any longer or having someone whose honesty is constant as long as things remain the same but whose honesty and truth and dedication fall apart the minute things change for them.
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