crazyml
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Joined: 7/3/2007
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ORIGINAL: SocratesNot
I think that, to a certain extent, I have a slave mentality.
I think the problem I have with the rest of the post stems from a difference in our definitions of "slave" and "enslavement".
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I am not usually submissive to people if I don't have to be, and I don't have a desire to be submissive to them,
so I don't have neither submissive personality, nor submissive mentality. But I have a slave mentality.
This is a little different concept which I will try to explain now.
By "having a slave mentality" I mean that almost at every single moment of time I am enslaved
to something, and this enslavement prevents me from either doing what is really most beneficial
to me or from just having genuine fun.
I will list some of the things that I was enslaved to so far:
1. Reading those books which, for some reason (usually their high critical acclaim (if novels) or high perceived
importance to me because they cover topic which I want to learn more about (if non-fiction)) , I though I should read,
those books were usually not the ones required by school or college. The fundamental reason for this was my desire
to learn more about life through exposure to quality literature and to perfect my literary tastes.
I suppose there's the adage "we're all slaves to our desires". It's a shame that there's a mismatch between the "topic which I want to learn more about [sic]" and the courses you're following at school/college - Perhaps you should consider changing courses? If you're not passionate about the subjects you're taught at school/college then you're going to find it easy to be diverted.
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2. Watching those movies, which I thought I should watch, usually because they they were considered classics, had high critical acclaim
or covered some topic that I am very interested in. The fundamental reason for this was my desire
to learn more about life through exposure to quality movies and to perfect my cinematic tastes.
Really? Or are you apt (like me) to watch a movie because you can't be arsed to do what you know you ought to do, then post-justifying your action?
I stress that I'm popping this challenge in because it's just the kind of displacement activity that I do.
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3. Recreational running (jogging) and going to gym. The fundamental reason had more to do with my desire to look good
then with real concern for health.
4. Dieting. Yes, once I was overweight and I decided that I must lose the weight, and so I did.
Again, the fundamental reason had more to do with my desire to look good then with real concern for health.
This is perfectly natural and normal. Indeed, we've got evolution to thank that (by and large) "buff" = "healthy". Obviously it can be taken to extremes (too "skinny", too muscle bound) but if you're running recreationally to look good, then you're health improves as a by-product.
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5. Listening to quality music - this includes most important pieces of classical music as well as critically acclaimed
popular music such as rock music from the 60s and 70s. And also I strived to listen to the entire list of 500 greatest
songs of all time selected by the Rolling Stone magazine.
The fundamental reason - genuine desire to learn to appreciate and enjoy good music, to perfect my musical tastes,
to learn about high quality music - and also desire to be more able to have intelligent conversation
about music with just about anyone.
This is another natural desire, surely?
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6. Learning Italian language. (no need to explain)
All you really need to know is "Cedo" ;-)
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7. Engaging in endless debates on forums, usually arguing for the position that is on some
theoretical, ethical or idealistic level true, but which is hard to implement in practice,
or people are unwilling to implement it in practice, usually because it's more convenient
to choose easier way. Or my position, quite simply, despite being true - doesn't work.
Although I am aware of this fact, I still feel the urge to defend my position because,
I genuinely think my position is true.
I'm going to avoid any general comments about the "truth" or "practicality" of some of your positions..
I wonder whether you might be engaging in endless debates on fora because you enjoy the "thinkurbation" ... there's fun to be had baiting people, arguing. It's all relatively safe, and easy.
The downside is that you may have mundane dull things to do (homework etc) that really ought to have priority...
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I enjoyed all of these activities (except dieting) and they really helped me to learn about many things
and to broaden my horizons. I learned to really enjoy some things that initially weren't very
attractive to me (such as classical music). In long term, all of these activities were beneficial to me.
In long term, they allowed me to enjoy life more than I would otherwise be able to.
However, in short term, they were all detrimental to me, and to my social and school / college success.
These things usually become obsessions and obligations to me, and I felt bad if I failed to pursue them.
I spent too much time and energy thinking about them which caused me to lose
many real life opportunities for happiness and social success. Also, my school and college marks suffered a bit.
Your use of the word "obsession" is a pointer to OCD... but I wonder if you're overstating in order to post justify. You're conscious that these activities are detrimental to your school/college success (although it does seem to me that none of them need be detrimental if pursued in moderation).
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Finally, it seems that these short term negative consequences, cumulatively also caused very negative
long-term consequences.
If I did not lose all the opportunities which I lost my social position would be much higher today,
and I would have more friends and more important connections.
If I simply had more fun instead of being enslaved to all these things I would probably have
more real-life experience, and I would know much more about life then by learning it through books and movies.
Finally, I'd be more happy, more relaxed, more confident, which are all qualities very desirable to women.
This may seem "snippy" it's not intended to be - I wonder if you're just describing the distinction between being a "winner" and being a "loser"? Winners set goals, and commit to them, losers change goals all the time rather than committing.
Is this some pathological "issue" or are you just a lazy fucker, seeking post-hoc to rationalise your failure?
Is the answer perhaps "Stop whining like a biatch, pull your socks up and get some self-discipline?"
I ask these questions not to wind you up but because they're exactly the questions I've had to confront myself in the past
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Maybe the underlying reason of all that I explained is my introversion, namely social interactions
after some time cause a lot of stress to me and later I feel exhausted - so maybe I chose easier,
indirect way to learn some things (which is never as good as direct way - learning through experience).
Is it a question of self confidence? If you're self-confidence is very low, then you may have a tendency to pursue activities you know will result in failure rather than those activities that may result in success.
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In all of these cases, I was the one who chose what I will be enslaved to, so my locus of control was internal.
This isn't "enslavement" by my personal definition. Enslavement requires another party to do the enslaving. Self-enslavement isn't a concept that works for me.
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However, if someone really put enough pressure on me, I would do their bidding to my own detriment.
I wouldn't be willing to do it, I would be very hesitant and I would regret later,
but still I would do it, only if enough pressure is applied to me.
I wouldn't even consent to it (in my mind I would repeat over and over "why do you allow such idiots to use you")
but still I would do what they asked.
For example, once one girl asked me to help her with college assignments , and I reluctantly did it,
which caused me to receive some bad marks because I didn't have time to study for my own
exams.
In these rare situations, my locus of control would become external.
Is this simply a desire to abrogate your personal responsibility?
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Also, when I am in a group of peers, I usually follow them, without much
influence in making decisions. These decisions aren't that important
(for example in which cafe we will go, in which nightclub we will go, etc, quite trivial)
but still, I usually follow their decision (of the group), even if I really don't feel like it.
In these situations, my locus of control is also external.
This is common - You're lacking in self confidence.
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To sum up,
I am usually enslaved to something, it has some benefits, but it has more bad consequences,
usually I decide what will I be enslaved to, but when enough pressure is applied to me,
I usually follow where others lead or do what others request, in doing this I don't feel fulfillment,
I do it reluctantly and unwillingly, but still I do it.
Yeah, the more I follow your "enslaved" riff the less convinced I am that you even believe it. You may become obsessed, you may lack self-discipline, but enslavement implies, to me at least, a much greater absence of choice than you have to pursue behaviours that benefit you today, and over the long term.
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Despite everything that I just said, there are also some dominant traits in my personality,
and some people were very satisfied when they allowed me to lead them in some things,
but this is whole another thread.
Has anyone else on this forum experienced anything similar to what I just described?
Yep, I spent most of my teens experiencing very similar things to what you've described. However my "self diagnosis" was profoundly different.
The interesting thing is that none of the activities you've described are detrimental per-se. If taken to extremes they can be (just as drinking too much water can be...) but it seems to me that you can pursue all of the activities you've described, and maintain a vibrant social lives and a GPA of 4.0.
My wake-up moment came when my father was killed in a car accident and I'd been left money for college. I was well aware that my trajectory at the time wasn't going to see me in college, so I had a mini crisis.
I came to the conclusion that I wasn't "ill" or "enslaved" - I was just a lazy fucker who needed to kick his own ass into shape.
Sincerely - If you genuinely believe that you are "enslaved", then I'd suggest CBT oriented counselling. You're clearly smart enough to see the negative consequences of these behaviours - you just lack the personal tools to address them.
But... you may be like me, in which case you just need to be more honest with yourself, and get some focus and self-discipline.
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Slave mentality - 
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who needs some self discipline. 
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