Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

If I knew then, what I know now


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> If I knew then, what I know now Page: [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
If I knew then, what I know now - 6/4/2010 5:23:45 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Reading a thread here made me realize that we take for granted what we have learned along the way about bdsm and/or D/s and the process of finding partners. I can remember what I thought when I was new and as compared to what I know now, it's laughable and I realize, I'm never done learning and I'm sure I will laugh at myself again.

In the context of bdsm and D/s, it's easy to toss advice to someone that's new, but can you admit the mistakes you have made? Did you struggle with accepting this part of you and if so, how did you deal with that? Do you ever still struggle with it? What have you learned about yourself and others? Is there anything you would change if you could? What do you think is the most important learning experience you have had?

(this is a list of possible discussion topics, not necessarily all inclusive, feel free to expound and as always, humor is welcome).

___________________

To answer for myself, I started out a submissive only with a GIGANTIC list of hard limits. Now I identify as a switch (albeit in a rather limited capacity), and my list of limits is much shorter and my capacity to trust in myself and find a partner that works for me is much greater.

I struggled in the beginning understanding myself and my desires and certainly learned to be more comfortable with this aspect of myself and accept it as well as any number of other things such as what I am truly seeking.

I learned not to settle. I learned that I can be submissive without ever having to be what anyone else thought I should be. I definitely learned, I want this, but I don't need it bad enough to compromise my own beliefs.

That's just for starters. I'm made some incredibly stupid mistakes along the way, but I won't belabor the opening with it at this point.



_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: If I knew then, what I know now - 6/4/2010 5:34:26 PM   
realcoolhand


Posts: 261
Joined: 3/22/2009
Status: offline 		Thank you for this thread; as a n-n-newbie, I really will appreciate hearing a few good war stories and, hopefully, gaining a little insight.

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: If I knew then, what I know now - 6/4/2010 5:43:37 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		-The simplest, and hardest thing, was realizing that she wanted, hell needed, me to take the reins.
Well that, and that whisks and blowtorches are a bad combination as insertables. :-)


_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: If I knew then, what I know now - 6/4/2010 5:45:35 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Shudders and laughs at the same time.....blowtorches huh?

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: If I knew then, what I know now - 6/4/2010 5:50:33 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		It went more like insert whisk, light torch, apply

or I could just be funning...


_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: If I knew then, what I know now - 6/4/2010 6:23:44 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		I had a lot of mental struggle with the concept of submission until I actually tried it, and was adamant for years that that wouldn't work for me, even though I enjoyed bottoming. I don't feel I made any major mistakes on D/s or BDSM - there is one person who I wouldn't have dated if I'd known better, but for reasons that weren't related to power exchange or BDSM. My last relationship and previous relationship also broke up for non-kink-related reasons. I still feel they are both wonderful *people*, though.

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: If I knew then, what I know now - 6/4/2010 6:31:54 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I'm stepping away for a moment from the BDSM or Kink arena and drawing from almost 65 years of living. If I had known what I know now (20/20 hind-sight is wondrous), there are a number of people I have hurt, some not so much and some deeply all of whom I could have and would now handle differently without loosing honour, pride or material things. I have made executive decisions based on intelligence at hand at that time which caused deaths, now I know unnecessary deaths of troopers under my command. I has alternatives but didn't take them. I have made two large fortunes which I lost due to in one instance blindly believing my second wife we as loyal to our marriage and to me as I was to her and the marriage. Wrong it cost me AU$2.5 million. The second I was arrogant enough to take not the advise of two Govt. departments and move my funds several times to another Swiss Bank. My mistake so funds are frozen until the mess can be adjudicated or I decease in which case Neets gets the whole lot and is home free.

On a BDSM/Kink/Lifestyle basis, had I not been so bloody minded I possibly could have enjoyed the company and service of subs whilst I awaited for a slave (or a sub may have found her slave belly in my collar). I watch, I learn and I ask questions so I rarely make the identical mistake twice these days. Perhaps age does bring some modicum of wisdom.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: If I knew then, what I know now - 6/4/2010 6:33:23 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		The biggest mistake I have ever made was bringing someone into mine and Alandra's life that was not right for either of us. The fact of the matter was that the information was there to be seen but I choose not to see it. I ignored my own instincts and instead listened to the words without validating their truth. Alandra being a good slave allowed me to make the decisions and held her doubts and concerns to herself and I never pressed to get her feelings and thoughts. Maybe because I instinctively knew what they were and I didn't want to hear them.

Having said that.. this mistake brought about the greatest amount of learning that I have had within my entire experience of this lifestyle. It has helped to bring to myself to a deep understanding of what works in my world. I also learned that what has come easily for Alandra and I have not been an advantage when it come to bringing others into our life. Fortunately, the learning gained was in place before Kyra came into my life and as such.. I made it alot easier for her than I could of in the past.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: If I knew then, what I know now - 6/4/2010 6:36:07 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~

Just because Someone says They're Dominant, it does NOT mean they're entitled to a blowjob to prove you're submissive.

Just because you're kinky it doesn't mean you should throw common sense out the window.

Be yourself, because there is Someone out there that will want you for who you really are. It may take time to find Him, He's worth the wait.

~sweetsub~

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: If I knew then, what I know now - 6/4/2010 6:44:27 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

Reading a thread here made me realize that we take for granted what we have learned along the way about bdsm and/or D/s and the process of finding partners. I can remember what I thought when I was new and as compared to what I know now, it's laughable and I realize, I'm never done learning and I'm sure I will laugh at myself again.

In the context of bdsm and D/s, it's easy to toss advice to someone that's new, but can you admit the mistakes you have made? Did you struggle with accepting this part of you and if so, how did you deal with that? Do you ever still struggle with it? What have you learned about yourself and others? Is there anything you would change if you could? What do you think is the most important learning experience you have had?

(this is a list of possible discussion topics, not necessarily all inclusive, feel free to expound and as always, humor is welcome).

___________________

To answer for myself, I started out a submissive only with a GIGANTIC list of hard limits. Now I identify as a switch (albeit in a rather limited capacity), and my list of limits is much shorter and my capacity to trust in myself and find a partner that works for me is much greater.

I struggled in the beginning understanding myself and my desires and certainly learned to be more comfortable with this aspect of myself and accept it as well as any number of other things such as what I am truly seeking.

I learned not to settle. I learned that I can be submissive without ever having to be what anyone else thought I should be. I definitely learned, I want this, but I don't need it bad enough to compromise my own beliefs.

That's just for starters. I'm made some incredibly stupid mistakes along the way, but I won't belabor the opening with it at this point.




Well I believe dear you were witness to some of my mistakes and thanks for the kick in the pants.

I have learned to take things slower, be more cautious and to trust my instincts. Due to this, I have finally met a dominant that is right for me and  I really am submissive with the one who awakens this. I did have my doubts along the way.

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 6/4/2010 6:45:23 PM >

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: If I knew then, what I know now - 6/4/2010 8:07:26 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957

~Fast Reply~

Just because Someone says They're Dominant, it does NOT mean they're entitled to a blowjob to prove you're submissive.


Ron will be so disappointed.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 6/4/2010 8:18:49 PM >

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to sweetsub1957)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: If I knew then, what I know now - 6/4/2010 8:08:26 PM   
realcoolhand


Posts: 261
Joined: 3/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

I'm stepping away for a moment from the BDSM or Kink arena and drawing from almost 65 years of living. If I had known what I know now (20/20 hind-sight is wondrous), there are a number of people I have hurt, some not so much and some deeply all of whom I could have and would now handle differently without loosing honour, pride or material things.


Good post, sir.

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: If I knew then, what I know now - 6/4/2010 8:08:37 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		You're welcome, I'm always good for a kick in the pants. I'm pleased you found someone, enjoy!

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: If I knew then, what I know now - 6/4/2010 8:09:41 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you KoM and everyone so far for sharing.



_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: If I knew then, what I know now - 6/4/2010 8:17:07 PM   
slavelynn95008


Posts: 35
Joined: 12/22/2007
Status: offline 		The hardest part was realizing you can't please everyone!

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: If I knew then, what I know now - 6/4/2010 8:20:22 PM   
realcoolhand


Posts: 261
Joined: 3/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavelynn95008

The hardest part was realizing you can't please everyone!


I want desperately to make a silly comment, but I'm not gonna do it, because this is an awesome thread.

(in reply to slavelynn95008)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: If I knew then, what I know now - 6/4/2010 8:21:22 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Come on, I'm the OP, silliness is encouraged always!

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to realcoolhand)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: If I knew then, what I know now - 6/4/2010 8:25:43 PM   
realcoolhand


Posts: 261
Joined: 3/22/2009
Status: offline 		Oh, alright, you talked me into it: "I know that I can't please everyone, but I've seen what you're working with, and it's worth a shot."

Edited for italicization.

< Message edited by realcoolhand -- 6/4/2010 8:29:56 PM >

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: If I knew then, what I know now - 6/4/2010 8:27:52 PM   
realcoolhand


Posts: 261
Joined: 3/22/2009
Status: offline 		Or, in the alternative: "Sure you can; you can hand out money as good as the next guy."

(in reply to realcoolhand)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: If I knew then, what I know now - 6/4/2010 8:32:34 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		haha yeah, that's an expensive form of popularity which is oh so temporary anyway.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to realcoolhand)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> If I knew then, what I know now Page: [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.172