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Mercnbeth -> RE: Can a slave have plans and aspirations? (6/9/2010 3:16:18 PM)
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Given the current economic crisis, as well as the long going and steady erosion of the middle-class, earning money now and later is a crucial matter. Since nobody can feed a family on a diet of love and fresh water, bringing the bacon home, in a sufficient and steady quantity, should be one's first (but not only) preoccupation.
Falkenstein,
I've been given your argument before and although it's a difficult concept to convey succinctly, I'll try.
No doubt people only get one chance out of life and must base all decisions they make in consideration of the consequences, reasonable and exceptional. I feel fundamentally this is the first cause for relationship failure. The partners only consider the positives and compromise hoping, and often expecting, their partner to change over time to better suit what they really want out of the relationship. More focus should be on the 'worst case' and your position is better suited to that consideration.
However, my opinion is that your position plans for failure. It's like a pre-nup; if you feel you need one you can represent you are being pragmatic and practical in the face of simple, and observable statistical results about relationships. However, having that plan for failure most often results in succeeding to achieve it.
On the other hand, I sought out a partner with a plan for success. At least success as I defined it. Agreeing to make beth a part of it, was the last self centered action I've taken. I believe beth would say agreeing to be my partner was her last self determining decision. Ever since that day, all decisions have been based upon what's best for us. I don't really have a fall back position. I don't want one. I'm "all in" and I am confident that beth is too. Every day together confirms that the right decision we made was the right one - for us.
I believe that people have a need to hold back because they really don't know themselves; or if they do, don't have the confidence to represent themselves and stand up to challenge. You have to have unqualified confidence and trust in yourself long before you extend confident trust in another. From a confident foundation regardless of what happens, you can rely on yourself. Put that into the equation and the pragmatic "economic" considerations should not hold you back from any relationship decision. What should hold you back is the confirmation that the other person is coming from the same confident position. Finding that partner, you'll discover that the emotional, and mental benefits are worthy of any economic compromise. At least that was the case for us.
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Let us imagine a dominant who asks his sub to give up a brilliant career in a profession she loves so that she can take care of their household. If they are both middle-class, middle aged, this will lower their economical safety and she will not get a second chance at making a career, especially if they part. So what? I have had much more wealth in the past and the happiest day of my life to that point was tossing my ex the 'keys' as I headed cross country in a a self packed 19 foot U-Haul with flea bitten cat and old furniture previously stored in my basement. But that was the circumstance I was in coming to California and the apartment I had when I met beth was only slightly bigger than beth's closet. she had no idea, WE had no idea, things would end up as they have turned out. All we had was a total commitment to 'us', total uncompromising trust in each other, and common lust for FUN and enjoying life; and somehow all the rest fell into place.
Materially, monetarily, or career considerations all are a distant second for the emotional and mental happiness I enjoy with beth. My goal isn't to advance my 'career' any more than beth's goal is to advance hers. My career goal is to not have, or need a career as soon as possible so we can spend more time together. But I just used the wrong pronoun. Although beth currently serves no other 'master'; her goal is the same as mine and she contributes, in her own ways, as much as I do daily to achieving it.
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Is it worth it? You can't appreciate without knowing us, how silly that question is to us.
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