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Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/12/2010 9:43:10 PM   
BKSir


Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline 		So, I was having a thought (I know, but it does happen sometimes), and was wondering if anyone ever felt like this?  I don't mean physically intimidated, but... well... here.

You have someone in mind, or someone already 'collared', but they are the near list of perfection.  Intelligent, clever, great sense of humour, patient, understanding, immensely talented in both the visual and performing arts, a smile that would melt the coldest ice, considerably younger but still amazingly mature, clingy in the good way without being needy, sexually compatible (which can surprisingly be a bit of a feat), and physically ideal.  Someone you can't find any faults in, and you've actively tried.  The kind of person that you can only sit there and say "Okay, I know I'm not bad, but what in the green flaming christ could this person possibly fucking see in me!?"    That kind of intimidated. 

I'm not pointing any fingers at anyone on the boards, not saying it's me, just wondering if anyone ever experienced this perchance and how you dealt with it.  It's an interesting thought I had, which I can't imagine has never happened to anyone.

So, thoughts, discussions, etc. :)  Would love to hear what people have to say on this.


_____________________________

We'll begin with a spin, traveling in a world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanation.

I am the voices in your head.

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RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/12/2010 10:43:27 PM   
VAcontroldom


Posts: 65
Joined: 6/5/2005
Status: offline 		BK, I never felt intimidated in that way, but in my first TPE relationship I felt a little intimidated by "this incredible woman will not only do anything I want her to, but she wants me to tell her to do anything and everything I want"

That took some getting used to, but after two-three months, I got over it and have been fine in the decades since

For the example you gave, "it's too good to be true" one of two things is possible
1 It's too good to be true and she's playing you (has asked for money, or whatever)
2 It's your dream come true. Help her help you. Ask her the ten things she likes best about herself and the ten things she likes best about you. It might help the self esteem of both of you
You might both do it and share lists even

Best of luck. To whoever

(in reply to BKSir)
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RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/12/2010 11:04:17 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		I dated a guy for a couple of years that was an overachiever in every sense, attractive successful and very socially adept and well-liked. He was also a fitness nut with like 5% body fat. Every night I would look at him in bed and say...wtf is he thinking? I'm not saying I'm a total slouch, I'm not on any of those fronts. But no, it didn't intimidate me, I considered myself quite fortunate and realized early on although he was mostly vanilla, the thing that ironically really worked for us was my submission. He could have his cake and eat it too without me getting upset about it. Little did he know I'm not alone in that regard. But hey....their loss, my gain right? He's still a good friend and my friends kick me for ending it with him, but we wanted different things.


_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/12/2010 11:07:15 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Carol's got a whole raft of faults and I've had 15 years to learn them all... oft-times being on the receiving end of them. And you know what? She STILL intimidates me. She is more than I deserve and more than I can ever hope to deserve. I'd be a liar if I didn't admit that.

How I deal with it? I thank her every day for loving me. I do my best to be worthy of her and I trust in her love to make up the difference between what I can deliver and what she deserves.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/12/2010 11:09:47 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Nah, I think they should be intimidated by me.

Whackily enough, they often are. 

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"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

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RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/12/2010 11:11:41 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		It's the cup.....not you....

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/12/2010 11:36:02 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

It's the cup.....not you....


Oh no Darling, the cup is merely representative, let's em know what's coming :-)





_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to laurell3)
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RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/12/2010 11:45:44 PM   
BKSir


Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

Carol's got a whole raft of faults and I've had 15 years to learn them all... oft-times being on the receiving end of them. And you know what? She STILL intimidates me. She is more than I deserve and more than I can ever hope to deserve. I'd be a liar if I didn't admit that.

How I deal with it? I thank her every day for loving me. I do my best to be worthy of her and I trust in her love to make up the difference between what I can deliver and what she deserves.


This right here...  I love this answer more than I can put into words.  It's an amazing feeling, isn't it?


_____________________________

We'll begin with a spin, traveling in a world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanation.

I am the voices in your head.

BiggKatt Studios

(in reply to leadership527)
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RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/13/2010 12:47:28 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BKSir
It's an amazing feeling, isn't it?
Amazing? Yeah, that's one word for it.... kind of in the same way you'd say it was "amazing" if I won the super-lotto 20 times in a row.

The other amazing part is that she feels exactly the same way about me. Proof positive in my mind that her judgement is impaired but she seems to persist in thinking she's lucky to have me.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to BKSir)
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RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/13/2010 3:14:33 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		FR -

i used to go out with a guy who kept saying that to me, 'what did i see in him, why was i going out with him.  he used to call me his fallen angel, because of it.  his insecurity eventually killed the relationship mainly because i got tired of telling him why.  so far as i was concerned i was happy with him and since i was with him he should accept that.  in a way he was calling me a liar for being with him.

moral of the story:  if this person wants to be with you, enjoys youre company, sees whatever they see in you as someone worth being with then dont drag the whole thing down with insecurity.  believe they are sincere and enjoy youreselves.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to leadership527)
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RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/13/2010 4:19:11 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: BKSir
It's an amazing feeling, isn't it?
Amazing? Yeah, that's one word for it.... kind of in the same way you'd say it was "amazing" if I won the super-lotto 20 times in a row.

The other amazing part is that she feels exactly the same way about me. Proof positive in my mind that her judgement is impaired but she seems to persist in thinking she's lucky to have me.


My Neets and I are similar to you Jeff. I at times sit in awe in the fact that my woman loves me as much as she does. I am in awe of a few folks I know and some who are close to me. Never intimidated, just recognising the awesomeness of some people and their abilities.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/13/2010 4:21:23 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

moral of the story:  if this person wants to be with you, enjoys youre company, sees whatever they see in you as someone worth being with then dont drag the whole thing down with insecurity.  believe they are sincere and enjoy youreselves.



How perfectly you have written this lass. It sums up my thoughts precisely.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to lally2)
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RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/13/2010 4:38:48 AM   
childoftheshadow


Posts: 458
Joined: 8/2/2006
From: London UK
Status: offline 		I don't question the "why", more the "how". How did I get so lucky? I must have done something pretty amazing in a previous life to end up with someone like him. I tell him so often too. Thankfully he feels the same about me.

(in reply to IronBear)
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RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/13/2010 4:51:21 AM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BKSir

"Okay, I know I'm not bad, but what in the green flaming christ could this person possibly fucking see in me!?"


Disclaimer: this is what I've found. YMMV.

Short answer: being intimidatingly awesome in all the ways you describe can be a downer, and (generic) you probably compensate for that pretty well.

Long answer: I grew up with a lot of people like that. In my experience they tend to get surrounded by magpie-people who want a piece of them because they are so shiny; not in a nasty way, but it can be draining.

Awesome people can often be pretty vulnerable-if your primary motive in interacting with them is their happiness (rather than getting them to demonstrate how awesome they are for you) then you're going to be pretty special to them.

If you give compliments calmly, with no pressure to respond (which does seem to be a rare skill), or if you're an ear or a shoulder when they're down, or if they're female and you're capable of not staring at their chest and especially if you can sit with their head in your lap and just otherwise ignore them and read a book or something then you're probably being a whole lot calmer and more relaxed than most people they spend time with.

That's what they see in you. Or, in me at least. I think. As far as I can tell...


_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.




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RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/13/2010 5:14:52 AM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		My Sir once said i was more of a masochist than he was capable of taking care of -  but there is more to us than our S/m relationship,  The regard we have for each other is greater than the sum of the parts (to plagerize a saying), therefore ask not why the bell tolls - it tolls for thee!

or in other words - you ring his bell, don't tear it apart looking for the reasons - you are better than you think! And if you both think you are getting the best deal, then you have the formula to be incredibly happy.   Enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)
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RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/13/2010 6:19:14 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		i needed some help with something once and since there was noone around to ask i went and knocked on the company directors door.  he was very kind and gave me the advice i needed.  as i left i apologised for bothering him. he said, people think im too high up to bother, im too important and im too busy, the fact is im sitting here sometimes wishing the phone would ring and that someone would come and bother me!

VG is right i think - people assume that youre too *whatever* to approach and you end up way more isolated and alone than people think you should be.  this person is probably really glad that theyve found someone who likes them for who they are and not for their aesthetics or status.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to kiwisub12)
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RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/13/2010 6:58:50 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BKSir

The kind of person that you can only sit there and say "Okay, I know I'm not bad, but what in the green flaming christ could this person possibly fucking see in me!?"    That kind of intimidated.


It has only happened once. I said no way and my best friend told me I was nuts. I had a short list of reasons why it was impossible and she sat me down and had a heart to heart. We discussed why I felt that way and how off target my ideas were. I was never intimidated, but definitely uncertain and expecting the worst. In hindsight the situation allowed me to adjust my thinking in a few areas and kick a few fears to the curb while I was at it. Encountering the person you've described is an amazing experience and one that isn't easily dismissed. Sometimes they're pretty hard to forget.

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

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RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/13/2010 8:19:53 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2
moral of the story:  if this person wants to be with you, enjoys youre company, sees whatever they see in you as someone worth being with then dont drag the whole thing down with insecurity.  believe they are sincere and enjoy youreselves.

How perfectly you have written this lass. It sums up my thoughts precisely.


I agree with lally2 as well. I am fundamentally a very secure person and very little has ever intimidated me in life, least of all men.

When I see a man who I think is the cat's meow, I'm never concerned about whether or not he'll find me attractive, but rather how am I going to figure out if he does or not. If it turns out he's not interested, then no harm done, I just move on. Call it vanity perhaps, but I get over those for whom the interest is not reciprocated quite quickly. However, if he happens to be interested, he's in trouble ;-)

Now I'm generally interested in a man with a healthy, strong ego who is whip smart and charming. I can be in awe of the wonderful man that he is, his personal strength and ethic, his perseverance, his culture, his intelligence, his accomplishments. But I will never be intimidated by him as I know I can give back in kind.

- LA

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 6/13/2010 8:20:41 AM >

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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/13/2010 8:23:36 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I am an odd duck, while there are places in me that I don't feel super confident, I do feel confident as a whole person. That said, I have had partners that intimidated me, I mean if they don't, how special are they anyway.

Intellectually, an ex of mine was far more worldly and well read than I will ever be. Her parents were Berkeley intellectuals, she had relatives who were rather famous intellectuals and I used to joke that I felt like I was from the provinces when I was around them. I loved it at the same time it intimidated me, she taught me a great deal about art and without her I would never have the ability to make the beautiful toys that I do.

Of course, as many know, there is BSB. Seeing her strut through that airport for the first time, knowing how we had planned to do our first meeting, yeah I was a bit intimidated. I mean she looked like a damn movie star! I had to screw up enough courage to do it and well I must have found enough because we had a fun run.

I haven't seen the office of where my new partner lives but I am sure if I did it would evoke similar twinges of "who me". She is at the level where corporate recruiters fly to you to do the interview and I thought that was both hot and "uh what do you see in me again" since I am just finishing up school and starting on my new career.

I think if your partner doesn't intimidate you a bit, you aren't trying hard enough, you are picking off stragglers, something that I certainly did in my past. Take a risk, chase down the one too good for you, too handsome or too pretty, or too smart. Chances are you will intimidate them somewhere too.

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RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/13/2010 8:26:38 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		In the end, don't we all want someone a little bit, "better" than we are?

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

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