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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/15/2006 8:55:04 AM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: champagnewishes

I'm packing up to move and i keep taping my hand to the box.  As a result, i spend the rest of the day having to carry the box around.  It's really slowing me down.  What should i do?


Get your self a wagon.  Set the box in the wagon.  That way, there will be wheels under the box so it won't slow you down as you move around.  As an added benefit, you'll receive all kinds of attention that you normally wouldn't get.

This neighbor keeps walking his dog and not cleaning up the "souvenirs."  Several of us have tried to talk to him, but he glares at us and walks off.  Any advice on how to handle him?

(in reply to champagnewishes)
Profile   Post #: 201
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/15/2006 9:29:40 AM   
MyCaptainsPet


Posts: 219
Joined: 1/22/2006
Status: offline 		Pick up the doggy gifts and do one of two things... put them in a bag, light it on fire on his front steps and ring his bell... OR make a nice hearty soup out of it for the neighbor.

My fridge keeps freazing things, what should i do?

< Message edited by MyCaptainsPet -- 4/15/2006 9:30:11 AM >

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)
Profile   Post #: 202
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/15/2006 10:27:15 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

My fridge keeps freazing things, what should i do?


You can do one of two things. Either get some wood together and light it on fire inside the freezer to regulate the temperature or you can unplug it. That should solve the problem.


I need to clean my oven and I really hate that job. Is there an easy way to do this?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 203
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/15/2006 11:10:44 AM   
maybemaybenot


Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

I need to clean my oven and I really hate that job. Is there an easy way to do this?


Yep, there sure is. Take your stove outside and set it on the drive way or any flat surface and use a power washer.

I have a water stain mark on my coffee table, how do I remove it ?

                 mbmbn

_____________________________

Tolerance of evil is suicide.- NYC Firefighter

When tolerance is not reciprocated, tolerance becomes surrender.

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 204
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/15/2006 11:18:32 AM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		Take out the blow torch and make a burn mark next to it.  Next to that spill some red wine and leave it for a month.  Lemon juice should work nicely next to that.  Continue with various substances until the table is evenly marred.  Call it your "art" and make it a conversation piece.

My freezer is leaking water into my fridge.  Any suggestions?

(P.S.-  My laptop buttons fixed themselves this morning.  Weird.  I woke up and they worked again.)

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to maybemaybenot)
Profile   Post #: 205
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/15/2006 11:40:52 AM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		Personally, if this were me, I would turn down the fridge temp, put an ice cube tray underneath the leak, and have Martinis for dinner.

I put things in the oven, then when I take them out, I burn my hands!  How can I prevent this?

Yours,


benji

< Message edited by gooddogbenji -- 4/15/2006 11:41:21 AM >

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)
Profile   Post #: 206
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/15/2006 12:08:27 PM   
maybemaybenot


Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline 		before taking the food out, turn the oven off, open oven door, put a fan facing inward towards the food, set it on high for 1/2 hour and then remove food.

Is there anything besides nail polish remover I can use to get the nail polish off my nails?

                             mbmbn

(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 207
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/15/2006 12:10:45 PM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		For me, Hydrochloric Acid always worked wonders!  Solves the question of how to reapply it, too!

My watch stopped.  How do I fix it?

Yours,


benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to maybemaybenot)
Profile   Post #: 208
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/15/2006 12:30:54 PM   
murmur


Posts: 394
Joined: 9/26/2005
Status: offline 		Change batteries. You dont know how to do it? Then, use the left button to your up. If it doesnt work, press the button under it at the same time. If it doesnt work, try the button to your left. No? Press the button above it at the same time. Try using the 4 buttons at the same time.

Do the same process again until you lose patience and smash it against the wall. Laugh at yourself for not having looked at the instructions. And go buy yourself another watch.

What do i do to stop my dog from pooing all around the house?

(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 209
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/15/2006 12:40:34 PM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		Live on the street.

I spent all of my money on a new watch.  How can I get more?

Yours,


benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to murmur)
Profile   Post #: 210
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/15/2006 1:00:43 PM   
feylin


Posts: 182
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline 		Sell your old watch on Ebay.  List the condition as "like new," make the reserve low, make the shipping and handling charges add up to twice the amount you paid for your new watch.

How can I get my car to stop leaking oil?

(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 211
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/15/2006 1:11:53 PM   
FullCircle


Posts: 5713
Joined: 11/24/2005
Status: offline 		Remove all the oil and run the engine dry.

My toilet is blocked with a crocodile what should I do?

< Message edited by FullCircle -- 4/15/2006 1:13:14 PM >

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∞ ﮒuקּƹɼ ƾɛϰưϫԼ Ƨωιϯϲћ.

(in reply to feylin)
Profile   Post #: 212
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/15/2006 1:16:05 PM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		Don't worry about it!  Take the croc out and put him in your bed...  I hear they're actually nature's teddy bears!

My windows are dirty and I live on the 25th floor.  How do I clean them?

Yours,


benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to FullCircle)
Profile   Post #: 213
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/15/2006 1:32:08 PM   
Wulfchyld


Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline 		Wrap the doorman in paper towels, dip him in windex, tie a rope around his waist and push him from the roof. Vigorously swing him back and forth. Ta da! Clean windows.

Diesel is cheaper than gas now, can I use it instead?

(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 214
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/15/2006 1:36:00 PM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		Yeah, of course!  Question is, how are you gonna get the diesel inside you in the first place?

Sorry, couldn't resist the toilet humour.....

People avoid me because I don't believe in showering.  It angers the Gods of the Sacred Waters.  What can I do?

Yours,


benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to Wulfchyld)
Profile   Post #: 215
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/15/2006 1:38:19 PM   
Wulfchyld


Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline 		Strip naked and cover yourself in honey. Lay between several red ant hills. You will be sparkling clean.

I find it hard to retrieve silver wear from the disposal, what is the best approach?

(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 216
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/15/2006 2:00:44 PM   
wannawrapmylips


Posts: 2
Joined: 7/14/2004
Status: offline 		Well, rust never sleeps, so i would put a load of sleeping tablets in the toilet, rust will fall asleep and therefore have to cease to exist.

I need advice.  How do i get my dog to stop barking at the neighbors?

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 217
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/15/2006 5:17:51 PM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wannawrapmylips

I need advice.  How do i get my dog to stop barking at the neighbors?


Well, I'd hire an arsonist to burn their house down when they're not home.  That'll force them to move.   Then the dog will stop barking because he'll have no one to bark at.

I have this nosey neighbor who is always spying on me from behind her curtains.  Now I heard that she is spreading rumors about me because she's seen me with my new boyfriend, who is only 18.  I know she's just jealous.  Any advice on handling her?

(in reply to wannawrapmylips)
Profile   Post #: 218
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/15/2006 5:33:04 PM   
feylin


Posts: 182
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I find it hard to retrieve silver wear from the disposal, what is the best approach?


I take all my hand washables down to the river and beat them against a rock.  Kenmore has nothing on river rocks. 

Duke, the flaming rottweiler, refuses to stop trying to mount Nightmare, the male cat -- even with company present.  How do I explain this behavior to guests? 

(FYI:  the cat seems okay with the foreplay but never antes up when push comes to shove)






(in reply to Wulfchyld)
Profile   Post #: 219
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/15/2006 5:40:39 PM   
feylin


Posts: 182
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I have this nosey neighbor who is always spying on me from behind her curtains.  Now I heard that she is spreading rumors about me because she's seen me with my new boyfriend, who is only 18.  I know she's just jealous.  Any advice on handling her?


Fulfill as many of those rumors as possible and stop making your neighbor a liar....its just not friendly.  Show your friendly side and she'll come around.  She could be doing herself blind behind those curtains and what kind of neighbor does that make you!  Be nice to her while she can still see it.

same question:

Duke, the flaming rottweiler, refuses to stop trying to mount Nightmare, the male cat -- even with company present.  How do I explain this behavior to guests? 

(FYI:  the cat seems okay with the foreplay but never antes up when push comes to shove)

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)
Profile   Post #: 220
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