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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/19/2006 7:52:09 PM   
BreakingGlass


Posts: 565
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Spider-Skull Island
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji
My pen exploded when I nuked it.  What can I do to prevent this in the future?


...forgot to use protection?  That's what the reservoir tip is for.

I've finally mastered the lotus position, but now my legs are stuck this way.  How can I continue to indulge my love of Morris dancing?

(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 361
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/19/2006 8:41:57 PM   
wannawrapmylips


Posts: 2
Joined: 7/14/2004
Status: offline 		I would explain to anyone who asks that Duke is simply trying to establish domestic partner status to get in on Nightmare's excellent health benefit plan


I really do need advice!  How do I get rid of the "vanilla" cone next to my name?

(in reply to feylin)
Profile   Post #: 362
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/19/2006 9:58:51 PM   
Craftsman


Posts: 885
Joined: 6/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wannawrapmylips

I would explain to anyone who asks that Duke is simply trying to establish domestic partner status to get in on Nightmare's excellent health benefit plan


I really do need advice!  How do I get rid of the "vanilla" cone next to my name?


Next time you order an ice cream cone, order "Rocky Road" or "Chocolate Mint Chip" or something.

I need some advice, though --- my roof is leaking all over my computer every time it rains.  How do I take care of that without moving to another home?


_____________________________

You do not have to be perfect to be perfect.

(in reply to wannawrapmylips)
Profile   Post #: 363
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/20/2006 12:00:58 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I need some advice, though --- my roof is leaking all over my computer every time it rains.  How do I take care of that without moving to another home?


Get at least 17 electric heaters and aim them all at your computer so that the heat will evaporate any water that lands on it. Oh, it is best to use a small, thin extension cord and hardwire it into the panel box in your home, that way you will get a constant flow of heat without the bother of any stupid circut breakers tripping.

I really need to get to bed and I just can't seem to get off of the computer... please help me.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Craftsman)
Profile   Post #: 364
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/20/2006 12:40:48 AM   
sylphgossamer


Posts: 383
Joined: 1/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

I really need to get to bed and I just can't seem to get off of the computer... please help me.


just put your pillow and blanket on top of your cpu and stay on all night while you sleep. or you could shove the computer out the window, thereby taking care of the problem and getting a good night's sleep in your comfy bed.

my house has become a pain and the wildfires never reach here to alleviate my problem, what can i do?

_____________________________

got shoes?

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 365
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/20/2006 1:28:07 AM   
brightspot


Posts: 3052
Status: offline 		Drop a cigarette in the cushion of the couch and go shopping at Cost-Co.
 
I have a kink in my neck.

_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

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(in reply to sylphgossamer)
Profile   Post #: 366
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/20/2006 5:03:10 AM   
Mistrix


Posts: 186
Joined: 2/14/2006
Status: offline 		Throw in your ADVANCED TAE BO video and rock on, KICK it baby.

My kids drive me NUTS!!!!

(in reply to brightspot)
Profile   Post #: 367
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/20/2006 6:55:17 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

My kids drive me NUTS!!!!


Well mate, my libido drives me nuts. (Apologies to my Aussie friend, Iron Bear)

My advise...roast your nuts and enjoy the ride.

Taking today (4/20) off to celebrate, need to know the best way to do so.



(in reply to Mistrix)
Profile   Post #: 368
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/20/2006 1:52:06 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Taking today (4/20) off to celebrate, need to know the best way to do so.



Go to your police department and march right in and light up a fat one. Stand there and taunt them, daring them to do something to you because it is 4/20 You will meet all sorts of new people and the police might even give you a room to sleep in if you are nice.


My car needs a tune-up and I really can't aford one, is there something that I can do to tune my car up myself? Keep in mind that I know little about cars.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 369
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/20/2006 2:00:18 PM   
RubberWitch


Posts: 1368
Joined: 7/27/2005
Status: offline 		take your car into the shop, get it checked out, whilst sporting an unliked neighbours plates. When you go to pick it up, get a tailpipe whistle from a joke shop, and slide it in. Test out the engine, and ask what that whistling is. As the mechanics track it to the tail pipe, stick it in gear. Go return your neighbours plates, grab a cold one, sit back and watch the police turn up.

I need to make a quick couple of hundred, and am a weeny bit too old to whore my arse out. How do I convince c to turn tricks for me?

J

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 370
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/20/2006 9:54:05 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I need to make a quick couple of hundred, and am a weeny bit too old to whore my arse out. How do I convince c to turn tricks for me?


Thorazine. Duh.


I am getting tired of hearing traffic go by in my neighborhood. What can I do?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to RubberWitch)
Profile   Post #: 371
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/20/2006 10:01:58 PM   
thegirlincharge


Posts: 68
Joined: 4/1/2006
Status: offline 		Set up large police barracades at each end of your block. They can be easily stolen from the nearest crime scene.

I haven't had an orgasm in 2 days...what should I do???

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 372
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/20/2006 10:12:08 PM   
dorsaisgirl1


Posts: 156
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		use a wet dry vacume. and smile
       i think i have hemroids and would like to try a home remedy any ideas

(in reply to thegirlincharge)
Profile   Post #: 373
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/20/2006 10:13:43 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I haven't had an orgasm in 2 days...what should I do???


Take out a one minute ad on your local TV station explaining your dilema. Invite people to call on you at home to help.


I am tired of standing in lines for things... Someone give me an alternative please.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to thegirlincharge)
Profile   Post #: 374
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/20/2006 10:15:42 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

i think i have hemroids and would like to try a home remedy any ideas


Get an electric knife and a hand mirror and saw away at those annoying suckers.

I am tired of standing in lines for things... Someone give me an alternative please.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to dorsaisgirl1)
Profile   Post #: 375
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/20/2006 11:39:33 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:


I am tired of standing in lines for things... Someone give me an alternative please.


Kneel

What's a proper tip for the pizza delivery guy?

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 376
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/21/2006 8:30:21 AM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

What's a proper tip for the pizza delivery guy?
\

Marry him.  (hey, my sister did it!  Guy came to the door, and a year later, they were married)
 
How can I keep our cats from walking all over me?

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 377
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/21/2006 12:30:14 PM   
AngelaK


Posts: 101
Joined: 2/27/2006
Status: offline 		Duh. Cut off their legs.

I want to spend a lot of money to get my lawn landscaped and the dumbass landscapers won't even show up to give me a bid much less to do the job. What should I do?

_____________________________

AngelaK
_______
When choosing between two evils, I always like to pick the one I never tried before.

Mae West

Spanking is love, and scolding is affection.

Chinese Proverb

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 378
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/21/2006 12:37:38 PM   
Wulfchyld


Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I want to spend a lot of money to get my lawn landscaped and the dumbass landscapers won't even show up to give me a bid much less to do the job. What should I do?



All too easy. Buy 3 bottles of Mad dog 20/20 and lawn tools. Find 3 guys with "will work for food" signs, which is really a cryptic message which means, "will landscape for cheap wine". Problem solved and mega bucks saved.

which is cheaper, a divorce or a toaster in the bath tub?

_____________________________________________________________
Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!

(in reply to AngelaK)
Profile   Post #: 379
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/21/2006 12:53:07 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

which is cheaper, a divorce or a toaster in the bath tub?


The toaster in the bathtub. It's a waste of a good toaster but at least you won't need lawyers.

My back hurts today. Anything that I can do to relieve the pain?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Wulfchyld)
Profile   Post #: 380
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