RE: i need some advice please

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LadyPact -> RE: i need some advice please (6/24/2010 9:20:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lucky2beyours91 i see what you are saying...but what do you mean by saying something at first and changing what he said? i'm confused by that because we haven't even talked about poly and me and his slaves relationship which is why this is so confusing. He usually talks to me about everything, so i know he had a point...a reason not to :/. Maybe it could be as simple as me asking " what do you want my relationship between Your slave and me to be?" ..i don't know i'm just thinking of stuff to come up with my next training session isn't until july 6. You're spinning your wheels. You are involved with a man who is poly. He has more than one relationship. Even if you're 'just friends' with his slave, it's still poly. I also happen to be poly. I have a primary relationship with My husband (no power exchange) and I have a slave. When I say primary relationship, that's exactly what I mean. I don't say I love them equally or that they have the same value in My life. Now, I could pat My boy on the head and tell him that they both mean the same thing to Me, just so he wouldn't feel bad. That doesn't make it true and it's going to show in My actions sooner or later. I don't make any bones about this. That is the situation that My slave had to accept in order to be collared to Me. If I take on another sub, that sub isn't going to hold the same place in My life as My slave. That's the hierarchy of it. I can't say if this is how your Master feels about it or not. While it sounds very similar to how I run things here, I can't say because I can't read his mind and neither can anyone else. You need to talk to him. Any additional energy that you put into this until you do so is pretty much wasted in My opinion. Nobody has the ability to tell you what your Master thinks except your Master.

lucky2beyours91 -> RE: i need some advice please (6/24/2010 9:23:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: lucky2beyours91 i see what you are saying...but what do you mean by saying something at first and changing what he said? i'm confused by that because we haven't even talked about poly and me and his slaves relationship which is why this is so confusing. He usually talks to me about everything, so i know he had a point...a reason not to :/. Maybe it could be as simple as me asking " what do you want my relationship between Your slave and me to be?" ..i don't know i'm just thinking of stuff to come up with my next training session isn't until july 6. You're spinning your wheels. You are involved with a man who is poly. He has more than one relationship. Even if you're 'just friends' with his slave, it's still poly. I also happen to be poly. I have a primary relationship with My husband (no power exchange) and I have a slave. When I say primary relationship, that's exactly what I mean. I don't say I love them equally or that they have the same value in My life. Now, I could pat My boy on the head and tell him that they both mean the same thing to Me, just so he wouldn't feel bad. That doesn't make it true and it's going to show in My actions sooner or later. I don't make any bones about this. That is the situation that My slave had to accept in order to be collared to Me. If I take on another sub, that sub isn't going to hold the same place in My life as My slave. That's the hierarchy of it. I can't say if this is how your Master feels about it or not. While it sounds very similar to how I run things here, I can't say because I can't read his mind and neither can anyone else. You need to talk to him. Any additional energy that you put into this until you do so is pretty much wasted in My opinion. Nobody has the ability to tell you what your Master thinks except your Master. You're right.

January -> RE: i need some advice please (6/24/2010 9:24:47 AM)
quote: we haven't even talked about poly Hi lucky, Okay maybe I'm taking this statement out of context, but these are things he should be talking to you about. As far as questions to ask him: how do you see my future with you? What is my position with you? What lesson should I take home form you pointing out slave before sub? Is is selfish to have non-positive feelings about my relationship with you? Do you see me as a sexual partner? Depending on what he says and does, you need to ask yourself: Do I want to have this man long-term? Do I want to be in a poly relationship? Do I want sex? Do I want to transition to slavery? And if you're not happy: Is the pleasure worth the pain? Would I rather be in bad partnership than be alone? Sorry, I have to take off now, but I'll come back later to see if you have further questions... January

lucky2beyours91 -> RE: i need some advice please (6/24/2010 9:25:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW quote: ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom Darling Savage, this is just more pure crap from you being spewed out, based on your preferances and judgments. Some people are Poly, If you're a poly couple the new girl, is not hurting a thing by simply being in the relationship. She's most likely a welcome edition to both the man AND the WIFE. So just because you apparently have something against poly, you claim she's butting into a exsisting relationship, or harming another ladies relationship, and that's just plain wrong to paint your personal preferences, judgments, and opinions about poly onto someone else. Unless of course I am missing something and the wife is not the slave being mentioned when he says slave before sub. quote: ORIGINAL: DarlingSavage Also, what about that wife of his? How do you think this makes her feel? Have you tried putting yourself in her place? I mean, you obviously don't have THAT much respect for her position cause you're still hanging around. TfB -- the wife -isn't- the slave. The wife is another dominant, who, if I remember the earlier post, has another/others who submit to her. The slave belongs to the husband, and, I believe, lives with the husband and wife. It's a complex D/D-run poly household, in any case, though -- everyone is aware of what's going on, nobody is being lied to or cheated on, and I agree with your comment that there is absolutely NO indication that the OP's involvement is destructive to the marriage or to the existing slave relationship in any way. Calla ^^^

lucky2beyours91 -> RE: i need some advice please (6/24/2010 9:27:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: January quote: we haven't even talked about poly Hi lucky, Okay maybe I'm taking this statement out of context, but these are things he should be talking to you about. As far as questions to ask him: how do you see my future with you? What is my position with you? What lesson should I take home form you pointing out slave before sub? Is is selfish to have non-positive feelings about my relationship with you? Do you see me as a sexual partner? Depending on what he says and does, you need to ask yourself: Do I want to have this man long-term? Do I want to be in a poly relationship? Do I want sex? Do I want to transition to slavery? And if you're not happy: Is the pleasure worth the pain? Would I rather be in bad partnership than be alone? Sorry, I have to take off now, but I'll come back later to see if you have further questions... January Yeah, some of those questions definitely need asking..others i know the answer to. Others i think will just show in time. i do fully trust Him...but i will ask questions as that Domme said up there..i just have to ask Him and talk to Him... i don't think anything else is really going to help me.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: i need some advice please (6/24/2010 9:42:25 AM)
quote: Just for the record, I don't think I've ever met a 19 year old who hasn't said this LOL I'd want to go and read all my posts to be sure, but actually the only times I can recall saying this is when some older person tried to convince me (and I thought they were just trying to flatter me or make me feel special) or when an older person did try to pull the "age" card and use that as some ridiculous excuse as to why I couldn't know who I was or make my own choices. Nowadays they tend to use the "switch" card instead as justification. The only thing I can say now is that, after my experience, I realize I really WAS/AM unique in my world perspective and maturity and can only hope by age 50 that my peers will have done some catching up.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: i need some advice please (6/24/2010 9:45:02 AM)
Fast reply- OP talk to your dom. We don't say communication is vital just to fill empty space- we MEAN it. And if you let your fear of being imperfect, your fear or not fitting into what he needs take over and keep you from communicating- then the relationship is already dead. You need to ask what on earth he means by "not be selfish" because that is a totally empty and possibly very destructive statement on its own. You're out of the wading pool and it's time you guys seriously had some discussions about how this WILL work and what he DOES hope to accomplish. Also, I recognize for now you feel a need to keep separate lives, but please keep the door open to realize that the majority of slaves look and act like any vanilla person 90% of the time. There's no need to create a divide unless you want one.

lucky2beyours91 -> RE: i need some advice please (6/24/2010 10:00:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Fast reply- OP talk to your dom. We don't say communication is vital just to fill empty space- we MEAN it. And if you let your fear of being imperfect, your fear or not fitting into what he needs take over and keep you from communicating- then the relationship is already dead. You need to ask what on earth he means by "not be selfish" because that is a totally empty and possibly very destructive statement on its own. You're out of the wading pool and it's time you guys seriously had some discussions about how this WILL work and what he DOES hope to accomplish. Also, I recognize for now you feel a need to keep separate lives, but please keep the door open to realize that the majority of slaves look and act like any vanilla person 90% of the time. There's no need to create a divide unless you want one. Thank You for helping me out. i think i can go off of that easily so thanks! And, yeah the more and more i learn the more i see the divide eventually i won't be able to create.

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: i need some advice please (6/24/2010 10:01:59 AM)
quote: Also, I recognize for now you feel a need to keep separate lives, but please keep the door open to realize that the majority of slaves look and act like any vanilla person 90% of the time. I had to quote this, because it may be one of the most profound truths of living in any alternative structure, whether it's authority-based, kink-based, spirituality-based, etc. Most of the people who have fringe elements in their lives look, act, and function just like the mainstream population. We hold down jobs, take out the trash, wear situation-appropriate clothing, love, read, dance, dream, and go to the bathroom just like anyone else. That 10% consumes so much of the outside world's attention sometimes that even we forget that we're people first, and that most of the time it is functionally impossible to tell the difference between me and, say, any of my female co-workers... unless I make it a point to stand out (which I do sometimes, just for kicks and giggles...) but we get to CHOOSE how much of that 10% we let people see... and letting it come naturally is easiest. Calla

LafayetteLady -> RE: i need some advice please (6/24/2010 9:22:48 PM)
Lucky, You actually have quite a few things to sort out. Some of them before you even talk with him. You talk about maintaining "two separate lives." That's exhausting. You say you are with him to learn. So have you placed a time limit on when that will end and you will venture out on your own to find someone more your age? Now I'm not saying that because of the age difference, but at the same time, I am. What, exactly is it that you want out of your future? I won't deny, that I find the not just the age difference, but the whole situation to potentially be counterproductive. But that isn't what the age difference really means. What do you want for YOUR future? Do you want to be with someone who you can eventually have a one on one relationship and have children with? Because, let's be honest, that isn't likely to happen here. Which is why you keep hearing "protect your heart." In my opinion, your gut doesn't really want to share, but you are trying to push that feeling away. Yes, your youth comes into play here, because it takes time and life experience to learn to listen to your gut to be happy. You say that he wants you to share everything with him, but YOU are having a problem with that. Have you figured out why? You say that you can be hyper sensitive. That isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes our sensitivity is telling us something that we don't want to admit. Because of how you are feeling, it is really necessary that you come clean with him. And I mean no holding back, telling him absolutely everything you are feeling. Maybe he can help you work through it. But don't assume that because you are submissive that your feelings should be squashed down for his happiness. In the end, if you aren't happy, it isn't going to work. One thing to learn to listen to is how YOU feel, to analyze YOUR feelings, and do it on your own. Sure, speak with him and get his input, because you are in a relationship with him, but in the end, you need to follow your gut feelings, because at the end of the day, only YOU will make yourself happy. Changing who you are at your core is rarely going to bring you future happiness. Now, having said that, I want to make it clear that while a poly relationship is not something I would ever want, many people are happy in them and my view is that is great....for them. But I have seen far too many posts where (mostly woman) are breaking the backs trying to be happy in a poly relationship becasue "he" wants them to and the result is never positive for the woman in those cases. So figure out how long you expect to "learn" from him, what you want to learn from him and what you want for yourself in your future. If all of those things all mesh together and point to this relationship, then work AT YOUR PACE to make it work. As much as our partners may want us to be on the same page with them at all times, some of us may take longer to get there than our partners may like, but if the relationship is going to work, then everyone has to accept that. So maybe before talking with him about just this one issue, you should sit down (especially since you have the time) and figure out what you want and where you want to be 10 years from now. I'm not ragging on the age issue, but if you see children in your future, and you don't see nursemaid, you need to set your own personal tme limit for how long your "education" in this should take. You also need to remember that regardless of what he teaches you, when you move on, the next guy may want you to "know" all different things, so what you have "learned" could be useless.

DarlingSavage -> RE: i need some advice please (6/24/2010 10:00:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom Darling Savage, this is just more pure crap from you being spewed out, based on your preferances and judgments. Some people are Poly, If you're a poly couple the new girl, is not hurting a thing by simply being in the relationship. She's most likely a welcome edition to both the man AND the WIFE. So just because you apparently have something against poly, you claim she's butting into a exsisting relationship, or harming another ladies relationship, and that's just plain wrong to paint your personal preferences, judgments, and opinions about poly onto someone else. Unless of course I am missing something and the wife is not the slave being mentioned when he says slave before sub. quote: ORIGINAL: DarlingSavage Also, what about that wife of his? How do you think this makes her feel? Have you tried putting yourself in her place? I mean, you obviously don't have THAT much respect for her position cause you're still hanging around. Listen up, I don't have a problem with poly situations, they're not for me, but I don't judge people that choose that path for themselves. I was trying to help the OP articulate questions that she may need to ask for herself. I was also very concerned for her being a 19 yr old with a 50 yr old man. I've discussed this with the OP in private and she does understand where I'm coming from, but jeezlouise, girl, you got some nerve talking that way to me.

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