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LafayetteLady -> RE: i need some advice please (6/22/2010 11:13:26 PM)
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Ok, so now I have read all 9 pages, very little of which consisted of advice to the OP.
Now I see that his wife is aware, so that problem doesn't exist. You being third on the priority list still does though. You have to determine if you can handle that. There was one other thing said by the OP that I think she should be concerned about. lucky, you mentioned that his slave isn't a swinger, but that he is making her do it. Now, forgetting about limits or no limits because she is a slave, reality is that this is something that should have been discussed prior to them becoming master/slave. Him making her do it reaks of manipulation. Perhaps it was poor wording on your part, but it isn't right to force someone to be poly.
The reason I mention this is because manipulation is an undesirable characteristic. It is one thing to be guided, or to have limits pushed that you already knew you wanted pushed. Even introducing someone to something they may not have considered so they can see how they feel about it are all ok. But "making" someone do something by using your position of power to override earlier agreements is not cool.
Now, I'm not going to get into the whole issue of my opinion regarding the age difference. What I am going to say is you are NEW to the lifestyle. In that way, you are "young." You would be "young" like that if you were 19, 25 or 45. When things are new, it's like a kid's first time at Disney World. You want to do everything all at once. It's all new and exciting. Because of this it can be very easy for someone to manipulate you into doing things that you might really not want to do.
I'm not saying poly is wrong. For some people it isn't. But a D/s relationship is intense and what I do see is you questioning your feelings. Feelings that are completely natural and normal, and saying you are worried he will see you as being "selfish." Having the feeling of wanting to be close to someone you have deep feelings for isn't selfish. Not wanting to sit and watch as that closeness is given to someone else isn't selfish either. They are, however, indicators that poly relationships might really not be for you.
As I said before, being in a BDSM relationship doesn't mean that if you are a sub, your feelings make you selfish or even insecure. As you have or will see on these boards, there are a great many people who will not accept a poly relationship, no matter how great the "head" of that family will be (using that term to cover both female and male led situations). For myself, I know that I would never be happy. In fact, I met a man several years ago who seemed perfect in every way. Our lives kept us apart for a while, and when we talked again, he had developed a poly household. He invited me to join as the alpha, and still I said no.
The point is that you need to think about what you want. As odd as it may sound, it isn't all about him. You need to be happy as well, and multiple relationships are a bit harder to force yourself to adjust to than say, him wanting you to cook him liver and onions and you hate the smell. So if you are going to "deal with it" then you need to pull back a little bit. Why? Because whether or not you are a sub, it sounds like you have yourself in a position where protecting your heart wouldn't be the worst idea in the world. In time, maybe you can let it go little by little, but right now, yes, you do need to be very sure, and you need to talk to him about it and think long and hard if he tells you that you are being selfish.
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