RE: i need some advice please

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juliaoceania -> RE: i need some advice please (6/22/2010 12:47:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania It takes someone in control over themselves to say "hey, we can be friends, but you are too young for me, how about we hang out, and I introduce you to people I know" You know, you evidence an interesting bias here Julia. In your mind, you're clearly thinking that youth and sex are major determining factors. That is not so for all of us. I would not have take me any control whatsoever to say that to you. It would've been a simple statement of fact and my lack of interest in a young woman. It's probably also worth noting that I swore I would never own a pixel slave, yet I have one. Why? Because I met a woman who I assessed as legitimately seeking to understand herself and I didn't want to throw her to the wolves in Secondlife. Why did I collar her rather than simply mentor her from afar? Because in my assessment, given what she needed to learn, she needed and wanted experience, not theory. In short, it was a highly altruistic move although not without it's own charms from my stand point... I really do love the woman. Why must everything be so... well... base? My world isn't like that. I am saying that the men i encountered as a youngin' assessed my suitability for a relationship, and even though I had ass length blonde hair, D cup, weighed `135 and was 5 foot 10, they passed... they passed because they saw me as a kid, and I was a kid. Not all teens are the same. I had a friend who married a man 35 years older than her... we went to school together, they were married until he passed away. I did not judge that, although her hubby freely admitted it might have not been the best decision...They did love each other, and they were happy. I am addressing this thread, this relationship, this situation... if things are so hunky doory, why is she asking us about this? Sad thing is, she probably will keep it to herself next time....

leadership527 -> RE: i need some advice please (6/22/2010 12:48:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW It can tend to throw the discussion 'off track' so to speak. You think? laughs

AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: i need some advice please (6/22/2010 12:48:41 PM)
Re-Read the OP Julia. You missed where she says she is hypersensitive and recently has been feeling genuinely attracted to this Master as MORE than what it has been before. While exerting this attraction he made it clear to her that the slave holds that place in his house and that she is overstepping her bounds. "slave before submisisve" You heard what you wanted to in the OP and ignored what is actually going on. You saw a relationship and ignored the lines that he master had drawn with slave and sub having seperate places in his house. She is wanting more than was originally negotiated and is seeing what she wasn't getting and in a way ignoreing what she was getting. This created a situation where she started to flounder and came here instead of to her Master for guidance and YES I did chastize her for that, and stand behind that, If she wants to be a GOOD SUBMISSIVE then she needs to be transparent to her Master and give him the opportunity to guide her through this, also because if he handles it poorly she can see the way this man handles her needs. If he guides her through it and she gets past it then she knows that her surrender is well placed, if he snaps and punishes her for doubting him and ignores the actual problem then hopefully she learns what she means to him and will have to make the decision if that is worth it or not. QSM

lucky2beyours91 -> RE: i need some advice please (6/22/2010 12:49:50 PM)
To think everything is 100 percent ok in every relationship is to live in denial, excuse me for being human and having SOME issues. if anything i am taking the mature route and figuring it out...which is proving my age has nothing to do if i am well suited enough to be in this kind of relationship.

juliaoceania -> RE: i need some advice please (6/22/2010 12:52:27 PM)
So you do not see a lack of experience as a possible issue here? I mean life experience? You don't think that he has even more of an obligation to her for her lack of experience, making sure he does not bind her emotionally to him... We differ here, i think a 50 yr old man should know better than to get into the head of a 19 year old and not be prepared for the emotional blow back

lucky2beyours91 -> RE: i need some advice please (6/22/2010 12:53:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW quote: ORIGINAL: lucky2beyours91 i assure you, i am much more mature than many 19 year olds my age. i am afraid you are letting my age get to you more than it should...i am sure your advice would be way different if i was like 30. To me, age doesn't matter so your input is giving me nothing..................lol If I might make a suggestion... in the future, perhaps it would be better not to mention ages, especially if the age thing isn't relevant to the discussion. It can tend to throw the discussion 'off track' so to speak. Calla Good advice, thank You. - i think i basically have more than enough advice now to go on and figure it out. Thank Y/you to all of Y/you! <3

Viridana -> RE: i need some advice please (6/22/2010 12:53:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lucky2beyours91 i assure you, i am much more mature than many 19 year olds my age. i am afraid you are letting my age get to you more than it should...i am sure your advice would be way different if i was like 30. To me, age doesn't matter so your input is giving me nothing..................lol Some people like to project, don't take it (or them) personally. Just because they were immature and stupid when they were 19, they presume that everyone else is/was. Amazing though when said people preach from their high seat of self-proclaimed maturity and experience, they often lack the communicational skills and verbalization needed to convince the waylead youth, although one would think that maturity and experience would already have brought them said skills.

lucky2beyours91 -> RE: i need some advice please (6/22/2010 12:57:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Viridana quote: ORIGINAL: lucky2beyours91 i assure you, i am much more mature than many 19 year olds my age. i am afraid you are letting my age get to you more than it should...i am sure your advice would be way different if i was like 30. To me, age doesn't matter so your input is giving me nothing..................lol Some people like to project, don't take it (or them) personally. Just because they were immature and stupid when they were 19, they presume that everyone else is/was. Amazing though when said people preach from their high seat of self-proclaimed maturity and experience, they often lack the communicational skills and verbalization needed to convince the waylead youth, although one would think that maturity and experience would already have brought them said skills. Eh, really...the last thing i wanted to talk about in here was if my age is ok or just about my age in general i really don't care if my age seems ok or not..., because i feel it is, therefor it doesn't really matter shrugs

juliaoceania -> RE: i need some advice please (6/22/2010 1:00:51 PM)
quote: excuse me for being human and having SOME issues. We are all human, we all have issues...

leadership527 -> RE: i need some advice please (6/22/2010 1:01:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania I am saying that the men i encountered as a youngin' assessed my suitability for a relationship, and even though I had ass length blonde hair, D cup, weighed `135 and was 5 foot 10, they passed... they passed because they saw me as a kid, and I was a kid. No, I got that. You said it'd take "control" though. I'm telling you it has not, and would not, take control for me. Passing such a young vision of sexuality by would take about as much control as turning down a food I hate. My point was that you seem to make assumptions about men that are not always justified.

juliaoceania -> RE: i need some advice please (6/22/2010 1:06:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania I am saying that the men i encountered as a youngin' assessed my suitability for a relationship, and even though I had ass length blonde hair, D cup, weighed `135 and was 5 foot 10, they passed... they passed because they saw me as a kid, and I was a kid. No, I got that. You said it'd take "control" though. I'm telling you it has not, and would not, take control for me. Passing such a young vision of sexuality by would take about as much control as turning down a food I hate. My point was that you seem to make assumptions about men that are not always justified. I responded to a post of a 19 yr old who came here and told us 1. He puts her second 2. this makes her feel bad for some reason she is having trouble articulating 3. He gets into her head and has her spill out her emotions 4. he makes it clear that she is distanced emotionally from him by physically distancing her 5. this dom posts and scolds HER because she is confused,makes an alias, and asks for advice 6. He then dogs on someone else that "judges" the situation based upon the way she is reading it 7. I quote him and tell him that he has gall to judge DS for contributing her judgments, when he has spouted some of his own.. and I agreed with DS 8. the person asking advice likes his because he elevates her master and this feeds her desire to submit the this guy.... That is the lay of the land

AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: i need some advice please (6/22/2010 1:07:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania So you do not see a lack of experience as a possible issue here? I mean life experience? You don't think that he has even more of an obligation to her for her lack of experience, making sure he does not bind her emotionally to him... We differ here, i think a 50 yr old man should know better than to get into the head of a 19 year old and not be prepared for the emotional blow back I see.... So then how do you see Teachers in General? Is it okay because what they do isn't sexually based? julia I get the point you are making, and yes it could be potentially dangerous, but your point of view requires her the submissive in question to be prey of some kind, that the Dominant in question is preying on this girl. Maybe his is, but the girl has made HER choice, to be with him, to submit to him, and I respect her choice. If he breaks her heart it will be once in what is sure to be quite a few in her lifetime. What you suggest is that this 19 year old girl does not have the mental capasity to have made this decision on her own, that the 50 year old man has tricked her into this somehow. When I was young I wanted someone older because I felt that people my own age could not hold my interest, this was true for the most part. If I followed your idea I would be single until I was the same age as the people I am attracted to now. If I am 19 to 79 I am attracted to the same things in people, and these are usually not things that can be found in women until the reach a certain age. I happen to get lucky and met someone who like me was way beyond their years and we hit it off and married. But had I not met her I am sure that I would still be out dating women 20 to 30 years my senior. Why do you discount her so much? Why is she not able to decide that what she is attracted to is a knowledge and wisdom that usually comes from having lived a life already. I would consider what she is doing is cutting out the bullshit that often comes from the youth dating world. I never had to experience the things that my buddies talked about with getting dumped for another guy, or finding out that whole drunk she made out with my best friend, or that she just didn't really know how she felt about someone else until she got with me and longed for them. I never had to deal with that shit. Everything was pretty honest and straight forward and in the end although it ended it was still something worth doing. I just wonder if you can see this as two people making a MUTUAL decision. QSM

juliaoceania -> RE: i need some advice please (6/22/2010 1:16:17 PM)
quote: So then how do you see Teachers in General? Is it okay because what they do isn't sexually based? I am in grad school, the chair of my committee and I have the hots for each other. We cannot take that anywhere because it is against the code of ethics for our university and the discipline we both love. We can acknowledge it, but we dare not act on it, because it is wrong... quote: Maybe his is, but the girl has made HER choice, to be with him, to submit to him, and I respect her choice. If he breaks her heart it will be once in what is sure to be quite a few in her lifetime. Yeah, it is her choice, I said that too.... quote: What you suggest is that this 19 year old girl does not have the mental capasity to have made this decision on her own, that the 50 year old man has tricked her into this somehow. When I was young I wanted someone older because I felt that people my own age could not hold my interest, this was true for the most part. If I followed your idea I would be single until I was the same age as the people I am attracted to now. In our culture young women often romanticize relationships.... especially teenage ones, I am not saying this gal has.... I don't know. But if she has, he might not even know it because she might hide it from him, why? He might decide to dump her if he got wind she was getting romantically attached... this is a very dangerous situation for a dominant to put himself in... quote: Why do you discount her so much? Why is she not able to decide that what she is attracted to is a knowledge and wisdom that usually comes from having lived a life already. Notice someting... i never called this gal a "girl". I never condescended to her... I never said she was immature.

LadyPact -> RE: i need some advice please (6/22/2010 1:39:12 PM)
Damn near all of the advice that I would give the OP has already been given by Calla. One key piece that she presented is that this is very often now hierarchical poly works. There is a difference between the primary and the secondary. They aren't treated as equals. In fact, it can be more hurtful not to make statements such as 'slaves before submissives', because then the submissive does not get the reinforcement that the hierarchy exists. It keeps everyone reaffirmed of exactly what their place is in the household and prevents confusion on the matter. Considering the information on the situation presented (yes, I'm including the age and inexperience of the OP in the matter) this is one of the best methods that could be used. It keeps the OP grounded in how things really are, rather than what might be created in her own mind if such methods weren't employed. It takes a very special kind of person to be a secondary. At some point, they have to process their emotions about it in order to embrace it. That does include coming to terms with the reality of not being a primary and to find the joy in having the position that they hold in the house just the same. For some, getting past that hurdle allows them to deepen in their submission and actually become more secure. It is another barrier that they break through in order to let go and submit. This doesn't mean that they struggle with it alone. My best advice to the OP is to talk to her Master about her feelings. If you are unsure of how to approach it, you may wish to show him this thread. I'd even use I highlighter on printed pages to cross out the stuff that you feel doesn't partain to the situation for easier reading for him. Then, discuss the matter. You may endure a bit of scolding for not coming to him first, but I'm not going to advocate you hiding it from him. Best of luck.

DarlingSavage -> RE: i need some advice please (6/22/2010 1:46:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan See this is one of those places where now that I have done a little research and gotten to know a little more about the Dominant involved all the "Mean Nasty Dom" shit that some of you are spouting is just fucking retarded. Villify a Man for taking someone under his wing, Make the man a predator when in reality he just offered what he has learned in 35 years to someone who was looking for what he had to offer. It's easy to be a Monster in some of your eyes. Most of you are so far below this situation that all you can do is look up and wonder. She is Young, that isn't her fault, but tell me what would you rather? Her be with some 20 something DOm who doesn't know his shit and get screwed over and used as a fuck toy for someone still following a fucking fantasy or would you rather this young girl get an education that is based on a life of experience. All of you that are treating her like a rag doll for some walking cock have NO IDEA what she is living, He dominant checks out and passes the only test I have and that is that people I know, know who he is. He is far from a walking cock, he is as genuine as any one of you, more so in some respects, because he can be verified in my world. All things considered maybe you should see what would be a GOOD reason for someone who is 19 to be with someone and dedicate themselves to them when they are 50? You think it's all sex and perversion? Do you think that little of the OP to think that there could not be anything deeper than that? Seriously what the hell is wrong with some of you people. QSM Well birds of a feather, shame on you. Your words above do not justify sexual predation of children. Sorry. quote: she's not a swinger and He has introduced her into the world of that... and she has literally given everything to Him. She depends 100 percent on Him. Of course she is going to feel a bit uneasy. i try to put myself in her shoes... if i was in her position i'd be a little worried too having a good looking 19 year old come... she probably talked to Him about it and i doubt blame her. Luckily, the last thing i'd ever do is become in the way of Their relationship .......i guess i should show that respect. The fact is... she doesn't know me well enough to know i am not like that... how could she is? she will find out eventually what my intentions are and hopefully respect each other as i am sure we will. And, my Master is very high protocol ... sitting away is just part of protocol even though it did hurt my feelings and i do need to talk to Him about it. If you're having sex with her husband, then you are interfering in their marriage. I can only imagine how hurtful your presence must be to her. quote: Some of us are parents, and remember what being 19 was... As someone with a penchant for older men (not grandpas, but father figures) I was lucky none of them took me up on hints that I offered in demonstrating interest in them.... It takes someone in control over themselves to say "hey, we can be friends, but you are too young for me, how about we hang out, and I introduce you to people I know" Why does he need to own her? I'm in that parent category, I have a daughter not much older than this girl. Also, I was a girl that a 33 yr old man took me up on my offers, when I was 14, the impact that that "relationship" had on me was not a good one. I know what it felt like, I know what it feels like. I know what can happen. So I'm not coming from a place of ignorance.

PeanutTigerinBox -> RE: i need some advice please (6/22/2010 1:46:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania Notice someting... i never called this gal a "girl". I never condescended to her... I never said she was immature. well, you didn't call her immature, but you do claim her to be naive [8\|] quote: #48 I have a son that is this young woman's age. He is mature, he is awesome, and he has a lot of sense, but he is still only 19... and yeah, it bugs me too that some grandpa is taking advantage of her youth and naivety.

PeanutTigerinBox -> RE: i need some advice please (6/22/2010 1:55:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarlingSavage I'm in that parent category, I have a daughter not much older than this girl. Also, I was a girl that a 33 yr old man took me up on my offers, when I was 14, the impact that that "relationship" had on me was not a good one. I know what it felt like, I know what it feels like. I know what can happen. So I'm not coming from a place of ignorance. LOL...makes me wonder how many more indirect accusations are coming out here [8\|] quite frankly there is a difference if a guy starts something with a 14 year old or a 19 year old...no need to go down that category. And I also know both versions of such an experience, but I don't put it in that category, as after all, she is an adult (even when some people like to ignore that fact). So that comparison sucks. Regarding previous comments that it would take responsibility not to move on with someone that young...quite frankly that doesn't mean that this would leave her "safe" as after all you don't know what jerk instead she might run into....therefore it can be beneficial, IF he is a responsible person to guide her until she knows exactly what she is looking for and wants in her life as a Ltr....doesn't make him to a preditor to be that age.

DarlingSavage -> RE: i need some advice please (6/22/2010 1:55:12 PM)
quote: Also remembers at what age I was aware of myself sexually I was aware of myself sexually at the age of 5, do you think some grown man should have come along to train me in the carnal arts at that age? Cause I might have gotten hurt just "playing doctor" with my little girlfriends since none of us had any real "experience".

AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: i need some advice please (6/22/2010 1:56:41 PM)
quote: Well birds of a feather, shame on you. Your words above do not justify sexual predation of children. Sorry. And so you assume that the only way this worked is with him preying on her, she was helpless and he came to her and offered her candy right? Did it not occur to you that maybe she found him, made her desire known and then showed dedication in wanting it? I have no idea how it happened but I don't assume that there was "predation" of Anyone in this senario. And I'm sorry the state and country recognized her as an adult at 18 and so at 19 there is no doubt in my mind that you want to see her as a child but the country agrees that she isn't one. Just cause you want to coddle the age of a person does not mean that they need it. Mother your own children and leave those that are out there trying to make their way in the world who don't need it alone. My God, at what age is a person able to make up thier own mind for you people? At what age will you allow your children to make their own decisions. At what age would it be okay to be with somone who is 50. At 25? At 30? at 40? Seriously what age is it okay for someone to be attacted to someone who is 50? More over that what age is off limits to someone who is 50? Legally all she has to be is 18, and Legal age of consent in MANY places is 17 and in some states as young as 15. So considering that she is of legal age to engage in any legal activity why is it so wrong? QSM

DesFIP -> RE: i need some advice please (6/22/2010 2:03:59 PM)
She's barely legal. But that doesn't mean he isn't knowingly taking advantage of her youth, inexperience and general naivete to get some hot young pussy without giving a damn about the emotions of the person it belongs to. He is. He is a predator, just not of the illegal kind. Just your general, garden run user found sniffing after younger women at every bar around.

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