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owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 11:49:56 AM

bestheadyet

Posts: 266
Joined: 2/3/2010
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this may have already been posed as a question but i havent figured out navigation here all that well.... and i wont lie i would like comment that is current.

here goes...
what is to you to be 'owned ' but not collared?

i'm struggling with that concept....and wondering if i finally get what i am supposed to learn that the commitment takes on a new meaning with a collar?

or if i am actually in limbo like 'consideration'

ty

Post #: 1

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 11:51:37 AM

DarlingSavage

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All the benefits, none of the responsibility?

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<-- Easily impressed.

Strangers have the BEST candy!

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(in reply to bestheadyet)

Post #: 2

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 11:55:54 AM

bestheadyet

Posts: 266
Joined: 2/3/2010
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hi ds....i love your posts btw.

my M takes huge amounts of online time with me.

our r/t has been limited by my misbehavior.....hey im new what can i say?

but He has been a Master all around.

i just wonder if i have to measure up or qualify....sorry i am a bit touchy today

(in reply to DarlingSavage)

Post #: 3

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 11:56:42 AM

SpiritedRadiance

Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
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To me Im owned long before Im collared, a collar to me, Is like a wedding ring, however being owned is like a vanilla couple saying lets be exclusive.

Ownership, is that feeling I get when Im with someone and I want to put his needs before mine.

A Collar is something that comes after...that mental happyness

(in reply to DarlingSavage)

Post #: 4

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 12:01:01 PM

cassandria

Posts: 86
Joined: 6/6/2010
Status: offline

Hmmm...

Not knowing the Owner and His feelings..here are a few of my thoughts?

1) He feels a sense of growing ownership over you, but isn't at the point where it feels "complete". He values a collar along the lines of a commitment akin to a wedding band, and therefore is moving towards that, but it's not entirely there yet. Yet he feels you are his, and there is a commitment on his part to work towards the "complete" story, so to speak. If this is the case, it might be a good idea to ask him if that's how he feels towards you...

Speaking for myself, I truly love it when things are made clear to me. I strongly dislike (and fear) guesswork. Clarification of one's place in His world, is stabilizing to me.

2) He wants you to beg for it, not offer it himself. When/if you want it badly enough, you'll beg for it and he'll know that you are sincere in wanting to be His. (I've heard of this, but never have experienced it, and to be honest, would hope not to. Simply because I'm more traditional and tend to go with the "You want her, you claim her" concept. But there are Dominants who do feel this is appropriate, maybe your guy is one of them?

3) What DarlingSavage said. He doesn't understand a slave mindset enough to care for it, but enough to use it.

*edited to add that I just read from the OP's response that she's new...I wanted to also say that if you're new, you may be assuming that because you're now 'with' someone that a collar is a natural progression..especially if you're engaging in the online world of "flying collars", so to speak. It isn't. A collar is symbolic of the relationship that has developed between two (in a bdsm sense). Emphasis on "developed". In other words, takes time. Take your time, ask for clarification, and perhaps just focus on pleasing him. That is what I would do. Wishing you the best - being new can be rough!

< Message edited by cassandria -- 6/27/2010 12:06:51 PM >

(in reply to DarlingSavage)

Post #: 5

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 12:09:52 PM

AQuietSimpleMan

Posts: 1410
Joined: 11/15/2009
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It's a matter of Semantics.

Ask 100 Dominant/submissive couples and you will get 100 different answers.

The words mean what I want them to me and only matter to me and my partner.

Personally to me, I own them because they consider themselves owned, the collar is a Physical Symbol and should be made first in the mind long before it is placed on a neck.

With or without the physical items the believe and concept should be there between both people.

QSM

_____________________________

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"If a Key opens many locks, then it is a Master Key, If a Lock is opened by lots of keys, then it is a Shitty Lock"

(in reply to cassandria)

Post #: 6

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 12:26:42 PM

HisEvelyn

Posts: 252
Joined: 1/21/2010
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I also believe that the terms 'owned' and 'collared' are rather subjective to the individuals using them. Best to ask him directly what HE means by them.

For me? Collared means having been given a collar. Owned means you are in a D/s M/s relationship without a collar. But that is just one interpretation.

(in reply to AQuietSimpleMan)

Post #: 7

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 12:53:03 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bestheadyet

this may have already been posed as a question but i havent figured out navigation here all that well.... and i wont lie i would like comment that is current.

here goes...
what is to you to be 'owned ' but not collared?

i'm struggling with that concept....and wondering if i finally get what i am supposed to learn that the commitment takes on a new meaning with a collar?

or if i am actually in limbo like 'consideration'

ty

I get the impression that the relationship is pretty new, like only a couple months? As others have said "ownership" and "collar" mean as many different things as there are people using the term. What it means to me or anyone else that answers here will not help you one bit, because we aren't him!

To many that collar is like an "engagement/wedding ring" equivalent. But most importantly you need to speak with HIM. Ask him what it means to him to "own" you. I'm sure he will say that it includes you not seeing/playing with anyone else (unless that was part of you original relationship, but I get the feeling it isn't). But you will want to know whether or not it includes monogomy on HIS part if that is important to you. Ask him what he believes is the difference between a collar and being owned.

Essentially, you need to examine what YOU want, need and expect from a relationship. That means not simply having a master/dominant (or whatever you call him), but what kind of relationship. Do you want a loving relationship where the outside world will view you like a couple? Or do you want one of those kinds of relationships where love isn't part of the equation? Once you figure this out, then you need to find out what HE feels about the same things and if they mesh with what you want.

Things like what a collar means, what ownership means and how the relationship works are all different for the individuals involved. In the future you might want to make sure you define these things before starting. I'm not saying that to be rude, but we see on the boards here so many women, who suddenly find themselves with a guy who is totally different than what they thought or how he presented himself and of course, those jerks tell them they are stuck with it now (which is never true).

Good luck in finding out and remember....communicating with your partner is the best way to get the surest answers!

(in reply to bestheadyet)

Post #: 8

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 12:55:24 PM

DarlingSavage

Posts: 2808
Joined: 9/18/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: bestheadyet

hi ds....i love your posts btw.

my M takes huge amounts of online time with me.

our r/t has been limited by my misbehavior.....hey im new what can i say?

but He has been a Master all around.

i just wonder if i have to measure up or qualify....sorry i am a bit touchy today

That's ok. First of all, let me clarify, I haven't had a real D/s relationship, all my relationships have been vanilla up to this point, only because I didn't think it was possible to have this outside the realm of fantasy. However, I don't see this type of relationship to be that much different from any other type of relationship.

On the other hand, I wouldn't want that r/t being diminished just cause I didn't behave. If I didn't behave in some way, taking time in person away from me is the wrong way to approach the situation. I don't know. I just don't like the way that sounds. It sounds to me like he's able to see you, but he's making up excuses for not doing so. That's just my opinion from the very little I know about the situation. I want someone that wants to be there with me, come hell or high water.

_____________________________

<-- Easily amused.
<-- Easily impressed.

Strangers have the BEST candy!

Puppy dogs are my favorite people!

(in reply to bestheadyet)

Post #: 9

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 1:33:49 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Ask him. Maybe he prefers his hands on a woman's neck to a collar. Maybe he finds collaring less important than owned and wants to go right to the deeper commitment. You have to ask him what he means by it.

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(in reply to DarlingSavage)

Post #: 10

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 1:43:38 PM

bestheadyet

Posts: 266
Joined: 2/3/2010
Status: offline

i am really into these responses.....but i can use all the input i can get

and a hug

(in reply to cassandria)

Post #: 11

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 1:49:49 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

A collar is a symbol, and thus can symbolize anythig you decide, or can be chosen not to be used at all.

Ownership is a specific dynamic.

You have to decide what symbols mean and what the relationship you have means with the ones you're involved with.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to bestheadyet)

Post #: 12

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 2:07:48 PM

SirsJewel

Posts: 696
Joined: 3/23/2010
Status: offline

i agree with the other comments,it's a personal thing between You Both. To me getting my collar symbolizes His commitment to me, i gave my commitment when i agreed to be owned,which means i am exclusively His. When i agreed to be a slave over a sub, i agreed to allow Him to make the decisions for me as a whole. Over time, i see i go to Him far more often for permission for things. The collar to me is an outward sign i am owned,but i do not need a collar to know that deep down. Some have a ceremony,some have different collars,consideration,training,and permanent. Some have three permanent collars, play,dress and something like a necklace or anklet or bracelet or even a ring. i do not have mine yet either, i have an anklet. I prefer to wait until Master feels it's best to present me with mine in whatever manner He prefers. i do think communicating things with Him is best overall,there is no wrong/right way,no guidlines,just opinions on here You can use to gauge from. i would not ask to be released over a collar,it is just that extra something that means a great deal to some is all. Please let U/us know what happens and best wishes to You both ~ jewels

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God grant me the serenity to accept people for who they are and not whom i wish they could be ~ jewels

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Post #: 13

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 2:10:13 PM

DarlingSavage

Posts: 2808
Joined: 9/18/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: bestheadyet

and a hug

Big fat hugs coming your way!

_____________________________

<-- Easily amused.
<-- Easily impressed.

Strangers have the BEST candy!

Puppy dogs are my favorite people!

(in reply to bestheadyet)

Post #: 14

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 2:20:28 PM

Nineveh

Posts: 1299
Joined: 2/5/2008
Status: offline

I know that for me ownership is before a collar. It does mean I am committed to her, it doesn't mean I expect monogamy from her but it does mean I expect to be aware of and have input concerning her partners. When I put a collar on a woman it will imply a much more serious commitment, on both our parts. Akin to a wedding ring. Ownership is a formal relationship, collaring is a deeper one.

That is just for me and does not mean I am assuming that is the case for anyone else.

(in reply to DarlingSavage)

Post #: 15

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 2:22:12 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
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You really need to ask your guy.

Again, everyone has a different view. I personally think collars are stupid, they are seven steps below mandals.

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Post #: 16

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 2:22:47 PM

DarlingSavage

Posts: 2808
Joined: 9/18/2009
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quote:

That is just for me and does not mean I am assuming that is the case for anyone else.

Way to go with the disclaimers there! NO, these rules are set in stone and don't let anyone tell you differently. If they do, you'll know they are a fake!

_____________________________

<-- Easily amused.
<-- Easily impressed.

Strangers have the BEST candy!

Puppy dogs are my favorite people!

(in reply to Nineveh)

Post #: 17

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 2:36:25 PM

bestheadyet

Posts: 266
Joined: 2/3/2010
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jewells

i can barely get thru some days of my new situation...because i am willful,outspoken and in general the daggone 'question girl'.

i have such good feelings of being cared for on other days....welcome to my slavery lol.

my journey is my first and i hope its my only however if we don't grow and stretch our knowledge....oh well like i said i am struggling today. i want more than i certainly deserve....but i want to know i am doing something right!!!! LOL

(in reply to SirsJewel)

Post #: 18

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 2:36:39 PM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

In my case I was owned before I was collared; the collar was an outward symbol that he was pleased with how I was serving him after a period of being owned. I'm certainly not saying that is the only way to do it, but in many relationships ownership comes before the collar. I agree with the comment that it is similar to being exclusive to each other in a vanilla relationship before the engagement ring.

Be careful; being new doesn't mean that misbehavior is inevitable. That's completely up to you. His hesitation in providing a collar may be predicated by that very misbehavior.

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Post #: 19

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 2:40:51 PM

heartcream

Posts: 3044
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From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline

I dont mind sandals on a guy at all, I have a big hippie streak although I prefer the look of Christian Louboutins anyday (not on a man of course) and I think collars are yucky, I would not don one or want to. Then again I dont want to be owned either.

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(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 20

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