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ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan

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ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth
Funny I don't drop at all, I feel energized and sparkly afterwards, no negative effects at all. I've never needed aftercare at all and I've engaged in some pretty heavy play.

See everyone..... they do exist.

Not everyone becomes Primordial Ooze which need a geneticist to reassemble.

QSM

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Just as there are women who milk aftercare for all its worth, I am sure there are women who ignore their own needs for it.

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ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

You know, I have access to academic research journals but would never go near this topic on the website. I like my job!

I did try to find something on google, and NOTHING. At least, nothing I could find. I can't imagine with all the kinky folks in uni that it hasn't been studied. In fact I know that there are people who write papers about this sort of thing but don't get them published. I wrote the paper comparing psychological therapy with prostitution. That went over well in my nice little Catholic University. mmmm hmmmm.

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ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

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Just as there are women who milk aftercare for all its worth, I am sure there are women who ignore their own needs for it.

Then there is the third group, those of us who genuinely don't need aftercare. We don't ignore our own need for it, it isn't necessary PERIOD

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ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

You know, I have access to academic research journals but would never go near this topic on the website. I like my job!

I did try to find something on google, and NOTHING. At least, nothing I could find. I can't imagine with all the kinky folks in uni that it hasn't been studied. In fact I know that there are people who write papers about this sort of thing but don't get them published. I wrote the paper comparing psychological therapy with prostitution. That went over well in my nice little Catholic University. mmmm hmmmm.

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I just made it up, you can feel all smug that you caught me in a lie if that makes you feel better.

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

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ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

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Just as there are women who milk aftercare for all its worth, I am sure there are women who ignore their own needs for it.

Then there is the third group, those of us who genuinely don't need aftercare. We don't ignore our own need for it, it isn't necessary PERIOD

Speaks very slowly and softly so the point can sink in...the point is there is an entire range of who does and doesn't need it and how they deal with that need, from choosing the perfect partner to administer the perfect aftercare that they have perfectly elucidated, to nuts who either can't ask or can't shut up about aftercare and everything in between, on both sides, and god knows what else.

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ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

Sorry Angelika was that first part directed at me? I was just annoyed because if you go back a post Michael seemed to be saying that those of us who say we don't need aftercare are lying either to ourselves or our partners.

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ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

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ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

Sorry Angelika was that first part directed at me? I was just annoyed because if you go back a post Michael seemed to be saying that those of us who say we don't need aftercare are lying either to ourselves or our partners.

Not at all, I was referring to the post that followed yours in the quote.
It seemed to me that you were making your point clear.

The part that my muddled subbie brain interpreted as patronizing began with this:
"Speaks very slowly and softly so the point can sink in"...

Of course, I might be wrong.

edit spelling

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Ok, been in Europe not thinking about D/s for a couple of months, but I'm back and this one is making me crazy:

How do people feel about aftercare? I do a lot of very intense psychological stuff with my Dom, and while during play I feel like the luckiest, most incredibly blissful person on the planet, when I don't get a good "it's ok, I care about you. Come back to yourself" session afterward, I wind up feeling god awful. My Dom agrees that we need to find aftercare that works for me, but so far I can never get him to do it, and in trying to I wind up feeling obnoxious and needy and whiny on top of my already pretty crappy feeling. He has also lightly suggested that over time he'd like to change my psyche so that I don't need it as much, and that perhaps I could "earn" or "lose" aftercare by being particularly good or bad. Those ideas leave me a bit taken aback.

Are there any Doms out there who do NOT like to do aftercare? Are there any subs who desperately need it but have had to stifle the need because their Dom wanted them to "get over it"? Everyone else - do you need aftercare? Do you loathe aftercare? Think it's silly? Love it?

Inquiring minds want to know.

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ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

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ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

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Just as there are women who milk aftercare for all its worth, I am sure there are women who ignore their own needs for it.

Then there is the third group, those of us who genuinely don't need aftercare. We don't ignore our own need for it, it isn't necessary PERIOD

Speaks very slowly and softly so the point can sink in...the point is there is an entire range of who does and doesn't need it and how they deal with that need, from choosing the perfect partner to administer the perfect aftercare that they have perfectly elucidated, to nuts who either can't ask or can't shut up about aftercare and everything in between, on both sides, and god knows what else.

Was being patronizing a necessity (were you in need of a fix?) or is it just a default setting for you?

I actually managed to find my way to the "everything in between, on both sides and god knows what else" without the extra effort on your part, but thank you just the same.

SimplyMichael,

No offense was intended by that, but if I needed further clarification, I would have just asked and many people here are more than capable of doing the same.

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ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

I suspect it's pretty much his default setting when he needs to make himself feel better, especially when the person he's patronising to is one who caught him out in a lie, not once but twice.

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

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ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

I suspect it's pretty much his default setting when he needs to make himself feel better, especially when the person he's patronising to is one who caught him out in a lie, not once but twice.

Sorry you rode to CM on the shortbus but that was sarcasm when I posted that. I don't have access to the database I found the study in and when someone got all pissy I blew them off with sarcasm. I have a reputation here as being an abrasive sarcastic, even cruel poster but lying isnt' exactly something I indulge in.

Hint, liars don't tend to just roll over and admit they are lying in full view of god and everybody. Some posters here have nothing better to do than wait in the wings like vultures desperate for a crack somewhere in their betters post to leap in and take a potshot. I didn't feel like indulging his idiocy so I simply told him I made it up. I didn't think anyone was dumb enough to think I was serious.

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I just made it up, you can feel all smug that you caught me in a lie if that makes you feel better.

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ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian

I don't understand the issue with aftercare, if there really is one; it's a fairly natural and human thing to offer a slave/servant/bottom who has suffered so much for you a lap to cry upon, and it only serves to strengthen the bond. Knowing you haven't broken your favorite toy, and exploring his/her mental state is comforting, in turn. On the flip side, insisting on the unconditional provision of aftercare in any circumstance is unrealistic and somewhat subversive. There are times when it should not be offered or expected.

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ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

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ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

I suspect it's pretty much his default setting when he needs to make himself feel better, especially when the person he's patronising to is one who caught him out in a lie, not once but twice.

Sorry you rode to CM on the shortbus but that was sarcasm when I posted that. I don't have access to the database I found the study in and when someone got all pissy I blew them off with sarcasm. I have a reputation here as being an abrasive sarcastic, even cruel poster but lying isnt' exactly something I indulge in.

Hint, liars don't tend to just roll over and admit they are lying in full view of god and everybody. Some posters here have nothing better to do than wait in the wings like vultures desperate for a crack somewhere in their betters post to leap in and take a potshot. I didn't feel like indulging his idiocy so I simply told him I made it up. I didn't think anyone was dumb enough to think I was serious.

their betters? Michael you are hardly my "better". I realise you do have a high opinion of yourself but wow! You wrote

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I just made it up, you can feel all smug that you caught me in a lie if that makes you feel better.

I took it at face value and I'm fairly certain I'm not the only one. I would have thought that if you didn't have access to the database you would have said so, instead you chose "sarcasm" your choice to make but it leaves the possibility of others taking it the same way I did. That also leaves the possibility of being called out on it - again your choice.

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Some posters here have nothing better to do than wait in the wings like vultures desperate for a crack somewhere in their betters post to leap in and take a potshot.