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Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 5:12:05 AM

Level

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Our own lovely lally made a comment on the do-me sub thread, asking about "do-me dominants". Is there such a thing? And the one thing that popped into my head was, is being a dominant, by its nature, something that leans towards "do-me-ism"?? Obey me? Make me happy? My way or the highway?

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

Post #: 1

RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 5:17:00 AM

Elisabella

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imo a "do-me" dominant or a "do-me" submissive is someone who sees the other person as a means to fulfill their kink or sexual desires rather than as an individual they are relating to.

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RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 5:18:41 AM

Aileen1968

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From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Our own lovely lally made a comment on the do-me sub thread, asking about "do-me dominants". Is there such a thing? And the one thing that popped into my head was, is being a dominant, by its nature, something that leans towards "do-me-ism"?? Obey me? Make me happy? My way or the highway?

I fucking hope so....
The basis of our relationship is that I do what he wants when he wants it. And he does what he wants when he wants it.
It makes it all very easy. And it's a complete turn on for me. My brain is wired to be with a man who requires that.
For him...it's not an option to be in a relationship where he doesn't have complete control over all things.

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RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 5:27:22 AM

kallisto

Posts: 1185
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Our own lovely lally made a comment on the do-me sub thread, asking about "do-me dominants". Is there such a thing? And the one thing that popped into my head was, is being a dominant, by its nature, something that leans towards "do-me-ism"?? Obey me? Make me happy? My way or the highway?

I hope so. That's the kind of relationship for me ... the "do-me Dom". It's not about me, it's about him. That's what makes me happy .. making sure he is taken care of, his needs are met.

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RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 5:30:36 AM

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Aileen, but you do get your needs met, by Shore's being in total control? Sounds like a win-win thang!

Elisabella, what if the "do-me" IS using the other person to get their rocks off, but also interacts with them in other ways? Do we all have a little do-me in us?

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 5

RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 5:32:32 AM

ranja

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He was for a long time someone who did not want to be done... and He did not want to do me either... life was very boring...
i generally want to be done and also am usually very keen to do Him
so i am rather happy that He now wants to be done again, and expects me to do Him when He does... also He has refound His appetite to do me again
i am very happy that we both are do-me people again

< Message edited by ranja -- 7/4/2010 5:33:36 AM >

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RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 5:34:57 AM

Level

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kallisto

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Our own lovely lally made a comment on the do-me sub thread, asking about "do-me dominants". Is there such a thing? And the one thing that popped into my head was, is being a dominant, by its nature, something that leans towards "do-me-ism"?? Obey me? Make me happy? My way or the highway?

I hope so. That's the kind of relationship for me ... the "do-me Dom". It's not about me, it's about him. That's what makes me happy .. making sure he is taken care of, his needs are met.

See, this sounds like the perfect D/s set up, to me. Both sides have their needs met, with a prime need of hers being to make the dominant happy, and with a prime need of his, to allow her that function.

They must have something good in the drinking water over there in Georgia....

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to kallisto)

Post #: 7

RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 5:42:21 AM

Tantriqu

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Joined: 12/29/2006
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I'm 'Do-Me' only in the sense of having an orgasm whenever I want it and how I want it. If the guy isn't into it, there's little joy in it, so it only works if the guy is aroused and completed by this.

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Post #: 8

RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 5:47:01 AM

Elisabella

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level
Elisabella, what if the "do-me" IS using the other person to get their rocks off, but also interacts with them in other ways? Do we all have a little do-me in us?

Not sure. I think casual play/casual scening is sort of "do me" but not in a negative way, it's just two people looking for someone with a compatible fetish rather than looking for someone to build a friendship or relationship with.

I'd guess a litmus test would be, if the other person stopped fulfilling your fetish, would you keep talking to them? As a friend, as a facebook friend, whatever...but would you feel any desire at all to maintain contact if there was no chance they'd ever fulfill your fetish again.

To me a do-me dominant is like one of those guys who has on his profile "looking for a femsub, age 18-50, looks not important, I don't care if you're married, but you must be into spanking" or something like that. Just looking for a generic warm body to do stuff with.

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Post #: 9

RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 5:55:45 AM

kallisto

Posts: 1185
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

See, this sounds like the perfect D/s set up, to me. Both sides have their needs met, with a prime need of hers being to make the dominant happy, and with a prime need of his, to allow her that function.

They must have something good in the drinking water over there in Georgia....

Both sides having their needs met ... seems to me to be the core to a healthy relationship. Needs are as individual or collective as the ones in the relationship want them to be.

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Post #: 10

RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 5:56:25 AM

laurell3

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Level,

It's odd that Doms don't get the same negative common labeling that subs and others do.

I would think a "do-me" Dom isn't about whether sex is casual or not, someone that is completely oblivious or uncaring of the other person's needs. I've met a few. They're fun for about a week then their utter lack of substance and connection becomes boring.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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Post #: 11

RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 5:58:47 AM

Aileen1968

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From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Aileen, but you do get your needs met, by Shore's being in total control? Sounds like a win-win thang!

I absolutely do get my needs met.
It's ironic that this relationship would most likely not work if I was given choices.
We both need him to be in total control. It doesn't mean he's selfish or doesn't take me and my likes and dislikes into consideration.
In fact, a lot of the things he decides to do are based on things that I like.
"Do me" does not always mean being oblivious to the other person.

_____________________________

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Post #: 12

RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 5:59:12 AM

mstrjx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

imo a "do-me" dominant or a "do-me" submissive is someone who sees the other person as a means to fulfill their kink or sexual desires rather than as an individual they are relating to.

Why, this all sounds like it should be part of the objectification thread downstairs.

From the posts we've seen so far, relationships 'work' because there is the veil of complicity implied here. The d-type says 'The world revolves around me, as it should, and this is what satisfies me'. The s-type says 'I move heaven and earth so that the world revolve around my partner, as it should'. Each is wired towards the same goal, and the accomplishment is an equality of sorts, not just geared 100% (or 90, or 80) towards the one rather than in the middle.

What if this veil, or equality doesn't exist? What is left?

Coercion. The mother of all 'Do Me' scenarios. The question truly lies whether there is a place for 'that' in our world.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

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Post #: 13

RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 6:17:31 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

Level,

It's odd that Doms don't get the same negative common labeling that subs and others do.

Hey laurell -- is this because there IS a natural degree of do-me in dominants? Kind of how most don't see boxers as thugs, because fighting is what they do, but if you were to see someone in the street that got into 30 or 40 fights, you might see them differently?

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 14

RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 6:18:00 AM

LaTigresse

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Using fast reply...

My head tends to go more towards the concept that KoM has so often expressed. Ultimately, all parties are serving the greater unit. The relationship/family. All parties are doing what they need to do to be sure the relationship/family thrives. Different individuals do that in different ways by providing different strengths, talents and abilities. Different relationships will each have different goals. For some the 'do me' mindset, regardless of which side of the slash, will work perfectly and for others, no.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Post #: 15

RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 6:22:29 AM

myotherself

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From: The cold bit of the UK
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

In fact, a lot of the things he decides to do are based on things that I like.
"Do me" does not always mean being oblivious to the other person.

QFT

This is exactly how I see my next relationship going. He wants to make me happy because it makes him happy, and vice versa. We want to do this because we have an emotional bond...maybe even 'love' eventually.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

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Post #: 16

RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 6:24:10 AM

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Joined: 3/3/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

Coercion. The mother of all 'Do Me' scenarios. The question truly lies whether there is a place for 'that' in our world.

Jeff

Good question. And how thin is the line between coercion, and non-consenual behaviour?

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 17

RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 6:25:19 AM

laurell3

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Joined: 5/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

Level,

It's odd that Doms don't get the same negative common labeling that subs and others do.

Hey laurell -- is this because there IS a natural degree of do-me in dominants? Kind of how most don't see boxers as thugs, because fighting is what they do, but if you were to see someone in the street that got into 30 or 40 fights, you might see them differently?

Yeah of course. I'm not referring to the typical role based stuff though, that's hot and desired. I'm referring to an almost sociopathic disregard for their partner's needs and well-being.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 18

RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 6:27:31 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Aileen, but you do get your needs met, by Shore's being in total control? Sounds like a win-win thang!

I absolutely do get my needs met.
It's ironic that this relationship would most likely not work if I was given choices.
We both need him to be in total control. It doesn't mean he's selfish or doesn't take me and my likes and dislikes into consideration.
In fact, a lot of the things he decides to do are based on things that I like.
"Do me" does not always mean being oblivious to the other person.

I'm not sure there's a common definition. Rest assured what I know of Shore he wouldn't fit in the one that I'm thinking of. He may be in control but everything he has posted here indicates he is very cognizant of your needs.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 19

RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 6:29:27 AM

Level

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Joined: 3/3/2006
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quote:

LaT:

My head tends to go more towards the concept that KoM has so often expressed. Ultimately, all parties are serving the greater unit. The relationship/family. All parties are doing what they need to do to be sure the relationship/family thrives. Different individuals do that in different ways by providing different strengths, talents and abilities. Different relationships will each have different goals. For some the 'do me' mindset, regardless of which side of the slash, will work perfectly and for others, no.

Ol' yarn-hater is pretty smart, isn't he?

quote:

little boing boing:

This is exactly how I see my next relationship going. He wants to make me happy because it makes him happy, and vice versa. We want to do this because we have an emotional bond...maybe even 'love' eventually.

Love?? That's crazy talk, woman! Ain't no love in D/s!

Aww, of course there is. It's one of my prime goals, and I would give up D/s to have it. Hopefully, that won't be the case.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 20

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